by Holly Renee
"Okay." I tried to control my racing heart because I knew she could hear it beneath where she laid. I tentatively raised my other hand and ran it down her hair. "Did you all have fun tonight?"
"Mmhmm," she hummed against my skin as she nodded her head softly.
We were silent for a few minutes, and I thought she might be asleep. "Frankie was so happy tonight."
"Before or after the drinking?" I chuckled.
"Both." She tightened her arm on me. "I think she just needed a night away from everything."
"Away from me." Frankie would never say that, but I knew that I had been overbearing since everything had happened with Lucas. She hadn’t been the same since then, and I hadn’t treated her the same since that moment passed.
I couldn’t.
Even though I had tried.
I just couldn’t let go of the guilt that felt like it was eating me alive.
"No." Josie shook her head. "I think just away from everything. I think she just feels lost."
I knew Josie was right, but hearing those words out loud made me feel helpless.
"I know. I just don’t know what to do to help her."
Josie leaned up and rested her chin on my chest. She looked up at me, and even though she had been drinking earlier, they looked so perfectly clear now. "I don’t think you need to do anything besides be there for her and maybe stop babying her. She needs to know that she can take care of herself."
"I can do that." I nodded and stared down at her. I couldn’t stop my gaze from falling to her lips, and it took everything inside of me not to lean forward the slightest bit and take her mouth with mine. "We should get some sleep."
She nodded gently but didn’t move another inch. "We should."
She pushed up on an elbow, her body pressing closer to mine, and her mouth moving minutely forward.
"Josie." I searched her eyes, but they were roaming over my mouth, along my jaw, down my chest.
"Yeah?" She sounded so breathless, and it did nothing but make me want her even more.
"We can’t do this."
"Why not?" She still wasn’t looking at me.
"Because." I ran my hand through my hair and tried to remember the reason I thought this was a bad idea.
"Yeah?" she asked again and ran her soft hand over my chest.
"Because I hurt you and you haven’t forgiven me." Neither one of us needed me to say that out loud. We both knew the truth.
But I needed her to hear it. I needed her to know that I couldn’t keep doing this when she hated me. I wanted her to forgive me for what I had done, it was the only way that I would ever get more from her, and I didn’t want to take these small moments she was willing to give me because I was desperate for something.
I knew it would just make her hate me more and more.
"I don’t need to forgive you for this." She pushed further against me and raised her lips to mine. I grabbed ahold of her shoulders and held her in place.
"We’re not doing this. You’ve been drinking and you’ll hate me in the morning."
"I’ll hate you in the morning anyway." Her voice was soft, and I knew that she wasn’t trying to be cruel. She was just being honest.
I lifted my hand, pushing a stray hair out of her face, and let my touch linger against her cheek. There were so many things I wanted to say to her but none of them would be appropriate. None of them she would believe.
"You’re so beautiful."
She looked up at me, and I knew that she wanted to say something. "I don’t need all of that, Beck. I just want you to touch me."
"I’m not going to touch you tonight, Josie."
She huffed and lifted on her hands as if she was going to leave, but I quickly wrapped my arm around her and held her in place. "Stay, please." Her body was so stiff underneath my touch. "Just let me hold you tonight."
She shook her head slightly before opening her mouth to say something before closing it again.
"Please, Josie." My hands shook slightly, and I was preparing for her to pull away from me again.
But she didn’t. She stared up at me for a moment before she laid her head back down on my chest.
I ran my hand over her hair again and again, and even though I thought she might stop me, she didn’t. She let her tight body go loose against mine, and her arm slid back around my body.
And I held her while she let me. I didn’t let go of her for one second as my eyes drifted back to sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
Josie
I was so freaking hot.
That was all I could think about as my eyes blinked open and memories from the night before came flooding back.
I looked down at the half-naked body that I was completely wrapped around and groaned. When I had decided to come to Beck’s room last night, not only had Frankie and Allie given me shit over it, but I also did it with only one thought in mind.
A thought that Beck had shot down quicker than I could ask.
I had been tipsy and sloppy, and he had turned me down.
One of his arms was wrapped around me, his hand resting on my hip, and I was thrown across him like I belonged there. I leaned back, slowly trying to peel myself from his body without waking him up, and I peeked over at his alarm clock.
It was just after ten in the morning.
It was after ten in the morning, and Beck was still in bed with me.
His hand that still rested on my hip tightened, and he quickly pulled me back down against him. "Good morning." His voice was muffled as he nuzzled his face against my neck.
"Beck." I put my hands in between us and attempted to push him away far enough to put a little space between us.
"Hmm?" He wasn’t having it. He pushed his body against mine, and I could feel the length of his hardening cock against my legs.
"It’s after ten. You missed your workout and school."
"I’m aware." He leaned up slightly so he could see my face. "I called and let my coach know this morning that I wasn’t feeling well. Luckily, you were barely snoring in the background."
"I do not snore."
"Whatever you say." He pushed some hair out of my face before he let his weight fall back to the bed and against me.
