by S J Crabb
Laughing, he pulls me back and feeling his hand on my arm stops me in an instant. Leaning down, he whispers, “That list of yours, anything I can help you with?”
His eyes sparkle and feeling his breath on my face makes me lose my mind for a moment. He leans closer and I suddenly have an image of kissing this gorgeous man in the middle of the New Forest and it’s not an unpleasant one. However, I quickly remind myself that he is an annoying idiot and shake my head. “No, nothing I can think of.”
He shrugs and pulls away, leaving me feeling a little disappointed that I messed up the moment because the more time I spend with Finn, the more I like him and my angry words and nonchalant attitude is the usual way I operate when I like someone. I build an invisible wall between us to keep my heart from hurting and retreat into myself with tales of imaginary Kevin to drive the point home. However, this time Kevin is not invited because even hinting that I have a boyfriend to Finn, imaginary or otherwise, is something I am reluctant to do. I wonder why?
We stop for lunch at a traditional pub about an hour away from Sandy Balls, and as we sit by the roaring fire in civilisation at last, I feel a little discombobulated. Seeing Finn laughing with the Germans, I wonder about him. He’s certainly very private and a man of many talents, but he doesn’t like to speak of himself in any way. With every passing hour, I’m conscious that we will soon part company and probably never see each other again, and it’s worrying me. I want to see him again. I’ve kind of got used to his annoying teasing and he makes me feel safe and secure. Maybe Finn is the man I was always meant to find, but maybe he already has a woman he goes home to. As the thought hits me, I’m suddenly jealous of the obvious supermodel that must be waiting for him in his village in Kent. It’s not fair, why do some girls have all the luck? I bet she’s pretty, clever and homely in a sexy way. Yes, I expect she’s waiting for him now in nothing but a cotton apron with her homemade buns on display, waiting for him to sample them. Why don’t I ever get a break in life and meet someone like Finn? The fact that I just have escapes me as I spiral into a fit of jealously over something I know nothing about.
Jumping up, I say awkwardly, “Um... sorry, I just need to freshen up.”
I move away quickly to try and settle my out-of-control imagination. This is all too much and I need to get a grip. He’s my tour guide, nothing more, and I need to remember that.
Splashing some water on my face, I try to cool down. I know the fire is hot, but that’s not responsible for the heat burning me up inside causing an ache in my heart. It’s the thought that in a couple of hours I will walk away from potentially the man of my dreams to exist in a corporate world alone and successful. Is this what Aunt Daisy regretted? Did she have an encounter with the Italian perhaps and chose to sacrifice her happiness for success?
Gripping the side of the basin, I stare in the mirror at the reflection of a woman on the emotional edge. I need to remember that grief does strange things to a person, and I’m not thinking rationally. Taking a few deep breaths, I reason with myself and give myself a dressing down. Yes, it’s the job that matters now because that will give me the most fulfilment. There will be many more Finns in my life, but there is only one shot at the big time and it’s that thought that accompanies me out of the toilet and into the small hallway leading to the bar.
♥17
When I return, Finn is chatting to Ryker and Walter and James and Felicity are nowhere to be seen. Taking my seat again, I try to look busy with my phone to disguise the fact that I’m sitting alone with no one to talk to.
Heidi has sent the expected reaction using a gif showing her complete and utter jealousy with the message,
Hurry home immediately we need to talk!
Mum has also sent me a WhatsApp picture of three coffins with the caption, tell me which one you prefer in order of preference.
Quickly, I put my phone away because the last thing I want to do is contemplate coffins as if I’m choosing a random item for the home. Honestly, why can’t my mother just be normal and go with the suggested one from the undertakers?
Finn slides into the seat beside me and smiles. “So, you made it through. I’ve got to hand it to you, you’re tougher than I thought.”
“I know.”
“Know what?”
“You thought I was one of them, you know, some airhead who woke up one day and thought it would be super fun to go camping.”
