by Penny Wylder
“Your car is ready,” I tell her.
“Oh. Okay.”
She’s quiet on the drive to Abe’s shop. Not the comfortable kind of silence either. The air is heavy with unspoken words. I’m not sure if it has something to do with last night, or something else. I want to ask but the words get caught in my throat.
Eventually I get fed up with it. I need to know what’s on her mind. Asking might make me sound weak, like I care about her feelings, but right now I don’t care. I start to open my mouth, only she beats me to it.
“Are you and Haley close?” she says.
I raise my eyebrows, taking my eyes off the road for a moment to glance at her. The words sound surprisingly jealous. Lina must have been watching for me out the window of her motel room.
“There was a moment where we started to get close, right after you ran away—” I explain, but she interrupts me before I can finish.
“I didn’t run away. My mom dragged me to California. I never wanted to go.”
She folds her arms across her chest and grumbles something under her breath that sounds like “didn’t take you long to move on”. I ask her to speak louder so I can hear her. She tells me, “Never mind. I didn’t say anything.”
The truth is nothing ever happened with me and Haley. After Lina left, Haley reached out to me. I didn’t care why. All I cared about was finding out what happened with Lina. I figured since the two of them were best friends, she of all people would know where and why she went. But Lina never contacted her. It was as though she’d fallen off the face of the earth.
I can tell Lina has more questions to ask, but she’s not talking to me. She doesn’t say another word and her mood seems sour. That is until we get to the shop. As soon as the truck stops, she hops out and goes straight for Abe who rolls out from under an old Mustang when he sees us arrive.
Suddenly Lina’s mood changes. She smiling and laughing at something Abe said. It shouldn’t, but seeing her with him like that, happy and beautiful, sends a storm of jealousy through me. I get back in my truck, slam the door. They stare at me as the engine roars to life and I speed off with a shower of gravel flinging up from my spinning tires.
7
Lina
I sit on a bench made of a truck bed and graciously accept the cup of coffee Abe gives me even though it tastes like diesel fuel. As the caffeine rushes through my system I start to come alive.
“What’s his problem?” I say about Madden. He didn’t even bother to say goodbye before rushing off. I guess I was being sort of a brat by ignoring him in the truck. It surprised me about him and Haley getting “close” after I left. What does that even mean? Close as in hanging out, or close as in seeing each other naked? The thought makes me shudder and makes me more than just a little bit sick to my stomach. I try to tell myself not to be jealous, but I am. Why couldn’t he have been with anyone other than Haley? She’s such a bitch. I bet she would just love to rub her affair with Madden in my face. I think she knew back then, in high school, that I secretly liked him. That’s why she wanted to humiliate him. She couldn’t stand the thought of someone liking me and not her.
Ugh. I just want to scream right now.
Abe chuckles to himself. “I can think of a few things.”
“He’s so different. He went from being such a kind kid to a brute.”
Abe looks curiously at me. “What do you mean?”
I tell him about the time when I went out in my front yard to fetch the newspaper and dropped it in a mud puddle. I panicked because I knew my mom would be furious. She liked to read the newspaper every morning. One interruption to her morning routine and her whole day was shot. And guess who took the brunt of her bad mood? Madden had seen the worry on my face and the sodden paper in my hands. He brought his paper over and traded me. He always did things like that. It wasn’t the first or last time by any means.
Abe says, “Madden is still kind. He volunteers for Meals on Wheels, taking food to elderly and disabled people. He’s always the first person to offer a hand to those in need, and he would give his friends the shirt off his back if they asked for it. But at some point, it’s possible he grew all that muscle to protect himself. Like scar tissue over a wound. You and your friends weren’t exactly kind to him and that didn’t stop just because you left. He endured the harassment and humiliation far longer than he should have and he didn’t deserve it. Not even a little bit.”
His words leave me speechless. I know he’s right but I hate admitting it. If I could go back in time, I would change it all.
“I know we weren’t nice to him. It got out of hand. Things got worse after Haley found out I liked Madden. She became obsessed with the idea of me and Madden hooking up.”
“Why would she care about you and Madden hooking up?”
“I don’t know. I thought it was strange too.”
“Haley has always been about drama. Who knows what goes through that sadistic mind of hers?” He goes to the mini fridge and pulls out an ice cream bar, hands me one and sits down. “Why did your mom take you away from here?” he asks. “I heard my parents talking about it after you left. Everyone in the town was a little shocked when your parents split. They seemed pretty happy.”
“I don’t know. I’ve asked my mom about it over the years but she never gave me a straight answer. They never fought and always seemed like they were happy together. My mom even seemed devastated when we left. The strangest part to me was when my dad would come to visit us in California, and they got along so well. Nothing like a couple who couldn’t make a marriage work.”
Abe shrugs. “Small town mysteries make for good gossip.”
“Yeah, I guess they do.”
“For the longest time I thought it had to do with Haley,” Abe says.
“What? Haley? What would Haley have to do with my parents split?” My head goes to the worst possible conclusions, but I know none of those could be true.
