by Kendall Ryan
I nodded toward the notebook she still had pressed against her chest. “Anything good in there?”
She blushed, setting the notebook on the table and opening it to a list of goals for the year. Not quite the poems I was hoping for, but instead everything she was looking to accomplish this year at Vanderburg. Ah, so she was one of those people. A list maker. I preferred to let things ride and see where I ended up, believing that the journey was just as good as the destination. But I enjoyed listening to her talk, enjoyed the self-conscious way she tucked her hair behind her ear, the way she led the conversation, and especially the way her neck and chest grew splotchy with pink flushes of color the few times she was bold enough to meet my watchful gaze.
Still, I hungered to see her poetry. To see her words on the page, bold and exposing as I knew they would be. I was dying to know what she wrote about. Something mundane like the changing fall leaves, or something serious like her relationship with her father, or something romantic like falling in love. I wondered if after her breakup, did her writing turn dark and morose, speaking from a place of a broken heart.
What little I knew about her, Poppy was a serious girl, but I wanted to know if she had a softer, more romantic side too. A reckless side. Shit, I didn’t know what it was about this girl, but I wanted to know about each and every one of her sides, examine them in the moonlight. Study them in the morning dawn while she stirred awake next to me.
Once she was finished reading over everything she was looking to get out of the program, she talked about her past work, and her publishing goals. I caught about every third or fourth word, and more than anything else I was intent on that pink lip-gloss and the thoughts of her waking in my bed with that mouth forming the sounds of pleasure as she came. So much for keeping work life and personal life separate but I was unable to stop myself.
“Right?” she said, blowing softly into her mug of coffee before taking a sip.
Shit. I had stopped listening. “Sorry, what was that?”
“I said that I promise I’ll stay professional about this,” she said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself. “You said you would, too, right?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I said that I wouldn’t let what happened Friday night get in the way of us working together. I’ll help you achieve your goals in any way I can, but I didn’t say anything about staying professional. We’re two grown adults, Poppy.”
She looked at me with curiosity. “How old are you by the way?”
“Twenty-nine. I’ll be thirty in March.” As my mother kept reminding me.
“You don’t look it.”
I nodded. “I’ve been told that a lot.”
“So, no wife and kids for you?”
I got the sense that she expected me to say no, either that I wasn’t ready, or I wasn’t interested. But neither of those things were true.
“Not yet. But hopefully someday soon. What about you? How old are you?”
“Twenty-four,” she said softly, still watching me.
I nodded. Plenty old enough to know what she was doing. “As I said, we’re two grown adults. With an assload of sexual tension.”
“An assload?” She rolled her eyes.
“I believe that’s the technical term, yes.”
Her eyebrows darted up in surprise.
I had a feeling I would enjoy working with Poppy much more than was appropriate.
Chapter Four
Poppy
“Have fun tonight, buddy.” I ran my fingers through Connor’s hair, and watched as his mouth quirked up in a grin. This little freckled face was my whole world—and the reason why I worked so hard.
“Love ya, Mom!” Connor all but sprinted out the front door and out to the driveway where my mom’s car was parked.
Connor had his soccer team’s pizza party tonight and my parents had volunteered to take him. I stopped on the front porch and waved to my parents through the windshield while Connor climbed into the backseat.
I loved my son with all my heart, but deep down, a very small part of me wished he'd waited until later in my life to make his appearance. One fateful night my whole world changed. My teenage boyfriend and I were in love, and I trusted him. And I had no reason to doubt him that night when he said he'd put on the condom. I'd even heard the crinkle of the wrapper. The next month when I told him I was pregnant, and questioned how that could have happened, his face went white. Then he'd admitted the truth—that he’d never put it on at all. But none of that mattered now. Because while he got to go off and live his life with no responsibility whatsoever, mine had been irrevocably changed.
