Shrugging, Shylah's hands smoothed the sheet in front of her, a slight shake in both hands. "I was in the hospital and then rehab for my hand for months. After that, I spent a couple of months in a government safe house. The government thought it was best. Then they asked me to come out of hiding and work at the hospital in Georgetown to see if they could catch the bad guys. They told me about how almost everyone who'd worked on Project Arma had gotten away. You guys weren't safe. So, I agreed. You know what happened after that."
Raising her head, Shylah looked Eden in the eye. "I didn't want to tell you right away. I know I probably should have, but we never spoke about kids, and I think a part of me was scared you wouldn't want me if you knew. I didn't feel safe for a long time, but I couldn't stay away any longer. When I heard my kidnapper in the van mention you were in Marble Falls, I knew I had to find you. I asked the government not to tell you my location or about what happened to me because I wanted to recover first. Both mentally and physically. I know you don't think that was the right thing to do, and I'm sorry. I intended to tell you when I first got here, but you thought I was a part of the cover-up."
Eden struggled to take in everything that Shylah had said. After spending over a year wondering if she was a part of Project Arma and trying to make himself forget about her, it turns out she not only was exactly who she said she was, but she was hurt because of him.
The room suddenly felt too small. He needed to get out. He needed space.
"I need some time to think, Shylah."
Shylah nodded, her face a mixture of vulnerability and hurt. "Oh, of course. I mean, I've had a while to come to terms with everything. Do you want me to leave?"
"No. It's not safe." Climbing out of bed, Eden threw on some clothes. He didn't know what the hell he put on, he just knew that he needed air. Now. "I'll send Mason over."
Shooting a text to Mason, Eden dropped the phone in his pocket before leaving the room. He waited at the back door until he heard Mason pull up, then left.
16
Shylah pushed down the hurt at Eden's abrupt exit. He'd looked at her like . . . like she was damaged.
Was she damaged? She looked at her scars in the mirror every damn day and often asked herself that question.
Seeing it in Eden's eyes seemed worse somehow. The idea that this could be it for her and Eden was gut-wrenching. Shylah had always maintained the hope that they would find their way back to each other, even when Eden had accused her of such awful things.
Not being able to bring herself to cry, Shylah could only feel hollow.
Climbing out of bed, she moved to the shower. She didn't know what the day held, but she sure as hell wouldn't wait around in bed naked for a man that may or may not want her.
Avoiding the mirror, Shylah stepped into the shower, closing her eyes as the warm water droplets hit her shoulders.
Fourteen months. Fourteen months of not seeing him but all the while believing that they would end up together. This was the first time she'd truly questioned it.
Once Shylah finished her shower, she made quick work of getting dressed before leaving the room in search of Mason. At the sight of Bodie standing by the kitchen island eating cereal, Shylah stopped.
Turning to face her, his smile went some way in lifting Shylah's spirits.
"Hey," Bodie said, mouth full of food.
"Hey, Bodie, I thought Mason would be here." Proud of herself that she could sound semi-okay, Shylah stepped further into the kitchen.
She was glad it was Bodie. He was less intense than the other guys, and he often put Shylah at ease.
His shaggy brown hair set him apart and gave him a laid-back appearance that suited his personality.
Every other guy on the team had maintained their military cuts. That, combined with his dimples when he smiled and friendly personality, made him easy company.
"Mason? Nah, he's not as good with the ladies." Raising his brows, Bodie smiled before his expression turned thoughtful. "He is good with Eden, though, so he's out there searching for the giant idiot."
Giant idiot sounded about right.
Pushing her sleeves up, Shylah went to Eden's pantry, searching to see what he had. Pulling out jars, she was pleasantly surprised by what she found.
"I didn't think he would have baking ingredients." Ducking her head back in, she pulled out everything she saw that could be turned into some sort of baked good. "He even has chocolate chips."
Plonking them down onto the kitchen island, she went in search of baking utensils.
