Scrunching her eyes shut, Shylah let reality wash over her. She would never be able to carry her own baby.
Never.
God, that was so final.
If she'd never met Eden, then that probably wouldn't have bothered her as much as it did. But she had met him. She had fallen in love with him. And never being able to create a family together was a painful reality.
She knew she would have to tell Eden soon. He may not even care. But the possibility was always there that he would be okay with it in the short term, only to grow to resent her later.
Quickly wrapping the towel around her body, Shylah stepped into her bedroom, relieved when she didn't find Eden in there.
Making quick work of putting clothes on, she tentatively made her way into the living room.
Stopping short, the scene in front of Shylah made her pause.
Eden sat at the small table with a steaming drink in front of him and another beside him. Even though he dwarfed the small space, he also fit.
It looked so normal. Domestic. This is what she had pictured her life would be post-Project Arma. Not the mess it had become.
"Hey."
Wrapping her arms around her middle, Shylah felt unsure about how to proceed. If he'd been her old Eden, she would have walked right over and planted a kiss on his lips. Sunk into him.
This Eden seemed to wage war with himself over if he liked her, and she never knew which side would win.
Turning toward her, Eden's gray eyes scanned her body. "You look better. I made you a hot chocolate. It should help warm you from the inside. I used half coconut and half almond milk as you used to like. I wasn't sure if you still did that."
Touched that he remembered, Shylah gave a small smile before walking over to the table. "Thank you. I do still like that."
Taking a seat next to Eden, Shylah took a sip of the warm drink. Closing her eyes, the wonderful warmth hit her. She hadn't realized that the cold was still there, but the drink went straight to her chilled extremities.
Opening her eyes, Eden's bore into hers. His gaze was intense.
"What happened tonight, Shy?"
What happened? She was a clumsy fool with a dysfunctional hand.
Deciding to go with a less dramatic response, Shylah shrugged. "I was trying to find a quiet spot to talk to whoever called me. I saw someone in the trees. It scared me, and I fell in the water. I shouldn't have gotten so close. That will teach me for next time."
Taking another sip of hot chocolate, Shylah wanted to groan in pleasure.
"Who was the guy?"
Confused by the question, Shylah's brows pulled together. "What guy?"
Expression hardened, Eden didn't take his eyes from her. "Don't play games with me, Shylah. Who was the guy by the lake with you?"
And just like that, the cocoon of warmth that had surrounded Shylah vanished.
Eden thought she knew the stranger she saw by the lake. Not only that, by his expression, he thought she was trying to hide something from him.
"I don't know, Eden. As I said, I just went out there to try to hear whoever was on the phone."
The distrust was written all over Eden's face. "Okay, who was on the phone then?"
Putting down her drink, Shylah turned to Eden, holding his hard gaze. She already knew he would not believe her, but she said the words anyway, "I don't know that either."
Jaw clenching, Eden's body held very still. "You don't know who called you or who met you by the lake?"
She was so tired of fighting him.
"That's correct, Eden," she said despondently.
Shylah tried to swallow the hurt over him not trusting her. She probably deserved it. She hadn't told him the whole story of what had happened to her, but damn it, she needed the old Eden back to share such painful information.
Eden's face was closed off to all emotions. It was the same mask that had been in place when she'd first seen him at the hospital. It had slowly been chipping away each time she'd seen him over the last couple weeks, but now it was back in full force.
"You know Evie or Jobs can probably track the number, even if the phone is at the bottom of the lake?"
Frustration building, Shylah narrowed her eyes at Eden. "Who is it exactly that you think called me?"
"You know damn well who I'm asking about."
"Just say it, Eden. I mean, you've been saying it for over a year to all your buddies, so how about now? Project Arma. You think I was part of the project. That I knowingly injected people with experimental drugs that could kill them. That I killed tons of soldiers while figuring out the perfect super soldier concoction. Getting close to you was part of my evil plan. Tonight, I must have been meeting my partner to discuss how we were going to trick you this time." Standing, Shylah crossed her arms. "Is that correct? Did I sum up everything you believe about me, Eden?"
