by Ella James
He laughs. “Okay, okay. Is that a reject, then?”
“It’s an I haven’t asked Luke yet, but I guess I will. He’s got a bunch of lawyers who will do all that stuff for us. Making sure it’s…what we think it will be.”
“Do you want to go home?” he asks.
“Maybe? Maybe not. I don’t know.”
“Feeling pretty hounded right now?”
“Just a little.” I look down at Eden. Something heavy drags at my chest. I wonder for the first time if this is the wrong thing—with her—because of us. If she’d regret that we wound up with her. Will we have to keep her locked away, or hire body guards? That’s some pretty fucked up shit.
“I had a good mom and a solid childhood, but damn. This shit’ll make you feel like a freak.”
“What do you mean?” I see Ollie’s eyes in the rear view.
“Just the reactions. Dude. It’s crazy.”
“You mean like the haters?”
“Yeah, the haters. People who don’t get it, and instead of just not getting it, they wanna get up in your face and be a freak about it. And then the whole world thinks you’re the freak just for being a normal fucking person who was made like this.”
“Like this meaning…”
“I like dicks, and you want to have one. Like that. Except maybe you don’t want a dick. I’m sorry. That was presumptive and rude.” I sigh.
“I’d totally take one. You’re okay. Are you okay?”
“Probably.” I rub my forehead. I feel weird, like I’m about to lose my shit and hit something again. My heart is racing, and my throat feels too tight. I reach in my pocket for the inhaler, taking a hit behind my hand so Ollie won’t notice and ask about it.
“You want to stop somewhere that’s random? I know a little park around here. I stopped there to prep myself before driving to your house. It’s got an old-fashioned metal merry-go-round. You could lie on it and I could push you.”
The insanity of that…of this whole hour. I can’t help laughing—a good belly laugh that makes me feel somewhat better.
“How’d you know?” I ask him. “Feeling dizzy is my fetish.”
Ollie shrugs. “I know things. That’s my skillz.”
“Oh, I bet it is. But yeah. Take me there. Is that okay?”
“I offered. Hopefully your dizzy fetish is the ace kind since you have a husband now. Congratulations, by the way. That’s awesome.”
I swallow hard, and at that moment, my phone buzzes. Fuck. Of course, it’s Luke.
I just…can’t answer. I don’t know what he’ll say, but I assume there’s already footage on Twitter, and I just fucking can’t yet.
I text instead, with my trembling fingers. ‘We’re okay. We left the area.’
‘What area? What are you talking about, V?? did something happen?’
“Fuck me.”
Luke calls again, and now I have to answer it. I do that as Ollie parks in some tall grass beside our ancient-looking neighborhood playground. All the equipment is metal, its paint fading like somebody put it here in the ’80s.
“What happened?” Sky asks.
“Nothing. We’re okay. We were at the burger place and some dude went apeshit.”
“What?”
“I was in line, and he started saying shit from behind us. I don’t remember what, but something about me being your boyfriend or something about the baby, saying that we stole her. Another woman said something like that, too. But they may have been together. He pulled my hat off, like trying to see the scar on my head to confirm I’m who I am. Because that’s not fucking weird or creepy. And then I start to go—I was just gonna leave the fucking hat. And he tosses it back on my head. I sorta dropped the baby carrier. So I kneeled down to get a better grip, and he was right there with me, grabbing at Eden. I smacked him in the face to buy some time to get away, and then we bolted. Then I saw a friend who picked us up and now we’re chilling at a playground.”
“A friend?” His tone is sharp.
“Just a guy I met at the church. He was right there.”
“Was he.” It’s a statement, not a question. I can’t help a strangled laugh. Is my Sky jealous?
“Were there cameras?” he asks.
“There were phones.” I sound defensive. Even feel defensive. “I shouldn’t have hit the guy, but he was right there on us, McD. He had bad intentions, trust me on that. And he was about to grab the baby. I fucking swear.”
