by Holly Renee
Quickly drying my hands, I pushed through the door so I wouldn’t be late for class and almost ran into someone coming into the bathroom. I froze when my gaze hit Frankie’s.
She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something then quickly closed it again. I had no idea what she could possibly say to me.
Even if what Beck had said about her was true. She had to know that what Beck did wasn’t right.
If he thought Lucas was evil, then so was he.
But part of me knew that it wasn’t the same. If what he said about Lucas was true, if he had assaulted her, then what Beck did didn’t even compare.
It didn’t matter if I was hurt or that I wanted to pay Beck back for every ounce of pain he had caused me. The only thing I could think of when I looked at Frankie was sadness, and it was staring straight back at me.
Whatever Frankie had been through had damaged her.
You only had to look at her eyes to see. She was good at wearing a mask too, but she wasn’t nearly as good as her brother.
"Excuse me." I pushed past her, and she smiled again.
I knew she wanted to say something, and I wanted to say something to her as well. I wanted to ask her if what Beck had said about her was true, but I wouldn’t dare.
Even though the lack of the truth felt like it was eating me alive inside, I wouldn’t put her through that to make myself feel better.
I tightened my hands against the straps of my backpack and held my head high as I walked into second period. I knew he was in there before I ever laid eyes on him. I could feel him there.
I looked to where he normally sat, and there he was. He was staring at me like I might disappear in front of him. He looked angry and irritated, and that just pissed me off more. He had no right to feel angry about anything.
He had no right to feel anything when it came to me.
Everyone else was watching us too. They were all fucking silent bystanders as I walked toward my desk. I wondered if this was how it was going to be for the rest of the day. Would everyone be watching every single move I made?
Clermont Bay Prep was toxic, but I knew that it would be the same if I had transferred to Clermont Bay High. Allie had told me that everyone there was talking about it too. I knew she hated saying it, but she was honest with me.
Most of them had seen the video too, including her, and when I had gotten home to find my phone, I had at least fifty different messages from her.
They were all checking on me and how I was doing. The first ones were making sure that I had seen. They were warning me of what was posted and that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was.
That was her way of being nice.
It was absolutely as bad as I thought it was.
The proof was right in front of me.
I pulled my gaze away from him and took the seat behind him.
He looked shocked as I dropped my bag and climbed into my desk, but I wouldn’t hide from him. Not after what he did.
If he wanted to be proud of ruining a girl’s life, he would have to be proud while he faced her every day. I wouldn’t give him the easy way out.
My heart raced as I pulled my books out of my bag and faced forward. He was turned in his chair to face me, but I didn’t look at him. I was here for class and nothing else.
"Josie." His voice was quiet, and I knew that he was as insanely aware of everyone listening to us as I was.
I let my eyes roam over his face before my eyes met his. He looked as handsome as he always did. It was like nothing had happened to him, and I guess it hadn’t.
These people didn’t care that he was in that video. It did nothing but make him a god. I was just the slut that he had conquered. Those facts were black and white for them. There was no in-between.
But he would fall, and they would realize that he had never been untouchable. He was just like the rest of them.
I met his gaze, and I didn’t say a word. If he wanted to talk, he would have to be the one to do it. I had nothing to say to him.
"Can we talk?"
"We are talking."
He bit down on his bottom lip, and I knew he wanted to say more. But he wouldn’t do it in front of these people. They worshipped him, and he wouldn’t dare disrupt that.
"Josie, I…" He looked so sincere, and I hated that my heart felt like it was in a vise. After everything he had done, those golden fucking eyes looking like they were somehow hurt was almost enough to undo me.
"Don’t be shy, Josie. We’ve already seen." I had no idea who had said it, but it quickly brought me back to reality as the laughs rang out around us.
Beck turned his sharp eyes in the direction of whoever spoke, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t calm my racing heart or control the burning at the back of my eyes. I refused to cry in front of these people. I refused to let them see how much they got to me.
I flipped open my notebook and my pen shook in my hand.
"Josie," Beck said my name again, and this time he laid his hand over mine as if he cared that it shook.
As if he cared about me at all.
I jerked away from him and let every bit of the anger flow through me.
"What the fuck do you want, Clermont?"
His eyes hardened, and I knew he was getting angry. Good. I could deal with his anger. I could handle it far better than anything else he was going to throw my way.
"I want to talk about what happened." He was no longer whispering for either of our sakes.
"All right, everyone, settle down." I barely heard my teacher’s words and neither did Beck. He was still facing me, and he was waiting for me to say something. But he wouldn’t like what I had to say.
"I don’t have shit to say to you." There were a few snickers before I saw the teacher headed our way.
"Ms. Vos, I said settle down." Her voice was firm, but I didn’t care what she was saying. Not when Beck was still looking at me like that.
"Well, I have a lot to say to you." Beck clearly didn’t care either.
