by S Lawrence
Father's eyes slide closed in concentration and I feel the message go out. 'Listen to me now, those who have attacked my children. I played my role. The Trickster. The brother. I let you forget my power because I had no desire to rule. I watched. I schemed. But never did I try to harm those you hold dear. Today, you butchered my son. This means war.'
The head disappears, and I know he sent it to our enemies, proof that we are ready for what is coming.
Chapter 46
LOKI
I return to my son and draw him once more into my lap. My tears fall, and I see the red of my eyes reflected in his unseeing eye before I slowly close it with my hand. My magic beats at me, howls like my son for vengeance, but I'm lost in my grief. Raven sits at my side crying while the others stand away, giving us some privacy.
I hear her sobs and look to the one who foresaw this moment. She is slumped on the ground, inconsolable, and I find myself wanting to do just that. This feeling angers me. "Leave me," I grind out harshly. I don't care if I hurt their feelings, I just want to be alone with him. Him and my bottomless rage. Raven touches my arm, and I look at her. "I need to be with him. I'm glad your Guardians reached you, saved you when I couldn't."
Fresh tears fall from her already swollen eyes, and her two Druids move to her side, wrapping her in their arms as they pull her up and away from her brother. I'm selfish. I realize it but can't be bothered to care at this moment. She lets them lead her away and then lets her magic take them to Danu. How I wish our magic could have brought us here in time. I turn back to my son. Closing my eyes, I lean forward, resting my head on his. Memories play through my head. Mostly, I think of how much time I wasted, hiding my love for him, all because I didn't want to face Odin or my destiny. I still don't want to fucking do it. I want to disappear, hide somewhere no one knows me.
A noise causes my head to whip up, and my eyes land on her. "I said I want to be alone. I told you ALL to go." I practically growl at her. God, she's fucking beautiful in her sadness.
"I know but… I couldn't, wouldn't, leave you." She sniffs as she finally looks at me. She doesn't come closer, just sits watching. I turn away, unwilling to accept her comfort. I want to be angry with her, as she saw this coming. "Did you see this moment?" I dare her to deny the truth.
"I saw you holding him. I tried so hard to change it, to get here in time," she whispers, her voice breaking. "I could feel your anguish. It drove me here. It holds me here now." Still, she stays frozen, and I gently lay his head down and rise. Turning toward her, I watch as her eyes widen. Fear flares to life in her eyes. My heart feels as if it is breaking from the force of her emotions, they are squeezing, choking me. I don't like this connection I feel to her, this hold she has over me.
She sees my rage, and my eyes glow red as I stalk toward her. The woman shrinks from me, and I stop, unwilling to frighten her anymore. "Cora." It sounds like a plea, and she stands, moving to me, only stopping when she is almost touching me. We stand, eyes locked together, and I reach out to wipe her tears from her cheek with my thumb. Her body leans into mine, and the next moment her arms are around me. She barely reaches my chest, and I lean my head down, resting it on the top of hers.
Her voice is so quiet, I can barely hear her as she says she's sorry over and over. I let her hold me, let her ease my turmoil. We stand like this, arms wrapped around each other, for long moments until I ease back, breaking away from her. Her eyes search mine before she shakes her head in denial at whatever she sees there. Pacing back to my son, the rage is boiling again, mixed with with a sense of loss that I've never experienced before.
The problem with having a life span that lasts until someone with more power kills you is you live forever, or at least it seems that way. You trick yourself into believing there will always be a tomorrow. A next time to say I love you. That you will have another moment with someone. Another chance to prove to them how important they are to you.
My power breaks free as I rage at those who stole that moment from me. I hear a scream. It sounds as if it comes from a distance, and I turn my head. I know what I look like, more monster than man. Cora is still on the ground. I fight the power, trying to rein it in, fighting to get to her, praying I haven't killed her.
I shove it down deep back into the darkness where I locked it a millennia ago when we left our home to come here. The roaring in my ears quiets as I reach her side. Her arms are out at her side and her eyes glow like liquid mercury with twinkling diamonds scattered in them.
