by Jae
“What is she to you? I mean, is it a rebound thing? A little bit of excitement? The thrill of dating someone you really shouldn’t be dating? A ride on the wild side for the nice celebrity with the boring girl-next-door reputation…?”
The mere suggestion of Lauren being just a diversion made Grace hurl an angry glance her way. “No! God, no, Lauren is… She’s much more to me.” She stared at the bowl of ice cubes in the middle of the table, watching them melt.
Jill waited, not saying anything.
Grace peeked up. “I think I’m in love with her.”
“I knew it!” Jill hurried around the table, nearly stumbling over her own feet in the process, and threw her arms around Grace. “I’m so happy for you.”
Grace returned the embrace for a moment before pulling back. “What am I going to do?”
Jill shrugged. “Love her. Be happy.”
“It’s not that easy. I’m not as strong as you are.”
“Strong?” Jill snorted and gestured at her body. “If I stay out here much longer, you’ll have to carry me in.”
Gripping the bowl of ice with one hand, Grace pulled her inside with the other, into her mother’s air-conditioned living room. “You’re strong where it counts. You don’t care what the media writes about you or what anyone else thinks.”
“I care. I put up a good front, but believe me, deep down, I care. Every time I see or hear one of the reporters referring to me as ‘the actress with MS,’ I wince.” Shadows of hurt darted across Jill’s face, darkening her eyes.
Grace put the bowl down and gripped Jill’s hand with both of hers, wanting so much to take away her pain. “Do you regret telling the press?” she whispered, knowing Jill had only told the media to protect her.
“No,” Jill said without hesitation. “It’s not always easy, but I realized that having to look over my shoulder all the time, being afraid that someone might find out, was much worse.”
Was that true just for Jill’s MS or also for Grace’s relationship with Lauren? If she told the media, her mother, the whole world, would she be able to look back, the way Jill did, and say that she didn’t regret it? If she didn’t tell anyone, how would she be able to have a meaningful relationship with Lauren? She remembered what Jill had told her about her relationship with Amanda—that they had broken up because Jill had been deeply closeted. Grace didn’t want that to happen to her and Lauren.
“If you keep frowning like that, you’ll end up with a permanent wrinkle.” Jill pointed at Grace’s forehead. “Your mother won’t like it.”
“She doesn’t like most of what I’m doing nowadays,” Grace muttered and went to get them something to drink.
CHAPTER 32
The next day, Sunday, Grace sat on her couch and reshuffled the stacks of scripts on the cottage’s coffee table. “Okay. I narrowed it down to three.”
Lauren put her laptop away to give Grace her full attention. “Which ones?”
“This one,” Grace tapped one script, “is a romantic comedy about a thirty-something who starts speed dating.”
“Hmm.” Lauren picked up the script and flicked through it, reading bits and pieces. “I don’t want to influence you, but…”
Grace took the script from her, threw it on the floor, and slid closer on the couch. Their bare knees touched, warming Lauren’s entire body. “I want you to influence me. Your opinion is important to me.”
“Thank you,” Lauren said quietly. “That means a lot. I just don’t want to be like your mother, getting you to do whatever I think is best, regardless of what you want.”
A slow smile spread over Grace’s face. “You’re not like my mother at all. Trust me. So, that one is out, right?”
Lauren nodded. “You’ve been in movies like this one before. Don’t get me wrong, you were good, but I think it’s time for something different.”
“How about this one?” Grace handed her another script. “It’s about a lady thief in nineteenth-century England.”
Ooh. Grace with a British accent… Lauren fanned herself with the script. “Is there any romance in there?”
“I thought you don’t like romances?”
Lauren grinned. “I’m rethinking that attitude.”
“Oh, really?” Grace drawled.
“Yeah, really.”
The script forgotten, they looked into each other’s eyes and then leaned toward each other at the same time. Their kiss started slowly but quickly escalated.
This time, instead of keeping her hands on Lauren’s back or weaving her fingers through her hair, Grace slipped one hand beneath Lauren’s T-shirt.
Heat spread through Lauren’s body as Grace ran her fingertips up and down her side, veering close to her breast but never quite fully touching it. She groaned. “God.” She knew Grace was exploring, working up the courage to touch her more intimately, not teasing her on purpose, but still… “If you keep doing that, I’m not going to be held responsible for what I’ll do.”
Grace paused with one hand under Lauren’s T-shirt. Her eyes were smoldering and her cheeks flushed. “What if I don’t stop? What would you do?”
“I’d get up, push you down on the couch,” Lauren said and did it, “and cover your body with mine.” She sank onto Grace, holding herself up with one arm so she wouldn’t put her full weight on her.
Grace parted her legs, setting one foot on the floor, to make room for Lauren between her thighs. “And then?” she whispered, sounding breathless.
“Then I’d lean down and kiss your neck.” She placed her lips against the warm skin of Grace’s neck. A strong pulse thudded against her mouth. “And then lick it and nibble it.” She flicked out her tongue and gave a deliberate lick before gently nipping.
