“That sounds like a pretty good place to start. You have to remember what happened to you doesn’t define who you are.”
“Karmen, they made m—”
She shook her head and shushed me. “Stop. You don’t need to tell me what happened unless you want to. I can imagine what happened, and I know what actually happened was a million times worse.”
“After a while, I just blocked it all out. It was like I would just close my eyes and leave my body for however long it took.”
“See, that was you being strong. You knew you couldn’t fight it right there in that moment, but you made it out eventually.”
“Again, you make everything sound so much easier than it really is or was.”
“Maybe that’s what you need to start doing. Take a step back and look it over. Dumb it down to where it’s an easy answer. Ask yourself if you would rather be happy or sad.”
She looked expectantly at me. “Uh, I’d rather be happy.”
“So why can’t you be?”
“Uh, er…” I couldn’t think of a reason not to be.
“You can’t be because you keep getting hung up on the past. Everyone around you doesn’t care what happened to you. All we care about is you being you. I know Cora worries about you, and so do Nikki and I. And while Jezebel doesn’t really understand what is going on, you and I both know all she really cares about is you.”
“I know, it’s just…”
Karmen sighed and squeezed my hand again. “You have to get out of your head, Wren.”
“But I’m just constantly thinking of all of the reasons why I shouldn't be happy, or why I’m not worthy to have friends like you guys who see past everything.”
“Then every time you have a dumb reason in your head why you shouldn’t be happy, tell us.”
“Us?” I asked.
“Me, Nikki, Cora, Jezebel. Hell, even Maniac. I know that man will listen to every word that comes out of your mouth.”
“I’m sure he will agree with you about the fact I need to get out of my head. He said he can hear the bullshit swirling around in my head.”
Karmen laughed. “That sounds like something Nickel would say.”
“Don’t you think I’ll sound crazy if I start blurting out my feelings to everyone?”
“No, I think you’ll sound like someone trying to overcome punishing herself for something she had no control over.”
That was the thing, though. I did have control over this. I had chosen to be with Rack. I had thought I could be the thing to change him. “I did have control over what I did, Karmen. I wanted to be with Rack.”
“See, you just did it. You told me why, in your head, you think you should be punished.”
I cracked open one eye. “Uh, really?” I thought about what I had just said. I guess she was right.
“Yeah, really. Now I’ll tell you that you are worthy of your friends. You decided to be with him, Wren, but you didn’t choose for him to hurt you.”
I guess she was right. Maniac had told me the same thing, but it was just a hard thing for me to wrap my head around.
“You’re gonna be fine, Wren. As long as you let us in to help you. I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but that doesn’t mean anything.”
“What the hell is this shit? You get to give my girl a pep talk while I’m stuck at the grocery store with Slayer?” Cora burst into the room and crossed her arms over her chest. “That is some shit right there.”
“It was rather sappy. I think you would have rolled your eyes at least ten times while Karmen talked,” I laughed. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and tried to pull myself together. Everything Karmen had said was good and right, so now all I had to do was start doing it. I did deserve to be happy. However that was going to happen, I had no idea, but I was going to try.
Cora nodded. “More than likely. She is pretty funny when she goes off on some whacked-out tangent, but the sappy shit she spews from being pregnant, I can do without.” She waved her hand at us. “Now, scoot your asses over and make room for me. Who would have thought grocery shopping could be so exhausting?” Cora flung herself on the bed, and I managed to roll to the edge before she landed on me.
Karmen didn’t move, because moving quickly was not in the cards for her anymore. “Watch the baby.”
Cora rested her hand on Karmen’s stomach and laughed. “Girl, it’s hard to miss the baby these days. You sure you’re not having twins?” she laughed.
She brushed off Cora’s hand. “I am more than sure. Partly due to the fact I asked the doctor ten times to double check I wasn’t having twins last week.” Karmen tried to roll off the bed but ended up stuck on her back. “Help,” she wheezed.
Cora managed to get an elbow under her back and rolled her over to the other side of the bed. “Damn girl, you were like a turtle stuck on its back, and I was your home girl coming to save your leathery ass.”
Karmen got her feet on the floor and hoisted herself off the bed. “I’m not leathery,” she mumbled.
“If you were a turtle, you would be,” Cora mumbled. “And that is exactly what you looked like.”
Karmen waved her off and shoved her feet into some fuzzy slippers. “I’m gonna make something to eat. You guys hungry?”
“I could always eat,” Cora replied.
“Sure. All I had was half an egg sandwich before Maniac pissed me off to the point where I couldn’t eat.” My stomach growled, seconding the motion of eating.
“You’ll get used to it with this bunch. I always try to eat before I talk to Nickel.” Karmen shuffled out of the room, and Cora turned to me.
“I see your bitch ass finally got out of that cabin. Not that I can blame you wanting to be holed up with your ol’ man.”
Just like Cora to get straight to the point. “That’s hardly the truth.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re different, Wren. That man is doing exactly what I had hoped he would do.”
“And just what is that?” I asked.
“Fixing you.”
*
Maniac
“We have eyes on their clubhouse, right?”
