by K B Cinder
“Is that…?” she breathed, swaying suddenly.
I rested a hand on either side of her waist from behind for support, dropping a kiss on those same curls. “Yes.”
She sucked in a harsh breath, the tremors rocketing through her body rivaling the adrenaline coursing through mine. “Are you?”
“I am.” I said it. Admitted it for the first time ever to another soul. But that wasn’t enough. I wanted it to be crystal-clear, the ultimate truth bared to the only person who mattered. “I’m Ever.”
She sagged in my hold, the rigidity beneath my grip melting. But she didn’t speak. It wasn’t until I circled around that I saw she was crying.
“Hey…” I cooed, swiping a tear with the pad of my thumb, her face hot to the touch. “It’s okay.”
But was it? More tears followed, an involuntary shudder rocking her shoulders, a whimper following. Whatever they were, they definitely weren’t happy tears. I was watching my heart break from the outside.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I cradled her face in my hands. “Kee, talk to me.”
It wasn’t exactly the reaction I was expecting. Actually, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t tears.
She shook her head, sniffing slightly as a teardrop fell from the tip of her nose to her dress. “I’m fine. It’s just a lot all at once. I need some time to process it all.”
I kissed the tears from her lips, resting my forehead against hers. “Sure, do you want me to leave, or…”
She pushed away, walking on weak legs toward the door. “Just give me time. It’s too much right now.”
“Take all the time you need,” I urged, knowing I’d dropped a hell of a bomb on her. She had every right to be dazed and confused. “I’ll wait in here. Come talk when you’re ready.”
She lingered at the door for a moment, hesitating as if she wanted to say something more, but at the last second, she shut it behind herself .
* * *
I waited at least an hour before popping my head outside the door to listen, praying she wasn’t sobbing somewhere. I was relieved not to hear it but unnerved at the silence.
What if she was crying into a pillow all alone?
I battled between staying in the studio and looking for her, my need to comfort her outweighing the promise I’d made. When I told her to take time, I didn’t anticipate her crying for an hour straight. I couldn’t leave her any longer.
I walked to the living room, finding it empty, so I hurried to the bedroom. I was facing an uphill battle at making things right.
But while I’d lied about the overall picture of my life, I’d never lied about my feelings. About our friendship. Our bond. It was all real. I just had to make her see that.
I took a deep breath before opening the master bedroom door, relieved not to see her curled up in a pile of tears on the bed. “Kee?” I called.
She must have camped out on the balcony. I didn’t blame her. It was my favorite place to unwind. That or the rooftop deck.
I strolled across the room and out the still-open door, worry creeping through my gut when she wasn’t there either. “Keely?”
I hurried back into the main living area, checking the kitchen, dining room, gym, and office in quick succession. Nothing. I ran through the spare rooms. Still nothing. Then to the theater. The lap pool. The rooftop deck.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
When I ran back into the living room, it hit me: it was quiet. I ran around the penthouse like a madman yet Stanley hadn’t barked once. That’s because he wasn’t there.
Kee was probably out walking him. Son of a bitch.
I pulled my cell from my rear pocket, fingers fumbling as I sent her a text.
Out walking Satan?
I headed to the front door, swallowing down the sudden anger that was bubbling up. She should have told me if she was going outside. It still wasn’t safe for her. Even with the new Ever announcement a world away.
Once the door opened to an empty hallway, more anxiety slapped me upside the head, remembering that I’d dismissed the guards for the night. I hurried to the lobby elevator, smacking the button like a madman. I watched it climb at a snail’s pace before fetching me, taking the long ride down while tapping my fingers against my phone case, thoroughly pissed she hadn’t texted me back yet.
Where are you? I’m coming to meet you outside.
I didn’t have shoes on, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass. I’d walk across glass to keep her safe.
I spilled into the lobby when the doors opened, running across the marble with all eyes on me. A man who dared to stare too long got the finger. I wasn’t in the mood for anyone’s shit.