I could barely breathe or think with him being so damn close, and the last time I was in this room, he had damn near broken my heart. I hadn’t let myself think about that last night when I had snuck across the hall.
But it was all crashing into me now. What we had done in this bed. My dad’s face when he barged in that door.
If he knew where I was now, he would be furious. He would… well, I wasn’t sure what he would do, but I wasn’t stupid enough to try to challenge my father on his threats.
I knew that he would do exactly what he said if he wanted to. There was nothing that I could do to stop him. Except to give him what he wanted.
To stay away from the boy whose body was currently so damn warm against mine.
"I should go check on Allie and Frankie." I needed to get out of this room. I needed to get away from him before I did something stupid.
"I checked on them about an hour ago. They were both sleeping like the dead."
"You checked on them?" I looked over at him, his face was so close to mine that I wouldn’t even have to lift my head to close the space between us.
"Of course, I did." He tucked one of his arms beneath his head and looked at me. "I took them both some water. I knew Frankie had obviously been drinking last night, but I wasn’t sure about Allie. I’m hoping not if she drove you all home."
"She didn’t." I shook my head. "She was the mama bear last night."
"Good." He searched my eyes for a moment before he nodded to his nightstand behind me. "I brought you some water too and some Tylenol."
"Thank you." I rolled over onto my back before turning away from him. I quickly grabbed the two pills from the stand and the water and swallowed them. I downed the entire glass of water, my mouth feeling impossibly dry, before I fel
l back onto my back.
Beck was still watching me, his gaze undecipherable, and I didn’t want to spend too much time trying to figure out what he was thinking. I would drive myself mad trying to figure out what was going on inside of his head.
"I’m sorry I made you miss school and baseball this morning."
"You didn’t make me miss anything, but there was no way in hell I was climbing out of this bed while you were still in it."
There was no cockiness in his tone. None of that self-assured Beck who knew that I was putty in his hands.
And I wasn’t sure if that made me happy or not.
Because as much as he pissed me off, he also really turned me on.
But right now he was just being honest, and that made me feel so much more uncomfortable than it should have.
"I shouldn’t be in it." I took a deep breath and looked up at his ceiling.
"Well, I’m glad that you are." He reached out his hand and let his fingers slid over mine. "I was going crazy thinking about you in the next room."
I laid there and let his fingers run over mine. I should have stopped him. I should have gotten up out of his bed the moment my eyes had opened, but I did neither of those things. I just let the touch of his fingers jack up the speed of my heart, and I tried to remind myself of why I didn’t want him.
I needed to remind myself of why he was a bad idea.
"I’m going to go shower." His hand slid from mine, and I watched the muscles of his torso bunch and shift as he pushed onto his feet. "Don’t leave." He ran his fingers through his hair, and for the first time since I met Beck, he looked so vulnerable.
"Maybe we can all spend the day on the beach today." He nodded out his window. "Frankie will love that."
My answer came much too quickly. "Okay."
"Yeah?"
Say no. "Yeah." I nodded and climbed from his bed that smelled just like him. "I’m going to go wake up the girls." I walked past him, but he stopped me with his arm around my middle before I could leave his room.
His breath rushed out against my neck, and I wondered if he could feel the butterflies that were taking flight in my stomach. I felt like every part of me was being pulled so tightly in a hundred different directions. One wrong move and something inside me would snap.
"I’m so glad you came in here last night. Even if you’re not."
"I didn’t say that I wasn’t," I whispered back to him even though I should have told him that I wasn’t. It didn’t matter that my heart was racing or I felt like I could barely breathe when he was touching me. I had no business being back in this room.
"No." He pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my neck. "But I know you. You regretted the decision the moment your eyes opened."
He was right. I had or at least I had tried to convince myself that I did.
When I didn’t answer him, he let a harsh breath out against my skin before pushing himself away. "Go get the girls, and I’ll meet you all downstairs."
He walked away from me before I could answer and tried to pretend like every part of me wasn’t begging me to go after him.
"I cannot believe you went in there last night." Allie shoved half a granola bar in her face.
"Well, I’m known not to make the best decisions around Beck." I quickly tied my hair up in a ponytail.
They were awake when I had walked back into Frankie’s room, and both of them were looking at me with expectant eyes as soon as I walked in. I hadn’t spilled any of the details, though. I avoided both of their questions and told them to get ready for the beach.
Now here we were, all three of us dressed in one of Frankie’s bikinis, waiting while Beck packed a cooler.
"So, what bad decisions did you make exactly?" Allie shoved my shoulder, and Frankie laughed as she brought her coffee to her lips.
"Nothing juicy." I looked to where Beck stood next to the fridge to make sure he couldn’t hear us. "He turned me down."
"He did what?" Allie practically shrieked, and I smacked her arm just as Beck turned in our direction.
"This is why I don’t tell you things." I shook my head as Allie gave Beck a little wave.
"I have way more respect for him now." Allie leaned back in her chair.
