“You’re wrong,” she whispers.
I can feel my mouth turn down into a frown. “Which part?”
She wiggles around until she’s facing me, and I wish there were more light so I could see her better. “The part where you said I don’t love you. You’re wrong.”
“You—” My mouth must be gaping, because I can feel the air-conditioned breeze on my tongue. “You love—?”
I strain to see her expression in the shadows. Is she serious? Her eyes gleam in the semi-darkness, and I know she’s watching me.
“You love me?” I finally manage to choke out. I can feel her nod against my shoulder.
“I think I always have, but I think I had this idea of what love should be like. I thought it would be this explosion inside my chest or something, like an all-consuming flame… but that’s not it at all. It’s like… when you bank the fire overnight so that it can be rekindled in the morning. I don’t know, that’s probably a stupid analogy, it’s not like I’ve ever even lit a fire… or not intentionally, anyway.” She raises a hand to cover her face. “God, I’m such an idiot.”
“You’re not,” I insist, trying to tug her hand down.
I hear a tiny sniffle in the dark. “Are you crying,?” I ask.
“No,” she chokes out through a wet-sounding nose.
“Why are you crying?” Not even at the end of the world could I understand women. Shouldn’t she be happy when saying something romantic?
“It’s just… I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner, see you sooner. If I had, none of this would’ve happened. I never would’ve left the compound, my dad and Brent would still be alive. Maybe we would all still be there, living happily ever after. And why would you even want me now? Not when I look like this.”
“Stop, please,” I beg. I need to see her, this is ridiculous.
She continues to mumble to herself as I climb over her awkwardly and fumble around until I find the small lamp. We both blink owlishly in the glare. Lori’s face is blotchy, partly from her peeling skin, but also just from crying, her eyes puffy and bloodshot.
I lower myself onto the edge of the bed beside her and take her hands on mine. “I’m only going to say this once,” I tell her, but then I rethink that and shake my head. “Scratch that—I will tell you as often as you need to hear it. When I look at you, I see a survivor. I see the strongest woman I’ve ever had the privilege to know, and it is an honor to be loved by you. If you’ll let me, I will spend every day left of forever showing you how lucky we are.
“And though I regret the loss of your family every day, we both know that there was no happily ever after at that compound. Not for us, and not for them. I would’ve done everything I could to protect you all, and it still wouldn’t have been enough. Not in the end. Not against the sun and then supply shortages and the Shredders breaking into the compound.
“This is it, Lori. This is where we’re meant to be.”
We stare at each other for a long while. It must be near morning, because I can hear the pumps kicking in, recycling water, and the extra generator in the garden down the hall as the lamps turn on. It will never be able to compare to the farm at the compound, but it’s a start.
And it’s enough for us.
Maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll find more survivors, but for now, it’s just us few.
“Okay?” I ask Lori eventually, giving her hands a squeeze.
“Okay,” she says, offering me a small smile. It feels like she’s giving me the sun.
25
Lori
It’s too quiet.
I think back to when we first arrived at the lab facility—the constant murmur of voices, the clatter of dishes, hum of machinery, the overwhelming amount of life within its walls. Even when I was locked in a cell, the place was a veritable beehive.
It’s a little depressing now, the total flip to this.
I stomp with my heavy boots just to fill the space with sound, but the echo makes me uneasy, so I stop. The fact that I can wear boots at all is kind of amazing, though they are a larger size than I used to wear, but once the claws fell off, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Wake up in the morning and put on my standard-issue boots.
Feels like home.
I frown at the thought and keep on my way down the hall, a piece of paper clenched tightly in my hand. I know I won’t find her.
Rounding the corner, Ellis falls into step beside me. “Need some company?” he asks.
“No.”
He ignores me but falls back a step. I appreciate that he keeps his mouth shut. I’m not in any mood to chat.
I’ve just about made my loop of the whole facility when Kenzo and Sydney fall in line. “What the hell?” I snap. “This is turning into some kind of parade.”