“Kee?” I called as I rushed down the front steps, scanning the surrounding sidewalks for a sign of her and Stanley but coming up empty.
I rushed back inside, turning to one of the building guards. “Did you see a woman come through with a Chihuahua? Dark, curly hair. Black dress.”
Panic was setting in, worry getting the upper-hand. What if someone grabbed her on the street? She’d been gone over an hour. There was no telling how far a person could get with that lead.
A follow-up of guilt rocked me to my core. It was my fault. I never should have excused the guards for the day. I was cocky. Arrogant.
The mustached man answered without hesitation, “Yeah, she left about a half hour ago.”
I was going to be sick. “Did she say where she was going?”
The shake of his head had me hauling ass back upstairs, bursting through the front door of the penthouse to check her things, horror ripping through me when I saw that the backpack we’d picked up earlier was gone, along with her laptop.
Where the computer once laid on an end table was a note scrawled on a piece of scrap paper, Kee’s usually-perfect cursive reduced to an angry scrawl.
“Ethan/Ever/Whoever,
Thank you for sheltering me in a time of need and allowing me to keep Stanley here after the incidents of the last two days.
That said, I need to leave.
You’ve painted Love out of lies. That’s not love. That’s manipulation.
Please give me space.
I don’t want to be a part of this.
Keely doyle”
I would have preferred a knife to the heart over the note. The note that stated a reality I wouldn’t accept.
Kee was gone.
Keely
I held my breath as I shuffled from Ethan’s front door to the elevator, fully expecting him to burst through it at any moment. I must have hit the close-door button a hundred times, still jittery as I climbed into a cab halfway down the block a few minutes later.
It was there on the cracked leather seat that I could finally breathe. That I could wrap my mind around what Ethan revealed. If that really was his name. For all I knew, his real name was Norbert.
How could I trust anything he said after lying to my face for two years?
He knew me. The real me. Every vulnerability. Every secret. He repaid that trust with lies.
Stanley sat on the seat beside me, ears back as he kept a suspicious eye on the driver. We’d already made serious strides in our relationship. He hadn’t growled or snapped when I scooped him up and made a break for it. Maybe he understood we were all one another had.
He maintained his post while we made a quick pit stop at a pharmacy to pick up essentials, including motion-sickness tabs that made riding with the weaving driver almost bearable, my stomach doing backflips with every turn.
I powered down my cell phone to avoid the barrage of texts and calls that would soon roll in as we rode to the station, buying a ticket for the next train to New York City once we arrived. I said a silent prayer Stanley wouldn’t bite anyone on the way as I tucked it into my purse. I couldn’t afford the ticket as is, let alone a fine or medical bills.
Heading out of town wasn’t exactly financially responsible given my living situation, but I needed time away before I lost my mind. Befor
e I lost the nerve to say no.
Afterward, I’d regroup. If push came to shove, I could always rent a storage unit for my things and couch-surf at Bridget’s until I found a new place. She’d been trying to coax me into moving in for years to help with the boys. Doing so temporarily wouldn’t kill me.
But waiting would.
I was in knots as I sat on a long, metal bench in the terminal, the material cold against my skin. I was still wearing the dress I wore to Lil’s service, the thin, black fabric doing little to keep me warm as fall seemed to blanket Boston overnight. I couldn’t stop at my apartment to grab anything warmer on the way. It was the first place Ethan would look.
Every time new crowds drifted in, I found myself tensing up, terrified he’d be among them. I wasn’t sure why. He wouldn’t hurt me. But I couldn’t face him.
I needed to come to terms with life as I knew it. Jorge moving. My family imploding. My privacy being stripped away. The loss of Lil. So much had changed in a month. I couldn’t deal with his nonsense, too.
The longer I waited, the more anxiety crept in, the threats I’d read crawling out of the darkness. What if someone recognized me? What if one of the monsters found me? I could barely form a cohesive sentence after the last few days, let alone defend myself.
