by Serena Lyons
“So that’s it? You’re not investigating any further?” Fury curdles in my stomach as I stare at this man, dismissing me as a silly teenager.
“Of course we’re investigating. Violent attacks on vulnerable women are a priority for the force, but we are confident the culprit is not Callum Carter-Wright.” The policeman smiles at me like I should be happy with this statement.
I’m not, I’m furious. He’s paid off another set of corrupt police officers. The absolute bastard. He’s not getting away with this.
23: Faith
“You’re well enough to go home today,” a nurse tells me as she delivers my breakfast.
Home. The word sounds unfamiliar, I’m not sure where exactly it signifies any more. Home is my gran’s, hundreds of miles away, not the pokey single bed in the converted attic at college where I know I’ll actually spend the night.
“But you need to arrange someone to pick you up.” Her strident tone leaves no space for argument.
“My phone.” I pat my side where the pocket of my leather jacket lies, as if I’m still in the clothes I was wearing when I was attacked, not a hospital gown. “I’ve lost it, I can’t …” Panic wells up in my throat.
“In your drawer, love,” she hands it to me. “We can’t let you go until there is someone here to pick you up.”
“There will be.” I hope that I sound more confident than I am. There’s no one in this city who’d drop everything to pick me up.
Callum’s face jumps into my head. Foolishly, stupidly.
I don’t care what the police say: he hurt me. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense. I’m such an idiot thinking about him, imagining him as someone who’d pick me up, sweep me into his powerful arms and look after me. Just because I made out with him, my body seems to have categorised him as a friend even though my mind knows that he’s definitely foe.
Professor Headley? Ugh just the idea is pathetic. Can you pick me up, because I haven’t got any friends here? There’s no way I can do that.
I’ll call Nina. My fingers shake, as I search for her name. She picks up quickly and I explain what I need.
“Oh my God, that’s terrible Faith. Of course, I’ll come and get you. God, I thought you’d just gone home for the weekend or something,” she sounds angry, whether with herself or me, it’s hard to tell.
“Shit, Faith! What the hell happened to you?” Nina freezes then sprints over and grabs my hand. “It didn’t… I thought it was an accident… you look… what happened?” she stammers.
“They think someone hurt me. They don’t know who though.” I can’t face getting into any of the details now.
“Oh Faith.” She squeezes my forearm and a comforting warmth blooms out from her touch. I can relax and let her take care of me now. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
She insists on paying for a proper black cab. I daren’t confess that it’s the first time I’ve been in one. My hand caresses smooth cool leather that’s softer than any I’ve ever felt before.
“I insist that we get a delicious takeaway tonight.” She says. “God, I bet the stuff they’ve been feeding you in hospital was disgusting.”
“No worse than hall.” I’m surprised how easy it is to joke with her already, “But maybe I’ll have to try a takeaway. Just to test your judgement.”
“No maybe about it,” she says opening the door and offering me her arm as a crutch as I step through the wooden gate into college. She’s stronger than she looks, but I know better than to say that. Nothing good comes from mentioning the body of someone with eating problems, no matter how complimentary you’re trying to be, they’ll just hear an insult.
Luckily the quad is quiet, it’s that bizarre moment on a Monday morning where everyone’s either hungover from a party weekend, or already out over-achieving. Nina ushers me into our staircase. We turn around the curve in the stairs to the first landing and there he is: Callum Carter-Wright.
I start, surprised it’s him, then surprised that him being there isn’t scaring me. If anything, I feel calmer.
“Now isn’t a good time, Cal,” Nina’s casual, almost bored tone surprises me. She knows him already?
Then I remember, they weren’t to the same school. I never expected them to be friend though. Or for Nina to address him with such casual disdain.
He ignores her and stares at me. “What the fuck are you doing hanging around my sister?”
“Your sister?” My brain is still slow, two steps behind and I can’t understand what he’s saying.
We hit the same level as him and he moves between us, moving her away from me, using his body as a shield. I grab on to the bannister for support.
“Don’t try and play the innocent with me, gold-digger. I know you’ve been snooping around for anything to do with our family. Digging up all the dirt. Is the Mail going to send you a few hundred quid? Maybe pay for a laptop? Did they persuade you I should be framed for your attack?”
“You’re being crazy, I didn’t know Nina was your sister.”
“You didn’t know I had a sister? Really? I don’t fucking believe you. You’ve been snooping in every area of my life since you got here. Since before then probably.”
“Cal.” Nina moves around from behind him, his grip must have loosened as he shouted at me. “What the hell is wrong with you? Faith’s my friend.”
Her friend. I stop looking at Callum and smile at her. I need a friend, and she truly is one. How the hell did I miss that she was Callum’s sister though? I knew from my online research that he had one, but from the articles I’d seen she looked much younger and was called… “You’re Antonina Carter-Wright?” I blurt out without thinking. “You’re his younger sister?”
“See.” Callum explodes. “I told you that she’s stalking us.” He glares at me. “Keep the hell away from her, psycho.”
