Our introspection is interrupted by Bob, as he lets out a loud noise, halfway between laughter and frustration. “Seriously!”
I’d just about forgotten about our companions, lost in thought as I was, but now that I turn around to look at him, it’s hard to imagine ever forgetting this man. His eyes are wild, rolling around to each of us in turn.
“What?” I ask him, sure I’m about to regret engaging in conversation with the man.
“Why don’t you just feed her yourself, already!” He throws his hands up as if what he said not only makes sense, but that it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“What?” I say a second time. I can feel my face scrunching up in confusion.
He bobbles his head and gives a disgusted snort. “You guys aren’t very smart, are ya. She only needs blood to survive, so just give it to her. Geez.”
A strange feeling begins to bloom in my chest. Bob is no scientist, but there’s a certain eccentric intelligence about him that is hard to ignore. “Bob… have you tried this before? Do you know for sure that she only needs blood?” My own experiments always had the Shredders tearing their prey apart, eating the meat, drinking the blood, even cracking open the bones to get at the raw marrow. I’d just assumed…
Bob waves a hand. “Of course I’ve tried it. Had to get Kelly through some lean days recently. Thanks to you spoiling her meal ticket. That compound was ripe for the picking, but you weren’t thinking about that, were you now? Only thinking of yourselves…”
I tune out his complaining and swivel to meet Lori’s gaze. Her eyes are wide, frightened… but also hopeful. If there’s a way for her to curb the hunger, but without taking a life, without reliving the violence of her memories… is that something she would be able to handle?
The determined set of her mouth says she’s willing to try.
When Ellis and Kelly come back from their hunt, I quietly make the suggestion to them. It isn’t something I want to advertise to the rest of our group, obviously, since there simply isn’t enough blood in my body to go around, but I could spare a little. Enough for Lori.
Kelly looks oddly impressed by my suggestion, though I can’t decide if it’s because I’m a human doing a favor for a monster, or if she’s silently entertaining the hope that I die in the process. I’m not exactly her favorite person ever. Can’t say I blame her. “Worth a shot, why not?” She gives a shrug and moves away without another word.
When all is said and done, the Shredders come back from their hunt. It sounds like there was mixed success, but something, at least. They load back up and the train once again begins chugging down the track. Kelly and Ellis agree to give us humans some privacy in the last boxcar and move off to find a car of their own. Lori offers me one last smile, this one far less sad, before putting as much distance between us as she can. She doesn’t need the added temptation.
I close the door to hopefully contain the scent of my blood, and then Bob pulls out a zippered case from his bag.
“It’s my doctor’s kit,” he says proudly.
I eye the “kit” skeptically. I don’t want to downplay the importance of what we’re doing, but honestly, as a doctor, I’m telling you… Jesus, that’s not medical-grade.
Turns out, it doesn’t matter. As long as it’s sterile enough, you can make it work in a pinch. And pinch it does! I fill one of Bob’s tin cups with my blood, and then bandage up the small incision I’ve made. I’ll have to be careful to keep it clean, but at least Bob’s kit comes with some high-proof grain alcohol. No clue where he found the stuff, but worst-case, I could always just drink it. It would probably kill me.
12
Lori
When the train stops this time, it feels like the end. But not in a good way, like, “Yay! We’ve reached our destination!” No, this feels more like the final nail in the coffin. The. End.
The sun is still at least an hour from setting, so we’re forced to just sit around and wait to find out what the holdup is. And lucky me, I’m stuck with my mom today. It was like she had a sudden sense of parental duty, and she declared that Trey and I shouldn’t be left alone together for the whole day.
Right. I have a whole lot of feelings to unpack about that.
One, I’m a freaking adult!
Two, she gave up her parental rights the second she faked her own death and abandoned me.
And three—just, no! Ew!
