“Same,” Rose said with a smile, feeling the urgency to confess her feelings to Sean, to get it out of the way if anything else. With a gesture of her hand toward the left, Rose said: “Can I speak to ye in private for a moment?”
Sean pouted his lip and nodded in approval, following after Rose as they lingered a short distance away from the fire. They took several paces, nothing but the hoot of an owl in the distance filling void as they took their time and walked ever so slowing.
“What is on yer mind?” Sean inquired, folding his hands behind his back.
Rose sighed. “Many things, but…I think there are a few that…require addressing.”
“If it’s with my approach of taking the mountain, I assure ye—”
“No, no. It is nothing like that. It is…more personal, really.”
Sean stopped in his tracks, looking at Rose’s face with a curious glint in his eye.
God in heaven, Rose pondered. Can I really do this? Can I really confess to this man? This is so silly! I cannot believe that I am in this position! I am…she sighed out loud. No…No, Gavina is right. There is no point in dragging this out. He must know how I feel. I won’t overwhelm him…but I need to state the truth.
“Is everything alright?” Sean asked as Rose became lost in her thoughts.
She nodded. “Aye,” she replied. “I just…find it difficult to locate the words I need to say what I want to say.”
Sean shrugged. “Just speak yer mind. There are no judgments here.”
Rose drew a breath. Just do it, ye silly woman. Just get it over with! “I,” she began, “wanted to talk to ye specifically.”
Sean laughed. “That much is clear…”
“It is…” Here we go… “About how I…feel about ye. My God, this is so foolish. I don’t even know your real name!”
Rose looked in Sean’s eyes as she said the words and saw every part of him shudder with fear. The man could clearly sense from her inflection what she was getting at, and it was all so apparent in his physical reaction that he was just as fearful of hearing the truth as she was of saying it out loud.
“How ye feel about me?” Sean said.
Rose nodded. “Aye. I think it’s important to discuss.”
Sean looked away. “And I assume…these are…bad feelings?”
Rose shook her head. “Quite the opposite,” she said. “I find myself…” Just do it! “Thinking about ye. I can’t control it. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know how to explain the emotions. It sounds absurd, I’m aware, but…Wanderer, there is something about ye. Something that…attracts me to ye. I don’t relish it. Believe me, I want to just wish it all away…but I can’t. I’ve been trying to deny it for some time now. I know this comes at such a bad time, such a dire time…but it’s happening, nonetheless. I just feel…” she sighed, “I just feeling like it is important for me to tell ye this. I just…want to know if ye feel the same. I just want to be able to deal with this however I need to deal with this and…move on. Whatever that may look like.”
Rose released a breath, feeling herself slightly wobbling after she had regurgitated out her words. She waited in anticipation for Sean’s reply, nervous to high heaven for whatever reply he would end up giving.
Sean’s eyes darted around, his mouth agape and struggling to find the words. “Ye….feel for me?” he said.
Rose nodded. “Aye. I do. And I do not want to say those three little words just yet, but…I clearly have feelings for ye. And I am not going to run from them anymore. I just…I just want to know if ye feel the same.”
She waited in an eager state as she awaited Sean’s reply, her hands trembling and lip slightly quivering. Tell me, she thought. Tell me ye feel the same. I know that ye do!
After a moment of saying nothing—Sean shook his head. “No,” he said, his words laced with a defiance coated lie. “I do not feel the same…We must go. We should not talk of this any further.”
And with that, Sean stepped around Rose and set about rallying the Scots and preparing for their ride up the mountain. Rose watched Sean the entire time as her heart raced and her stomach sank, deeply chagrined and irrirated at his words. But part of her, as odd as it was, felt comforted, because deep down she knew, no matter how much he tried to fight or deny it, that Sean felt the exact same way she did.
In time, she thought. In time ye will admit the truth.
The Scots then mounted their rides, bid their goodbyes, and set about their journey toward the base of the mountain. The first leg of the journey, Rose and Sean could not help themselves from exchanging glances, confirming to Rose, once again, that he clearly felt the same way she did.
In time, she pondered again. In time…
Chapter Eighteen
Sean could sense Rose’s gaze burning the back of his neck as she rode in the rear of the formation. Her chagrin with his response to her confession was bleatingly apparent, her very demeanor reflective of one that was equal parts disappointment and, as harsh as it may have felt, spite. I have nothing to confess to her, he convinced himself. I only have a physical attraction to her—nothing more. She is a fine woman, aye, a strong woman, a woman not to be trifled with. There are many attractive qualities about her, and that I cannot deny. But I have no room for love. I do not even the possess the ability to do so, even if I wanted to. No, my ability to love perished along with my family. I am not capable of such things. I do not want such things.
