by E M Lindsey
Nothing about him remained, but he recalled the day he set foot in there after he was released from the hospital and he’d asked her, ‘Is this still mine?’
She’d looked at him, shrugged, and replied, ‘For whenever you need it.’
It was impossible to tell if it was out of kindness or necessity, but he suspected the latter, and it was lying in the bed that first night that he resolved to save himself from this place. Scott had plunged the knife into his body, over and over, but Wilder had survived. He lay there, wounds itching, lungs sore every time he took a breath, and he knew he was too strong to buckle under the weight of anyone’s hatred.
He thought once it meant being alone for the rest of his life, but now…
Now, he had Lorenzo. Now, he had soft, unending kindness from a man who didn’t believe in a single inch of himself and yet made sure Wilder knew he was worth fighting for. That he was worth waiting for. That he was worth loving.
He allowed himself a smile, because although it would be a while until he could be in Lorenzo’s arms again, he knew that’s where he belonged.
Chapter Seventeen
Lorenzo took a breath, then affected a smile and stepped into the salon with his duffle bag over his shoulder just as Raphael was walking out. It was a crutches day, it seemed, so his progress to his desk was slower. He glanced up and looked happy to see Lorenzo until he caught the expression on his face, and then he froze.
“You’re leaving.”
Lorenzo rolled his eyes. “God, are you psychic?”
“I’ve just done this a lot. It happens when you work on the ground floor of a vacation rental.” He grunted as he sat, then shoved his crutches aside, the only real outward sign of his irritation.
Trying not to laugh, Lorenzo came around the desk and propped up on the edge in front of his friend, laying hands on his shoulder. “My flight leaves in a couple hours.” Just the very thought of the airport made him think about Wilder. It made him think about driving him there and kissing him goodbye at the terminal before he got out of the car and left.
There were no promises to see each other again, just a promise to text—which they had. No details, just Wilder letting him know that he’d arrived safely, that he was tired, that he was having a bagel for breakfast. But it was enough.
“So, that’s just it?” Raphael asked, trying to push Lorenzo away.
Lorenzo tightened his grip. “I need you to watch my car for me. Make sure no townie teenage assholes go after it, okay?”
Raphael blinked at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that Gwen is looking for a listing for me, so when I get back, I can move some shit in and stay a while.” Lorenzo’s cheeks ached from wanting to smile. “You grew on me. Like mold.”
“You mean to say you’re staying because your boyfriend sucks good cock,” Raphael fired back.
Lorenzo finally gave in and laughed. “It has nothing to do with it, and it’s none of your damn business.” Lorenzo took a quiet breath, then added, “He’s going to be away for a while though. His dad died last night.”
Raphael startled and pushed his rolling chair back with his involuntary movement. Lorenzo’s hands slipped off him, and he slid down off the desk. “How?”
“Heart attack,” Lorenzo answered with a shrug. He stared down at his feet. “I guess it was sudden. I called Dmitri for him, and Levi’s going to take over baking while he’s gone. And I damn well plan to be here helping out when he gets back.”
Raphael dragged a hand through his hair. “What can we do? I’m sure everyone will want to help.”
“Keep Indulgence going, I guess,” Lorenzo said with a helpless sigh. “I don’t know. I just want to make sure his life doesn’t fall apart while he’s gone.”
“And you didn’t want to go with him?”
It was a sharp question, and it hurt, even if Raphael didn’t mean it to be painful. “He didn’t want me to come, and I get it. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his family, and I don’t even know what we are yet. It’s so new, and I’m still a mess.”
“I don’t think he minds all that about you,” Raphael said.
Lorenzo’s face eased into a half-smile. “I hope not. We need time though, and I can give him that. But I have to go home and pack, and I need to talk to my brother, and…I don’t know.” What he wanted was advice from Simon, who had lived in Cherry Creek most of his life. He wanted to know that he could plant roots there, that people wouldn’t urge him to leave the moment things got rough. They had all seemed to forgive him of his early mistakes, but he wasn’t sure he trusted them. At least, not yet.