"Because he wouldn’t give me any?" I looked at her like she was crazy. "Sorry, Frankie." I knew this was probably the last thing she wanted to hear about.
"No worries." She grinned, and I knew that she was getting as much enjoyment from my awkwardness as Allie was.
"Because he turned you down when you had been drinking and weren’t thinking clearly." Allie nodded to where he was now carrying the cooler out the back door. "I had expected him to take full advantage of you coming to his bed last night."
"I was thinking plenty clearly, unfortunately."
"Oh. I know you were." She stood and grabbed the towel Frankie had loaned her. "But he didn’t know that, and I appreciate that he didn’t give in to your ho ways."
Coffee shot out of Frankie’s mouth and landed on the table. "I cannot believe you just said that." She coughed out every word.
"Are you all ready?" Beck had his hands on his hips, and he was looking back and forth between the three of us.
"Yep." I jumped up from the table before Allie could open her big mouth and repeat what she had just said. "Let’s do this."
I walked toward the door and pushed against his chest to get him to walk away.
"What are you all talking about?" He raised an eyebrow at me even though he walked backward as I pushed him in that direction.
"Nothing. I’m just ready for the beach."
"More like she’s ready for your…"
"Nope!" I yelled above Allie’s voice, but Beck was already grinning from ear to ear.
"Is she talking about my dick?" He cocked his head to the side, and if I didn’t hate him so much, that damn smile on his face would be enough to make me go weak in the knees.
"Absolutely not." I grabbed my towel and one of the bags he had packed and threw them over my arm.
"Uh-huh." His grin only deepened, but he picked up the cooler and led the way to the beach just as Allie and Frankie stepped out of the door.
"I’m going to kill you." I knocked my elbow into Allie’s side, but it didn’t faze her.
Nothing fazed that girl.
Allie and Frankie plopped down onto the towels as soon as we hit the sand, and I rolled my eyes at them.
"Are you not even going to get into the ocean?"
"Soon." Allie waved me off as she slid her sunglasses over her eyes. "I need a little relaxation first."
Frankie chuckled and laid down beside her. "Same."
Beck was watching all three of us but didn’t say a word. Instead, he reached his hand out in my direction and I allowed him to take my hand in his as he led me to water.
My chest felt so hesitant with my hand in his, but my steps were sure. I followed him, never looking back, and I let the cool ocean waves lap against my shins.
"How much trouble are you going to get in for missing practice today?" We stopped in the water as it hit our shoulders, and I let my hand fall from his.
"Ah. Coach will be pissed, but he’ll be fine. I’m one of his star players, you know."
"You don’t think you’re a little cocky there? Who says you’re the star player? Maybe they just make you think that."
He rolled his eyes and swam toward me as I backed away. "You just want to piss me off. Don’t you?"
"Maybe." I chuckled, and I could have sworn that something felt lighter in my chest than it had in a long time. "I just don’t think you get challenged nearly enough."
"I get challenged plenty."
"No. You don’t." I pushed some of his hair out of his forehead and stared at the way the sun glistened off his skin. He was so handsome. "That’s why you have this pretty boy complex."
He snatched my wrist in his and slowly pulled me toward him with a grin on his face. I tracked the movement like a hawk as he pressed his lips t
o the sensitive skin of my wrist. "Did you really just say that I had a pretty boy complex?"
He looked up at me as his tongue poked out and lapped at the ocean water against my skin.
I nodded as I watched him. "It’s not your fault, really. You can’t help it with a face like that."
He rolled his eyes and tugged me harder toward him, but I quickly swam away with a deep laugh rolling through my chest. It only took him a moment to catch me, and I was flying into his arms then through the air before I even knew what was happening.
He threw me.
He actually threw me.
I came out of the water sputtering and narrowed my eyes at him. "I cannot believe you threw me." I swam backward to get away from him.
"Believe it." He shrugged his shoulders, and every part of me wanted to fall right back into his arms and kiss that smirk off his face. "I’ll throw you again if you don’t give me a minute and let me apologize."
I looked up at him, and he was completely serious. Every part of playful Beck was gone. "We don’t have to do this." I shook my head. I didn’t think I was ready to do this.
"Yes. We do." He moved closer to me, and his hand brushed mine under the water. "I want to be with you, Josie, and I can’t do that unless I apologize for being a complete and total ass."
"You kind of already have."
"It wasn’t enough." He searched my face, and I knew he was trying to gauge my reaction. "I should be apologizing every day for what I did, and even then, it won’t be enough. I hurt you, I did so on purpose, and I wish I could take it back."
"Beck…"
"I should have never taken the video to start with, but I was so angry. And I couldn’t see past that anger. If I had never taken the video, if I hadn’t sent it to Lucas to fucking taunt him with the fact that you were mine, this would have never happened."
He gripped my chin in his hand and forced me to look up at him. "That’s all on me, Josie. I should have never done any of it, and I can’t blame Lucas for my fuck-up. I sent him the video, and that’s my fault. It’s my fault that anyone was able to see it."