There’s a long silence, and I think I feel Sky sighing. “I know. V. I know you wouldn’t hurt someone unless you had to. It’s okay.”
“It’s not, though. It’s gonna fuck shit up, and I know that, Sky.” I squeeze my eyes shut, hating…everything.
“I hope the church friend you met can’t hear that foul mouth. Might have to punish you by stuffing it full later tonight.”
“My mouth?” I rub my scarred head. I catch Ollie’s eye in the rear view mirror and drop my gaze down to my lap, where I’m half hard now.
“Maybe more than just your mouth,” Luke says. “Let’s see the media coverage and what crops up on Reddit and Twitter, and we’ll decide it after. Let’s see if that guy tries to sue the church. If he does, you’re getting plugged, Rayne baby. If he presses charges, when I pick you up from jail, I’ll show you how they do it down in prison.”
Fuck. “You’re upset.”
“I’ve just got this dry dick and nobody to put it in, Rayne. I’m your new husband and there’s no better way to exercise frustration.”
“At me.” I close my eyes.
“No, not at you, Vance. Not at you. At this whole world.” He says it in a whisper, and it hurts my chest to think of Luke feeling like that—even though I just had the same thought.
“It’ll be okay,” I tell him. “I love you.”
When I say that, Ollie steps out of the car and leans against the driver’s side door. I guess he’s giving me privacy.
“I love you too,” Sky says. “I’m going into a meeting re damage control—about Eden. And I suppose now about your attempt to get a vegan burger. The legal stuff is still going well, FYI, with the baby. I really think she’s going to be ours.”
“I want to hear about it when you have time.”
“Will do.”
“You okay about the meeting?” I ask.
“No. Are you okay about being assaulted in the burger line?”
“No.”
“Let’s get burgers tonight. We’ll go by together. I’ll go get them for us. You and Little Miss can wait in the car.”
“You want to?”
“I want to,” he says.
He just wants to make it better. I get it. I say, “Let’s do it, Sky babe.”
Then I get out of the car with milk drunk Edey and lean on the warm door of a stranger’s car, talking until it feels safe to go home.
20
Luke
Well, the Twitter angle on it isn’t great, but it’s not solid, either. With stuff like this, it never is. Everyone’s divided into factions. There’s the group that thinks V just went crazy. Then the ones who believe one Mr. Carson Clintin when he says a blanket fell out of the baby carrier, and he was just giving Rayne his hat back and the blanket back, being a good Samaritan. Then there’s everybody else, pointing out that This Dick wasn’t carrying a blanket. They say Vance was trying to protect the baby. He’s a hero, or a victim.
There’s even more people who want to talk about Eden. Is she really ours? Does she look like one of us? Why didn’t Vance show anyone her face there in the burger line? Are either of us really gay?
I close the app and lean my head against the back of the couch in my office. I close my eyes and say a prayer.
I’m sorry for Vance. That’s just a thought. But it’s followed with a prayer. Please help us. And help him not feel as crappy as I do right now.
Pearl knocks, using her code knock, and I say, “Come in.”
She does, and holds her arm out, escort-style, the way the boys
used to do at banquets or formal dances for the girls.
“I’m here to escort you to the meeting,” she says, smiling sadly.
“Ah, yes.” I sigh.
“I’ve been on Twitter. And I’m sorry, PL.” When I don’t walk over to her, she comes over and sits beside me. “What can I do?”
“Tell me to quit.”
“I’m not doing that. No sir. You feeling crummy?”
I lift my brows.
Pearl’s whole body slumps a little. “I know. I really wish I could help more.”
“You help plenty. And I’m okay. I have Vance and our new baby.” I smirk, and Pearl laughs.
“It’s weird,” I say, “you know it is. But I’m happy.”
“You do look very happy—about that, at least.”
“You heard anything about the meeting?” I ask. “Through the grape vine?”
“Not really. I think they just want a game plan. They’re committed to you, PL. You get that, right? The board is still behind you. Even after last night. Even after they all know about the baby story, they’re still going to be with you.”
