“Boys are gross, that’s why.”
“I bet Mom doesn’t think so,” Ollie says, wagging his eyebrows up and down.
“Oliver! Seriously?” I scold him.
“Point. Made,” Tatum says, making us all laugh.
“So, you’re ready to be a daddy?” Ollie asks, turning to Travis, who has sat quietly so far.
“I am.” He smiles at me. “Plus, I’ve had practice with you. Mind if I try putting a diaper on you later?”
“Dude. That’s so messed up.”
Travis shrugs. “I have to practice somehow.”
“Not on a grown man!”
“I think ‘grown man’ is pushing it, don’t you?”
“Mom! Dad’s being mean to me!” Ollie yells.
“OMG, this poor kid is going to be so messed up with you two doing that crap. Good thing she’ll have me,” Tatum says.
“So, you guys are excited?” I hesitantly ask. I want so badly for them to be happy, but I know so much has been thrown at them, too.
“I’m happy if you’re happy, Mom,” Tatum says, leaning over to hug me.
“What she said,” Ollie mumbles around a mouthful of brownie.
“Please tell me you dropped him as a baby and that’s why he’s like this,” Travis says, shaking his head at his friend.
“Nope. But I think it’s from his dad’s side.”
“Makes sense,” Travis agrees.
“Not cool, guys,” Ollie says, dealing out the cards. “We playing or what?”
“Yes! I owe Trav a butt kicking from last time,” Tatum says, picking up her cards.
I smile, looking at my children and my husband at the table. I don’t know how life can get much better than this right here.
TRAVIS
“Gah!” I yell, throwing a piece of the crib. I’ve been trying to put this fucking thing together for three hours now. While I’m not the smartest man out there, I’m pretty good at fixing things. But this crib is kicking my ass. I pick up the instructions for the hundredth time, trying to decipher what I’m missing.
“Do you want help?” Josie asks, peeking into the baby’s room, where I sit surrounded by what looks like an explosion of cheap wood and screws.
“I think I need to just do this my way because their way isn’t working,” I huff.
“Why don’t you take a break with me for a little bit? You’ve been at it for hours.”
“Yeah, OK.” I walk to my wife and kiss her.
Josie is eight months pregnant and the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. I rub her belly, feeling our baby kick. We decided not to find out the sex, letting it be a surprise. I honestly don’t care as long as the baby and Josie are healthy.
“Come love your wife.” She pulls my hand, leading me toward our bedroom.
“Always, pretty girl.”
We’re stripped down fast, kissing and touching. When my girl wants it, she wants it. These pregnancy hormones have been through the roof. Not that I’m complaining in the least. With Tatum at a friend’s house and Ollie at school, we have the house all to ourselves tonight.
“Travis, I need you. Now, baby. Please,” she begs, crawling onto the bed on all fours, her round ass perched high with her legs spread for me. This woman is so damn sexy.
I kneel behind her, rubbing her back with my hand, while rubbing my cock through her wetness, spreading it around and slicking myself. She’s already humming and ready for me. I slowly sink into her, feeling her clench around me. I slide out and in, out and in, and then something happened.
I freeze, not knowing what to do. “Josie, either you just became a major squirter or your water just broke.”
“Ohmygosh,” she huffs. “Are you serious?” she whines, making me chuckle.
“Babe, I’m still inside you and I don’t know what to do. Can I finish?”
Her head falls forward, and I feel her laughter before I hear it. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You need to pull out.”
I’m freaking the fuck out right now as I move at turtle speed to remove my dick from my wife. The more I pull out, the more liquid seeps from her. It’s weird as fuck.
“Josie, did I hurt you? Did I hurt the baby?” I ask after I stand up and help her turn to sit up on the bed. “It’s early.”
“Travis, look at me.” I swallow and look at her, calm and beautiful, in front of me. “I was early with my other kids, too. It’s normal, and we’re at least past the scary-early stage. You didn’t do anything wrong, OK?”