I roll my eyes to disguise the fact that actually it was like that.
“Maybe. You certainly looked to be one when you turned up with totally unsuitable clothing and a wheelie case of all things. I was in two minds whether or not to give you an immediate refund on the spot and leave you behind.”
“Why didn’t you then?”
I look at him with curiosity and then it’s as if all teasing goes out of the conversation because his eyes soften and he smiles sweetly. “Because you looked like fun and intrigued me.”
“I intrigued you.” I say it with some surprise because I’ve never thought of myself as intriguing before. To be honest, I’m like an open book most of the time and wear my heart on my sleeve. Maybe I’m now intriguing because of my promotion. Perhaps my inner pheromones have changed with responsibility, and I am wafting them through the air as I pass. Me, intriguing, I kind of like that.
He nods towards my phone and says softly, “Maybe we should swap numbers, who knows, I may be running another camping trip and could let you know?”
“Hmm, maybe we should. Although I thought this was your brother’s business. What happened, did you enjoy ordering us all around so much you now want to make a career of it?”
Finn laughs and pulls out his phone. “Come on then, if you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine.”
As we swap numbers, I feel my hands shaking a little. This is a moment to treasure, and I am not taking it lightly. A gorgeous man who is better than anything I could have dreamed up actually wants my number and I’m excited to see what happens next.
One of the Germans says something and Finn laughs and nudges me. Looking up, I see a red-faced Felicity following a worried looking James who says shortly, “Um… I think it’s best we make a move. I mean, we don’t want to be travelling back to Wigan in the early hours.”
He scrambles for their things and says quickly, “Hurry up, Felicity, we have no time to waste.”
Finn grins and jumps up and I look at Felicity with concern.
Leaning down, she pretends to grab her bag and whispers, “We were just caught in a compromising position in the men’s toilets. We’ve been asked to leave and now we’re barred for life.”
She stifles a giggle, and I look at her in amazement as she scurries off after her almost husband.
The Germans are grinning and Finn is saying something to them which makes them all dissolve into hysterics. I find it quite fascinating to watch and wonder what on earth they do for a living because this whole friendship thing is weird if you ask me?
Finn takes charge once again and I follow the others, hoping that it isn’t far to walk back. As I pull my case after the others, Ryker drops back and says in broken English. “We like meeting you, Lily.”
“Oh, thank you, same.”
He smiles and I say slowly, “When-are-you-going-home?”
“Tomorrow.”
I’m not sure what else to say really because I don’t want to rattle off words he doesn’t understand, but he speaks instead.
“Your list.”
I feel my face start to redden as I nod. “Yes.”
“Make sure you finish.”
“What the list?”
He nods. “Life is – how you say – short and no regrets.”
Nodding, I smile sadly, “You are right, Ryker. No regrets.”
Holding out his hand, he takes mine and shakes it vigorously. “You come to Germany one day.”
“I would love that, I mean, one of the items is to travel the world, after all.”
He winks and nods to the ca
se. “Allow me.”
Before I can answer, he lifts my case as if it’s a feather and strides off after Walter, leaving me running to catch up. Finn looks around and laughs. “I told you that case was annoying. I knew Ryker would snap by the end of it.”
“What do you mean, he’s being a gentleman?”
“If you say so.” He says something in German and the two men laugh and Finn grins. “I rest my case.”
“Firstly, you don’t have a case – I do and secondly you rest nothing because they could have said anything. Honestly Finn, you really are a super-charged idiot, do you know that?”
He nods and we share a smile because despite our teasing, we both know there is something developing between us that could be the stuff of dreams. The trouble is, we don’t have much longer before we both return to our worlds and life takes over.
Almost as if he’s thinking the same thing, he turns to James and says loudly, “James, you can lead for the final hour if you want.”
James pulls himself up and says proudly, “I would be honoured, sir. Come on, Felicity, we need to get in front to lead the way.”