A groan came from Grace. She clutched Lauren’s shoulders with both hands and pulled her down more fully.
Lauren waited for the next question, but Grace seemed to have forgotten their little game. She grinned against Grace’s skin, proud of herself for being able to make Grace lose her train of thought. It was wonderful to know that she could arouse Grace without any problems.
Deciding that there were better uses of her mouth than attempting to talk, Lauren leaned down and kissed her.
When their tongues touched, Grace groaned into Lauren’s mouth.
God. She couldn’t get enough. Being with Grace was addictive. More.
Grace’s hands trailed down Lauren’s back and then clutched her ass.
Not interrupting their kiss, Lauren arched against her. Her thigh pressed more firmly against Grace, making her gasp against Lauren’s lips.
A shrill screech from the cottage’s front door made them flinch apart. “Get off my daughter! Now!”
Her chest heaving, Lauren sat up and helped Grace do the same.
Mrs. Duvenbeck stood in the doorway, her face going from deathly pale to apoplexy red.
Shit, shit, shit! What the hell was she doing here? Wasn’t she supposed to be in the Caymans or someplace else—any place but here?
“Betty Grace Duvenbeck! What in God’s name are you doing? I get a call from Todd’s manager, telling me that you’re refusing to go out on another date with him, and now I find you with…with her, doing God knows what!”
“Mom, I…I… It’s…” Grace tried to straighten her clothes with trembling fingers.
Mrs. Duvenbeck put her hands on her hips in a confrontational stance. “It’s what? A sin? A result of a relapse with a bottle of champagne?”
Lauren got up and stepped between them, both hands raised in a placating gesture. “Why don’t we all sit down and talk like adults?”
Looking as if she wanted to scratch Lauren’s eyes out with her blood-red nails, Mrs. Duvenbeck glared at her. “Stay out of this, you…you corruptive bitch! I warned Grace from th
e start to stay away from you. I just knew you would manipulate her into—”
“Manipulate?” Lauren echoed. “I know that’s what you want to believe, but I’m not the one trying to manipulate Grace all the time. Grace and I—”
Mrs. Duvenbeck slashed her hand through the air, cutting her off. “I don’t want to hear one more word from you. This is between my daughter and me. I’m sure you can find the way out on your own.”
If Mrs. Duvenbeck thought she’d leave her alone with Grace, she clearly didn’t know Lauren at all. She opened her mouth to say just that.
“Lauren,” Grace whispered behind her. “I think it’s best if you leave us alone.”
Lauren turned and stared at her.
For once, even Grace’s acting skills weren’t enough to conceal her panic. She looked as if she were about to face a firing squad.
“Are you sure?” Lauren asked.
Her lips compressed into a tight line, Grace nodded. She reached out to touch Lauren’s arm reassuringly, but one searing glance from her mother made her stop before she could complete the movement.
“I don’t like it,” Lauren whispered. “Not one bit. But if that’s what you want… Call me, okay?”
Grace nodded, her fearful gaze already on her mother.
On her way to the door, Lauren passed Mrs. Duvenbeck and sent her a warning glare. The next thing she knew, she was outside in her car, sitting in the middle of the dirt road. Being sent away hurt, but the fear was worse.
For thirty years, her mother had run every aspect of Grace’s life. Would Grace be strong enough to pull free of that influence?
As the door closed behind Lauren, Grace tried to use her acting training to calm herself—or at least appear reasonable and collected—but it wasn’t doing her any good. At least Lauren had respected her wishes and left. Grace didn’t want her hurt by whatever her mother would say next. She gestured at the couch. “Why don’t we sit and—”
“No. I can’t sit there.” Her mother stared at the sofa as if it would give her herpes. “I just can’t.” She broke down, crying.
Oh Christ. That familiar mix of compassion, guilt, and anger at being manipulated swept over Grace. Hesitantly, she went over to her mother and put one hand on her shoulder. “Mom, please. Don’t cry. This isn’t the end of the world.”
Her mother looked up, her mascara running down her face. “Yes, it is! What do you think the media and your fans will say if they ever find out about your…indiscretion?”
Grace pulled her hand back from her mother’s shoulder and curled it into a fist. “It’s not an indiscretion. Lauren…she…we…” She closed her eyes for a moment, opened them again, and looked directly at her mother. Through the giant lump lodged in her throat, she said, “She means a lot to me.” She drilled her fingernails into her palm. What she’d really wanted to say was, I love her, but she’d chickened out at the last second, trying to soften the blow for her mother.
“You don’t mean that.” Her mother stubbornly shook her head. “She just manipulated you into believing that.”
Anger sparked inside her. She wouldn’t let her mother think that about Lauren. “No, she didn’t,” she said with a firmness that made her mother’s eyes widen. “I was the one who kissed her first.”
A faint gasp came from her mother. She clutched her chest as if she were suffocating. “If you’re doing this to spite me because I wanted you to go out with Todd…”
“No, Mom. This has nothing to do with spite or with Todd. Or with you. I…” Love her. God, why couldn’t she just say it?