I take a deep breath. “OK. What do you need me to do?”
“I’ll call the hospital and let them know we’re on our way. Can you get my bag and a towel for me to sit on in the car?”
I shake my head that I heard her, but my heart is beating so fast, she sounded far away. I need to calm myself down. I gather her clothes that we threw around the room and lay them next to her on the bed while she’s on the phone. Her grin at me tells me I’m doing alright, so I continue with my tasks. I can do this. I get her bag from the closet, the baby’s bag, and car seat and take them downstairs by the door.
When I come back up to check on her, she’s dressed, looking calm and collected, the complete opposite of me right now. “Are you ready to go?” I ask her with a towel in my hand for the car like she said.
“I am, but you aren’t.”
“What? What am I forgetting? Are you OK?”
“Travis. You need to put clothes on,” she laughs, looking down to where I’m still balls out and swinging dick. “And calm down, baby. It’s OK. We’re OK. My water broke, but contractions haven’t started yet. We have time.”
I huff a laugh at myself and step into her, cupping her face and kissing her sweet lips. I need her. “You don’t think the people at the hospital would appreciate me in the nude?”
“I’m sure they would, but I don’t like to share you, so put some clothes on,” she says, smacking my ass when I turn to pick up my jeans from the floor.
“Better watch it, or you’ll make me hard again.”
“I’d offer to finish you, but, oh…” She grabs her belly then, breathing deep. “But I just had my first contraction.”
“Shit. OK. No more jokes.”
I collect myself enough to get dressed and get Josie and our bags into my truck. On the way to the hospital, I call Ollie and she calls Tatum to let them know it’s baby time. We reach the hospital in record time and get triaged and in a birthing room within an hour. By then, Josie’s contractions are greatly speeding up.
Josie is a rock and so strong. She decided to try to hold off on an epidural, and my girl did it. I don’t know how, because after seeing her in labor for four hours, I wanted an epidural.
Ollie got to the hospital with Tatum sometime around then, but Josie wanted them to stay in the waiting room. She didn’t like the idea of them seeing her in pain, even the good kind, anymore.
At hour six, Josie was ready to push. She was exhausted, falling asleep between each contraction. I helped hold one of her legs while the nurse held the other, and after four pushes, we had a baby.
It was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen. Watching a tiny human come into the world is a miracle, and anyone that says otherwise is an idiot. Hearing that first little squawk of a cry from my daughter made my heart soar. I kissed my wife on her sweat-covered head as she lay back, trying to catch her breath. “I love you, pretty girl,” I told her as I felt tears form in my eyes for the second time in my life.
* * *
Ollie and Tatum stayed for a while but then left to head home for the night. They were both so excited to meet the baby, and it was nice to feel like a complete family with us all together, bonded further now.
Josie is nursing, again, because they said to help build up her milk supply in her one breast she needed to nurse more frequently and probably supplement some, as well. Which I’m actually excited about because then I can feed the baby, too.
I can’t stop smiling at my girls. My beautiful wife
and this little bundle – a mixture of Josie and me, made from our love. I hope she’s just like her mom, strong and brave with a heart of gold. I hope she has her infectious laugh and zest for life.
“We need to name her, you know.”
“I know,” I say, kissing her soft, sweet little head smelling of baby lotion.
“We didn’t really talk about names much before, and now I’m regretting it.”
“Well, at least we only need to think of a girl’s name now.”
“Oh, you’re so helpful,” she deadpans.
“Fine, smartass, what names do you like?”
“Well,” she starts but pauses to take the sleeping beauty from her breast. We both just look at her, so small and beautiful. “We could always name her Monica.”
“Monica Gellar? Really, Joes?”
“I don’t know. I just made a baby,” she laughs.