Sean turned his head away, his focus on the tree line about 80 feet away, convinced for the briefest of moments that he heard a rustling. Yer paranoia is getting the better of ye, Sean. Yer mind spins and races at a pace that is starting to become beyond yer control.
Sean huffed, finding himself still fighting the feelings that were welling up inside of him, his mind unable to focus on anything but Rose and Rose alone. He understood full well that it was fool hearted to be so distracted, that his attention needed to dwell on the present and the tasks set out before him—but yet he still found himself indulging in the occasional glance, his gaze feeling as if it gravitated towards Rose even without his willingness to do so. Stop! his mind screamed. This is madness! These are the thoughts of a desperate fool who is going to get himself and those he is responsible for killed because he cannot get over the fact that he possesses a slight attraction toward a woman. Damn ye, Sean. This is not the time. This is not the place.
As his mind gibbered, Sean caught Kelly moseying up alongside him as the entire collective of the Scots rode together in a light gallop. He could feel her perking up; on the cusp of asking him something that he already knew he didn’t want to indulge answering.
“What did you say to her?” Kelly inquired.
Sean squinted. “Pardon?”
Kelly forked a thumb over her shoulder. “To Rose. She looks…well, perturbed, quite frankly.”
Sean waved his hand dismissively through the air. “That is of no concern to me. I am merely a guide.” He turned, chopping his hand through the air. “And what is it with ye people?”
“Come again, Wanderer?”
“This inquisitive nature that ye all seem to sport. It appears as if the knack for making things more difficult that they need to be seems to be a common trait amongst ye and the rest of yer people.”
Kelly huffed a laugh, slapping her leg as she said: “Quite defensive, aren’t we, Wanderer?”
Sean puffed his chest. “I am not defensive.”
“Indignant, at the very least.”
“Ye keep proving my point with every word that comes out of yer mouth.”
“And ye,” Kelly said, jutting her chin toward Rose, “clearly have some kindling between the two of ye.”
Sean leaned in close, lowering his voice so that Rose would certainly not hear their conversation. “This is the only time I will say this,” he said. “After that, I will not ask it again—but cease with these frivolous and kneejerk speculations that ye are making. There is no room or time for this…triviality, right now.”
Kelly shrugged, pouting her lower lip as she replied: “Ye were not aware that I am the inquisitive one of the bunch? I thought that was, as ye so eloquently stated, bleatingly apparent.”
Sean closed his eyes, a sigh evacuating from his lips. “How were ye not strangled as a child?”
“Quite a curious thing to say—my brother stated the same sentiment. While he was still alive, that is.”
“Ye are obnoxious, Kelly.”
“Why? Am I getting to ye? Ye can tell me. I apologize if that’s the case. I do not want to—”
Sean slapped at the reins of his horse and rode a few paces away from Kelly as she laughed. Oddly enough, he appreciated her jabs, though they did border on becoming more than difficult to deal with. Oddly enough, he found it to be somewhat of a relief to be able to have a moment away from the consistent stream of conscience that he had which never seemed to steer away from trickling and curving back to Rose at any given time.
Kelly, her smile melting into a guilt-ridden frown, cocked her head to the side and followed after Sean. She took a beat to speak as he made it a point to turn his head away, hoping to God that she wasn’t about to start in on another series of observations.
“My apologies,” Kelly said with every shred of sincerity she could muster. “My humor is only meant to be a temporary distraction. There has been much that has come our way in the past few days. I only wish to—”
Sean held up his hand. “I understand,” he said with a sincere inflection. “I do not mean to come off so bluntly.”
“No apologies necessary. I can be a bit much sometimes. Of this fact, I am well aware.” She cast a look over her shoulder. “On a serious note, however, it does appear that Rose seems more than slightly miffed.”
Sean nodded. “Aye. She is.”
“Why?” Kelly winced. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be barging into the situation.”
She confessed her feelings for me, Sean pondered. She told me things that no person, no woman, has told me in quite some time. “She is frustrated with the turn of events, is all,” Sean said, trying to cut his lie in half. “I am sure she will be fine once we reach the base of the mountain.”
Just as he said it, Rose then hustled up to Sean and Kelly with a pensive look on her face and a tight and clenched look sported in her jawline. “How far are we?” she said, her tone glazed with a fine layer of perturbed gloss. “This is taking longer than expected.”
Sean motioned ahead. “We are no more than an hour away. We shall reach the base of the mountain by the time.”
“And then what?”
“And then it becomes a matter of picking one of two routes to take. Again, there are a group of savages that dwell somewhere up in the higher reaches of the terrain. We just have to deduce where they are and plan our route accordingly.”
Rose huffed. “Deduce?” she said with a thick amount of sarcasm. “What do ye mean by that?”
She is itching for a fight, Sean thought. She is going to try to get a rise out of me in any way that she can. “It sounds pretty self-explanatory,” he said, “does it not?”