Trey sticks his head out of his door to see what the fuss is about, and another door creaks open, giving me a tiny glimpse of Bob’s gleaming eye, before snapping shut once more. For such an empty building, it suddenly feels claustrophobic. Too bad the sun is still too high, or I might very well run off into the sunset.
I stomp into the kitchen and slam the door behind me. I can hear their murmured voices on the other side of the door, likely debating over who’s going to come in here and deal with my shitty attitude. I know I’m being unreasonable, but as the paper crinkles in my fist, I’m reminded of how very legitimate my mood is.
She’s gone. My mom is gone.
She didn’t even bother to say goodbye, just left me a shitty note. Dearest daughter, blah, blah, blah. I stopped reading after I saw the line, “I’m sorry to leave you like this.”
When the door opens, I’m surprised to see Ellis has drawn the short straw. I assumed it would’ve been Kenzo. He’s hardly left my side over the past week. And I’m grateful, I am… but I have to admit I’m glad it’s Ellis this time. That way I don’t have to feel so guilty when I punch him. With the use of only one eye now, I might even have a chance at landing it!
I growl and swing. My fist doesn’t make contact, though. Because Ellis is still fast.
Even as he agreed to take the cure, I think he always knew it wouldn’t work. He’s not a scientist, but he’s not stupid. Not like me. I smiled and nodded, excited for him, this naïve hope blossoming in my chest. All my family and friends—and Trey—all cured, safe, living happily ever after. We were going to save the world!
But the cure was designed with the portentum noctis virus—not the variant.
Ellis rubs my knuckles gently before releasing my hand. “Feel better now?”
“No.” I stick out my tongue. “You could’ve let me hit you. It’s not like it would’ve hurt.”
“It would’ve hurt you,” he says with a pointed look.
I throw myself onto the aluminum chair, and Ellis sits across from me, readjusting the patch he’s wearing over his eye. He jerks his chin at the ball of paper in my fist. “Is that from your mom?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You knew she was leaving,” I accuse.
He doesn’t deny it. “It’s the same choice I would’ve made.”
“Pfft! That’s easy to say, but I don’t see you leaving,” I spit, but after a moment of silence, I realize why Ellis is the one in here instead of Kenzo. “Shit. You’re leaving.”
He gives a sad smile. “It’s really the only option.”
“That’s not true!”
“Oh yeah? Is everyone going to line up with blood donations to keep me fed?” He arches an eyebrow at me. I open my mouth to respond, but he holds up a finger to stop me. “All it would take would be one tiny slip, a papercut, and I could lose control and wipe out the rest of the human species.” He snaps it fingers as if it would be so easy as that. In truth, he’s not far off. “I wouldn’t forgive myself… not after everything we made it through to get here.”
I study his features, the tight set of his mouth and the bottomless depth of his black eyes. “I know,” I say softly after a moment. I move slowly and reach out to give his hand a b
rief squeeze. His skin, which had always felt the same temperature as my own, now feels hot compared to my more delicate human shell. “When?” I ask.
“Tomorrow night.” So soon.
The door clicks open behind Ellis, and Kenzo peeks around the corner. “Is it safe to come in now?”
I huff and chuckle darkly. “Okay, I get it. I was being a bitch. I’m sorry, okay?”
The small crowd moves in—minus Bob, who has barely left his room all week—and they pull up chairs. Kenzo nudges in as close as he can to me without being obvious… but it’s still pretty obvious. I think he’s halfway scared that I’ll regret my decision to stay here with him and take off, probably with Ellis.
Across the table, Sydney pulls her chair over beside Ellis, but he makes no disguise of inching his chair very purposely away from her. His eyes, however, hold a different message. There is very definitely chemistry between them, but for obvious reasons, they’re not meant to be.
Trey, meanwhile, flips his chair around backward and tries to wedge himself between me and Kenzo. I hiss at him—a by-product of my Ripper days—and Kenzo and I lean closer to close ranks. No wiggle room here!
