by K B Cinder
I blinked, sure I was hallucinating until she moved. “Can I help you?”
“I have the check for tonight,” she replied, pulling a white rectangle from her handbag as she shut the door. “The girl up front told me to give it to you.”
“Oh, yeah…” The hostess was new, but she should’ve sent her to Abby, not me. I’d have to give her a refresher before I left.
No one was to be sent to my office directly other than family. No exceptions. It protected me from whacky women and Lynette. “Thanks.”
“Is it okay to walk over?” she asked, nervously eyeing the desk, obviously hearing Tally’s warning growl when she entered.
“You’re fine.”
She dawdled over, boots squeaking with every step, hands shaking as she gave me the check.
“Aw, Daddy couldn’t deliver it?” I teased, tossing it to the side.
“Mom sent me with it.” She peered out the window behind me, rain still pelting the glass. “My father and I aren’t speaking.”
“About time,” I mumbled, turning my attention back to the computer, heart in my throat every time I looked her way.
If she was cool, I was cool. I wouldn’t show any different.
“See you tonight.”
I glanced back at her, surprised she thought I’d be there. “I won’t be at the wedding,” I informed. “Sorry to disappoint. Ed wouldn’t like that very much.”
She shrugged with a smirk, a raindrop trickling from her forehead before jetting down the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t know you cared about what Ed thought.”
“I don’t,” I replied, leaning back in my chair. “I haven’t cared what that old bastard thinks for thirty-two years. Wait till you reach those numbers, kid. Feels great.”
“I bet.” Her eyes flicked to mine just as her tongue slid across her lower lip, swiping the raindrop away as it dropped to her lip.
“How have you been?” I asked, keeping my eyes on hers, not giving in to temptation. “I haven’t seen much of you since we... last spoke.”
She fiddled with the hem of her dress, avoiding my gaze. “I’ve been hanging in there. You?”
“Keeping busy.” Trying to, at least. So far, nothing kept her from my mind for more than a few minutes.
She nodded, her eyes meeting mine again, tears brimming.
“Hey...” I trailed, standing and coming to her side. “Are you okay?”
She shook her head quickly, tears escaping.
I ignored the warning signs flashing, pulling her into a hug and burying her face in my chest. She didn’t fight it, body trembling with sobs as I held her.
She could destroy me again in seconds by walking out on me again, but I’d take the blow a hundred times over to stop the tears.
“Where’s Linc?” I asked, heart plummeting. “Is he okay?”
She shook with a laugh, her body a perfect fit against mine. “He’s out with the groomsmen for lunch in Portland. He taught them how to give a handshake before they left.”
I smiled against her hair. “I bet.”
He was as bossy as his mom when he wanted to be. Even when honking the horn of the boat, he was precise, only honking for one Mississippi, not two, cracking everyone onboard up. Wheat Thin included.
She pulled her head free, resting her chin on my chest, eyes wide. “I’m sorry I left you.”
“I forgive you,” I murmured, not caring if she was talking about a month or eleven years earlier.
“I freaked out. It was so much at once. I was already upset and -”
I pressed my lips to hers, cutting her off, not needing to hear another word.
We’d been to heaven, hell, and everywhere between, and for a moment, we sailed back into the white light, her lips soft against mine as she answered my kiss tasting like coconut chapstick.
I pulled away, smiling down. A genuine smile I felt in my bones. “It’s okay, beautiful. We needed to cool down.”
If we hadn’t, I would have gone to town right on the dock, condom or not. Then we might’ve been having an entirely different conversation.
She giggled. “I guess. We were getting pretty hot out there.”
“Pretty hot? I almost fucked you in front of all sorts of wildlife.”
“Wouldn’t want that,” she murmured, eyes locked on my lips. “Smokey Bear might not like that show.”
I swallowed hard, doing my best to keep desire at bay, ready to bend her over my desk and fuck her with everything I had to make her mine again completely.