“Oh, grow up Callum, half the country knows your family’s names, you’re in the paper every other day. But I didn’t know my Nina was your Antonina.” I don’t add that she looks vastly different from the last tabloid photos of the entire family that were published a few years ago. Thinner, drained, much unhappier.
“Cal, she’s telling the truth, she never asked anything about us at all, she—”
“Yet,” Callum interrupts his face deadpan. “I don’t know what the hell her game is, but it’s not normal. She told the police I was the one who attacked her, she’s somehow accessed Millie’s stuff, and I found her snooping in our house the other week, going through my desk drawers. That’s not normal. She’s just playing the long-game with you.”
“She was in our house?” Nina’s voice stutters, making her sound more like the shy stranger I first met. She staggers back away from me, closer to Callum. “What’s happening?”
“She seduced me to try and get to our secrets, then befriended you to do the same.” Callum’s eyes flash with hatred as he darts from his sister to me. “Do not trust her.”
“Is it true? You told he police Cal attacked you? And you snooped in his drawers?” Nina looks at me like I’m a stranger.
“I wasn’t—”
“See she can’t even say no,” Callum crows. “She’s such a fucking sleazeball she hasn’t even got a good excuse lined up.”
“Please, Nina, just hear me out.” My head is throbbing again.
“Answer me truthfully then. Did you Callum find you looking through his desk?”
I pause. I can’t lie to her. If I do, our friendship is pointless anyway. “Only because—”
Nina holds up a hand to silence me. “Enough already. I can’t be around people I don’t trust.” Nina’s eyes look haunted.
“You can trust me. I didn’t know he was your brother.” I glare at Callum.
“He’s my brother, if he says not to trust you, then I don’t.” Nina lifts her hands in the air and steps closer to Callum.
Great, zero friends and no way of finding out anything more about the truth between Millie and Callum. I’m letting everyo
ne down. Just like I let Millie down when I could have made a difference.
“Why are you still with this loser?” I rolled my eyes as Millie and I walked by the river. “Seriously what’s in it for you?”
“I know I complain to you, but you only hear the bad stuff. When we’re actually together, it’s…” Millie’s eyes shone. “Magical.”
“But he keeps ditching you, cancelling last minute, saying he wants to keep things informal. He sounds like a douche.”
“That’s not the real him. You’d understand if you met him.” She got a dopey smile on her face. “I love him, Faith, he’s like no one I’ve ever met before.”
“Don’t come crying to me,” I stopped walking to look at her. “I mean it, Mil, if he breaks your heart you can’t say it’s unexpected.”
When I look down my fingernails have punctured my skin. Why did I say that to her? Why did I make it so that she couldn’t tell me how bad it really was? I let her down. Badly.
I have to fight. For Millie.
I grab harder on the bannister and straighten up.
“I don’t care what you say, it’s such bullshit saying your little sister should be scared of me.” I grasp onto the bannister for strength, trying not to feel my heartbeat throbbing through the wound on my forehead. “I know what you did. You hurt me, just like you hurt Millie. It’s what gets you off, isn’t it? Hurting young women.”
“What the hell?” He barks. “Did your paper tell you about Millie? Tell you to exploit the soft spot? You people make me sick.”
“There’s no ‘my paper’.” Why can’t I make them understand me? “I know you hurt her. You’re not getting away with it any longer.”
Seconds later Nina says, “Millie? He didn’t hurt Millie.”
“Didn’t he? That’s not what she told me. He…” I search for the right explanation. “He made her do what she did, and now he’s coming after me.”
“Fucking hell, she’s even more insane than I thought,” Callum glares down at me.
“What do you mean he hurt Millie?” Nina’s eyes ricochet between the two of us, like she’s the child of divorce.
“He taunted her, he made her do it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gave her the pills that killed her…” I don’t realise I’m crying until the salt stings my lips, my tears burning itchy bright. Why did I blurt this all out? My perfect plan has disintegrated into nothing. Callum’s never going to let his guard down me again. This has all been a huge waste. I’ve let Millie down. A huge sob makes it hard for me to breathe.
“I told you to stay clear. Maybe she’s not working for a paper, maybe she’s just crazy.” Callum throws his hands up in the air. “I wasn’t even in the fucking country when Millie died.”
“What? But she said… you…” My legs feel like jelly, I slump down towards the floor, too weak to keep myself up.
Nina steps towards me, and for a moment I think she’s going to help me stand up, but she stops a step away from me. “Enough. I don’t know what your reason for saying all this is, but Callum was in Ibiza when Millie died. He had nothing to do with her suicide.” Nina stares at me coldly, like I’m scum and she’s a different person.
“Let’s go home.” Callum puts an arm around her and ushers her away from me. “I’m not letting you stay here until she’s gone.”
24: Faith
They abandon me slumped on the landing outside Nina’s room. The two flights of stairs up to my own room loom above me like the equivalent of climbing Everest. My limbs are leaden, I don’t have any energy to move them.
I slump down on to the threadbare carpet, my back against the wall, hugging my knees close. It’s obvious that I’ve only got myself to care for me now. The way Nina looked at me, betrayed, angry and appalled, like I was the worst example of a human possible. When I close my eyes, I can still see her staring at me with so much disgust.
