by Oli White
‘Dad, can we just get this explanation under way, please?’ I said. ‘I feel sick.’
Dad took a deep breath and leaned back against the sink. ‘OK. I just need to give you the background first. Before I met your mum, I was going out with this other girl for a bit, Trisha Martin. We weren’t together for very long; she was making plans to travel around the Far East for a year, so we both knew that it was going to be a short-lived romance, you know?’
I nodded. Where was this going? ‘OK …’
Dad looked down at the floor. ‘So Trisha went abroad, and I met your mum fairly shortly afterwards, and that was that. I hadn’t heard from Trisha in years. And then, a few weeks ago, I got a letter from her out of the blue.’
Ah yes, that would be the 3 a.m. in the garden letter.
‘It was … Well, it contained some surprising news. Trisha had written to confess that there was something she’d kept from me all these years. And she probably would have kept it from me forever but … he wanted to make contact, you see, and she couldn’t stop him, you know?’ Dad was rambling. ‘I mean, it was a complete shock, honestly.’
‘It was a shock at first,’ Mum cut in – the voice of calm. ‘But now we’ve both had a chance to process it, we think this could be something exciting – something wonderful, even – for our family.’
‘What was a shock? What are you excited about?’ I was probably sounding slightly hysterical by now, but as soon as the question left my lips, I knew what the answer was going to be. ‘Oh!’
Dad looked me in the eye, a hesitant smile on his face. ‘Jack … you have a brother.’
THE BROTHER
Lewis. Lewis, my brother. My brother … Lewis. No matter how many times I repeated the words, they just didn’t seem connected to me somehow. I couldn’t get my head around the revelation that I had a brother I’d never even heard about before now, let alone met. Lewis, who, according to Dad, was twenty and lived in Cornwall, and who’d dropped out of university and spent most of his time riding a surfboard. Lewis, whose Facebook page I’d been unable to resist a sly peek at when curiosity got the better of me – not that it gave much away – and who now wanted to come and meet Mum and Dad, and me.
On the one hand, I was relieved that Mum and Dad were united and back on the same page, especially after all that strange behaviour before I left for Total. On the other hand, the news was a massive curveball; one that had left me feeling unsettled.
A couple of days later, once I’d slept off my epic jet lag, I told Ella about Lewis. We were sitting on the grass at ‘our spot’ in the park, the sun was warm, the birds were singing and everything was right with the world. Except that to me, everything felt like it was upside down. As I spilled the story, Ella’s mouth fell open. She took hold of my hand and held it, tight. ‘Oh my God! Why didn’t you call me when you first found out?’
I shrugged. ‘I just needed a bit of time to take it in, and to talk it through with Mum and Dad.’
The truth was, I’d felt like things had been more than a little frosty between Ella and me after the stuff with Ethan and the pictures of Harriet and me all over the internet. I wanted to give that some distance before I moved on to a whole new drama.
‘How come nobody knew about him?’ Ella asked.
‘That’s the insane part,’ I said. ‘Trisha, Dad’s ex-girlfriend, found out that she was pregnant really late on, and she didn’t tell Dad. By then she’d met someone new on her travels, and she ended up marrying him. Lewis grew up thinking his stepdad was his real dad. And then his stepdad was killed in Iraq when Lewis was twelve.’
‘God, that’s so sad,’ Ella said. ‘Poor Lewis.’
We were both silent for a few moments. Then she said, ‘Jack, this is crazy! But … in a good way, right? I mean, I can’t believe you’ve spent your whole life thinking you were an only child – and all along you’ve had a brother living just a few hours away!’
I was a little taken aback by her enthusiasm. ‘I suppose … I mean, Mum and Dad are really excited about it. And I’m curious, I guess.’
‘Of course,’ Ella said. ‘Who wouldn’t be?’
‘I’ve been wondering if he’s anything like me, you know? I found him on Facebook and he doesn’t look like me.’
‘Maybe he takes after his mum,’ Ella ventured. ‘Plus he’s a bit older.’
‘He’s not that much older,’ I said. ‘He’s only twenty.’ I lay back on the grass and put my hands behind my head. ‘I’m not sure I know how I feel about it yet. I mean, I’m happy for Dad and everything … It’s just weird, you know?’