“I’ll protect your car, but I can’t drive it without hand controls,” Raphael said.
“Just prepare to fight people off if they get too close. Use your crutches if you have to.” Lorenzo dug into his pocket and pulled out his keys. “Theo said he’d give me a ride to the city, and Gwen’s going to hold my shit here until she finds me a good place to crash for a while.”
“A while,” Raphael repeated.
“Maybe forever, but I don’t want to make promises.” Lorenzo started to step back, but Raphael grabbed his arm and used it to leverage himself up.
“I don’t make friends easy.”
Lorenzo lowered his eyelashes. “I know.”
“I don’t let them go easy.”
He laughed and shook his head, curling one of his hands around Raphael’s wrists. “I know. I’m not leaving you, even if I don’t stay here.”
Raphael made a soft noise, but he let go with one hand and used it to touch the side of Lorenzo’s face. “Be safe, yes?”
“Always.”
“Call me when you land.”
Lorenzo felt his heart warm, the feeling cascading through his limbs, and it was a reminder that this wasn’t all for Wilder. Wilder was his focus, he was falling deep in love, and he wanted to see when or if it would end. But there was so much more, and maybe that’s why it felt so damn big. Maybe that’s why he felt a fire deep inside him for the first time in his entire life.
“I promise I’ll call every day,” Lorenzo said, and Raphael’s body relaxed some. “I don’t plan on being gone long though.”
“Good.” Raphael let go and backed into his chair. “If you talk to Wilder, let him know we have his back, okay?”
Lorenzo swallowed thickly and took a moment to answer. “Thanks. I…thank you.” He had nothing more to offer, and his flight was leaving, so he said a last quick goodbye, then headed out to meet Theo, who was waiting for him at the steps. He flung his bag in the back, then climbed into the seat and offered Theo a smile before he pulled away from the curb and out onto the street. Lorenzo didn’t know him well at all, and wasn’t sure Theo was willing to give him a chance. He offered to drive him to the airport after he overheard Wilder talking to Dmitri about it, but only when Lorenzo said it was a round-trip ticket.
“If you hurt him,” Theo said once they hit the freeway, and Lorenzo startled in his seat, turning his gaze away from the mountains. “If you hurt him, I will get all of James’ brothers to come with me to California, and we will hurt you worse.”
It should have annoyed him. He should have been insulted. He was a grown adult in his damn forties, and this kid was threatening him all for a boy, and it was ridiculous. And yet, all he could do was smile. “Okay.”
“That’s all you have to say for yourself?” Theo’s tone was sharp and accusing, and Lorenzo couldn’t help his shrug.
“It’s the only thing I can say. I can’t make that promise, you know. I’m not going to be like his ex. I’m not a monster. But I am human, and humans make mistakes.”
“I know,” Theo said with a sigh, then was quiet for a long moment. “I don’t think you’re a monster, for the record. But he is my best fucking friend, and I will do everything in my power to protect him.”
“I know.” Lorenzo wasn’t quite sure what else to say, but he damn well knew how he felt. “I think I love him.”
“Oh,” Theo said with a small laugh, “I know you do. Anyone who has been within ten feet of you two knows you’re both hopeless. But he’s a good person, and I’m not…I’m not going to sit here while someone fucks with him.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Lorenzo asked.
Theo scoffed and swooped into the fast lane like he wanted to get to the airport and get Lorenzo out of his car. “I don’t know. You waltzed into Cherry Creek like you were lost, but somehow better than all of us…”
“Trust me,” Lorenzo interrupted with a half-laugh, “I have never thought of myself as better than anyone.”
“That might be worse,” Theo answered. “You can’t put all the burden on him to love you.”
“How he feels right now is enough.” Lorenzo looked away again and missed Wilder like a limb. “I can’t be there to take care of him right now, so I’m doing what I can from here. The first step is closing up everything I have back in California.”