Most of them reached out already today, letting me know they’re not upset that Rayne and I took off to Vegas. Which is…nice. It really is.
“I don’t really get it,” I tell Pearl. “But I want to.”
Maybe they don’t think they can oust me without a lot of blowback from progressives.
Pearl stands up and holds her hand out for me. “Let’s go do this. I bet you’ll leave feeling better.”
Pearl is right. The meeting lasts more than two hours, but it’s okay. The entire board seems on the same page, even working with our new consultants to brainstorm ways to paint me and Vanny as the “good guys.”
There’s some phone footage that shows Rayne looking terrified as he pulls the hat off his face and realizes the guy is right beside him and Eden. You can see him wondering what to do, and it’s pretty clear when he throws that punch that it’s self-defense. We call our contact at TMZ and connect them to this person with the Twitter vid; that way, TMZ, at least, will push the footage that makes Vance look better.
At one point in the meeting, Frank Piedmont looks right at me and says, “We’re going to weather this storm.” Like this one-liner pep talk.
I leave the meeting with a lightness in my chest that I wasn’t expecting, just like Pearl said I would.
“Love you, PL,” she says as she packs up and I walk through the open-concept workspace outside my office.
“Love you too, Pearl.”
“Even after a few years as my pal, you find that awkward, don’t you?”
I smile sadly at her. She smiles back. “You won’t, eventually. You’ll understand that it’s okay to be loved. And you’ll feel it.”
Tears well in my eyes as I nod. “Thank you,” I rasp, and I make a speedy exit, stopping in the stairwell to wipe a tear off my cheek.
You’ll understand that it’s okay to be loved.
I do understand, I tell myself as I walk toward the car. I feel loved.
But more tears seep out as I think about the way I feel with Vanny wrapped around me from behind, going to sleep at night. Sometimes I feel…weird about it. Like he’s going to wake up one day and he’ll realize that this isn’t what he wanted. That I’m not what he was hoping I would be.
Every sign points to the fact that Vance loves me. I don’t think he’ll ever leave me. But then I feel bad about that.
I get into the car and make a note in my phone to tell Derek this stuff. As much as I don’t want to. I need to try to be more healthy—for Vance. And Eden. I rub my eyes as I dial V, pulling out of the parking garage.
He sounds on edge, his voice a little tight as he asks, “How’d it go?”
“Honestly?” I smile. “It was pretty great. They’re on board. We’ve got lots of things planned to make you look like the hero—which you are. People can see you were the victim.” I hear a baby sound, and ask, “What’s she doing?”
“She’s just eating. That’s all she does, isn’t it?” he croons as if he’s speaking to her and not me, and I smile so big that it makes my cheeks hurt.
“Have you been on Twitter?” he asks, and he says it like it’s casual.
"Don't go on there, Vanny. Just lie low."
"Lay low," he mutters.
"That's grammatically incorrect."
"They teach you that up in the Ivy League?"
I snicker. "Maybe. You icing the hand, Rayne baby?" My voice goes low and rough on those last two words.
"Nah. Can't do that and also hold our little pillowcase babe."
"Yeah, I saw that.” I rub my temple as I brake for a stop sign, not sure if I should laugh or cry. “You put her in a pillow case to go and get the burger?"
"Don't even pretend that shit's not next level genius."
"It looked..." Ridiculous. "Hilarious."
"So we're both on the news, huh? A man and his pillow case baby?"
"That's right. You're both all over…all the places. We’re setting something up so the footage of you looking more favorable is widely distributed."
He makes a soft sound. "Hope so. I'm sorry if I handled it wrong."
“I’ve seen all the videos, Rayne. From every angle. You handled it just fine. What I hated is how scared you looked when you noticed he was right there kneeling down beside you.”
“I was scared. My arm was hurting and he caught me off guard. It made me feel sick,” he rasps, “that I let that asshole near her.”
I turn right at a light, taking a slightly faster way home.