Her mother’s mascara now dripped onto her blouse. “How can this be happening? You…you aren’t”—she lowered her voice—“like that.”
“I don’t know. I never thought so, but—”
“You’re just confused by everything that happened this year. The separation from Nick. The media nightmare. The accident. It was just too much for you, and that woman was all too willing to take advantage of it.” Her mother stopped crying. A determined expression settled on her face. She patted Grace’s arm. “Don’t worry. We’ll find you a therapist. There are therapists for that kind of thing, you know?” She pulled her planner out of her purse and started a frantic search through the contact information section, as if she had a gay deprogrammer ready in her contact list.
“Stop. Mom, please.” Grace clung to her mother’s hand. “I don’t need a therapist.” In fact, she’d never felt as normal and happy as when she was with Lauren.
“But…but we need to do something!”
Grace shook her head. “There’s nothing to do.” Just let me live my life, she wanted to say, but it would have felt like kicking a person who was already down.
Her mother gave her a fearful look. “You’re not planning on telling anyone, are you?”
“For now, just Jill knows.”
“You told her? And she didn’t try to talk you out of this craziness? What kind of friend is she?” Before Grace could answer, she waved her away and said, “Oh, right. She’s a lesbian too. Whatever you do, just don’t tell anyone else.”
“I’m not sure what I’ll do. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, but… I just don’t know.”
Sobbing, her mother collapsed onto the couch and then cried even harder as if only then realizing where she was sitting.
Grace sank onto the sofa next to her and put one arm around her. It was going to be a long afternoon.
It was after ten when Grace finally called. Lauren answered on the first ring. “Hi,” she said, making her tone as soothing as she could. “How are you?”
For a moment, only Grace’s shuddery exhale echoed through the line. “I’m okay,” she finally said.
“Hey, this is me you’re talking to. No acting, please.”
“Sorry. I… I’m emotionally exhausted. Seeing my mother crying her eyes out was hard to take. I went back and forth between wanting to hug her and wanting to slap her.”
I vote for the latter. Lauren didn’t say it, though. Grace needed her support now, not sarcastic comments. “God, I hate it that you had to go through that alone.” She paced through her apartment, from the balcony to the kitchen and back. “Do you want me to come over?”
Grace sighed. “I wish you could, but my mother is sleeping over. I didn’t want her to drive home in the state she’s in. She cried herself to sleep on the couch, and I went to the patio to call you.”
So her mother was still there. No doubt she’d again try to get Grace to break things off with Lauren the moment she woke up. “Grace? You’re not…?” She bit her lip and trailed off. Grace didn’t need to deal with her insecurities on top of everything else.
“What? I’m not…what?”
Lauren hesitated, but that worry gnawed at her belly, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep before getting an answer. “You won’t let her convince you that you’re just confused and need to stay away from me to save your career, will you?” She wanted to take it back the moment she’d asked. What chance did their relationship have if she doubted Grace like this? “Forget I asked that.”
“No,” Grace said. “I won’t.”
Which of her questions was she answering? “Leave me? Or forget I asked?”
“Both. It hurts that you even need to ask, but I understand. I haven’t given you much indication that I want more than just a secret little tryst, have I?”
“That’s not it. I know we have more than that, but when you’re forced to make a choice between…us and your career and the relationship with your mother…”
“I still hope it won’t come to that. My mother isn’t totally unreasonable. Maybe she just needs time.”
Lauren suppressed a snort. So far, she hadn’t seen much indication of Mrs. Duvenbeck being reasonable. “I hope you’re right.”
> They were both silent for a moment. Crickets chirped in the background.
“God, I wish so much I could be there with you right now and just hold you,” Lauren said, cupping her palm around the phone as if she could cradle Grace closer.
Grace sighed. “I would love that. How about you sleep over tomorrow?”
Was Grace trying to reassure her? “You don’t need to—”
“I want to. So?”
“Yes,” Lauren said. Yes to anything Grace wanted or needed. Things wouldn’t be easy for them in the future, but Lauren was determined to be there for her, no matter what.
CHAPTER 33
When Lauren stepped out of the elevator and entered the CT Publicity offices on Monday morning, Carmen looked up from the reception desk. “Morning, Lauren. Marlene wants to see you in her office right away.”
Marlene had already told her so on Friday, so Lauren just nodded. God, Friday. So much had happened since she had kissed Grace in the pool. Normally, she would have gone to see Marlene with more enthusiasm, knowing her boss wanted to talk about the promotion, but right now, all she could think of was Grace and how much she worried about her.
The door to Marlene’s office stood open.
Lauren knocked on the doorframe and peeked in.
“Come on in and close the door behind you,” Marlene called.
The male Siamese fighting fish flared his gills at Lauren as she passed the aquarium and settled in the chair in front of Marlene’s desk. Tina and the rest of her colleagues kept saying that the fish could sense Marlene’s mood and reacted with aggression whenever Marlene was about to reprimand an employee, but in this case, the fish’s emotional radar had to be way off.
Marlene steepled her fingers on the desk and regarded her for several seconds. “You know how much I value you as one of our top publicists.”