Pushing his chair back, Eden stood in front of Shylah, towering over her. For the first time since she arrived in Marble Falls, his size didn't intimidate her. There was nothing this man could do to hurt her that was more painful than his low opinion.
"If you didn't hide things from me, I wouldn't have to guess what the hell was going on."
Done with the conversation, Shylah marched to the door and pulled it open. "Well, you guessed wrong."
Eden remained where he was for a moment, leading Shylah to wonder if he would leave. She knew full well that if Eden didn't want to go, then she wouldn't be able to force him.
Then he started moving toward the door. Shylah didn't know whether to be hurt or happy that he was leaving.
"Did it ever occur to you that the thing I'm hiding is to protect you? To protect us until I'm ready to share?"
Stopping in his tracks, Eden turned his head. Some of the anger had faded, and resignation shined through. "There is no us, Shylah. You've made damn sure of that."
Then he was gone.
Shutting the door behind him, Shylah leaned against it and scrunched her eyes shut. The pain in her chest was crippling. Was that true? Had she damaged them with her secrets to the point of no return?
She had believed that they were strong enough to get through anything. Maybe they'd always been more fragile than she'd thought.
12
The sound of Shylah's car door banging shut echoed through the afternoon quiet.
What a dumb day.
It started with her sleeping through the alarm—after barely sleeping two hours—and was twenty minutes late for work. On the drive to work, she'd remembered her phone was at the bottom of the lake, so she couldn't even call the hospital to let them know. Then while at work, they'd been so busy she'd had to work straight through her lunch break so she couldn't go pick up a new phone. She hadn't eaten a thing all day, and she was about ready to murder someone for food.
To make matter's worse, Eden had been on her mind every damn minute.
Stomping up to her apartment, Shylah planned to eat whatever food she had in her fridge, crawl into bed, and not crawl out until someone forced her.
Popping her key in the lock, she stopped when it wouldn't go in. Trying again, Shylah frowned when again it got about a third of the way in only to stop.
What the heck?
Today was not the day to mess with her. Grabbing onto the nob, she pushed it back and forth with no luck before finally noticing that the keyhole looked different.
Bending down, Shylah looked at it closer, more confused than ever.
Someone had changed her damn lock!
Banging her fist on the door before resting her forehead on it, Shylah needed a moment to compose herself, or she'd start balling from frustration.
Hearing the door next to her open, Shylah turned her head and saw an older lady standing there with a cat at her feet.
"You okay, dear?"
No, she was not okay. She was a second away from murdering someone. "I think they changed my lock and didn't tell me."
The older lady nodded before smiling. "Yes, the boys were he
re earlier. Lovely young men. So big too. I didn't know that locksmiths took such good care of their bodies. I'm thinking of getting mine changed now. I made them a nice cup of tea."
Giving the older lady her full attention now, a sour taste came into her mouth. "Do you remember what they looked like? Or maybe a name?"
Frowning, the lady picked up the cat by her feet. "Let me see the tallest one had light brown hair and beautiful gray eyes. Maybe Edward."
"Eden? Was the man's name Eden?" Shylah asked.
Eyes widening, the woman nodded with excitement. "Yes, Eden, that's it. Very nice man."
"Nice my ass," Shylah muttered under her breath.
"What was that, dear?"
Turning toward the older lady, Shylah forced a smile. "Thank you for your help. I'm sorry, I didn't get your name."
"Mirtha."
"Mirtha. My name is Shylah. It was nice to meet you."
Giving another brief smile before moving down the hall, Shylah jumped into her car. Pressing her foot to the accelerator, she made the quick drive to Marble Protection, all the while thinking up a hundred ways to cause bodily harm to Eden.