Studying his compass, he ups his pace and Ryker and Walter fall in behind them. I look at Finn in surprise and he winks. “Let’s tick one of those items off your list.”
“Which one?”
My heart is beating so fast I think I’m about to pass out as Finn says, “Do something spontaneous.”
“Like what?”
Raising his eyes, he reaches out and pulls me tightly against him and leans down, whispering, “Kiss the man who annoys you the most goodbye.”
For once I am lost for words, as I stare into those bright blue eyes that are sparkling with the promise of something I would kill to experience. Nodding slowly, I watch his lips move towards mine almost as if in slow motion and I can’t believe my luck. As they touch, he tightens his hold around my waist and pulls me closer and as his tongue entwines with mine, I taste something I’ve been looking for all my life. Love. As I close my eyes and enjoy the sweetest kiss of them all, the tears aren’t far away. As the cold hard ground ceases to bite and the chill in the air soothes rather than freezes, I experience something so magical I doubt anything else will ever measure up to it. Time no longer has meaning because this kiss could last forever for all I care, it feels intimate, familiar and as if it was meant to be and is singularly the most romantic moment in my life.
It's also bittersweet because he said goodbye. We both know this a fleeting moment that will be caught up in daily life and evaporate into the air of reality.
I try everything to prolong the kiss because if this is the memory that I will call upon in my darkest days, I want it to last forever.
However, it has to end and so, reluctantly, we pull away and Finn brushes a stray piece of hair from my eyes and smiles. “It was a pleasure to contribute to your list Lily Rose Adams. Maybe we will meet again someday, I certainly hope so.”
I don’t trust myself to speak and he takes my hand and says softly, “Come on, we should catch up with the others.”
As I look up, I can just about see them in the distance and say with surprise, “Goodness, did they take up running or something?”
Finn laughs. “Come on, let’s tick another of those boxes, the one that says to exercise. I’ll race you.”
As he starts to run, I feel my inner Olympian spring to attention and I race after him as if I’m in the 100m. However, despite the fact he’s carrying what must the weight of a large man on his back, he is still faster and when we reach the others looks no different, whereas I look as if I need an ambulance and an air one at that.
When we reach Sandy Balls, as expected, real life takes over and we say our goodbyes with a mixture of relief and sadness. After swapping numbers with Felicity, I make my way towards my car, dragging my mutilated suitcase behind me. It’s only been two days but feels like a lifetime. My heart is now heavier than my case because as soon as we got back Finn was called into the office and the Germans headed straight off. I hung around for a while, but then even I had to admit defeat and head back to my car.
I never really got to say goodbye and I hope I’ll see Finn again one day because there’s a lot of promise in those bright blue eyes and I am now ruined for any other man – forever.
♥18
The best thing about going away is coming home and after a long bubble-filled soak in the bath and three cups of tea and a bacon sandwich, I almost feel human again.
The sheer number of texts from my mum make her my first port of call, but it was the promise of a roast dinner that sealed the deal.
“I thought you’d never return.”
Mum swamps me in a hug in her usual over dramatic style as soon as I push my way inside the front door.
Dad shakes his head and grins and then hugs me equally hard and says softly, “It’s good to see you, babe.”
“It’s only been a few days, goodness, you make out as if I’ve been on a round the world cruise or something.”
Mum shrugs. “It feels like it, God only knows the stress I’ve been under since this whole sorry business ruined my life.”
Dad rolls his eyes, “Over dramatic as always.”
Looking annoyed, mum snaps, “I’m sorry David, but this is no laughing matter. We now have a murder case to deal with and time is running out. Your poor sister is hovering between Earth and Heaven, and her poor soul can’t be laid to rest because of red tape. I’m at my wits end because as usual, I’m the one whose shoulders the burden falls onto.”
Dad reaches out to hug her and says gently, “I know it’s been a lot to deal with, but you must learn to say no and to delegate. There are several of us to do our bit, just don’t be afraid to ask.”