“And you did such a good job.” I pick up my daughter and study her features for the millionth time since she was born. I kiss her fuzzy red-brown hair, loving how soft it feels. I trace a finger over her little button nose and across her pouty lips. She so perfect. “Where did this red hair come from?”
“I don’t know, but I love it. She looks like a little penny,” Josie says, kissing her.
“She’s my lucky penny then.”
“Trav, that’s it. Penelope, but we can call her Penny.”
I smile down at my sleeping daughter in my arms. “Hello, sweet Penny girl. Daddy loves you,” I say before kissing her. “You’ll always be my lucky Penny,” I whisper to my baby girl.
Chapter 22
Josie
Today our lucky Penny turns three. I can’t believe how fast the past five years have gone by. Cancer, marriage, a new baby; talk about some big life changes and challenges. I wouldn’t change any of it though. Cancer is what ultimately brought Travis and me together and without us, there would be no Penny. And a life without her would be a shame.
That little girl gives us a run for our money – no pun intended – but is the light of our lives. She is full of life and laughter, spunk and mischief. She really is the perfect combination of Travis and me. Her hair lost some of its red and turned more strawberry blonde, but she’ll always be our lucky Penny. She has my blue eyes and Trav’s pouty lips. He’s in so much trouble when she gets old enough for the boys to notice.
He’s the best daddy any little girl could ask for, too. Those two are always up to something, playing tricks and joking around. They have more inside jokes than anyone I know. He takes her to the garage with him some days when he isn’t too busy and has already taught her what the different tools are. She’s all puffy skirts and tiaras with boots and a grease-stained face. I wish I could say I was jealous of their relationship, but I’m not. I love that they’re so close. I never doubted that he’d be a good dad, but he has more than surpassed my expectations tenfold.
I’m sitting out back in my lounger by the fire while the rest of my family roasts marshmallows for s’mores. Ollie and Tatum are bickering back and forth, as usual, over who’s the better driver now that Tate is sixteen and has her license. Meanwhile, Travis helps Penny not catch her marshmallow on fire like the previous three she tried roasting by herself. His arms are around her, helping her turn the stick that’s holding her mallow. She’s watching and listening so intently. Her stern little face looks so much like her dad’s at this moment. My heart just soars and bursts watching them all together.
“Momma, look!” Penny yells, excited by her golden-brown roasted marshmallow.
“It’s perfect, Pen!”
Travis helps her assemble her s’more before she crawls up and snuggles with me. “Wanna ite?” she asks me, holding up the melty s’more.
“No, baby. That’s all yours.”
She makes quick work at eating the sticky, gooey dessert. She’s covered in chocolate by the time she finishes, making me laugh at how messy she is.
“Come on, LP, let’s get you cleaned up,” Travis says to her, using his nickname for her. LP, Lucky Penny.
“But I want Momma,” she whines.
“Momma is tired, baby girl. Let me clean you up real quick, and then you can come right back and snuggle Momma, OK?”
“Fine,” she grumbles, scooting off the lounger and walking inside with her dad. I smile at their retreating backs.
“How you feeling today?” Ollie asks from across the fire.
“I’m tired, but overall it’s a good day. Thank you for coming home for the weekend to celebrate Penny’s birthday. I know it’s hard for you to get away.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything. Now this one’s birthday,” he says, pointing his thumb toward Tatum, “I would gladly miss.”
“You’d think since you’re almost a doctor and all, you’d be better with people,” she challenges back.
“But you aren’t people. You’re my sister. Big difference.”
I laugh at them, making me cough in the process.
Ollie decided to study oncology after my breast cancer and is now in his last year of medical school. I’m so proud of him and all that he’s accomplishing. He’s going to do so much good and be great with his patients.
“You need some water?” he asks. I shake my head and hold up the bottle I have next to me, still coughing. He sits down next to me and rubs my back. “Nice and slow, Mom.”
I finally stop my coughing and lean against him. “Thank you, baby.”
“What have I told you about calling me that? You call Travis that; you do not call me that, too.”