Ella lay down next to me. ‘You must be a bit excited, though. Are you going to meet him?’
‘He’s coming up to Hertfordshire soon, so … I guess I am,’ I said.
I thought back to the conversation I’d had with Dad that morning. The one where he’d told me that Lewis wanted to meet us all. He’d tried to play it down, but I could hear the excitement in his voice. Now that it was out in the open, he wanted to get to know Lewis – of course he did. Lewis was his son, after all.
‘I have to say, I’m a little bit jealous,’ Ella said, shaking me out of my thoughts. ‘I’ve always wanted a brother or sister. You must have too, when you were growing up?’
‘Not really. The idea of having a sibling just didn’t occur to me,’ I said. ‘I was always happy with it being me, Mum and Dad.’
‘Well, I think it’s awesome,’ she said. ‘He’s probably a really lovely guy. Maybe meeting him will be like … I don’t know, making a new best friend or something.’
‘Yeah, maybe.’
‘Try not to be negative about it, babe. This is a good thing!’
‘I’m not being negative,’ I said, annoyed. ‘I’m just … still working out how I feel about it.’
I wanted to be enthusiastic about Lewis, I really did, but I couldn’t shake the weird feeling that a stranger had just been dropped into the midst of our family. Ella was usually so intuitive that I didn’t have to explain how I was feeling to her; she always got it. But as far as this topic went, we were in different postcodes.
‘Look, let’s not say anything to the others about it,’ I said. ‘We’ve got so much other stuff to concentrate on and there’s no need for me to cause any more drama. We all need clear heads when we start filming with Owl TV next week.’
Ella leaned down and kissed me on the nose. ‘OK, babe.’
We sat for a little while longer in the park. We were both silent, lost in our thoughts, which was unusual; normally we couldn’t stop talking. I found myself thinking about how Lewis might feel about all this. Was he angry that Trisha hadn’t told him about Dad sooner? Was he genuinely excited to meet us? It sounded, from what Dad had said, that he was. Would this feel like a new beginning for him? I needed to see it as a new beginning too, I knew that. But I couldn’t shake how strange the whole thing felt. Almost like an invasion.
Twenty minutes after we left the park, Ella and I arrived at Austin’s place for our first big meet since Total. On the agenda today: the battle plan for Emerge, GenNext’s first venture into the world of television. This was why I needed a clear head.
Miles greeted us at the front door with a dramatic eye-roll/head-shake combo.
‘Thank God you’re here,’ he said. ‘He’s getting on my nerves.’
‘Who is?’ I laughed, and he motioned towards the kitchen.
‘My brother. I think he’s losing it. Do what you can, Jack, but all hope might be lost.’
‘And the others?’ I asked.
Miles shrugged. ‘They’re all downstairs.’
Ella looked at me and raised an eyebrow. ‘Jack, why don’t you go and see what’s up with Austin? I’ll head down and see what the gang are up to.’
‘That doesn’t exactly sound like a fair deal to me!’ I said, but she’d already disappeared down the stairs.
Poking my head round the kitchen door, I discovered Austin at the table, still in his pyjama bottoms and a Clas
h T-shirt, drinking a giant mug of coffee and staring into space. I stepped in and cleared my throat.
‘Oh hey, J,’ he said. ‘I was going to come down to the meeting soon.’ He looked pale and bleary-eyed. Tired? Or had he been crying?
‘In your pyjamas?’ I asked.
He looked down at his rumpled clothes. ‘Sorry. I guess I’m not really in the right frame of mind at the moment for loads of gushing about the new TV show.’
‘Has something happened?’ I asked. ‘No offence, but you look kind of … rough.’
‘Long story, but me and Jess are no more.’ He swallowed hard.
‘Oh mate. I’m sorry.’
‘And before you ask, it was me who ended it.’
I pulled out a chair and sat opposite him. His head was down and he was staring at the table, looking totally miserable. I was still feeling pretty emotionally raw myself, but Austin was clearly in pain; I needed to step up and be a good friend to him.
‘So why did you end it?’ I said gently. ‘I mean, I knew it was on the cards after our conversation at the festival. How did Jess take it? Was she OK?’