Her voice is layered with those of others when she speaks. "You have released the power you've hidden; it calls to she who was sent. Only she can temper you. Only she was chosen before you were born, she who comes from us all. Seek her." She falls silent and still. I call Danu.
She appears, tears in her eyes, walks over and enfolds me in her arms. There is no need for words. I hug her back tightly before stepping back. "Take them to the Isle. To Yggdrasill. I want him buried beneath her branches."
"Where will you be?"
"I will follow, but there is something I must do first. Someone I must warn." I tear my gaze from the woman and walk once more to my son, teeth clenched, forcing the power under control.
"Freya," Danu states, and I nod, the power pushing at me.
"I can't control it," I warn her.
"Are you supposed to? For too long, you have denied your true self - your destiny," she retorts.
"That isn't what I want!" I rage and I sift away before I hurt someone else I care for.
Part IV
You don't need the whole world to love you. Just a few good people. ~Charity Barnum
Chapter 47
CORA
I wake in a place I can't describe, where everything shimmers like gossamer. It's like a pastel painting that is also somehow glittery. I know it has to be the Vanishing Isle, just from the way Aislin had described it. Pushing myself up, I realize I am on a fainting couch, as the older ladies would call it. It is velvet and beautiful as it sits beneath a mammoth tree. Yggdrasill. I feel her. She's trying to comfort me, to soothe me.
I'm not sure if I can be soothed. I lay staring up into the otherworldly sky and I miss my home. I miss the sounds and smells of the Quarter and the swamp. I want to be sitting on the steps of my granny's home. I want to hear her singing quietly as she shells peas. My heart aches, and I squeeze my eyes closed. I try to forget his face as he lost control. I try to forget my failure. My heart stutters, and I rub my hand over my chest.
"Cora?" Aislin's voice is quiet as she calls to me. I open my eyes as the air moves around me, looking in her sad face. "Sweetheart, none of this is your fault." She sits at the foot of the chaise, her hand sliding over the velvet. I let my eyes drift around the area and I see the others standing at a distance, giving us a sense of privacy. There is no privacy though, is there? Everyone knows.
Looking back at her, my eyes start to burn as I fight the tears that want to fall. "Isn't it, though? I saw it all and still, I couldn't get there in time. What good is this if I can't change anything?"
She sighs and looks away, staring into the distance. "Some days, I would give anything to go back and save my momma. ANYTHING." Her eyes linger on Kai and her lips curve at him as he looks at her with understanding and love. He knows she means him too. "But then I think about how EVERYTHING would be different. I wouldn't have Emma, or Kai, or you. I'd be a different person. God, I miss her, but a part of me knows I couldn't have it all. How do you choose in that case? Maybe that's why you can't change what you see. So you don't have to choose. What a terrible burden that would be for you." She still looks away, but her hand slides over my to grip my hand, and I cling to her as the tears fall.
'Her powers were a perfect fit for your friend. That's how magic works - it understands you and what you need. You will see soon, daughter. Soon his anger will turn to me. You are part of his destiny,' the Tree of Life whispers to me, and I want so badly to believe. I picture his face and some memory is triggered. 'Yes, you've
been shown before.' I gasp and look at Aislin, and the others draw near at my outburst.
"I've seen him before," I whisper, knowing Kai and Morrigan can hear but still, I can't say it louder.
"Loki?" Morrigan peers at me with intense interest. I fight not to squirm or shrink from her blazing eyes.
"Yes," I murmur. "I think maybe many times. In my dreams, he was always just out of focus. But his eyes, I remember his eyes now. How he looked at me, studied me." I leave out the interest I had seen in them. I don't tell them of the moment before his power broke free. I look at Aislin as she smiles at me, her hand squeezing mine tight. I feel my cheeks burn, remembering her new ability. My eyes widen in a silent plea for her to keep my secret. Kai looks at her and then me, guessing we are hiding something, but he doesn't speak.