“Don’t make me laugh again.” I smother my laugh in another cough.
“What are you doing to my wife?” Travis asks, leaning over to kiss me on the head while he places a clean Penny in my lap.
“It was all Tatum. I’m a good child.”
“You’re such a noob,” Tatum scoffs at Ollie.
“I a oob too?” Penny asks.
“No, Pen, you’re totes amazing.”
“Momma, I toes mazing,” Penny tells me, looking up at me with her big blue eyes.
We all chuckle at her interpretation. “Yes, you are,” I agree with her, giving her a squeeze.
After a while, the sugar high has ended, and Penny falls asleep in my lap. I’m running my fingers through her soft hair, trying to memorize how it feels through my fingers.
“You want me to take her inside to bed?” Travis asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“In a little bit. I want to hold her a little longer.”
He bends down and kisses me soft and sweet. He tastes like beer and smells like fire and spice. I hum when he pulls away, already missing him.
“You need anything? Blanket, drink, anything?” He asks, squatting down next to me now, looking at our sleeping angel.
“Just your love.”
“Always, pretty girl.”
We smile at each other, taking this moment to be lost in one another. My heart breaks in the next moment when I see the shift in Travis. When he steels his jaw and recognizes this moment for what it really is – one of our last together.
“Baby, don’t,” I say, cupping his cheek.
He clears his throat. “I’m going to get you a blanket. I’ll be right back.” He stands and walks into the house.
I know he just needs a minute. All of this is hard on him. It’s hard on all of us, but it’s been especially hard for him.
A few months ago, I went for my yearly PET scan, and the results weren’t good. The cancer had not only come back but had spread to my lungs. It was advanced and aggressive. With treatment, I could have a couple years, at best. Without treatment, I’d be lucky to have six months. I chose not to pursue treatment but to enjoy my last months with my family by being present. I didn’t want to be sick and miserable again, not able to live the last of my life the way I wanted with my kids, with Travis.
Travis was mad at me for my decision at first. I knew it was more him coming to terms that we weren’t going to have forever like
we wanted. That I was going to have to leave him and he’d be raising our precious little girl by himself along with a teenage girl who wasn’t his. But after some yelling and crying and lots of talking, he understood why I wanted to have a quality life instead of quantity in the end. He still wasn’t happy, but he supported me.
Ollie, of course, wanted me to try all the newest medicines and fight, but he too came to terms with things after speaking to Dr. Swartz himself about my diagnosis. Since then he’s come home as often as school will allow. He’s been my rock by my side. He’s helped Travis and Tatum understand and helped me to be as comfortable as possible. He’s made arrangements for everything for me, medically speaking. I’ve been so grateful for him.
Tatum has taken it all as best as could be expected. What can you say about a teenage girl who’s already watched her mom fight through cancer once? I think she understood the most about my decision not to pursue treatment, knowing how absent I was when I went through chemo before. I know she doesn’t want that for Penny, or herself, for that matter. She’s been awesome with Penny, helping where needed. Penny idolizes her, and I think the feeling is mutual between them. I’m so thankful that when I’m gone, Penny will still have Tatum in her life.
And my sweet little Penny. She knows that Mommy is sick and has to go away soon. Really, how do explain all this to a three-year-old? I know she’ll be confused and it’ll be hard, but I also know that she has the best dad and brother and sister who will help her to understand and talk with her. I know that they’ll make sure she knows me through their memories, which is the hardest part for me in all this. I hate the thought of my baby girl not remembering me, her momma who loved her with her whole heart and then some.
Life can be so unfair and cruel. But life can also be beautiful. And I’ve been blessed with a beautiful life and a beautiful family. What more could I ever ask for?
TRAVIS
“Travis.” I hear my name, but I’m so tired I don’t understand what’s happening at first. “Travis.” I hear again, and this time I recognize Josie’s voice. “Travis, wake up.”
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