“We have a source or two at the police department. Word I’m getting is he’s tried to file a report, and they’re shutting it down.”
“They can do that?”
“If they want to. Some of them have also been involved with Eden’s birth mom. So…they have some built-in sympathy for you, I’m guessing.”
“How were they involved?”
I tell Vance what I’ve heard so far—about Zara’s motives, and her mental health. All of it. Then the baby starts screaming, and we get off the phone for right now.
As I’m turning onto our street, Mom calls, and I realize I never called her today. She’s probably been wondering if we’re still “on” for tonight.
“Hello, Mom,” I answer.
"How are you, dearest?"
I try to gauge what she’s read online today from the tone of her voice, which doesn’t work because my mother has a legendary poker face—and poker voice.
“I’m okay,” I tell her. I decide to cut to the chase. “Have you been watching the news?”
"I've seen a few things. Rumor-mongers. But Michael, as he braised a turkey, told me your Mr. Rayne was photographed holding a baby. Did you two really fly to Nevada?"
I clamp my teeth on my bottom lip as I slow for the right turn into our driveway. "How upset would that make you?"
I can hear her soft laugh before she says, "I think not very. Am I going to have to hold a belated reception?"
"Maybe.” I pause for the gate and then start slowly down the driveway. “It was my idea,” I tell her. “I wanted to be legally wed. We flew down there on a whim."
"I think your father would have loved that,” Mom says. “Spontaneity. Was it everything you wanted?"
I tell her it was, and then I tell her about Eden.
Mom makes a soft sound, which I take as empathy for Vance and me.
"Anyway, my legal team has been in touch with her—the mother. As of now, it looks like maybe being pregnant triggered some prior mental health issues. She said some pretty unsavory stuff to the press in an effort to make us pay her. For a surrogacy that didn't happen."
"Well that is nonsense,” Mom says.
"But if we do it, we could keep the baby."
"Do you want a baby?” she asks. “Now? You were only married last night." She laughs softly.
"Would you think it's crazy if I said we do?"
"All the best thin
gs in this world are crazy. Love makes no sense. You know how I feel about that. Do you want a baby? I suspected you were desperate for a family quite some time ago." My mother. She always sounds slightly smug at how well she knows me. It makes me smile and shake my head as I sit in the garage, still in the car because I want to be off the phone when I go in and greet Rayne.
"I want a family."
"And Vance? Does he want one as quickly as you do?"
"He's the one who really can't let go of her. Started calling her Little Missy. And he wants to call her Eden."
"Eden."
I smile. "Do you think it’s too much?"
"I quite like it. Eden's where the story all began. And it represents so many fascinating questions. Knowledge...heart. Obedience and free will. I love Eden.” I can hear my mom’s smile. “So are you going to buy me a grandbaby?"
I laugh. “I can't believe you said that."
"Well that's what it is," she says with a chuckle.
"Yeah. I think I am. I'm going to buy you a grandbaby. As long as we’re sure that’s what the birth mom really wants, it’s game on. When do you want to meet her?"
"This evening would work, for me. Unless you two need more time.”
"I don’t think we do. I just got home. V has been here with her. You may have seen, he had a rough encounter with someone when they went out today to grab some lunch. He hurt his hand."
“If you think it might be nice to be alone—”
“Mom, I don’t think he’ll mind. In fact, I know he won’t. We both want you to meet the baby.”
I can hear my mom’s smile in her voice. “Just call me when it’s time to come, and I’ll be ready.”
“Let me go in, talk to Vance, and I’ll come get you right after.”
I’m smiling as I open the back door. “Rayne?” When he doesn’t answer, my stomach flips hard. But it’s okay. I find him on the den floor, sleeping atop a thin blanket. He’s on his side, his body curled around the baby’s in a big, C shape. The baby is on her back atop a pillow, looking cuter than I knew a human could look.
I take a picture of them both, and Vance’s eyelids lift a little.
“Hey, you.” I crouch down beside him, running a hand over his hair. V’s hand catches mine and squeezes.