I wasn't ready for a baby at seventeen, any more than I was ready at twenty-four to be the mom of a seven-year-old. But I did the best I could, which included juggling school for us both, his sports, work, and motherhood. And now I was so attached to him, to his sweet presence in my life, that the thought of spending an evening alone was the most depressing thing I could imagine. Which was why I’d invited my neighbors over for dinner later.
No sooner than I was back inside, the sound of the doorbell had me heading for the front door again.
Jodee grinned and pulled me into a one-armed hug. Behind her Kody walked in carrying several bags. He exuded so much energy it felt like a gust of wind came in behind him.
“Hey, girl, hey,” he said, voice cheery.
We headed toward the kitchen together.
They’d met Connor a couple of times and were sweet with him and understanding about the fact that I was mostly a homebody.
“Booze,” Kody said when he saw me staring at all the bags.
Thank God. After the day I’d had, I could use a cocktail. Or three.
I had a rule for myself that I didn’t drink alcohol during the week, but I had a feeling this year I’d be breaking a lot of my self-imposed rules.
Jodee came into the room as Kody was pouring our first round. He was starting us off with cosmopolitans, he explained.
“Monday funday,” Kody sang as he vigorously shook up the cocktails.
“I don’t think that’s a thing,” Jodee said, ever the practical one.
“It is now.” He poured the mixture into three individual glasses and garnished them with a lime wedge.
“I’m impressed,” I said after taking a large sip.
“I bartended for three years at a gay club downtown,” he said with a wink. “I made a lot of cosmos.”
We met only weeks ago when Connor and I moved into our place and Jodee and Kody immediately came over to help us move furniture and unpack boxes. Now, it felt like we’d been friends for years.
“Kody, I have to ask…” Jodee paused, a little embarrassed. “Are you gay?”
While Kody’s impeccable sense of style, bleached blond hair and pierced ears had me wondering the same thing, I wasn’t about to ask. I glanced at Kody, hoping he wasn’t offended. He paused, looking at Jodee with raised eyebrows. Then he grinned. “Honey, I’m fabulous.”
We burst into laughter.
“I can’t believe you two went to a party and didn’t tell me,” Kody pouted, and my heart skipped a beat. He was talking, of course, about the party Jodee dragged me to last Friday night. The party where I met Zach. My mouth went dry at the memory of him flashing that flirtatious, heart stopping smirk in my direction. The one that nearly had me ripping his clothes off after knowing him for five minutes.
I could still feel his body pressed against mine, his full lips left me aching. My body tingled at the very thought of him. After spending more time with him in his office, and at the coffee shop, I have nearly every detail committed to memory. His dark hair that was just long enough to run your fingers through, his full lips, strong jawline and that rugged bit of facial hair. My fingertips tingled with the memory of touching his sinfully hard abs and chest through his shirt. And those arresting green eyes… Speaking of arresting, I could think of a few things I’d like to do with him that involve
d a pair of handcuffs. Jesus, Poppy.
I forced myself to tune back into the conversation. Just the thought of Zach threatened to totally overwhelm everything else, and the last thing I needed was for Kody or Jodee to catch the look on my face as I fantasized about him.
“Ladies, I have a surprise.” Kody reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of tequila, which he set on the table with a grin. “Who wants a tequila shooter?”
I almost refused. Tequila on a Monday night? Then decided why the hell not? One wouldn’t kill me, and it might be just the thing to get me to loosen up.
Jodee and I grinned and raised our hands like we were in class. As Kody poured the shooters, I cut up more limes and grabbed the salt from the kitchen. As I walked back into the living room, I heard Kody insisting we skip over the “get to know you” phase of friendship.
“It’s a huge bore. Nobody likes small talk. I have a better idea.” He passed each of us a glass. “Why don’t we go around and say our best and worst quality. I’ll start. My best quality is that, like I said, I’m fabulous.” He did a pretend hair flip. “And my worst quality is that I love reality TV and binge watch it way too much.”