Rose shrugged. “I just feel that ye are more confident in yer abilities that ye think ye are. Perhaps ye are mistaking yer confidence for ego.”
Well, her trying to get the better of me is starting to work its charm. “Perhaps ye should not question my methods and simply go about following my lead.”
Rose cocked her head to the side. “Tell me,” she said, “is that ye talking or whatever it is that dangles between yer legs that forced ye to make such a foolish statement.”
Kelly began laughing, turning her horse away from the two of them and heading toward the back of the formation. “I am steering far away from this!” she marveled as she tried her best to stifle her laughter.
Sean, beyond the point of frustration, somewhat leered at Rose as he said: “What is yer grievance?”
Rose, her jaw clenched tight, replied: “What a stupid statement to make.”
“Rose—”
She slapped the reins of her horse. “I am going to ride ahead and scope out the base of this mountain myself. I don’t trust the route that ye have set out.”
“Rose, please.”
“To hell with ye, Wanderer!”
Rose rode hard and fast ahead of the group, defiance in her swagger as Sean gritted his teeth, kicked at the sides of his steed, and followed after her. “Damn it,” he seethed as he did his best to catch up.
Sean was taken aback at Rose’s speed. The horse she was riding on was the same size and bore the same amount of strength as his own, but the way in which she perched forward and navigated the terrain was commendable. He had never seen as fast a rider in his life.
Rose cut through the trees with nothing short of pristine precision, ducking and weaving her way through and forcing Sean to push with all his mind as they distanced themselves further and further from the rest of the Scots.
Rose came to the edge of an outcropping that snuck up at the last moment, a drop ahead of her that descended into a valley. She came to a hard stop, nearly falling off of her horse as she struggled to gain traction.
Sean, dismounting his own horse before it had a chance to come to a settle, stormed up to Rose, angered and frustrated with her demeanor and no longer wishing to have a civil conversation.
Jutting his chin toward the outcropping that Rose had nearly fallen down, Sean said: “Ye want to get yerself killed. Is that it?”
Rose pointed a finger. “Bite yer tongue, Wanderer. I have grown weary of ye and yer dismissive attitude.”
“What is yer affliction?” Sean hollered, holding out his palms in a submissive pose. “Why do ye insist to get a rise out of me the way that ye do?”
Rose was fuming, her nostrils flaring as she slipped off of her saddle and a made a beeline up to Sean. Intention filled her every step as she marched up to him, her fingers curling and forming into fists. “What is my affliction?” she said. “Ye really are going to act so oblivious?”
Sean shrugged. “I am oblivious to nothing. We do not have time for these games, Rose. We have much terrain to cover before we can—”
Rose shoved Sean, the force more overwhelming than he had figured and taking him off-balance. He fell to the earth, his eyes wide as he pushed off of it and stood back up. “Don’t touch me,” he said.
Rose shoved him again. “Or what? What are ye going to do? We both know that ye won’t lay a finger on me.” She pushed Sean again, a playful and taunting glint in her eyes.
“Don’t.”
Rose pushed again. “Do something about it.”
“I am warning ye.”
“Warn me all ye want—I have ye right where I want ye.”
Rose attempted to shove Sean again—but he grabbed both of her wrists with a firm embrace and held her close.
“Do not trifle with me,” Sean said. “Ye have no idea what I am capable of.”
Rose laughed. “I know what ye are capable of: denial.”
“What?”
“Ye heard me.”
Sean shook his head. “I am not interested in such conversations. Get a hold of yerself.”
“Admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“That ye have feelings for me. Quite lying to yerself and just say it!”
Sean kept his grip firm on Rose’s wrists, her sweet scent wafting at his nostrils, her fine features causing him, as they did every time, to lower his defenses to a degree that he felt as if he was melting. “I admit nothing.”
Rose stepped in closer, her lips quivering as she took a hard gaze at Sean’s. “Say it.”
“Stop.”
“Say it.”
“Enough!”
Rose broke free of Sean’s grip, cupping his face with both hands. “This is madness,” she said. “I am no fool. I know that this overwhelms ye as much as it overwhelms me.”
Sean’s mouth opened—but no words evacuated. He felt his heart beating hard against his
chest, his knees feeling weak along with every other part of him. No! he tried to deny himself. This cannot be true! I do not have feelings for her. I can’t! I simply cannot.
“I don’t,” Sean said, shaking his head and knowing that the words he was speaking were far from the truth.
Rose pressed her forehead gently against his. “Stop running. Stop hiding from the truth. Embrace it, Wanderer. Tell me ye feel the same. Tell me what I already know.”
Sean was on the verge of collapse, his defenses completely lowered as he felt himself wetting his lips ever so slightly with the tip of his tongue. “Rose,” he said with a depleted timbre.
Legend of a Highland Lass: Scottish Medieval Highlander Romance Page 16