A voice in the back of her mind warned that she should chill out before she went in there, but the louder part of her mind told her to beat the hell out of the man and leave him for dead.
Pushing through the building entrance, Lexie looked up from her place at the front desk as Shylah stormed into Marble.
"Shylah! What a pleasant surprise. Can I help you with anything?"
Forcing herself to stop for a moment, Shylah took a breath.
"Hi, Lexie, is he here?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"Who, Eden? Ah, yeah, he's—"
Before Lexie could finish, Eden walked out into the mat area next to the desk. Not pausing, Shylah marched up to him until she stood less than a foot away.
"What the hell, Eden? You changed my damn lock so I couldn't even get into my apartment?" Shylah was vaguely aware of people around her stopping and looking but was too angry to care. "You hate me so much you want me to sleep on the street?"
"I left a message for you at the hospital," Eden said, not fazed by Shylah's outburst in the least. "I asked them to tell you to pop by here on your way home to get the key."
"Well, Eden, I didn't get that message, did I. You know why? Because we were so busy, I didn't even get time for a lunch break. Wait, you didn't know that? I thought you knew everything." Face warming, she only held on by a thread. Eden's lack of reaction was doing nothing for her.
"Shylah, there was no way for me to know that you didn't get the message."
"Well, actually, there was. You see, people do this thing where they ask the person before entering their home and changing their locks. It's quite common."
Taking a small step closer to Shylah, Eden lowered his voice. "You need to calm down. I was only trying to protect you."
That's it. Shylah was going to have a full-on bitch meltdown.
"Eden, if you don't want me, you don't get to protect me! You don't get to change my locks, and you sure as hell don't get to tell me to calm down. I've had a long day. I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I'm so fucking sick of you telling me we're done then turning around and acting like my boyfriend."
She shouted the words so loudly Shylah was sure everyone in Marble Falls had heard her.
Leaning closer, Eden lowered his voice. "Shylah, calm the hell down, or I will throw you over my shoulder and walk us out of here."
"Oh well, with a threat like that, how could I not do what you asked. I mean, that's what you're used to, isn't it? Everyone doing exactly what Eden-the-bully requests."
Bending over, Eden threw Shylah over his shoulder before she had time to back away.
Once her brain had caught up with what was happening, Shylah started banging her hands on Eden's back. "Put me down, you big brute."
Not able to see where they were going, Shylah tried to wriggle and twist her body around, but it was no use. The sound of a door opening caught her attention before he dropped her onto a soft couch.
Looking up, Shylah saw Eden shut the door before pulling out his phone.
"Bill, it's Eden, can I have a pepperoni and a meat lover's pizza delivered to Marble?" He was ordering pizza? "Great, thanks."
Hanging up, Eden took a seat next to Shylah. When the silence stretched, her frustration built again.
"What are you doing, Eden?"
"Sitting."
Well, thank you, Captain Obvious. "No, why did you just order pizza?"
"You said you were hungry."
Confused for a moment, Shylah's brows knitted together. "Out of everything I said, that's what you focused on?"
"When you're hungry, Shylah, it's like the world is ending. There's no way we could discuss things. Let's eat, then talk."
Crossing her arms, Shylah sat back. "And if I don't want to eat with you?"
Shrugging, Eden didn't seem bothered. "Then you can take the pizza home with you. I assumed you came here to chat."
* * *
Eden knew he shouldn't have changed Shylah's locks. But the second he'd walked outside her apartment last night and saw that gray pickup, he couldn't function until he knew she had more protection, even if it was just a lock that worked.
As he watched Shylah next to him, he could hear her heartbeat racing and smell her vanilla scent.
"You change your products?"
"What?" Angry hazel eyes flickered up to meet his.
"You used to smell different."
Rolling her eyes, Shylah turned her head away. "Like you, a lot has changed about me too, Eden."
Eyes scanning her body, she still looked like the same Shylah to him, and he still had the same unbelievable draw to her.