Not that Trey has given up in his quest to woo me back, but there is nothing about him that I find even remotely appealing. Physically, sure, if you were to compare him to the other Rippers, then yeah, I guess he’s impressive or something. But he is the embodiment of everything I hate about myself right now. Like, he is embracing his inner and his outer monster. His outsides now match what he’s always had going on inside. And that right there is a terrifying thought. And I have no doubt that his apparent sexual interest in me is nothing more than boredom. Or maybe he sees me as a challenge. Either way, that’s a big no from me.
In that aspect, I guess I should be grateful that my mom stepped in and placed herself between us, but she’s far too perceptive for her own good. And by perceptive, I mean nosy.
“You look good,” she says now, zeroing her gaze in on me. She doesn’t miss a thing.
“Thanks, I guess.” I’m pacing, just like a caged animal at the zoo, and her eyes follow me back and forth. How can she be so relaxed?
“Are you hungry?”
I have to focus on keeping my features neutral. Does she know that Kenzo has been sneaking me cups of his blood? Not so much as to entirely nullify my hunger, but it’s enough. For now. “I could eat,” I offer with a shrug. Was that casual enough? Too casual?
She narrows her eyes. “But you haven’t been. Eating, I mean. I’ve been watching you, and you haven’t been hunting with the others.”
That’s the thing about growing up in a military bunker—I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. So, I embrace my inner drama queen and plant myself down in an awkward seated pose and turn my gaze into the hypothetical distance. And I say nothing.
“Lori,” she says slowly.
“Mom,” I reply.
“What’s going on with you? I’m worried, I have a right to know. You’re my d—”
“Your what? Daughter? Is that what you were going to say?” My scoff sounds more like a goat’s snort when they clear their nostrils after drinking from the trough. The comparison is almost enough to make me laugh. Almost. If only I weren’t so grouchy and tense.
Her mouth thins out, what passes for lips narrowing into a hard line. “I carried you in my body for nine months. Pushed you out. That makes me your mother.”
I’m already shaking my head. “Certainly not that body.”
She’s about to say more, but I’m already standing and marching toward the door.
“Wait! It’s not night yet!” she cries.
“Close enough,” I mutter, throwing back the latch.
The sky’s glow is strong enough to sting, but it’s worth it just to get away from that disaster waiting to happen. No doubt my mom and I will eventually have a throwdown, but I will avoid it for as long as possible. In my opinion, my anger is more than justified. Will I forgive her? Probably. One day, maybe, eventually. Maybe not forgiveness, exactly, but a kind of resignation.
For now, I think I’ll just sulk for a bit longer. Make her sweat it out.
Speaking of sweating, I really wish my unnatural body had a way of cooling itself in this extreme landscape. It’s beyond hot, the ground beneath the balls of my feet like walking on lava. I freeze as I shade my eyes enough to survey my surroundings.
I really hate being right. This is most definitely the end.
The end of the tracks, that is. I approach the front of the train where there is a gaping ravine. What was once a bridge is now… well, not a bridge. It’s nothing more than a pile of bent beams and splintered wood in the dry riverbed below, the tracks resuming their path on the far side.
“W
ell, shit.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Trey says, coming up beside me.
Even though Trey and I couldn’t be more different, I find a certain comfort in his familiarity. I know what to expect from him, even if it is crude sexual advances and limited conversation. He’s too blunt to be conniving, too transparent to be anything other than honest.
The Rippers start to get off the train, but Trey holds a hand up and they stop where they are. “Lock it up!” he shouts at them, and they comply, although reluctantly. They’ve been trapped in those boxes all day, and now he wants them to stay in there all night too?
I hope Trey’s hold on them is strong enough to override their hunger, which must be bordering on overwhelming at this point. We haven’t been able to find enough food for everyone so far, and I hate to think about what will happen when we arrive at a research facility full of humans. If the lab is even there, that is. Hard to take Howell’s word for anything, at this point, but he’s leading us somewhere, and he knows his life depends on it.