‘Not really,’ he said, pouring himself yet another mug of coffee. ‘When we got back from California, I just felt like I didn’t have the energy for it any more. It was too intense, Jack. Every conversation between us felt like a battle. The trouble is, now I’ve actually done it, I’ve got all this guilt for hurting her and I feel … Oh, I don’t know.’
‘Go on, mate. You can say what you like to me; I’m not going to judge you,’ I said.
‘I feel a bit ashamed, J. Like I’m a massive screw-up and a failure for not being able to make it work. She was my first proper girlfriend, you know? I still don’t know if I’ve done the right thing.’
‘You’re not a screw-up, Austin,’ I said softly. ‘It’s not your fault that things didn’t work out between you. Sometimes it’s just … it’s just not meant to be, that’s all.’
Austin nodded slowly. He didn’t look convinced. ‘I know you’re right. It’s just … on top of that I’ve been feeling really anxious and uncertain again since we got back from Total, especially after a few of the choice things Jess said to me when we broke up.’
‘Like?’
‘Like I’m a loser and I can’t see anything through and probably never will.’
‘Nice.’
‘Everything seemed so great out there in California, but being back in the UK, and just about to start work with Owl TV … I don’t feel like I’ve got any confidence at the moment.’
We were both quiet while I tried to think of what I could say to guide him out of the horrible place he was stuck in.
‘Look, why don’t we go out this week?’ I suggested. ‘Not with everyone; just the two of us. We haven’t done that for ages.’
It was true. Over the past year, since we’d both had girlfriends, we’d hardly ever hung out like we used to. The light came on in his eyes at my suggestion, as if somebody had just flicked a switch.
‘Yeah, that sounds cool,’ he said. ‘I’m not sure if I’ll be amazing company, though.’
‘Hey, what’s new?’ I cracked, and he finally raised a smile.
‘Look, why don’t you get dressed, and then we’ll go and see what the score is with our new TV show. We should get down there before Sai and the girls start calling all the shots.’
Austin slid his chair out from under him, drained the last of his coffee and stood up. ‘Good call, J. We don’t want that, do we? I’ll see you down there.’
As I headed along the hall, I could hear the voices of my friends, loud and animated, coming from HQ. They were making plans, eagerly plotting our next moves, and of course, I was expected to be a part of that. I wanted to be a part of it. It was just that there was so much uncertainty flying around in my head at that moment: uncertainty about Owl TV and what it might mean for GenNext, about the surprise new addition to my family, and about my best friend, who was clearly dealing with a lot more than he’d originally let on. And yes, I was even feeling a bit weird about me and Ella. I told myself it was nothing serious, but I’d always felt like we were on the same page, and now suddenly it seemed like … like we weren’t.
I took a deep breath as I descended the stairs.
It’s going to be fine, Jack.
THE VISITOR
On the Sunday of Lewis’s visit, I felt twitchy. Unsettled. Up in my bedroom, sitting on my bed and intently focused on my MacBook, I flicked from one YouTube video to another: funny, silly, annoying, informative. Anything to stop my mind running riot and worrying about how today was going to pan out. It was crazy, really. There was nothing I could do about the situation. This was happening whether I liked it or not … and it was happening at any minute. It wasn’t just about me, either. Today was Dad’s day and I wanted it to work out well for him, too. True, he and Lewis had spoken on the phone a fair bit by now, but meeting in person was different. Whatever happened, I intended to be supportive.
Finally I shut my computer off, got up and went to the mirror, looking critically at my reflection. I was wearing my favourite worn jeans and a ‘GenNext Total Youth Takeover’ T-shirt, and I had a couple of days’ worth of stubble. Did I look OK? Decent, without looking too try-hard? What exactly was the right outfit for meeting your long-lost brother anyway? What would he be wearing? I was at a disadvantage, I decided. I’d only seen a couple of photographs of him that Dad had shown me, and his minimalist Facebook page. Lewis, on the other hand, was bound to have looked at the GenNext channel. He’d probably made up his mind about me already.
A roar outside the house shook me out of my thoughts. Peering out of the window, I could see that a motorbike had stopped right outside our house. The rider dismounted, took off his helmet and strode towards our front gate. I pressed closer to the window to get a better look. Oh wow! This was him. This was my brother.