“Why’d you leave?” It fell out of my mouth, brain winning out over dick for once.
“I was scared,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to feel anymore.”
I cocked my head. “Then or now?”
I would have died for her. I laid it all on the line in that police car, slamming myself against the locked door to try to get to her, ramming my broken body against the metal, a snapped collarbone not even keeping me back.
How could she walk away?
Her eyes welled up with tears again. “Both. I never stopped.”
The words stung, not balming the wound at all. “Then why?”
Love didn’t stop. It didn’t have limitations. It couldn’t be flicked off like a switch. Not for me, at least.
“I have a child, Luke,” she breathed, pulling herself from my arms. “We aren’t teenagers anymore. I have a little boy who needs stability, and ever since I saw you that night at Greg’s, I’ve been a disaster. I don’t know how to feel.”
“But why did you leave me then?” I pushed. I needed an answer. I deserved one.
“You really won’t admit to it?” she scoffed, blinking rapidly. “You can’t even after all these years? Just own up to it. Obviously, you’ve moved on from that, but you owe me an apology.”
“Admit what? Moved on from what?”
“Wow… just… wow.” She shook her head, stumbling backward. “I can’t believe I came here. I’m so stupid.”
I caught her hand, not letting her run away from me again. From us. “Josie, tell me what I did. Tell me why you left.”
“Because you told them the drugs were mine!” she exploded, yanking her hand from my grasp. “I had no other choice! Good old Ed worked out a deal for me. One of the only decent things he’s ever done for me.”
What the fuck?
Drugs? Deal?
“Josie, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Did I stutter? You can at least admit it.”
“What drugs?” I pushed. “They pulled me over by mistake. I was released that night. The only reason I didn’t come straight to you was that I had to get my face sewn back together.”
“In your car!” she screeched, transforming from an angel to a devil, her fists balled at her sides.
“What the hell are you talking about? There weren’t any drugs in my car! You were there, Josie!”
She was talking nonsense again, hurling accusations.
“Why can’t you just tell me the truth? That’s all I want. Just be honest with me. You’re passed all that now…” The rage softened with each word back into sobs, her chest heaving.
“You really thought I had drugs in my car?” I flinched, her words hitting like a bat to the stomach.
The truth was worse than I thought.
“You told them they were mine!” she cried, wiping desperately at her face, breathing sputtering from her hysterics. “You took me away from my family! I didn’t get to see Liv grow up!”
“I didn’t do anything. There were no drugs and the fact that you believed that crock of horseshit tells me everything I ever needed to know about you. Get out.”
I’d spent eleven years missing someone who’d never loved me in the first place. It was all a lie. Every kiss. Every hug. Every “I love you.”
She glanced at the door before looking back at me. “Luke?” she choked out.
I backed away, shaking my head. I was done, for good, on my terms. “It’s over.”
Josie
“I ca
n’t believe my baby is getting married!” Mom cried, dabbing her eyes as Liv came into the front parlor, the hair and makeup extravaganza of the last three hours paying off tenfold.
She was the most beautiful bride I’d ever seen, angelic with long lashes and radiant skin. Thankfully, the rain died down, and the forecast cleared, sparing her perfect barrel curls from their rage.
Even Dad choked up, a fist balled at his mouth, as he saw her while tying his tie. He dropped the satin, pulling her into a hug. “Oh, Olivia, honey, you look so beautiful!”
Liv smiled at me over his shoulder and rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“It's finally here.” He pulled her tighter, strong arms cradling his baby girl. “This is the happiest day of my life.”
Liv met my eyes, mouthing “sorry.”
I smiled and dismissed her worries with a shake of the head. She had nothing to be sorry about. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and he’d never change.
But it wasn’t about him. It was a day for celebration.
My baby sister was getting married.
* * *
As the first wedding I’d been to since my own, I thought I’d be a mess, but surprisingly I kept it together, even with the added stress of the morning showdown with Luke.