Once the doors are latched, the Rippers contained—for the moment—Trey heads to the rear of the train to get Howell. I step straight up the edge of the ravine, my toes hanging over the edge, and look down at the wreckage.
“What do you see?” Kenzo asks, as he sidles up behind me but staying a good two feet back from the edge.
I look up at the sky, which is quickly growing darker, and realize that while I’m able to see in stark detail, Kenzo’s eyes are just beginning to fail. His body too, from the looks of it. He’s practically sagging, shoulders drooping, arms hanging limply at his sides. He has deep bruises under his eyes. He looks to be ten years older than he did just a few weeks ago.
Guilt gnaws at me. This is my fault. Well, at least partly my fault. He’s taken it on himself to give me his blood, to keep me fed, and it’s taking its toll on him.
How long can we live like this? How long do we want to live like this? At what point do we say, enough is enough?
I give a slow blink, turning my attention back to the crevice in front of us. Focus on the details, I tell myself. One foot in front of the other, my dad used to say. Don’t get overwhelmed by the overall picture, just one thing at a time. The rest will follow.
Details. Right. The bridge.
I angle my gaze back down into the crevice and try my best to shrug. What the hell does Kenzo expect me to say? I feel Howell’s body heat as he approaches cautiously to listen in. “Well, it’s a broken bridge. I’m not really sure what else you need to know. It’s not a far drop, but that doesn’t exactly matter when it comes to moving a train. There’s no chance of salvaging this. The wood beams are demolished, and the steel tracks are bent. This is the end of the line.”
Howell grumbles under his breath. “Then we continue on foot.” He marches off, I can only assume to grab his gear.
His proclamation does nothing for my anxiety level. He didn’t say how far we would need to walk, and, considering sunrise would be a health risk—as in, we would all be very crispy and very dead—I don’t like the sheer number of unknown factors. Howell seems unwilling to fill us in on the details. I can’t really blame him, since it’s the only reason he’s still breathing, but would it kill him to give us a little reassurance?
I look over my shoulder at the small group gathered. Bob doesn’t seem terribly concerned about the turn of events, and he’s already packed and ready to go, a giant smile on his face. As if this is some kind of adventure, or maybe a hike or camping trip. I’m actually a little jealous of his outlook on life. Seems awfully peaceful. Would I be so optimistic if I’d been raised outside the compound?
Ellis, Trey, my mom, and Kelly are sharing some kind of silent staring game. I have no clue how I’m supposed to get in on this little club they have going on, and honestly, I’m not sure I want in. I have a feeling the membership fee would be the cost of my humanity. What little there is left of it, anyway. And in the end, it’s better this way, with me on the outside. I don’t want to be the one making the big decisions. With that responsibility, comes all the blame.
Doesn’t stop me from opening my big mouth, though. “What’s up?” I ask, bringing their attention over to me.
Nobody wants to be the one to fill me in, but finally Ellis says what everyone is no doubt thinking. Everyone but me, of course. “We can’t all go.”
“What do you mean? Why not?”
They share another look, and I’m about to snap at them, demanding answers, when Howell comes back, pack slung over his shoulders and gun clutched tightly in his hand. “Use your head, Miss Fisher. You can’t possibly expect three humans to survive this trek across a desert with a pack of hungry Shredders at their backs.”
I don’t actually expect that, but there are still too many variables, and I don’t see how splitting our group up is going to help with any of it.
I open my mouth to say as much, but Howell continues. “The humans are getting a head start. The rest of you can start in a few days. I will have to smooth the way once we reach the lab. They likely wouldn’t take our arrival as a group well. Think about it, a whole horde of monsters knocking on the door. They wouldn’t exactly be rolling out the welcome mat.”
Ellis gives a slow nod. “And will you leave us directions?”
“Oh, not you. You’re coming with us.”
Ellis’s eyes widen. “What? But—”
“I will not be left unprotected,” Howell states as if it were the simplest fact. “You’ll come along as protection against anything we might run into. While it’s not likely for us to encounter another group of aberrations, there could be other predators. And we’re nearing a new moon, which means we would be traveling in the dark. We’ll need your eyes.”