I sank into the metal, head down as the minutes ticked by, skin dusted with goosebumps courtesy of the chill in the air. A clicking noise was driving me insane until I realized it was my teeth clattering.
I could’ve cheered when the train arrived, more so when I discovered my window seat was beneath an air vent, its heat warming my tired bones. As I settled in, I tucked my backpack between my legs while Stanley took his throne on my lap.
With him standing guard, I let sleep win for once, knowing no one would mess with me thanks to the chomp-happy Chihuahua ready and waiting to ambush them.
* * *
Five hours later, I was standing in a questionable hotel kicking myself for hopping on a train to a city I’d only been to once. There were plenty of places in Massachusetts I could have stayed at for less that weren’t nearly as sketchy. The lobby alone made me thankful I’d had a tetanus shot a year earlier.
But I paid for two nights and took the weathered room card from the toothless front desk worker anyway, grateful to have a place to rest and recharge. It was unlike anywhere I’d ever stayed, but it was better than the streets and way better than any liar’s penthouse.
I slid the card in the reader and pushed inside, the blue carpeting alarmingly crunchy beneath my feet. “I’m sorry,” I muttered to Stanley, knowing we were both in for an interesting stay as I turned the lights on, a blue and green pinstripe room coming into view, a queen-size bed, oak end tables, and radiator taking up most of the space. A small television sat on the dresser in front of the bed, its power cords knotted and gnarled as it plugged into an outlet a few inches away.
After setting the three locks on the door, I dropped my backpack on the bed, the uneven frame creaking upon impact. Apparently the wallpaper wasn’t the only loud thing about the place.
And almost as if on cue, I heard it.
More like heard them.
Two lovers next door going to town directly behind the bed. Only it wasn’t just the usual moans or sighs. I could have handled that. Hell, I could have handled some spanking and screams.
But not the slurps. The suckling. The buzzing. And was that bubbling? Mooing? What the hell were they doing?
I turned on the television to drown them out, but it only seemed to egg them on, the passion permeating the paper thin walls as I sat on the very edge of the bed, even Stanley appearing concerned as sizzles and woofs joined the ruckus behind us.
And when it finally fell quiet, I felt like I needed a cigarette.
But as screwed up as it was, the longer I sat in the room after sharing cold cherry toaster tarts with Stanley, I missed the distraction. Especially after a trip to the bathroom.
The television wasn’t helping, every news channel covering the Ever stunt on loop, so-called experts arguing in split-screen setups over the Parisian display. I couldn’t even get away from him watching reruns of old sitcoms, every storyline reminding me of something about Ethan. Ever. Whoever the hell he was.
I found myself twisted like a pretzel at the center of the mattress, the only section of bed that didn’t scream bloody murder when I breathed. Stanley laid against my side under the starched covers, steady snores replacing his usual snarls.
I gave in to the loneliness, turning to my phone, an explosion of notifications unleashed as it powered on. I skipped the wall of Ethan’s messages, not honoring them with attention.
Mom: Keely, I’m so sorry I let something stupid boil over the way it did. I love you. Please call me or Daddy. We’re worried sick.
I had to double-check the sender, shocked to see Mom apologizing. It only took, what, a month?
Dad: Keely. Ethan stopped by looking for you. Where are you? Please. We’re all worried sick. We love you.
A surprise teardrop sprang free at the message. At the image of the two meeting face to face in my mind. Dad unknowingly meeting an artist he’d admired for years. Or had Ethan told them everything? Had they asked him about the shitstorm that the Bold article unleashed?
I’m okay. We’ll grab lunch in a few days. I promise. I need alone time right now. Love you.
Somehow I wasn’t so sure alone time was what I needed based on the hollow feeling in my chest, but it was too late to back out. I’d already spent the money. I might as well get what I paid for. Even if it did come with a squeaky bed and freaky sex sounds.
I scrolled lower, one name stopping me in his tracks, a few short words filling the hollowness with fear.