Wrecker nodded. “We do. I had a connection in Macon who’s been putting up Freak. Damn prospect is good for something.”
“Does he know about how many members they have?” I asked.
“He’s never told me, but I’m sure I can get that info from him.” Wrecker sat back in his chair. “You wanna tell me what is up with all of the questions?”
“I have a plan to clear up this Hell Captains bullshit so we can get back to getting out from under Jenkins and the River Valley chapter.”
“Ain’t that what Wrecker has been working on?” Nickel asked.
“It is, but it would be nice to have you assholes helping me out. I’ve put a shit ton of miles on my bike going back and forth between here and there.” Wrecker pulled out a cigarette. “But I figured the Hell Captains were more of a threat right now so I put you all on them.”
“Well, it would be nice if we could just blow their whole clubhouse up and then we could be done with them,” Boink suggested.
A smug smile spread across my lips. “That’s exactly what I’m thinking, at least something along those lines.”
“Hold up. You’re great idea is to blow up the Hell Captains clubhouse?” Clash asked.
“And now your road name has come full circle,” Nickel chuckled. “I think you should make a shirt that says ‘Got a problem you can’t solve? Blow that shit up.’”
“I’d wear one,” Boink said as he raised his hand.
“Focus, assholes,” Wrecker growled. “Your idea has merit, Maniac, but don’t you think it might be a bit messy to pull off and not have the cops come knocking on our door?”
“But why would they look at us? No one knows we have beef with the Hell Captains. We make it look like their furnace or some bullshit blew up, and they’ll rule it as an accident.” I had thought about this for weeks. I was sick of hi
ding like a coward from a club we could easily crush like a pile of ants. “This is better than ticking them off one by one. One explosion, one piece of shit club gone.”
Brinks sat forward in his chair and rested his hands on the table. “How are we going to know when they are all there? We can’t leave one of these assholes behind. We do that, and then they become the connection to us doing this.”
“We have Freak. He watches the club already, so all we have to do is have him count the members and let us know when they hold church or if they have a weekly party or something.”
“We do it during a party, we’re killing innocent people,” Nickel pointed out.
“Then we do it when they have church. They’re a fucked up club, but you gotta think they have weekly meetings.” Before Wren had come into my life, I had barely spared a thought for the Hell Captains. Partly because I knew they were all pieces of shit. From where I was sitting, we were doing the world a favor by getting rid of all of their asses.
“There could be blow back, though. We can’t know for sure the Hell Captains haven’t spread that they were after us to other people,” Wrecker pointed out.
Nickel turned to Wrecker. “But who is the bigger name? Hell Captains or Fallen Lords? Hands down, you know anyone worth a fuck is going to side with us and not give a flying fuck the Hell Captains disappeared.”
Wrecker nodded. “I hear you guys. I think it’s a good idea, but we need to make sure if we do this we don’t half-ass it.”
“What the hell did I miss?” Pipe asked. He closed the door behind him and sat down on the right side of Wrecker.
“A whole hell of a lot,” Nickel mumbled.
“You done being led around by your dick for the day?” Wrecker asked him.
Pipe flipped him off and stuck a cigarette in his mouth. “Fuck you, asshole. I don’t see you getting daily pussy, so if I gotta deal with picking out paint colors for a couple of hours, I’m good as long as she’s in my bed every night.”
Nickel reached across the table and fist-bumped Pipe. “Amen to that, brother. Karmen is driving me up the fucking wall, but you better believe her sweet ass is with me every night.”
“It’s nice to see you two can bond over the fact you’re pussy-whipped,” Boink laughed.
“All right, let’s cut the bullshit,” Wrecker called. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “Pipe, I want you to get with Freak, and let him know what is going on. We need a head count, and hopefully he can tell us when they all are in the clubhouse. Tell him Clash and Slayer will be there the end of the week.”
“I’m good with that. I think this is the first assignment you’ve given in a while that doesn’t involve babysitting some chick.” Slayer clapped Clash on the back. “This will be like a fucking vacation for us.”
“No chicks, and you know there are some good bars in Macon,” Clash agreed. “Can we leave today?”
Wrecker rolled his eyes. “No. There isn’t anything for you to do down there right now. End of the week. Any other shit you fuckers wanted to discuss?”
Pipe cleared his throat. “How’s things going with The Ultra? You get your chick in place?”
“Yeah. Thankfully Oakley fell for her hook, line, and sinker.”
“You ever going to tell us who this chick is?” Nickel asked.
Wrecker glared at him. “Not like it’s any of your fucking business, but it’s my sister.”
Everyone’s jaws dropped. You know those people who seem like they just became? How you can’t imagine them having a family, let alone being a kid? That was Wrecker.
“You have a family?” Boink asked dumbly.
None of us hushed him because we were all thinking the same thing.
“I thought you were one of those pod people,” Clash said under his breath.
Again, we were all thinking it.
“You’re all dumbasses. Yes, I have a sister. Her name is Raven and each and every one of you better stay five feet away from her and not look at her,” he growled.
“Dude, her name is hot.” Everyone’s jaws dropped once again. Boink was a fucking idiot.