“I heard your mom and dad arguing one night about Haley. I was out on the roof sneaking a cigarette. They were on their back patio. It was right before the thing happened with you and Madden. I think your mom knew Haley was pregnant.”
I stare at him, confused.
“You look shocked,” he says.
“Of course I’m shocked. Why would my mom not tell me then that Haley was pregnant?”
He shrugs. “I assumed you knew.”
“It’s all news to me. I had no idea. In fact, I was surprised as hell to find out Haley had an eight-year-old daughter.”
“Now you just shocked the hell out of me too.”
“I should go,” I say. “I need to get back to the bar. Madden still isn’t helping so I’m on my own. I have a lot of work to do.
On the drive back to the bar I can’t help but wonder if the town drama is bigger than what happened with me ambushing Madden in the car years ago.
8
Lina
I get to the bar, surprised to see Madden is already here. I’m also surprised by the thrill it gives me. By the way he’d sped away from Abe’s garage, I thought he was furious.
He’s in the parking lot filling in the big crack that caused the damage to my car. He’s not wearing a shirt. His lean, muscular arms flex as he works. Sweat beads along his tan skin. And that ass in those jeans … damn. Seeing him like this reminds me of the insane night we had at the bar, and I’m turned on all over again. I compose myself for a moment before I get out of my car and walk over to him, careful not to appear as flustered as I feel.
“What are you doing?” I ask, though it’s obvious. Mostly I want to know why. He doesn’t seem interested in helping without getting something in return, and fixing the cracks in the parking lot wasn’t part of that deal.
“I really don’t feel like dragging your busted car out of the cracks again,” he says as he wipes the road tar from his hands onto his jeans. He’s dirty from working. I imagine him walking into the shower, water glistening over his strong, naked body.
; I shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts. I haven’t been able to stop lusting after him since the time we spent together. He’s stuck in my head and I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to get him out of there for quite some time, if ever.
“Thank you,” I say.
He winks at me. I look away so he can’t see me blush.
I help him finish with the cracks. There’s more to be filled other than the one that wrecked my car. By the time we’re done the sun is high above our heads, beating down on us. I feel it blistering the scalp of my hairline and making me exhausted. We’re both covered in dirt and grime and my clothes stick to me, but not in a sexy way.
“I feel disgusting,” I tell him. “I need to get cleaned up.”
“Follow me.”
He walks away before I have time to respond, so I follow him. He walks into the woods behind the bar. We follow a trail through the trees until we reach the creak. There’s a watering hole where all of us used to swim as kids.
Being here again brings up so many memories. The rope swing in the tree just off shore is there still, but frayed and dangerous-looking. I doubt anyone would be brave enough to trust their weight on it anymore. I remember the girls laying on the big rocks, sun bathing, the boys jumping off the taller rocks into the deep end and trying to dunk each other under the water. It was so much fun. I wonder if anyone still comes here. It doesn’t look like it’s used too often. The trail is almost non-existent and the plants along the shore are no longer trampled by bare feet getting in and out of the water, or towels being laid down.
I stare at Madden as he pulls off his jeans. His boxer-briefs fit him fantastically, showing off some gorgeous muscular legs. “The water is nice,” he says. “Take those dirty clothes off and come swim with me.” When I give him an apprehensive look he says, “You can keep your underwear on.” Then he laughs.
The water does look nice, and I’m burning up. Everything beneath my clothes feels swampy, and I would love to clean myself up and cool down. I look around making sure no one is nearby before stripping down into my bra and panties and rushing into the creek. The initial shock of the cold water is startling at first, but then I quickly get used to it and start to swim around. Feels like the fountain of youth. Being here reminds me of being a kid again. I lay on my back and let myself float to the surface. Madden bumps into me. He’s doing the same thing. He holds onto my arm so we don’t drift apart from each other.
We float like this for a long time, the sun warming our faces. This time the silence between us is perfect. There’s nothing awkward or uncomfortable. We’re just sharing and enjoying each other’s company. It’s good enough just being in his presence.
After a while he stands up, the water is to the middle of his chest. It’s significantly higher on me, reaching my neck. Even then I have to stand on my tip toes. He puts his hands on my waist and lifts me up so that I don’t have to strain myself. It’s a sweet gesture for someone who wishes to seek revenge. I think that’s what he started off wanting. I have a feeling he wanted me to fall in love with him so that he could reject me in turn. He wanted to devastate me and turn on me the way I did him. So he would have the last laugh. But I don’t think that’s necessarily what he wants anymore. I’d like to think, without the influence of others, his feelings are starting to change. There is an affection between us that sparked the instant we saw each other. I felt it and I think he did too.
Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is all part of the plan. Maybe he has built his walls up so high that I can no longer get past them. Abe says he’s still the same sweet boy that he used to be. I hope he’s right and that I didn’t ruin him. I have to trust that. If I’m wrong and he breaks my heart, well, I guess I deserve that.
“I remember coming out here and you had on that neon green bikini, remember that thing?” he asks.