The doorbell rang. ‘Come on in, Lewis,’ I heard Dad say. ‘We’re so glad you could make it.’
By the time I got to the bottom of the stairs, Dad was shaking Lewis’s hand warmly, and Mum was giving him a friendly peck on the cheek. Then Lewis glanced up, and I got my first proper look at my new brother.
The first thing I noticed was how slimly built he was, but sinewy and suntanned with it, his bleached blonde hair long and messy. He was wearing a flesh-tunnel earring in one ear and a silver ring in the other, and as he slipped off his leather jacket he revealed arms that were almost completely covered in brightly coloured tattoo sleeves, made up, for the most part, of sea, surf and beach designs.
‘Hey. Jack, right?’ he said.
‘That’s right,’ I nodded, and shook his hand. ‘Good to meet you, Lewis.’
‘Likewise, man. Wow. I can’t quite believe this, can you?’ he said, looking around him. ‘It’s all a bit mental, right?’
‘Yeah, it’s pretty crazy,’ I agreed.
There were a few seconds of awkward silence before Mum suggested we all move through to the living room and sit somewhere more comfortable. Five minutes later we were swapping chit-chat about how nice our house was, how Lewis’s journey from Cornwall had been (windy, from the sound of it), and just how much he looked like Dad. I looked from one to the other, trying to convince myself that it wasn’t the case, but the truth was, they did look alike. I’d always been much more like my mum, but Lewis definitely took after Dad in his younger days. It was all a bit odd.
‘Right,’ Mum said, getting up from the armchair. ‘I’m going to make a drink before you pass out from thirst, Lewis. What would everyone like?’
Dad and I said, ‘Coffee’ in unison.
‘Do you have any herbal tea?’ Lewis asked. ‘I’m trying not to drink caffeine.’
‘We might have some chamomile gathering dust at the back of the cupboard,’ Mum said, wrinkling her brow. ‘I don’t tend to buy much herbal tea because the boys both think it tastes like dishwater, even though I like it.’
‘I like to fuel my body with natural stuff
wherever possible,’ Lewis said. ‘It’s so important to be aware of what we’re consuming, don’t you think?’ Mum and Dad both nodded seriously, as if they, too, were experts on health food rather than the caffeine and M&S ready-meal devotees I knew them to be.
‘I’ve recently given up eating meat because I can’t justify the slaughter of animals for food any more,’ Lewis went on.
‘But you’re OK with it for leather jackets?’ I said, smiling.
I’d meant it as a joke, but Lewis pursed his lips and said nothing.
Once Mum had distributed teas and coffees, she and Dad started asking Lewis all sorts of questions about where he lived and what he liked to do. He answered them with a relaxed smile that never left his face; in fact, he seemed totally comfortable, like he regularly drove up to see a new family he’d never met before. I, by contrast, was trying to stop my right foot from nervously tapping the floor.
‘And did you bring the photos you mentioned?’ Dad said. ‘I’m dying to see those.’
‘Oh yeah, man,’ Lewis said. ‘I’ve found some cool ones that you’re gonna love.’ He grabbed a handful of prints from his scuffed backpack and spread them out on the coffee table.
Dad smiled, looking down at them. ‘These are great. God, look at you!’
I glanced down at the pictures. There were a few of Lewis as a young kid – one in a park with a man I assumed was his stepdad, one sitting on Santa’s lap, where he looked comically miserable – plus a few teenage snaps with him and his mum, Trisha, and four or five more recent beach shots with Lewis proudly holding his surfboard. Dad was looking at them with an expression of awe, and it struck me how completely mad this must be for him, too.
As Mum and Dad leafed through the photos, I asked Lewis the question I’d been dying to know the answer to.
‘So how did you feel, Lewis? You know, when your mum told you about Dad?’
Lewis sipped his herbal tea. ‘I was really angry with her at first. I mean, I just couldn’t understand why she hadn’t told me before that Ian, the man I’d always thought was my dad, wasn’t my natural father. I could understand her not telling me when I was a little kid, because it’s just too much to take in, but Ian was such a good dad to me that she never wanted to rock the boat and so she just let the secret drift on. She said it never felt like the right time to tell me. Then, after Ian died, I was a little bit … well, troubled I suppose you’d call it, and she thought that telling me the truth then might make matters worse.’