We licked the salt off our hands, downed the shooters and sucked on the limes, grimacing from the strong liquor. I only drank half of mine, needing to maintain some level of composure.
“Okay,” Jodee jumped in. “My best quality is my sense of reason.” Kody and I snickered, already aware of how pragmatic Jodee could be. She laughed with us. “It’s true. And my worst quality is that my hair falls out everywhere and clogs the shower drain.”
We laughed, and then I realized it was my turn.
“My best quality is that I make the best batch of chocolate chip cookies in the world. And my worst quality is that I’ll eat the whole thing if somebody doesn’t stop me.”
“Cheers to new friends.” Kody held up his tequila shooter and Jodee and I followed suit. After we’ve finished the second round, Kody held up one hand, commanding the floor.
“And one more thing. Can we all agree right now not to be weird about farting in front of each other?”
Jodee and I laughed, caught off guard. We both shrugged when we realized he was serious.
“I guess that’s fine,” I said.
Kody’s mouth curled into a grin and he passed gas loudly. “Thank God, I’ve been holding that in for the past half hour.”
We all cracked up again, and once we’d calmed down we decided to start making dinner. Jodee was a dairy-free vegetarian, and Kody was a vegan currently on one of those fad diets where you eat high protein, low carb. I thought it would take a miracle to find a meal we could all eat, but luckily, it’s Kody’s “cheat day” so I bought ingredients for a few of my favorite dishes—my best friend in undergrad had been a vegan, too, so I knew the drill. Since I rarely went out we often cooked together at my parents’ house and enjoyed an evening in. Tonight, we were having “zoodles” with pesto and soy crumbles and buffalo cauliflower bites with vegan bleu cheese.
I gave Kody the task of creating the “zoodles” from zucchini, handed Jodee a knife to cut up the cauliflower and started preparing the vegan bleu cheese. As I stirred the tahini, lemon juice, garlic, and vinegar in a bowl, my hips pressed against the counter and I had a sudden flashback to Zach pulling my hips against his as we kissed. I held in a gasp as I was blinded by a sudden flash of desire. My heartbeat quickened as I imagined his large, muscular body against mine, his strong hands wrapping around me, then lifting my shirt over my head and removing my bra as his tongue moved from my mouth, down to my shoulders and finally my breasts. Fuck.
I glanced at Jodee and Kody, who hadn’t noticed my flushed face and heavy breathing over the upbeat pop music Kody put on. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I struggled to keep calm while I finished making the bleu cheese. Luckily, Kody interrupted my thoughts.
“Poppy, can you check if I’m doing this right? Is it supposed to be this much of a mess?”
I welcomed the distraction. I couldn’t keep thinking about Zach or I was going to completely lose my mind. In fact, the only way I was allowed to think of him from this point forward was as my adviser.
Luckily, I made it through the meal prep, vowing not to think about Zach for the rest of the night. Once we’d finished cooking, we settled back into the living room to eat balancing our plates on our knees and opting to keep it casual rather than sit at the dining table.
“This is amazing,” Kody said through a mouthful of zoodles and pesto. “I usually just microwave myself something for dinner, so I could get used to this.”
“This is so good, Poppy,” Jodee added, dipping a piece of cauliflower into the vegan bleu cheese. “By the way, how did your adviser meeting go?”
Shit.
Of course, just when I stop thinking about Zach, he finds a way to get back into my head.
“Um.” I felt myself blushing. I considered not admitting the truth, but I’d never been good at keeping secrets, especially from a friend. “Remember the guy from the party Friday night?”
Jodee nodded, looking confused. “Yeah, Zach. What about him?”
“Well,” I gulped. “He’s my adviser.”
“Stop,” Jodee said loudly, turning to me with eyes wide and mouth forming a perfect O. “The one you kissed?”
I nodded, knowing the look of guilt on my face was unmistakable.
“Poppy. You told him if it was meant to be you’d see each other again. It’s totally meant to be.”