I laugh. “I loved that thing. I think I still have it somewhere at my mom’s house.”
“It was so bright that it almost glowed. You’d lay out on the rocks over there.” He points over to the cluster of rocks on the hill beside the creek where there’s a small waterfall that kids used to use like a water slide. It’s barely a trickle now. “All the boys use to stare and watch you sun bathe, like you were some glowing green goddess on her alter.”
“Remember when you saved me from the rattle snake?” I know he remembers because of the little smile the comes to his lips. “The snake was sunbathing on the rocks and I hadn’t seen it. I heard the rattle first. It was coiled up on that same rock and when my friends heard it, they screamed, which only agitated the snake more. I thought for sure I was a goner because the nearest hospital is fifty miles away. I waited for it to strike, but you came out of nowhere and killed it with a rock.”
“That’s one of those moments you don’t forget,” he said, chuckling.
“No kidding.”
He pulls me closer and bends his head. I close my eyes as his lips brush against mine. He smells like tar, soap, aftershave, man. I sniff him in, feeling euphoric and wild from the scent of him, and yet calm and safe at the same time. His strength is a sense of comfort. When he brings me even closer to him, deepening the kiss, I wrap my legs around his waist, clinging to him. His hard-on rubs me in just the right place. Only a pair of thin boxers and panties keeps me from what I want.
Before things have a chance to go too far, he says, “No freebies,” and pulls away. He swims to shore and promptly gets dressed. I follow him. As he pulls his shirt over his head, he says, “My place, now.”
My heart thunders as we walk back to the bar. I get in my car and he gets in his truck and I watch him leave. I know exactly where he lives. It’s next to my old house.
I take a deep breath. This is a bad idea. I don’t have to do this. If I go with him, to his house, I know my heart will forever be changed. I won’t stand a chance after this. I can turn around and go back to the motel—hell, I can drive away, back to California and stop getting pulled back into the past where there are secrets and mistakes, some of which I never knew about that seem to still be playing out.
I could do that. I could just go. But I don’t. I start my car and I follow him.
9
Madden
I bought the family home after my parents sold their business to Abe. We built a set of apartments on the back of the property where my parents live. It’s easier to maintain than the three-thousand square-feet of house. They’re getting older. My mom’s struggle to keep up with the cleaning and my dad’s struggle to make it up and down the stairs was becoming too much. They didn’t want to get rid of the home, so me taking it over was the best solution. And I guess part of me wanted to stay near Lina’s childhood home too. I have good memories of running amok in the neighborhood. That one bad moment in high school couldn’t ultimately undo all the good there was.
Lina’s home is still for sale next door. Her mom put it on the market after her dad died but no one has bought it.
Lina pulls into my driveway shortly after I arrive home. I realize that she’s never been inside before. When I was just a scrawny kid, I never had the courage to invite her over. Abe had a few girlfriends, so it’s not like it’s the first time a girl has been under our roof. But this is clearly different. This is me and Lina. This is the past mixing with the present.
I have to remind myself that we already had sex at the bar so her being here shouldn’t be making me this nervous. I keep telling myself, but I know this is different somehow. I know in my heart this encounter between us is meaningful. A next step.
I answer the door when Lina arrives. She looks around at all the family pictures still on the wall. Not much has changed about the house except the fact that there’s not as much stuff since we moved it over to the apartment. For the most part, it’s empty. There’s just too much house to fill and it all still reminds me of my childhood home no matter what new things I bring in, so I don’t bother.
“I always wondered what it looked like in here. I guess I thought
maybe you guys were hoarders since you never let me inside.”
I laugh. “I would’ve let you in if you’d asked.”
“Did you ever come into my home?”
“No,” I say, though I’d pictured what her room looked like a million times.
“I’m surprised it’s still up for sale. It was a nice place. I miss it.”
The way she says it, so longingly, makes my heart sink for her. She never came back after her mom took her to California. I watched for her. Late at night, when I would hear cars outside, I would jump up to see who it was, hoping I’d see her walking into her old home. But it never happened. After her dad died, it was horribly quiet at a place that used to be so alive to me.
“Come on,” I say, and lead her upstairs to my room. I could have moved into the master bedroom downstairs, but it felt weird to move into my parents’ old room, so I kept mine upstairs—minus the Spiderman sheets and posters of video games on the walls. Now it just looks like your typical bachelor pad, everything black or white. Nothing on the walls.
I lead her to my room. I’m oddly nervous. We’ve been through this, but this is different. This will change everything. I turn toward her, thinking of how this should start. I’m not normally a nervous person. If anything, I can be over-confident at times.
Turns out, I don’t need to think much because she’s already pushing me toward the bed, making the first move. She kisses me long and slow. Her hands are on my chest and then they’re taking off my shirt. Her fingers slide across my skin, her eyes hooded and hungry.
“You have an incredible body. You’re so different than what I remember,” she says.
I know what she means, but I pretend offense. “Was I so bad before?”
She giggles. “Of course not. But you were a boy then. You’ve become such a beautiful man.”