I can see from here how Ellis’s body tenses, his teeth locked tight, but it’s getting too dark for Howell to notice. Hell, he probably wouldn’t notice even if it had been high noon, that’s how self-centered he is, so certain of Ellis’s undying loyalty to his general.
Ellis isn’t the only one sporting a little extra stress. Narrowed eyes, squared shoulders all around. Nobody seems overly pleased by Howell’s harebrained plan.
Kelly looks about ready to laugh, but not in a ha-ha kind of way. She opens her mouth once, then bites back whatever sarcastic remark she was planning on making, before finally taking a long, deep breath. When she speaks, I can hear the restraint in her carefully chosen words. “You have to take my dad,” she says. “I’ve barely been able to keep him alive up until this point, and with no way of bargaining and twice as many monsters to save him from, I… I just can’t.”
“Kelly!” Bob wails. “No! I won’t leave you!”
“You will.” She stares into Bob’s eyes, and an unspoken bond, father and daughter, communicates everything. I feel a pang of jealousy at their family connection, followed by resentment and a deep, impossible longing. Kelly has been able to resist her hunger to keep her father alive. I was not as strong.
Finally, Bob lowers his gaze and gives a small nod. “Okay,” he whispers.
Howell’s face pinches, considering her request, but eventually he nods and says, “Very well, then.” As if he’s being charitable and we should praise him for his generosity. Not likely.
“What about me?” Trey snaps, his dark eyes round with an edge of panic. He isn’t used to being left behind. As he said to me a few days ago, he’s proud of his strength and believes that it’s his only real worth. And here’s Howell, completely blind to that worth. I can practically hear him whining, What does Ellis have that I don’t?
By the smirk on my mom’s face, I’m not the only one picking up on his childish attitude.
“You?” Howell looks in Trey’s direction, but I can tell by the blankness of his expression that he can’t actually see very well in the darkness. “Why, I need you here to lead my army.” His tone of voice is patronizing, like placating a toddler. Trey, no doubt, laps it up. “You will be the most senior officer here. I can’t
do it without you. I can entrust this only to you. Tomorrow night, you will lead the soldiers across the ravine. Follow the tracks, and I will leave instructions for you to find. I trust you completely with this task.”
Trey seems to accept the duty. I have to hand it to Howell, he’s good at this.
“Come, Major Hill. We need to cover some ground before the sun rises. I can’t tell exactly how far we still have to go, but maybe we can make it there by morning. And if not, we’ll need time to find shelter.”
Ellis goes first, picking a safe path down the side of the crevice for Howell. Bob follows next, apparently happy once more to be going along. He gives his daughter a jaunty wave, and she laughs, shaking her head after him.
Kenzo hesitates for a moment. He can’t see me, but he knows vaguely where I am. He takes a step in my direction, but I save him the trouble of stumbling around in the dark and meet him halfway.
“Lori,” he says softly. “I—”
“It’s okay. You’ll be safe with Howell.”
He shakes his head, wearing a look of frustration. “It’s too late to find another way to do this, but… I just wish we had more time.”
“You’re the important part of this equation, Dr. Kimura.” He smiles at my teasing formality. “Don’t worry about what happens to us here, just make sure you get to that lab. The cure is the only thing that matters.”
He bobs his head, reluctant to leave. It feels so final. “I guess I’ll see you soon,” he offers. I can only hope that it’s true.
“Kenzo—” I reach out and trail my claw over the side of his pinky finger. He grabs hold of my hand, and it sends a zing up my arm, part pleasure, part pain.
“Stay safe,” he says firmly, giving my hand an extra squeeze when he adds, “Eat.”
I swallow at his command, like some kind of instinctive reflex. Eat. Right. Because with Kenzo leaving, so is my easy meal source.
The Shade Chronicles | Book 2 | Predator Page 11