I’m startled by a sound—and it cuts out sharply when I realize it’s coming from me! Was that a laugh? I clap a hand over my mouth, but Kenzo reaches up and tugs my hand away, his eyes sparkling.
“I’ve missed that sound,” he whispers.
I can feel a blush warming my cheeks—something else I thought I would never do again.
Our intimate silence is interrupted by Trey’s arm as it slides between our faces to snag a wax bean off the table. “Lame,” he mutters. “I miss chips.”
“I can maybe manage chips,” I offer, and his eyebrows go up.
“Yeah? You would do that for me?” There’s a softness in his expression that he covers up with a smirk.
“Nope. I would do it for me,” I snipe back. “You can watch me eat them.”
Conversation starts up around the table in fits and starts. It’s not smooth by any means; it’s almost like we’re relearning how to do this, being human. I have to be careful watching them, make sure that I don’t cross over that invisible line. It’s sweet to watch everyone smiling and laughing, but if I let my guard down, I realize that life as we know it has an expiration date.
The only way procreation could work for sure would be if Kenzo participated…
But no, I won’t even think about it. I’ve decided I’m going to be selfish. If the end of the world is coming, it’s going to be on my terms. And that means with Kenzo at my side. Besides, the way Sydney is gazing at Ellis, I doubt she’d be into making that sacrifice either.
As if he knows what I’m thinking, Kenzo bumps my shoulder with his. When I look up, he gives me a little smile and slides a single cookie over to me. It’s way beyond stale, probably one of the last from our dwindling supply of MREs, but who am I to look a gift cookie in the mouth?
I take a bite and savor it, and I may or may not moan as the chocolate chips melt in my mouth. Kenzo clears his throat, and I swear he looks a little flustered when I peek at him.
“So…” he says, quickly changing the subject. “Sydney, I could really use your help in the lab tomorrow. I’ve got it all cleaned up, and I was thinking that—”
“Actually,” she cuts him off, “I was thinking of leaving with Ellis.”
Total silence hangs in the room. “What?!” Ellis snaps, rounding on her. Clearly, she hasn’t discussed this idea with him. He launches to his feet, his chair tipping back, his eyes wide.
“Ellis, I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve made up my mind.” Her tiny fists are balled up on the table, and she won’t even look at him.
His nostrils flare and he takes her by the elbow, ever careful to be gentle, and leads her from the room. “This is entirely out of the question.”
As they disappear out into the hallway, Ellis glances back at me. There’s so much sadness and regret in his expression. He wants a life with Sydney, I’m sure of it—but what the hell would that look like? The door closes behind them, and we’re all quiet for a moment, until their voices disappear into the distance.
“She’s going to ask him to infect her,” Trey states, matter of fact.
“What?!” I spit back, rounding on him, my mouth hanging open.
He gives me a look that says duh, and then shrugs and rises out of his chair.
“Maybe he’ll say no,” I sputter. “Did you think of that?”
I can practically hear his eyeroll. “Say no to a beautiful woman? Yeah, I highly doubt that. Especially when she clearly knows what she wants.”
“Where the hell are you going?” I snapped. “You can’t just drop a bomb like that and then walk away.”
His face is passive when he turns back to look at me, carefully guarded. “I think Kenzo can give you any of the answers you need…” His eyes dart once over to Kenzo and then he strolls out of the kitchen, the door snicking shut behind him.
Kenzo and I sit in silence for a moment. He’s too still, watching me for any sign of a meltdown. I think it’s fair to say that I’ve had more than my share of freak-outs these days, but… I don’t think this will be one of them.
My shoulders are already sagging under this news, pushing me down in a way I’ve never felt before. This isn’t about me… but I can’t help but feel it on a personal level. “She would do anything to be with him,” I say, swiveling on my chair to face Kenzo.
He offers a sad smile, and I hate that it seems to be the only expression he’s been wearing lately. He wants to put on a brave face for me, I get it, but for once I wish he would just give it to me straight.