How the hell hadn’t I realised that she was Callum’s sister? It all makes so much sense now. Those eyes, so incredibly blue that the papers coined them Carter-Wright cobalt. The fact they attended the same school. The mention of the house in town that her parents had bought to secure her entry to college, the one that they wanted her to move in to. She talked about three playboy brothers as well, I was just too much of a fool to think about what it meant.
But why is Callum Carter-Wright’s little sister shunned by everyone from their old school? It doesn’t make any sense, he rules
And even though I didn’t betray her, didn’t have a clue who her brother was, I know deep down that it won’t matter; our nascent friendship is over. Because I was trying to get to her brother. To get revenge. And the way they backed each other up before tells me no one will ever get between the two of them.
Were they lying about Callum being abroad when Millie died? It doesn’t make any sense. I’ve scoured his social media, and his friends and there was no sign that he was out of the country.
I groan before remembering I’m not in the safety of my own room. I’m slumped on the communal staircase of a block with fifteen other students most of whom would happily tell tales on me if they found me talking to myself. I need to get out of her before I lose control of myself.
I breathe in deeply. I’ve got this. I can do this. I can get up to my room and wallow there.
My head spins as I stand up, and for a second, the universe closes in to just a tiny tunnel of light in front of me. I forgot about my head injury, at least I can use that as an excuse for acting crazy if I bump into anyone. I grab on to the bannister and use it as a prop to pull myself up the steep stairs.
I don’t bother turning on the light in my bedroom, undressing, or pulling the covers back. I just flop onto my squeaky single bed then pull the edge of the covers over me without getting up. It leaves a narrow gap of cold down the middle of my body, but I can’t face getting into bed properly. Every inch of me hurts and my soul us breaking; I’ve failed Nina.
All the things Callum and Nina said to me replay in my head, as I sink into a tormented sleep.
[* * *]
I wake up in a pool of dribble. My aching muscles tell me I had the sleep of the drugged. One of those where you don’t move and your muscle seize up. I must’ve had some of the painkillers they gave me in hospital left in my system. I squirm as much as my aching limbs, allow and pat for my phone.
It’s already ten minutes after midnight. I slept the whole day. The building feels empty, just me and the ghosts of the former inhabitants. It’s like there is nobody else awake in the entire city. I’m separate from the rest of the students, from the rest of the world. Same as ever, it’s always the same. Me all alone, now Millie’s gone. Alone for two years now.
Tension bubbles in my chest. If I’m wrong in blaming Callum, if he was really abroad, then who the hell did this? Did Millie really do it herself?
I can’t believe it. She wouldn’t. Someone was definitely urging her on. Someone was there that night, I’m sure of it. Her note to me said there was.
Why am I even trusting Callum’s excuse, anyway? He’d say anything to protect himself. I need some evidence that he’s lying. That will move me closer to getting him what he deserves.
I open my browser and move to my desk, even though I’m just using my phone for research, something about sitting upright makes it feel more professional. I pull out a leaf of paper and write the date that’s forever in emblazoned on my mind in the centre of page; 28th of September 2018.
Social media is my friend again. I can prove that Callum is lying.
I’ve already scoured his, Axel and Rafe’s social media accounts and there was nothing from three days before Millie died until their memoriam posts when the news about her spread around. No indication whatsoever that they were out of the country.
Nina said he was in Ibiza when Millie died, that gives me something to start with. I make a list of the fanciest clubs on the island—rich people are so predictable about their socialising—then google the date and their names.
&n
bsp; They all come up as having already closed for winter on the day Millie died.
“Nice fucking try.” I whisper. “But that alibi sucks.” There is no way Callum would bother going to Ibiza if it wasn’t to party.
I open up the management tool for the conspiracy website about Millie’s death and set up a news alert: Millie’s boyfriend questioned by police for attacking student; coincidence? I take care to describe myself neutrally, maybe even a little unapprovingly to try and deflect the website from me.
An hour later my libel heavy story is complete, with ‘anonymous quotes’ from the Oxfordshire police force. I smile as I re-read it, that should get the whispers up again. Callum Carter-Wright can’t deflect me that easy, I will take him down.
25: Callum
“You’re not staying in that bloody college room ever again.” I push a mug of hot chocolate into Nina’s hands.
“What? Of course I’m going back. I can handle myself.”
“You saw how crazy she was earlier,” I answer even as Faith’s dark eyes, staring at me with so much honesty, pop into my head. “You wouldn’t be safe around her.”
“What the hell are you going on about? There’s a big difference between selling a story to the newspapers for a few pounds—which I agree with you is a complete dickhead move—to not being safe around her.”
“I don’t trust her.”
“For fuck’s sake, I can handle living in halls. I told you all, I want this first year to be on my own terms. She’s not going to get any paper worthy gossip out of me, anyway.”
“I don’t think she’s just trying to sell a story,” as soon as I say the words, I know that I truly believe them. If she’d just been selling her story, she would’ve played things differently. There’d already have been a salubrious article in the Sunday papers about me and Jess.