"For how long have you seen him in your dreams?" Morrigan's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
"Always?"
She turns and stares at the tree. I'm about to ask her if it makes a difference when she disappears. I look at Aislin, and she is watching Kai. They are talking to each other with their minds, and I hate that I know it is about me. He looks over at me, and I arch my eyebrow.
"Anyone care to fill me in?" I question.
"Honestly, Cora, I'm not sure. I've never really dealt with seers, but Morrigan has. I too find it, at least, very interesting. It means something for sure." Kai's rich voice washes over me, and I sigh. I'm not upset with them, just the situation. I hate not being in control. I push to my feet and wobble a little. My head is pounding, and I keep seeing bright flashes of light like when I'm about to get a migraine. Kai grabs my elbow, steadying me. I smile up at him before pulling away. I see Fenrir near the trunk of the tree. He has fur once again, and I thank God for that. Or maybe I should thank Goddess. I don't fucking know at this point. I don't know who to pray to but I know I should be praying. We all need some Jesus at this point.
I walk to him and slide to the ground at his side, running my fingers through the fur, letting my tears fall. "I'm sorry I failed you. Failed him. I tried to get to you in time." I lean down and rest my face against his. I never even met him. I don't know him. I only know he didn't deserve what she has done to him. I will never get the sight of him broken and ravaged from my mind. The sound of his howl will haunt me until my final days. Just thinking of it makes goosebumps rise on my skin.
"I wanted to spare you and him the pain of this," I murmur into his fur. I draw a deep breath, trying to control my tears and the clean scent of a forest reaches my nose. I draw it in deeper, committing it to memory so whenever I smell snow and evergreen trees, I will think of Fenrir and his sacrifice. A gasp has me raising my head and I look over my shoulder. Raven is standing watching, eyes wide, and for a moment, I think I crossed a line I don't understand. Aislin motions in front of me, and I turn my head. Evergreen shrubs are growing in a semi-circle around his body, and snow is falling on the both of us.
'It is a beautiful and fitting tribute to one who loved the forest. It called to his wild nature and offered him solace, even in his solitude.' I push up, kneeling in front of him, whispering one last promise. After I finish, I rise to my feet and move away making room for those that have started to arrive and pay their respects.
From what Raven said, Fenrir often felt he was alone in this world, but as more and more people line up, I see he was wrong. I scan the area looking for him, but he isn't here. Aislin wraps me in her arms and holds me as I try to stop crying.
Two roars break the solemn silence and I jump, looking around. Asger glides to the ground, and Ylva slides off his back. Her eyes are glowing icy blue, and I know her Berserker rage is beating at her. I cringe as she turns those eyes and locks onto me. Kai steps between us as she stomps toward me, Asger at her back.
She shoves Kai out of her way, and Aislin yelps in outrage. But he shakes his head in warning. Asger helps him up as she stops in front of me, leaning over me and I wait for my death. I see it on her face.
"I'm sorry." I feel like it is all I'm saying since I got mixed up in all this.
She roars again, but her hand is gentle as it strokes over my face. Her breaths are heavy as she gains control of herself. "My dear, it is no fault of yours. I'm sorry. Sorry that we were not told of what was happening. We could have found him, saved him." She looks past me at the tree, and I understand suddenly what Yggdrasill had meant, that he would soon be angry at her. They are all angry.
"She could have told you, told him," I say, more to myself than to Ylva but she nods. "Why?"
She shakes her head before pulling me in for a tight hug. "Often she sees and does things we do not understand, might never understand, and certainly don't agree with." Releasing me, she moves into Asger's arms, and he wraps her tightly in his embrace, tears in his eyes as she sobs against his chest.
Kai moves to my side, his arm thrown over Aislin's shoulder as she runs her hands over him, checking to make sure he really is fine. "It was Fenrir that helped them find their destiny together. They were his closest friends." He watches as the couple moves in front of the others that wait, everyone deferring to the legends in their midst.