“I can take it,” I say, and then I grit my teeth to prepare for the onslaught of emotions. I’ve said I can handle it, so I need to back up my claim with a stiff upper lip.
He gives a sharp nod and takes my hands in his. “I had a feeling this was coming. Sydney came to see me and asked if it was possible to be infected with the same variant strain—hypothetically, she said.”
“Yeah, right. Asking for a friend.” I roll my eyes.
Kenzo laughs lightly, probably glad to see I’m taking this so well. “Well, it will ultimately be their decision.” He takes a steadying breath and looks up at me with a raised eyebrow. “If you and Ellis… I mean, if you guys were… It would be natural if you had some feelings about this…” He trails off.
The laughter is sharp and startles us both. I laugh until tears leak from the corner of my eyes. Kenzo tries to join in, but he doesn’t get the joke, so he eventually just sits back and waits for me to calm myself. “Me and Ellis? Are you serious?” I finally manage to gasp out.
“Well, yeah. He’s a good-looking guy, and you obviously have more in common with him than you and I do.”
“Oh, Kenzo, you sweet man.” I grab his face between my palms and draw him forward, cutting off his words with a kiss. He goes still beneath me. I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction. I open one eye and peek at him. His eyes are wide and he looks shocked. “Are you… okay?”
“Yeah, I-I think so. I just wasn’t prepared for that.”
“I’ll try to give you more warning next time.”
“Yeah, I’d appreciate that.” His skin tints with a blush and he looks shyly down at the table. “Wait, if you and Ellis aren’t a thing, then why are you freaking out about Sydney?”
I can feel my brow furrow and my lips pinch shut. “Humanity is a lot to give up for anyone, even if they are the love of your life. The constant thirst, walking a tightrope, always needing to be on guard. Ellis won’t want that for her. He struggles with his guilt every day, the innocent lives he’s taken.”
“Maybe—” Kenzo begins, and I nod for him to continue. “Maybe you could help me in the lab? I don’t think I’m far from a cure for the variant. Maybe Ellis—and Sydney, if they decide to move forward with it—they don’t need to be infected for much longer. I know working in the hospital was never your favorite job
rotation. You always got queasy at the sight of blood, and I’m afraid that’s my entire job now. Blood.”
I scoff. “I ate a polar bear. I think I’ve conquered my squeamishness.”
“A polar bear? You’re joking, you did not.”
“I did! You could ask my mom, if she hadn’t bailed. The perfect witness, an absent one.” My joke falls a little flat, and Kenzo stands up and offers me his hand.
“Come on. Some garden therapy will help.”
I accept his hand and allow him to pull me up. “Garden therapy? Is that a thing?”
“Of course it’s a thing. I’m a doctor, don’t you believe me? Do you need me to write you a prescription for it?” There’s a twinkle of mischief in his eye.
“I’m warning you…” I say.
He looks alarmed for a second, his lips turning down into an adorable little pout. “What did I do wrong this time? Whatever it is, I’m sorry.”
I close the distance between us, grabbing the front of his shirt. “I just promised that I would warn you before I kissed you again. This is your official warning.”
“Oh!”
Kissing Kenzo may not be fireworks, but there’s a deep sense of rightness about it. And as his arms wrap around me and pull me tighter, I have a feeling that practice makes perfect, and Kenzo is a model student.
Epilogue
LORI
“Are they back yet?” I ask, huffing and puffing my way down the hall toward the entrance.
Kenzo and Trey exchange a look. I may have asked them a few too many times so far, but I can’t help it! I’m excited! I haven’t seen Ellis or Sydney for six months. They radioed this morning to say they were in the neighborhood, which I take to mean they’re homesick, because there really isn’t anything else nearby. We sent out a crew with the boat to bring them in. I can’t wait to see their faces!
Bob hobbles down the hall carrying a couple plastic trays, and he hands them off to Trey before turning back and heading the way he came.
The Shade Chronicles | Book 2 | Predator Page 26