Eden reached inside the desk drawer and pulled out Shylah's new apartment key. He also took out a phone. Pulling up a chair, Eden sat opposite Shylah as he handed both to her.
"Got your phone out of the lake today and we put your SIM card in this new phone. It's ready to go." Shylah took the phone and keys but remained silent. "You know I can still care about you without dating you."
Shaking her head, Shylah's voice was pained. "I don't want you to treat me like you're with me when you're not. It messes with my head."
Her eyes fixed on the far wall.
Shrugging, Eden asked Shylah to do what he'd been asking all along. "You could just tell me what I want to know, and then we can take it from there?"
If anything, that comment seemed to anger Shylah more. "You want to know something I've been keeping from you? Okay." Shylah's eyes shot daggers into Eden. "I assumed we were rock solid. I thought we were so strong that we could get through anything. Imagine my surprise when I get back to you, expecting my loving boyfriend to welcome me with open arms, and instead, I get a quickie with a side of hostility."
Cringing, Eden felt the sting of regret at his actions. "There was a time where I thought nothing could pull us apart either."
"Actually no, that's where you're wrong, Eden. If you had loved me like you said you did, then it wouldn't matter if I was gone ten years and hiding a hundred secrets. You would have believed me and given me the benefit of the doubt." Standing from her chair, Eden followed suit and rose from his own. "I loved you. I always knew you were too good for me, but you made me believe that it could work. Then you accused me of being part of Project Arma. You may as well have ripped my heart out and fed it to the wolves, Eden."
"Shylah . . ." Reaching for her, Eden dropped his hand when she violently jerked away.
"No. I am done. I am so done with you and this and trying to be enough for you. I deserve to be treated like a decent human being, at the very least. So next time you feel like telling me I broke us, then change my locks the next day, don't. Thanks for absolutely nothing, Eden. Leave me the hell alone."
Storming from the room, Eden watched her go, not attempting to stop her. What would he say? Every damn word that had come out her mouth had been true.
Except the love part. He had loved her. Still loved her. He just had no trust.
"That went well." Looking up, Eden saw Bodie standing in the doorway, holding pizza boxes. "Now that you've thoroughly pushed her away, I get her half, right?"
Not waiting for a response, Bodie walked to the desk and placed the pizzas down. Dropping his big frame into the chair, Bodie started eating.
"Am I being an idiot right now?"
Mouth full of food, Bodie seemed too relaxed under the circumstances. "You've always been an idiot, but if you're asking whether you're being an even bigger idiot when it comes to Shylah, then the answer is yes. You most definitely are."
Taking the seat opposite Bodie, Eden dropped his head into his hands. "I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but every time I let people in, I get burned."
Finishing his first slice, Bodie leaned forward. "We trusted the wrong people. But we're all still here, and you know we'd always have your back. I think you've been dealt some shit cards, Eden. I know you still struggle with losing your brother when you were a teenager. Maybe when you thought you'd lost Shylah too, you assumed that was it. If people got too close, you'd lose them. You've sure been trying your best to push us away over the last year."
"Yet you assholes don't give up," Eden muttered.
"But Shylah might. If you push her far enough."
Shit. If he lost her a second time that might destroy him.
"I don't even know if we can go back to what we had."
"You can't." Looking up, Bodie shrugged. "You heard her, she's different, and you're sure as hell not the same person. None of us are. What happened to us messed with all our heads. Eventually, we learn to trust again. You need to learn to trust again."
Eden wasn't sure if he could do that. He sure as hell wanted to, though.
"The question is," Bodie continued, "why is Shylah different. It doesn't look like she will tell you until she believes that you trust her."
"And if I can't?"
"You got to be ready to walk away, Hunter." Standing, Bodie moved toward the door but stopped just before leaving. "The man I'm looking at does not look ready to walk away."
Eden: A steamy contemporary military romance (Project Arma Book 2) Page 9