Shoving some more cereal in his mouth, the corner of Bodie's lips pulled up. "Maybe the guy remembered how much you love to bake and wanted to be ready."
Pausing where she was, she felt a moment of flutters at the possibility but quickly pulled herself back to reality.
"I doubt that's the case. Eden was about ready to have me shipped off to the closest cell when he first saw me in town. I doubt he was prepping his kitchen for me to bake him a cake."
Sitting his bowl on the island, Bodie tossed a bunch of bananas into Shylah's pile. "Maybe he only told himself that you were one of the bad guys because he was trying to protect himself. Sometimes it's easier to believe the worst in someone than to leave yourself open to hurt."
Grabbing milk and eggs from the fridge, Shylah pursed her lips. "If situations had been reversed, I would have believed in him."
Bodie shrugged his huge shoulders. "Did I mention he's a giant idiot?"
A hint of a smile touched Shylah's lips as she started pouring ingredients into the bowl.
"You did, but feel free to repeat it."
Grabbing the milk by her left hand, her wrist gave out. Closing her eyes, she waited for it to hit the ground. When the sound never came, she opened them to find Bodie standing there holding the bottle.
Jeez, he must have been quick. He'd just been on the other side of the island when she grabbed it.
Cursing her damn wrist, Shylah gave a tense smile. "Thanks. I didn't realize it was full."
As lame excuses went, that one was right up there. Unfortunately, it was all her tired brain could come up with.
Without saying anything, Bodie placed the bottle on the island before turning to wash his hands. "Let me help. Maybe you can teach me. I hear baking gets the ladies."
Appreciating his attempt to lighten the mood, Shylah held a measuring cup in front of him. "Measure out two cups of milk and pour them into the bowl. You can do the wet ingredients." Turning to meet his gaze, Shylah gave Bodie a skeptical look. "Also, I don't think enticing a woman with baked goods is the best plan."
"No?" Bodie frowned like it was crazy that she might question his plan. "What about my hulk-like muscles and witty charm?"
Scanning his ridiculously big forearms and biceps, Shylah nodded. "That would work."
"Good. Now I just need to find where all the ladies are at."
This time Shylah did laugh. "I wouldn't be so quick to find one, Bodie. I hear they can be more trouble than they're worth." Just ask Eden, Shylah thought. Pointing to the carton of eggs, Shylah gave the next direction, "It needs two eggs then a dash of vanilla extract."
Cracking the eggs like a pro, Shylah gave Bodie a suspicious look. That was no beginner egg cracking. "Don't look so surprised. Scrambled eggs are the Bodie specialty."
"Yeah, I don't think you need any help getting the ladies, Bodie."
"Damn straight."
Laughing again, Shylah felt more relaxed as they started prepping the food.
Working in silence for a few minutes before Bodie spoke again, keeping his eyes set on the bowl in front of him. "For the record, Shylah, the guys and I always believed in you. And we always believed in you and Eden. I'm sure that Eden always believed in you too. He just needed some way to survive while he couldn't find you. You'll find your way back to each other."
Gut clenching, she turned her gaze to look at Bodie. "You didn't see Eden this morning. The way he looked at me. I finally told him everything and
he just . . . left."
Shaking his head, Bodie didn't seem deterred. "The man's had nothing on his mind but you for over a year. He'll be back."
He would be back. But would he still want her?
* * *
Eden stopped running when he reached the tree line. He'd just sprinted about five miles in a quarter of the time it would take an average man, and he wasn't even out of breath.
He wanted to push himself to exhaustion. Make himself so tired he couldn't think or feel, but his damn body didn't have an off switch.
The scars that marked Shylah's perfect skin were on replay in his mind. So too was the sadness that shined through her eyes when she'd said she couldn't have kids.
It shouldn't have happened. None of it should have happened. Shylah should have been safe.
At the sound of footsteps behind him, Eden turned to find Mason a few feet away.
Walking up to the other man, Eden grabbed a fistful of his shirt. "What the fuck, Eagle. You're supposed to be with Shylah."