Their vows got us all; however, the two writing their own and not leaving a dry eye in the house, including mine.
Everywhere I looked, I saw Scott. From his blond hair in the crowd to his blue-green eyes in the water as the limo hugged the coast on our way to the reception. All the while, I saw Luke when I closed my eyes, a tale of two lives weighing heavy.
Things looked up until the Daddy-daughter dance; the tradition ripping out what was left of my heart. I’d never have their bond, never share the love they had for one another. He’d always treat me like a defect, past mistakes shadowing any successes I’d ever have.
After that, I hit the bar, my chauffeur for the night a limo driver named Rick. Linc and Mom danced away after she insisted she’d keep an eye on him and told me to have fun.
I had a date with rum and coke, ready to drown my sorrows. I needed a break for once. Just once. A sliver of numbness to rest in.
Most of the town filled the room, Dad inviting indiscriminately. Even Pete was there, showing up with a blonde in a dress that barely covered her lady cobbler and company. As usual, he tried to chat me up, but with a flip of the bird, he left me alone. If I’d known that was all it took, I would’ve done it sooner.
The same wasn’t true of Dan, who badgered me incessantly since I walked inside. He asked me to dance at least three times, and eventually, I fled downstairs, taking two drinks with me for the journey.
The restaurant didn’t offer the privacy I wanted, so I took it a step further, wandering into the brewing room below. It was pitch black, but I didn’t care, settling in with my drinks at the base of the stairs.
The machines hummed quietly, not nearly as loud as when Luke gave us a mini-tour, giving me a peaceful backdrop to focus on. It was a calming trick Luke taught me, only this time it was machinery, not waves.
I still hated my bridesmaid dress, but I hated what they’d done to my hair more, forcing it in an updo that screamed sister-wife rather than sister of the bride.
The air was thick with hops and pine, a woodsy combo that transported me to the rear deck of the cottage when I closed my eyes. Each breath brought with it a sense of ease, pushing away the troubles that swirled above.
Questions might have lingered, but I’d worry about them later. Just thinking of Luke hurt, and if I started crying again, I wasn’t sure I’d stop.
The finality was the worst part. How he decided to chop the head off the monster once and for all.
“I thought I saw a flash of cotton candy…”
I flew forward in a panic, almost spilling my precious drinks.
“I stand corrected: cotton candy double-fisting drinks.”
I knew that voice. That low rumble. That slow drawl.
Luke strolled down the stairs, the faint glow of his cellphone lighting the way as slow, heavy steps sounded.
It hurt to see him, but I was grateful it was him and not Dan.
“You said you weren’t coming,” I muttered.
We’d laid it all on the table earlier, and that was that.
It was over.
Forever.
Then again, maybe he forgot something in his office. He owned the friggin place. It wasn’t like he was a random visitor.
“I wasn’t planning on it, but had something to take care of.”
“Oh.” I took a sip of one of the drinks, stepping out of his way as he neared the bottom of the staircase, needing an extra pop of strength.
But he didn’t continue toward his office. He sat where I once did, patting the space beside him. “Time to figure this out. Now.”
My stomach did backflips as I clutched a drink in each hand, handing one over which he readily accepted. We likely needed a gallon each to get through the conversation.
“I don’t know what to think,” I admitted, reluctantly taking a seat beside him.
He took a sip of the rum and coke, flipping off his phone, sending the room back into darkness. “You said I had drugs in my car. Who told you that?”
“My father.” It sounded ridiculous with how things were, but he had no reason to lie or to send me away. I was his favorite then, not Liv. Even with Luke at my side, he adored me. He cried as our final moments together ticked by before banishing me from Briar and the family. “He said you were dealing.”
“And you believed him?” Pain muddled his voice, a sharp intake of breath making me flinch.