She was right, that’s exactly what I’d said to him when he asked for my number. I’d almost forgotten about it, but now it was like I was there all over again. I remembered the feeling of his eyes watching me as I walked away from him at the party, and a shiver ran from the top of my head all the way down to my toes at the thought. I shook it off. It didn’t mean anything. The whole situation was pure chance.
“Hold on. What’s happening? I need details.” Kody leaned forward on the edge of his seat. I explained everything. The party, Jason, Jason’s new girlfriend, and my brilliant plan to make him jealous that had now gone totally awry.
“So, this guy is your adviser now? That’s crazy.” Kody was talking a mile a minute, clearly excited by the drama. “What does this guy look like? Is he hot?” So hot I could hardly keep my clothes on. Kody looked toward Jodee, who was nodding, then back at me.
“He’s tall, with dark hair.” My body went numb as I described him. My plan not to think about Zach was totally out the window now and I couldn’t stop my pulse from quickening. It was like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I paused, struggling to maintain my composure.
“And his body?” Kody wasn’t letting me off the hook.
“Muscular. Toned arms, strong chest, and amazing abs.” I clenched my fists, thinking about running my hands from his shoulders, to his chest and down to his flat stomach. “His eyes are this piercing, emerald green. And he has this sexy smirk he gives when he says something dirty.” I swallowed. Maybe it’s the tequila, but I just said way more than I intended to.
Kody and Jodee exchange meaningful glances. I must be losing my mind, saying all of this. I try to move the topic along, because if I keep talking about Zach’s body I’m going to have an orgasm right there on my second-hand couch. I know we all agreed that farting in front of one another was an acceptable friendship practice but I’m pretty sure coming in front of one another would be an unspoken no-no.
“None of this means anything. Plus, he’s my adviser.” I tried to be the voice of reason.
“Well if you don’t want him, I’ll take him,” Kody interjected with a sly smile.
Jodee refused to let the subject drop. “Things happen for a reason, Poppy. Don’t you believe in soul mates?”
I was saved from having to answer by my phone, which chimed whenever I got a new email. When I saw who the sender was, the wind got knocked out of me.
“Excuse me, Poppy,
but you look like you just saw a ghost.”
I tore my eyes away from the screen and saw Kody watching me.
“What’s up?” Jodee asked. “Everything okay?”
They were both staring at me, and I knew there was no way around it, especially after the reaction I just had. I let out a sigh.
“It’s just an email.” I paused, biting my lip. “From Zach.”
Jodee and Kody both sat up straight in their seats. “Well, what does it say?” Jodee asked, almost whispering.
“Just read it out loud,” Kody demanded, leaning forward and taking a sip of his tequila shooter.
“It’s probably something school-related,” I said, trying to minimize their excitement, but it was useless. They were both watching me like I was about to perform a one-woman stand-up comedy show. I downed the rest of the tequila I told myself I wasn’t going to finish. Needing the liquid courage and all.
“Okay, here goes.”
Poppy,
Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today. I know we’re going to have an amazing year. I forgot to mention this earlier, but I thought you might like the poet Ariel Elderson. You can read some of her work online.
Always a pleasure,
Zach
I looked up at them. “See? Totally professional.” Even as the words left my mouth, even I didn’t really believe them. My heart felt like as if it had been shot straight into my throat and my hands were shaking. I put the phone down before anyone noticed.
“Professional?” Kody asked. “He totally wants you. Why do you think he said, ‘Always a pleasure’?” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Pleasure, Poppy. That’s what’s on his mind…his pleasure, your pleasure, sexual pleasure.”
“Kody, slow that train down…he’s my adviser, nothing more.” I heard the words I was saying but they weren’t registering in my brain.
“It’s so romantic. It shows he’s thinking about you,” Jodee said, grinning widely. “He’s thinking about you at—” she pauses. “What time is it?”