“And the second?”
Lorenzo drummed his fingers on his thigh. “Planting seeds.”
Theo gave a nod, and he didn’t say anything else for the long journey into the city. They passed by all the same sights they had when Wilder had taken him on that first, impossibly nervous date. He could close his eyes and breathe in and imagine that Wilder was there with him. He remembered what his hand felt like when it reached for his, and how anxious he was, and how much he trembled with that first kiss. He remembered exactly the way Wilder looked with the glow of the aquarium lights haloing behind him—like he was an ethereal demi-god with the power to bring Lorenzo to his knees with a single word.
And he would have knelt and worshipped—gladly.
He wanted that again, and he was determined to find it at the end of this road. Theo pulled up at his terminal and didn’t offer anything like a goodbye, but Lorenzo couldn’t blame him. He gathered his bag and tipped a wave, then sent a text to his brother letting him know he’d be there in a few hours. It felt wrong, leaving this place. He felt cracked in half, and the bigger piece was staying behind, but maybe that’s how it should be.
At least, for the first time, it felt right.
Rocco’s PA picked him up in his Corvette, and Lorenzo tried not to be annoyed by the lack of his brother’s presence. He had missed him, but Rocco had texted saying he had a photo shoot and that Simon, who was in his second year of his grad program, was busy on campus, so it was hard to blame the pieces of his family who were too busy for him. Lorenzo was used to it—and he wasn’t really upset, it only made him miss the quiet streets of Cherry Creek where no one had to fight for shards of attention.
The man, whose name Lorenzo had never gotten, dropped him off at his condo where his real estate agent was set to meet him to prepare the sale. Very little was required on his part—just that he hire the movers and someone to clean, and the real estate agency would take care of the photos and listing.
He was happy to do it. This place had been home once, but it wasn’t anymore. It was a relic of a life that never wanted him in the first place, and he didn’t think anyone would hold on tight.
He headed up the stairs, with his bag over his shoulder, preparing himself for the task at hand. The front door was half open, and as he peered inside, he saw two people at the counter. The first was the agent he’d only seen through her profile photo, but the second was someone he didn’t think he’d ever see again.
“Gabs?”
She spun, her expensive pumps clicking on his tiled floors with irritation as she stamped her foot. Her hand pressed into her hip so hard, he could see depressions in her jeans, and her full mouth was set in a furious scowl. “What the actual fuck, Lorenzo?”
He blinked at her. “Uh.”
“You disappear for weeks, then I show up and there’s a real estate agent here preparing your condo for sale?”
Lorenzo rubbed his hands over his thighs as he walked toward them. “I’m…sorry?”
Maria cleared her throat, then slid a stack of papers across toward him. “Initials and signature. Everything’s marked.”
He felt Gabby’s glower as he pushed past her to sign as quick as he could, feeling strangely nervous with her staring at him like he’d done something to betray her. The back of his neck went warm and sweaty, and he fought the urge to swipe at it as he handed the papers back. “Anything else?”
“No, Mr. Moretti. I’ll be in touch. It was…nice to meet you.” She flicked her gaze at Gabby, then gathered everything into her folder and left, closing the door with a firm click.
The room went deathly silent, then Gabby huffed. “So, you’re just fucking off, is that it? You write me a check and then you disappear into the wind like I meant nothing to you?”
Lorenzo took a moment to process what she was saying, and he swallowed thickly. “Why are you here?” His voice was low, raspy, the confusion gripping him, because he didn’t understand. She’d gotten what she put her time in for, and now she was here? Yelling at him?
Gabby took three steps, then smacked him hard in the chest. “Why do you think, pendejo! You were supposed to go on vacation, not sell your damn house and leave.”
“I don’t understand.” He stepped back when she raised her hand again, but this time she curled her fist into his shirt and yanked him forward. Thrown off balance, he grabbed her, and her arms cinched tight around his waist.