Hands in the air, Mason spoke in an even tone, "Red's with her, Hunter. She's safe."
Letting go of his friend's shirt, Eden took a step back and ran his hands through his hair.
"GODDAMN IT." The angry words left Eden's chest in a shout. Frustration swelled inside him, but he had no way to expel it.
"Talk to me, Hunter, what's going on?"
Eden spared his friend a glance before looking away. "She was shot." The words didn't even make sense when he said them out loud. "She was shot saving us."
"I don't understand."
Neither did Eden.
Taking a breath, Eden turned and looked his friend in the eye. "You know that last message we got from Commander Hylar. The one that told us to abort the mission in Peru?"
"The message that saved our lives? I remember."
"That wasn't from him. It was from Shylah. Then after she sent it, he found her and shot her. Damn near killed her. Tried to kill her."
The muscles in Mason's arms bunched as he clenched his fists. "The commander shot Shylah?"
"He shot her twice. And now . . ." Eden looked away, trying to hide some of the rage within him. "She was injured pretty bad. She has nerve damage in her left arm, affecting her wrist and hand. She also can't get pregnant."
"Shit," Mason muttered after a moment of silence.
Was that all his friend had to say? Eden looked back at Mason, close to a snapping point, but at the sight of sympathy and anger on his face, Eden pulled himself up.
"She just told you this?"
"Yes."
Eyes narrowing, Mason stepped forward. "What the fuck are you doing out here then? She probably needs you right now."
"She doesn't need me, Eagle. She was in the hospital for months, and she didn't even try to search me out." Kicking a rock beneath his foot, Eden angled his body back to Mason. "Who the hell asked her to take a bullet for me?"
"Who asked her?" Shrugging, Mason stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'm no expert on the matter, but I'd say that's what people do when they're in love. No request needed."
"No, she should have protected herself. She could have died." Jesus, Eden couldn't even consider that.
"But she didn't. She's here. Alive. In your home, waiting for you. The bigger question is, why are you out here instead of with her."
Because he'd had to get out. Away. "I'm so angry at her for making those decisions for both of us. I could have helped her through her recovery. I could have protected her from being shot and kidnapped and fucking frightened and in hiding."
"But you still love her."
Hell, the woman could have been a part of the damn project, and he'd still love her. "I can't live without the woman."
He couldn't damn well breathe without the woman. But he was angry. So damn angry. Every decision she had made had been wrong.
"What else is eating at you? I know there's more."
Shaking his head, Eden took a breath. "You should have heard her voice when she told me, Eagle. Like her heart had been torn in two." Pausing, he looked up at the gray clouds. "We never spoke about whether we'd have a family together, but I could see the longing in her eyes. She sacrificed having kids for me. I don't see how she won't grow to resent me in the long run. Hate me, even."
"So, you're scared."
"No, I'm fucking terrified. I just got her back. There's no way I can lose her again."
"Then, don't push her away, Hunter." Walking closer to Eden, Mason placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I know it's been a rough year. Finding out we were all used and betrayed by those we trusted was the toughest damn thing we've been through. We're all trying to learn to trust again. You had the added stress of Shylah going missing. You haven't been the same since."
Hell, he'd been a stranger to everyone these past fourteen months, including himself.
"Since she got back, we've seen glimpses of the old Hunter. Trust it. Trust your feelings for her and that she's here to stay. Tell her how important she is to you and that you can't lose her again. Otherwise, what the hell was the point of getting our freedom back if we were just going to choose to be unhappy."
Was that true? Was Eden choosing to be unhappy to avoid the pain of losing her again?
"What if she leaves?"
"Then, we hunt her down this time, and we don't stop." Mason took a step back. "And she won't grow to resent you, Hunter. That woman loves you. Every fool but you can see that."
17
As Eden neared his back door, he slowed at the sound of Shylah's laugher. She sounded relaxed. Happy. He hadn't heard that in too long.
Eden hesitated for a moment.