"Not another word." Our teacher was right beside us now.
"Don’t you have a girlfriend to go talk to?" I cocked my head to the side. "I thought I was just the girl who you fucked around with because you have a hard-on for my stepbrother."
"Oh shit." That one came from behind me as the sudden gasps and shock rang out through the room.
“Ms. Vos, that is enough. Get your things.”
I pulled my gaze away from Beck long enough to look up at her. She was pissed.
I shoved my stuff back into my bag and waited for her as she filled out a slip for the headmaster’s office. My heart felt like it was going to burst from my chest, but it had nothing to do with her or the possible consequences of my outburst.
I didn’t care about either.
I took the note from her hand and walked out the door without another glance his way. The slip crumpled in my hand as I tried to rein in my anger.
I didn’t know why I had expected anything different, but I didn’t think he would confront me in the middle of class. But that was exactly who he was.
He thought he was untouchable and would get out of this situation completely unscathed, and I guess normally he would.
But he was wrong.
Whatever the hell these boys were used to here was unacceptable. I refused to be a doormat.
I didn’t care what his reasoning was.
I didn’t care how he had justified it in his mind.
I heard the door open behind me, but I didn’t stop. I stormed down the hallway without a backward glance.
It wasn’t until I felt a hand touch my arm that I spun around. Beck was standing there with his hand outreached toward me, and I jerked away before he could touch me again.
"We need to talk."
"We don’t need to do shit." My back hit the lockers behind me, and I hated that there wasn’t any more space to put between us. I would have put the world between us if I could.
"You have to know that I didn’t send
that video out."
I heard his words, but I didn’t believe a single one of them.
I shook my head as I stared at him. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. There was no way in hell I would believe anything he said now, after everything that he had done.
"It doesn’t matter."
"Like hell, it doesn’t matter." He was angry, but I stopped caring about his anger. "I didn’t want for things to happen this way."
He ran his fingers through his hair, and there was an overwhelming part of me that wanted to reach out for him. I wanted to forget everything that had happened and replace his hands with mine.
But I couldn’t be so stupid around him. I couldn’t forget a single moment of what he did.
"Then what exactly was your plan, Beck?"
He looked up at me, and his eyes appeared desperate. "I…" He hesitated, and I knew that he didn’t have any sort of excuse for what he had done. "When I first met you, this was exactly what I had planned, but things changed."
"Nothing changed," I practically growled at him. How dare he stand here and try to pretend like I was anything more than a pawn to him.
"The fuck it didn’t." He moved toward me, and I didn’t have enough time to react. That was what I was telling myself. I couldn’t have pushed him away if I wanted to.
His body slammed against mine with no fear of hurting me. There was no gentleness as he gripped my chin in his hand and forced my face to face his. His touch was as brutal as the rest of him, and I tried to calm my racing heart as his gaze quickly searched my face.
I opened my mouth to tell him to stop, but he didn’t give me the opportunity. His mouth was on mine in an instant. His kiss as brutal as everything else, and I had no choice but to allow him to kiss my mouth desperately.
The warmth of his hard body surrounded me, and it was pointless to try to block out the way he smelled or the way it made me feel like every memory of us was crashing into me. I didn’t fight against any of it. Not his smell, his feel, the overwhelming way he intoxicated me.
I let it happen, and I would deal with the consequences later.
Because after everything, he still felt too good. Even after everything he had done, I still wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone else.
That thought made me feel sick and furious and somehow still desperate for him.
And that was completely fucked up.
He was the one who hurt me, but he was also the only one who seemed to make everything feel better. He was the only one who could make me forget.
Because I did forget, if only for a moment. I forgot about what he did and the fact that I had no one. I forgot that my mom was no longer here and my dad didn’t give a shit about me.
I let my tongue roll over his one last time. I let my lips press firmly into his. This kiss felt so different than our last. The last time I kissed him, I thought that I was falling for him. This time I knew that I would never allow myself to fall for him again.
I brought my hands to his chest and pushed him away from me with as much force as I could muster. He stumbled backward and looked shocked.
He looked like he had whiplash from my sudden change of emotion, but I felt the same from him.
"Don’t touch me again." I straightened my shoulders and swiped my fingers over my lips. I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist him if I continued to allow him to touch me. His touch was catastrophic, and I knew that it was specifically designed to destroy me.
I refused to get lost in Beck Clermont.
I refused to allow him to use me and fuck me over as he had before.
He thought he was a god, untouchable, indestructible, but I was going to prove him wrong. He was going to fall at my hands, he would plummet from this position the others at this school had afforded him, and I was going to take back every ounce of my heart he stole from me.
Chapter Two
Beck
I had no idea what I was thinking.
I was fucking things up left and right.
I knew that she would be back at school eventually, and I had planned out in my head exactly what I would say to her.