Wrecker stood up and cracked his knuckles. “You get a five second start before I climb over this table and beat the shit out of you.”
Boink may have been an idiot to open his mouth, but his brain seemed to kick in, and he bolted out of his chair. “I didn’t mean it,” he yelled as he threw open the door and took off running.
“Try not to break any bones,” Pipe laughed.
Wrecker looked everyone over. “Deal with the Hell Captains. Forget about even knowing about Raven.” Wrecker stalked out the door on his mission to beat the fuck out of Boink.
Slayer whistled low. “Which one of us is going to be digging his grave?”
“I think it would be safe to say we never mention the name Raven ever again,” Pipe suggested.
We nodded our agreement. If that wasn’t the damn truth.
“When are you going to call Freak?” I asked. While it was hilarious Boink was getting the shit beat out of him right now, my focus was on getting rid of the Hell Captains.
“I’ll put the call in right now. The sooner we figure shit out, the sooner we can have a nice bonfire,” Pipe smirked.
“Sounds good to me. Wren and I are heading back to the cabin tonight, but just keep me posted on what’s going on.” I planned on Wren and me hanging out for a bit and then taking the long way back to the cabin.
Pipe nodded and pulled his phone out. “Hopefully I can give you some answers before you even leave.” He strolled out with his phone to his ear, and Nickel turned to me.
“You really think this shit through, brother?”
I nodded. This was all I had thought about.
Revenge.
Justice.
“You don’t know what they did to her, Nickel. But I can tell you to picture the worst scenario and multiply it by the number of members in their club.”
Nickel hung his head. “Jesus Christ, brother. How the hell are you even sitting here right now and not blowing up their clubhouse on your own?”
“Because Wren needs me here right now. It all comes down to Wren and what she needs. The Hell Captains think they have the upper hand right now, but they don’t know what is about to hit them. They’re hunting Wren, but I’m going to wait ‘til they are all together like sitting ducks and rain down hell on them.”
Nickel slowly raised his eyes. “Whatever you need, you know the club is here for you.”
I clapped him on the shoulder. “I know. I’ve always been down with whatever the Lords need, and now I’m calling in my favor.”
Knowing what the Hell Captains had done to Wren infuriated me. The fact they were stalking her as if she was the one who did something wrong ignited a fire in the pit of my stomach. Each day, it burned more intense, waiting for the day I showed them just how calculated and vengeful I was.
No one was going to remember who the Hell Captains were because I planned to burn their shit to the ground.
No one fucked with me, my club, or Wren.
*
Chapter 14
Wren
“Are we going to talk about the fact that since I last talked to you, you were working at a bar and dating the greatest guy ever, and now you’re living with a different guy in an MC?”
Jezebel didn’t know the half of it. “You know how it goes.” I grabbed my wine cooler and sucked back half of it.
“No, I don’t really know how it goes since my best friend since seventh grade disappears for four months and then suddenly surfaces when her boyfriend’s club shows up at my door to tell me I’m in danger.”
Jezebel and I were sitting at the bar while Karmen was in the small kitchen whipping up nachos and a list of other things she said she was craving. Cora and Nikki were giving Jezebel and me space while they played a game of pool.
“I wanted to call you before they talked to you, but everything happened so fast. Then, Maniac didn’t tell
me you were staying here.”
Jezebel peeled off the label of her beer. “I suppose that one is kind of on me. I was told I couldn’t tell you, but you know girl code should have come into play.”
I waved my hand at her. I couldn’t be mad at her. If I would have been told the same thing by some scary bikers, I would have listened to them too. “Water under the bridge.”
A few of the members walked into the main room and milled around. “I do have to say even though Jake and I were thrown into this completely different world, it has been a nice change.”
My jaw dropped. “Say what? I figured you would be shocked and hiding in your room when I came here.”
Jezebel laughed. “Oh, trust me. That first week Jake and I kept our distance and stayed mostly in our room. Thankfully, I home-school him so we were busy doing that, and the guy they had keeping an eye on us is good with Jake.”
“Who?”
“Clash. Although, the more comfortable we got, it seemed like everyone was keeping an eye on us.”
And that was damn surprising. Even sitting across from Jezebel right now, I could tell she was different from the shy and quiet girl I went to middle school and high school with. “You seem like you are okay with this.” I, on the other hand, was dumbfounded.
“There isn't much I can do about it. I’d much rather be here with Jake then at home with a bunch of animals trying to kidnap us.”
“I’m so sorry.” Gah, I was such a bitch. Jezebel seemed okay with everything, but it still was my fault she was even a part of this.
She waved her hand at me. “Wren, let me tell you something right now. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t ask for any of this.”
“Jez, you don’t know, though.”
She put her hand on my knee. “All I need to know is they didn’t break you, Wren. You’re still here, and even though I can tell you are different, I know my friend is still in there.”
Tears stung my eyes, and I shook my head. “I don’t know if she is in there, Jez. So many things happened, and I just don’t know what to do.”
She leaned close. “Live, Wren. You live each day with both your fingers up in the air to the guy who hurt you, and know you are a strong, badass woman who shouldn’t be fucked with.”
Fallen Lords MC: Books 1-3 Page 47