"Stop over-thinking everything and get your ass inside." Mason ordered.
Moving to the door, Eden followed Mason in. His eyes immediately narrowed.
There were ingredients, bowls, and spoons scattered everywhere. The kitchen was a mess. But it was Bodie and Shylah that drew his attention.
They were standing close. Too damn close for his liking. Bodie's arm just about brushed Shylah's.
When Shylah's eyes lifted and met Eden's, they widened for a moment before shifting away.
Damn. He wanted to kick his own ass.
He'd hurt her. He shouldn't have been a jerk and up and left after she'd told him something so personal and painful. He was an idiot.
Drawing his eyes across to Bodie, he could see the disapproval in his friend's expression. "Thanks, Red, I got it from here."
Turning, Bodie washed his hands as Shylah collected two containers. Popping what looked like cookies and muffins inside, she handed one to Bodie and one to Mason.
Lifting the container, Mason inspected the bottom.
"Jesus, Shylah, these look amazing. I need to come over and talk to this meathead more often."
Giving a small shrug, Shylah turned, smiling at Bodie. "I can't take all the credit. Bodie's better in the kitchen than he lets on."
Mason darted his gaze to Bodie. "We should start calling you Betty Crocker."
Walking around the kitchen island, Bodie rolled his eyes. "Dude, don't be jealous that I've got a strong cooking game, and you don't."
Following Bodie to the front door, Mason frowned. "Who said I don't have a strong cooking game? I cook a mean bowl of instant noodles."
Both men turned and nodded a goodbye before walking through the door and pulling it closed behind them.
Once it was just him and Shylah, Eden turned to face her only to find she wasn't looking at him. Her gaze was on the island in front of her. The specks of flour seemed to be the most interesting things she'd seen.
"I shouldn't have left," Eden voiced quietly.
Shylah's head popped up, mouth opening and closing before she spoke.
"That's okay, you needed time."
Striding around the island, Eden walked right up to Shylah so that they were almost touching.
When Shylah dipped her head, Eden placed his fingers under her chin to raise her eyes back up to
his. So damn beautiful, but a sadness lingered. He'd done that.
"It's not okay. It was an asshole move, and I'm sorry. I fucked up."
Shylah attempted a half-smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I get it. Me not being able to have kids is something you need time to consider."
"I don't give a damn about that, Shylah. If we choose to have kids down the road, there are ways we can do that. I care about you. I hate that you got hurt saving me, and I hate that it's still hurting you. It kills me you spent months recovering from injuries, and I wasn't there to help and support you. I hate that you then made yourself vulnerable by acting as bait in Georgetown. And I hate that we lost time that we should have been together."
A tear glistened in Shylah's hazel eyes. "I hate all that too. There were so many times I wanted to find you, but I was a mess."
"It's not just your fault, Shy. I should have searched harder. Project Arma messed with my head. I won't let anything get between us again." Eden's hand went to Shylah's cheek. "I want to be there no matter how hard it is. I want to be by your side in the worst times and the best ones. You are the single most important thing in my life, Shy. You've been my everything since the moment I met you."
Eyes widening, Shylah was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "I never stopped loving you, Eden."
Releasing a growl, Eden lowered his hands and lifted Shylah into his arms. Those were the words he'd been craving to hear for too damn long. "I don't know how not to love you, Shy." Pushing his face into her hair, Eden inhaled her scent. "God, I've missed you."
Wrapping her arms around Eden's neck, Shylah nuzzled her face into his chest. "I missed you every day."
"Never again," Eden said as he pulled his head up to look at Shylah. "Promise me, Shy, that we never separate if we can help it, ever again."
"Never again," Shylah whispered.
* * *
Shylah smoothed the material on her red dress.
Standing in front of the mirror looking at her reflection, she couldn't help but wonder what it was Eden saw in her. She had plain brown hair that hung around her face and hazel eyes that were nothing to write home about.
Eden: A steamy contemporary military romance (Project Arma Book 2) Page 12