"Kai told me the story of them once. It was so beautiful, and Fenrir not only gave Asger the time he needed to win her beast over, but he also got Ylva to Asger in time to save him from Odin. That was hundreds of years ago. Hundreds of years of friendship; I can't imagine losing someone like that." Kai nods, and she suddenly looks sad. "Oh, Kai, I'm so sorry. I didn't think about you and my dad. You had been friends for so long. I never said anything to you about losing him."
"Sparrow, you had lost your father, and Emma had been taken. Neither of us have had time to grieve the way we want. It is one tragedy after another." I can't help but agree with him and I know that more is coming.
I didn't realize I spoke out loud until Aislin says, "More?"
I nod, "Yes. So much more. This will not be an easy war. We will lose more. Fuck! We could lose everything. Even Yggdrasill doesn't know how this will end, or at least she hasn't said she does."
I stand watching as those who knew him come to mourn. Slowly the group fades away, and I walk forward. Sliding to the ground beside his body, I let the tight hold I have on my sorrow go. Reaching out, I run my hand over his fur and then lay my head on his side, needing to apologize one more time.
"I'm sorry we didn't reach you in time. Sorry your sacrifice was so great. I hope now wherever you are, you now see how loved you were." I let the tears fall, crying for him and for another.
* * *
I watch her as she cries over my son. I want to rush to them but I can't; the power is fighting me. I stay just beyond, not quite on the Isle, just somewhere in between. Her tears stir the power to be more. I hear her words and I start to sift to her, to take them both from the eyes that watch them, but I stop as more people begin to arrive. Hours pass. I watch as Raven moves forward. I hear her gasp and follow her gaze.
My heart stutters as the evergreens begin to grow and snow falls on the two of them. I hear Yggdrasill's words to her. She wants me to know it was Cora who caused the trees to grow. I expand my senses and watch as her power weaves around him, gently binding her soul with his. It slows and winds its way toward me. I feel her as it envelops me and I shut my eyes, fighting her pull. I smell her, taste her, and feel her, but I fight harder before I finally sift away.
Chapter 48
SEAN
It’s been hours, and her gaze is still on her brother. Everyone has left, so she has moved back close to him. Cora sits on the ground beside him hand buried in his fur. Cora’s sorrow isn’t only about Fenrir. No one has seen Loki today, and she believes she let the god down. My eyes widen as the trees that sprouted hours ago grow large in a circle around the great wolf, ones as big as those at Raven’s once beautiful home. Inside the ring, snow continues to fall. Raven’s hand comes up to her mouth as tears slide down her cheeks. I move to her side, sliding my hand down her arm, twinning my fingers with hers.
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“Cora,” she whispers. I look back to our little pixie, the snow is coating her hair and shoulders. Michael moves up beside me, pausing only a second before striding forward and scooping our girl up. It is time to leave, time for us to mourn while we prepare for what’s to come.
She doesn’t resist Michael. Instead, her arms circle his neck and she closes her eyes, a small quiet sob breaking from her throat. “Come, pixie. We are taking ye to our home.” She nods against his shirt. I pull Raven under my arm walking closer to Fenrir, letting her have one last moment before we take her with us, forever at our side.
I help Raven to her feet after she says goodbye one last time and lead her away. She stops and glances back again, and my eyes follow her gaze to the trees and snow. A small smile curves her lips. “She did that.”
“Who did it, Black Bird?” I ask.
“Cora. She made the trees and snow. I had told her he liked to lay beneath them at my home.” Her voice is thick with tears again as she looks up at me, and I draw her into my arms. I look over her head at the snow falling and then at the tiny woman in Michael’s arms, wondering just how much power she holds within her and if she is even aware of what she did for Fenrir, and in turn, for Raven.
Morrigan and Danu wait to help us get back to our Highlands. Kai and Aislin have left to search out each Guardian. I spoke with them about what is happening next. We have some time to regroup and rest after everything that has happened.