I had practiced it over and over while my father had yelled at me. I almost felt as guilty about disappointing him as I did about hurting her.
His anger was raw and pure, and I knew that he was disgusted with me. He believed what I said as little as Josie did. He believed that I had posted that video.
It didn’t matter that I was capable of it. That it had been my plan all along. I had planned to destroy her reputation in that exact way while infuriating her father and Lucas. I knew her father would blame Lucas for what happened. If he hadn’t done what he did to Frankie, none of this would have happened.
But that was wrong.
There was no way I would have ever left her alone regardless of what happened. She was too beautiful and so different from everyone else in this town. She didn’t care that I was a Clermont or how much money my family had.
It was something I loved about her.
Well, not loved, but I liked it a lot.
It didn’t matter how she had reacted when I kissed her today. She had turned to putty in my hands. It had felt like nothing had happened to ruin us. That I hadn’t ruined us. It felt like the rest of the world didn’t matter, but I knew that feeling was fleeting and naïve.
When the only thing she saw was me, I took advantage of that fact and made her see everyone else. I made her realize that we weren’t the only two people that mattered.
I made her grasp the fact that I wouldn’t be the guy to protect her from the rest of the world. Whatever she had thought of me before, I demolished it.
I could see it in her eyes when she pushed me away. Every ounce of her hurt was written on her face.
Even if I had let myself forget who I was for those short few moments, she hadn’t. She knew exactly who I was, and I hated that she did. I was no good for her, and I had once convinced her otherwise. Now that I desperately wanted every part of her, she knew the truth.
She knew I was nothing more than the villain in her story. I was the guy she was supposed to hate.
And I had forced her too.
This was what I had wanted, but now everything felt wrong. I had made up my mind after the night at the pool that I wasn’t going to send out that video.
But I had let Lucas get into my head, and my hate for him proved to be more powerful than what I felt for her.
I looked down at my phone and read his text again.
Keep your Clermont trash away from my sister.
As if he actually cared about her. He only cared about getting back on his dad’s good side, and failing to protect Josie wouldn’t do that.
And he had failed to protect her. I wanted him to know that. I wanted to smear his face in the fact that his sister had wanted me, regardless of what he said. His sister had fallen for the person he hated most in this world.
I knew that couldn’t have tasted as bitter as knowing what he had done to Frankie. I had trusted him, but there wasn’t an ounce of trust between us now.
I still wanted him to feel it, though.
I wanted to cram it down his throat and make him choke on the fact that I had them both. Josie and Frankie. They were mine, and both were untouchable to him.
But I gave him full access to her.
The moment I sent him that video that I had already planned to destroy, I had put the power in his hands, and guys like Lucas didn’t waste power.
I thought he would have done anything to protect her, but I was an idiot. Lucas didn’t care about anyone but himself, and he knew the damage that video would do.
He knew that everyone would think it was me, including her.
Of course, they did. Why would anyone think her fucking stepbrother would do such a thing? Most of them had heard about our history. Even as hush-hush as our fathers had tried to keep it, secrets didn’t last long in this town, and they had all expected something like this from me.
They had been waiting on my revenge, and no one questioned it.
No one faulted me for it.
No one except for her, her dad, my parents, and Frankie. God, Frankie.
She hated me for what I had done. Even if I wasn’t the one to post the video, I had given him the power to do so. I had given him the power to do something that was far too close to what he had done to Frankie.
I saw the way she looked at me now. She hated me almost as much as she hated him. She knew I was capable of being fucking vile, and I broke her heart.
She would have never allowed me to do something like this if she had known my plan. It was why I didn’t tell her.
I think deep down I knew that she would have never wanted me to waste another second on Lucas Vos. She was furious with me when I had beat the hell out of him after what he had done to her.
Even through everything, she still thought he was something that he never was. She didn’t want me to end our friendship over what happened. She didn’t want anyone to get in trouble over the stupid decisions that she had made.
Those were her words.
I had trusted that motherfucker to protect my sister at a stupid fucking party, and he took advantage of her. He took advantage of her, and she thought she was somehow to blame.
Still to this day, all she could see was her fault in what happened. It didn’t matter what anyone else said. Frankie was broken by what he did, what they did, and still, she blamed herself.
"You ready?" I looked over the hood of my car and watched her make her way outside.
I knew that Frankie was gorgeous. I was her brother, but I wasn’t an idiot. But I hated the way any of these fuckers in this school looked at her. I didn’t want a single one of them to touch her. Especially after everything that happened.
I had failed her as a brother, and I thought about it every single day. It ate at me when her smile no longer met her eyes.
"Yeah." She nodded before climbing into the passenger seat.
It had been a long time since she rode back and forth to school with me. For a while there, she was far too cool to be seen with her older brother, but she hadn’t cared lately, and I wanted to keep her as close to me as I could get her.