Mum sniffs and then pulls away, saying quickly, “The dinner’s burning while I stand here gossiping, come through, Lily and tell me all about your camping trip.”
As mum works away in the kitchen, I wash and wipe up and fill them in on my travels, minus the night spent in Finn’s tent, of course. It sounds dodgy even in my thoughts, let alone if I say the words out loud.
After a while, the conversation returns to Aunt Daisy and mum says sharply, “Well, I’m leaning towards it being murder.”
Dad shakes his head. “Only because you’ve been binge watching Miss Marple ever since they delayed the death certificate. Honestly Sonia, it was a heart attack, nothing more. Just a freak of nature and a very sad one at that.”
“Nonsense, David. Nobody aged 50 just dies of a heart attack one night.”
“Actually, mum, they do. All the time as it happens.”
“Well, not in this family they don’t. No, I’m still leaning towards the Italian. I’m guessing he engineered the whole thing and is probably named in her will as the beneficiary. You mark my words, it will all come out in the end.”
“Honestly mum, your imagination is out of control.”
I stare at her in shock and a hint of disapproval filters into my voice. “For all you know, Aunt Daisy may have been madly in love with this Italian and their love was unrequited. Maybe he has ties in Italy and she was so ambitious she wouldn’t give up her life here for love. I’m guessing that’s more like it, what does nan think?”
Dad laughs out loud. “You two are both the same. Looking for the extreme when the truth is, Aunt Daisy had a heart attack one night and died. Nothing else, no sinister plot, no unrequited love because if I know my sister, if she wanted something nothing got in her way.”
Mum shakes her head sadly. “I hope so, really I do. I hope it was natural causes because at least she wouldn’t have known anything about it. It must be terrible dying alone, I can’t think of anything worse.”
We all fall silent as it hits us again. The wave of grief that reminds us someone we love is now missing – forever.
My phone rings interrupting the moment and I pounce on it eagerly but feel a little disappointed as I see its Sable calling. Moving away from my parents, I say brightly, “He
y, Sable, how can I help you?”
She sounds distracted as she says quickly, “Oh, sorry to disturb you on annual leave, Lily, but I’m so inundated with interviews for your replacement and the Château, I’m drowning in other stuff. Anyway, if you don’t mind, I wondered if you could do one of my social engagements for me. Quite honestly, I don’t have time for it and Simon thought it would be a great way to introduce you to how the high flyers party.”
“Party? Really? Where?”
“The annual IPC ball. It’s on Saturday and Simon and Martin are going, along with their wives, of course, but we need a representative from the magazine itself. I would normally go but have zero time for frivolities and as you are stepping into my aching shoes, I thought you would enjoy it.”
I feel excited as her words sink in. A ball. A real life ball! This is the stuff of fairy tales.
Sable says abruptly, “I’ll send the invitation over by courier. You have a plus one and the dress code is black tie and evening dresses. Oh, and Lily…”
“Yes?”
I can’t contain the excitement in my voice. “You also need a mask. It’s a masquerade ball which is irritating, but they operate a strict policy on the dress code, so you won’t be admitted without one. Anyway, I must dash, lots to do and your holiday couldn’t have come at a worse time, really. Never mind, it’s my cross to bear, enjoy your time off while you have it.”
She cuts the call and I push away any guilt her words were designed to heap on me. No, I’m owed this time and it’s her own fault she’s leaving, not mine.
Mum looks interested. “Who was that dear, a gentleman friend perhaps?”
“No, of course not.”
“What about that boy Kevin you’re always going on about. Is he still in the picture?”
I feel embarrassed as I shake my head. “Um… no… Kevin and I, well, we’re more friends than anything else.”
I feel bad because I’ve used imaginary Kevin loads of times to get out of things I would rather not do. I really must stop acting like a child because Kevin has no room in my life when I become a high-flying, ball attending, editor-in-chief.