“Not at first,” I murmured, emotions swirling at the memory of how scared I’d been. How heartbroken. “But I thought about how stressed you were about money and how much you didn’t want me moving for school…”
“How many times did I tell you I was planning to buy our own place? I would follow you anywhere. You knew that.”
He had, but he was also desperate for money. At the time, it all fell into a crystal-clear picture that shattered everything. “You’ve always been obsessed with money.”
“Because I grew up piss fucking poor, Josie!” His voice was harsh, no longer pain-stricken. “I would never dabble in drugs! You know that better than anyone!”
“Well, you run a brewery, and your mom was a drunk…” I trailed, regretting the words as soon as they left my lips. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean that!”
He laughed, shocking the hell out of me. I was sure he was about to toss his drink in my face — not laugh. “Funny, isn’t it? I turned Ma’s poison into profit.”
He took a swig from the glass, setting it down on the step with a loud thud. “While I don’t mind that, I’d never touch drugs. You can deny it, but you know it in your heart, Josie.”
“Tell me the truth, Luke.” I felt the tears burning long before they started falling. I needed to hear it. “Please.”
“There were no drugs in my car.” The truth slapped me in the face. “Reed beat the hell out of me for nothing. They told Nan it was a mistake, sent us a check for $250, and that was that. They haven’t pulled me over in Briar since no matter how many cops I cut off, flip off, or speed by. I pissed on the police department in broad daylight once to see what would happen, and guess what? Nothing.”
My world collapsed as truth pelted down, the lies combining in one fatal blow.
I gnawed at my lip, desperate to keep it together, to get out the words he needed to hear. He’d given me his truth. I had to share mine. “He said they found drugs… that you said they were mine…” I felt so stupid. So horrible. So undeserving. “He said the only way I’d be safe was if I left.”
I’d believed the worst in him. I failed him.
“He set us up.” His voice was much steadier than mine though deeper than ever, a low rumble that threatened a storm Briar had never seen the likes of.
Dad passed off sending me to Califor
nia as the gift of salvation. He’d given me a gift alright, a mountain of lies wrapped up in a tiny bow, delivered by the man who was supposed to protect me all along.
“But why would he do that? Why? He loved me! I was his favorite!” I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, desperate for comfort. “I did nothing wrong! All I’ve ever done was love you!”
“Then why did you believe him?”
His question was like a two-by-four to the stomach, a second round of pain ringing when I realized how pathetic the answer was.
“He never lied to me!” I cried, a tremor of sobs rolling through me. “Maybe he wasn’t around much, but he never looked at me like that before! He never hit me! I knew it had to be bad for him to react like that!”
I’d never forget the weight of the guilt and shame he thrust onto my shoulders as he rattled off all the things he’d done for me and all the ways I’d let him down on the way to Portland. It was a dance we repeated many times over the years, more things tossed to the top of the pile as he saw fit. I’d beaten myself up over a lie for so long, thankful he’d saved me from danger, a danger that hadn’t been real.
“He’s always hated me, Joey.” He snaked the glass from my hand, setting it down beside his before draping an arm around my shoulders, giving me everything I’d ever needed in an instant. “But it’s okay. I hate the rotten son of a bitch, too.”
He stole so much.
So much love.
So much time.
All the things I’d hated Luke for had been his doing all along, and he watched me suffer, inflicting more lashes when I was already down
But I couldn’t hate him. His lies, however harmful, brought me to California. To Scott. I got to share a few short years with a great man and learned what true love was again with Linc.
“Why would he do this?” I wondered aloud, sinking against Luke’s chest. “He left us alone before that day. He’d give his usual list of complaints, but he always got over it. It’s like he flipped a switch.”
“Like a man panicked,” Luke noted, stroking my shoulder gently. “Like a man about to lose everything.”
“But why us?”
He’d already retired from Congress by then, and in between his grouchiness, he’d been okay. Maybe distant, spending more time at the cabin up north than at home, but nothing made sense about any of it.