“You’re such a dick,” she said, her voice muffled by the front of his shirt. “You can’t just abandon your fucking friends. You can’t just pay me off!”
Lorenzo held tight. “I didn’t think,” he started, but the rest of the words lodged in his throat because he realized if he uttered them, anything real between them would shatter. He’d been an idiot—so wrapped up in his own belief that he wasn’t worth friendship or love, that he’d painted her with that same, broad brush.
And how many others had gone the same way?
“I’m sorry,” he said after a breath. When she stepped away, he cupped her cheeks. “Gabby, I’m sorry.”
After a long beat under her heated stare, she let out a breath. “Talk to me.”
He didn’t want to. Not just to avoid the humiliation of admitting his colossal mistake with her and probably so many others over his life, but he was terrified of making her feel like she was worth less to him. Because that was never the case.
“Lorenzo,” she said. She pulled away from his hands and leaned against the counter. “This isn’t like you. You don’t just disappear off the face of the earth like this, and you don’t say sorry. Ever.”
But he should have, years ago. “I’ve always been an idiot,” he started.
She scoffed. “Not news.”
Lorenzo couldn’t stop his smile, even as his stomach twisted in on itself. “I didn’t think you’d miss me.” His words were barely there, not even a whisper, but she heard them. Her small hands curled into fists, her dark cheeks lighting up with blushing color. “I thought you…” He licked his lips. “I didn’t think I was useful to you anymore.”
“You mean after the check,” she said through clenched teeth. “You think I’m that shallow?”
“I think—I thought,” he amended, because he was trying, he really was, “that I was that worthless. I’ve never done anything good for anyone.” He dragged a hand through his hair and took a step closer, but her entire body went rigid with tension, so he stopped. “I’ve never been the kind of person who could offer much besides money.”
“What about love? Friendship? I mean, was any of that real?” He heard the tremor in her voice, and he hated himself for how wrong he was.
“All of it. I just never let myself believe anyone felt the same way.” The truth hurt—though it was such a sad, sorry way to explain that kind of pain, but he felt unburdened. “I’m trying harder,” he told her. He took another risk and moved to stand next to her, resting both elbows on the counter, and he dropped his head forward. “I know I deserve better—but I don’t know entirely how to believe
it yet.”
Gabby licked her lips, then let out a heavy breath and leaned on the counter next to him. “I’ve been telling you for years that you’re a catch. You know that.”
He laughed. “I do.”
“But you never believed me.”
Lorenzo dragged a hand down his face. “I’ve never been good at anything, Gabs. I’ve never been worth sticking around for.” He reached over and tugged a lock of hair that had escaped from behind her ear. “You and I both know this.”
“People are trash, Lorenzo. You can’t base your self-worth on the opinion of someone who belongs in a dumpster. Besides, I stayed for you. Isn’t that worth something?”
He closed his eyes and grinned, shaking his head. “It’s worth everything, babe. But you’re the exception to the rule. You always have been.”
She grinned at him. “Well. Yes. I can’t exactly deny that.”
Lorenzo breathed out, then tugged her close and buried his nose in the top of her air. “God, I missed you.” And he had. He hadn’t let himself think about her much, because the moment he left Malibu, he fully believed she was gone—that she was finished with him, like everyone else. And he both loved and hated that he was so damn wrong. He was in love with Wilder, but his relationship with Gabby had always been so far beyond the black and white of romantic and platonic, and he knew right in that moment they’d find their new way forward.
She bit her lip, then let out a shaking sigh. “You haven’t been on social media, Rocco or Pietro won’t answer a damn text. I didn’t know what was going on. You have to tell me everything.”
He released her, and she swooped around him for one of his wine bottles—the cheap store-bought shit for their John Hughes movie nights, and she cracked the top, dragging him to the sofa without glasses. She took a long drink, then passed it over, and the burn of the chardonnay was almost comforting.
“When I got to Cherry Creek, it was a fucking disaster,” he told her.