Rick: Aw, trouble in paradise? Cute dog, by the way. A plane ride to NYC is faster. Just saying.
Ethan
An army fanned across Boston chasing a single goal: find Kee. Streets were combed, the private security’s connections stretching to an unofficial BOLO alert with Boston PD.
But no one found her.
My building’s security tapes showed her walking east with Stanley and a backpack, disappearing from view as she crossed the street out of range. That was all I had to work with.
I headed straight to Braintree after searching her apartment, but her parents hadn’t heard from her in weeks, her father Sean looking nauseous in the doorway when I gave him my name. He broke down when I said I couldn’t find her.
Even Marjorie fell apart, Kee’s ongoing rival reduced to sobs as guilt seeped from every pore. I knew Kee had her doubts about her, but she was every bit a mother in anguish at the news.
Next up was Bridget, but she, too, hadn’t seen or heard from Kee. She was hysterical in an instant, however, already a hormonal mess as she neared her due date. Telling a pregnant woman I couldn’t find her sister probably wasn’t the best idea, but I was desperate. I promised her I’d find Kee before she went into labor, and I intended to keep that promise.
I needed to find her. I was out of my mind with worry, snarling at every fucker who dared to call with an update that wasn’t we found her. It wasn’t acceptable. She couldn’t just vanish.
Even Jorge hadn’t heard from her, still sequestered in training across the country. He, like everyone else I’d contacted, was beside himself.
After hours of tail chasing, I was no closer to finding her and out of my mind with anxiety. She wasn’t answering texts or calls from anyone. I could handle her ignoring me, but the silence on her end toward everyone was deafening.
Part of me clung to the hope that she was hanging out at a coffee shop sipping on the world’s largest latte to calm down, but I knew Kee. I knew how much she valued friendship. Privacy. Honesty. I’d traipsed all over each. Combined with losing Lil, I wasn’t sure where she’d go or what she’d do.
So I went back to ground zero, scouring the penthouse for clues. A phone number. Another note. Anything.
I tore the place apart, dumping drawers, f
lipping cushions. Anything to gain control. Anything to keep me busy. Anything to distract myself.
But as darkness fell, a twisting in my gut reminded me that she was out there alone. Unprotected. Exposed.
What if the wrong person found her and carried out their threats?
I paced the halls, guilt ballooning in my chest. It was my fault. I should have known better than to think she’d forgive me. Had I really thought the awe of Ever would gloss over the fact that I’d lied to her for two years?
I didn’t deserve her.
But that didn’t mean I’d give up.
I just needed time.
Time to show her I wasn’t a monster.
Time to win her back.
* * *
I bounced from my place to Kee’s, intent on ripping through her apartment like a tornado for clues. It was eerie approaching the pitch-black brownstone, Lil always keeping at least one light on for Stanley allegedly, never one to admit she hated the dark.
Seeing it brought back the emotions of the morning, ones I swallowed down as I focused on the task at hand. I let myself into Kee’s apartment, hoping she’d be hiding inside, having somehow evaded earlier searches. But she wasn’t.
Standing in her living room, I was brought back to our last time there together, the bliss of sex spiraling out of control once that son of a bitch showed up smiling, proud of himself and his little games. I’d smashed it from his face, setting off a chain of events I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried.
I should have told her then. Fuck, I should have told her the night of the Lorelei auction. I took away her voice by staying silent. Then I left her, the worst thing anyone could do to her. I abandoned her when she needed someone most.
There were no obvious signs she’d been there since that morning, everything where it should be. In fact, the place was pretty damn tidy for Kee, the queen of clutter.
I headed to the bedroom, feeling sick as soon as I looked at her bed, our first time rushed and rough, nothing like she deserved. I tried to block it out as I searched, checking her dresser for potential clues, but my mind kept drifting back to Kee on top of me while I fucked her like she was nothing. Like she wasn’t my universe. No wonder she wanted nothing to do with me.