Duke winced but surprised me by nodding solemnly.
"I want you in our lives. I want you to be Uncle Duke to my kids. Please," I begged. "Don't make me choose."
Duke turned, crushing me into his chest and hugging me tightly. Lips touched the hair on my head as I broke down in tears. "I won't make you choose, sweetheart," he whispered. Matteo let him hold me as I cried, but I felt his eyes on us every moment.
Thinking. Calculating.
Protecting me always.
Thirty
Ivory
"I'm all for you working here whenever you want, you know that," Matteo grunted, and I smirked into my laptop, not even bothering to glance up at him. "But for the love of God, could you let me work, woman?"
I broke into giggles, crossing my ankles over the arm of the couch where I'd draped them to give Matteo a perfect view as my sundress rode up my thighs. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm minding my own business, working myself."
He gave me that panty-melting grin that literally no woman in the world would be immune to. "Is that so?"
"Mhmm," I hummed in response, crossing and recrossing my legs so that my thighs rubbed together in a desperate bid for friction. I didn't know what the Hell was wrong with me, but I'd wanted sex constantly in the few days since we'd told my parents about our engagement. I almost felt bad for Matteo.
"I can't have sex with you again, Angel. You've drained me dry." I pouted at him, finally turning to face him and the unbelievable happiness written plainly on his face.
I smiled back at him. "I can't help that I want you so much. Maybe you should stop working out. Eat more of my brownies," I teased.
"Oh, so you'll stop jumping my bones every ten minutes if I lose my abs. Is that what you're saying?" I chuckled, setting my laptop on the coffee table and prancing over to plop my butt on his desk in front of him.
"Like you wouldn't be upset if I changed my body," I accused.
"Angel, I love you. Your body is a bonus, yes, but I'll love you however you come."
I tried not to melt, because an admission like that for a man like Matteo, who could have anyone, meant so much to me. "Hmm, it's a good thing, really. Marriage is forever."
"It is," Matteo agreed, capturing my lips with a sweet kiss.
The door opened behind us and Donatello cleared his throat. "I'm sorry to interrupt."
"What do you need, Don?" Matteo asked, leveling the man with a stern look. I knew Donatello had never had to knock before I'd come to the estate, and everyone was having some adjustments to the changes in rules regarding privacy. I forgave him for the awkward moments when he forgot, but Matteo was a little less lenient.
"Ms. Hicks is here for Ms. Torres. Should I have the guards let her in?"
I glanced to Matteo, daring him to say no. I knew at the club in his anger he'd told Sadie she wouldn't see me. I'd honestly mostly forgotten about it in all the drama that ensued after that, given her betrayal and the fact that we weren't speaking, anyway. Him refusing to allow me to see Sadie would violate my trust, another heavy-handed attempt to control me, and with the way he looked at me, he knew that. He knew if we would have a real chance at this marriage, then I needed to make my own decisions so long as they didn't endanger me. "Do you want to see her?" Matteo asked me on a whisper.
I nodded to both men, giving Matteo a relieved smile that he'd made the right choice. "I'll let the guards know," Donatello said, bowing out of the room to give us a moment of privacy.
"You and me, Angel. I know Sadie comes along with you, just don't let her talk you out of this." It almost sounded like an insecurity, a question of whether my friend could convince me that the relationship we were building was unstable. There was a time when a stranger could have convinced me it wouldn't last, but that time had gone.
Somewhere along the line, I'd started to believe that Matteo loved me as much as I loved him—needed me to feel whole. Maybe it was in the way he clung to me at night and slept later than he should so he knew I could rest peacefully. Maybe it was the way he had called my Uncle to let him know he'd made things official and invite him to the wedding. Maybe it was the way he'd agreed to bury the hatchet with Duke so he could be a part of our lives, despite Matteo's possessiveness.
Whatever it was, I knew without a doubt that it was real.
"Just yell if you need anything," he murmured, leaning into my space again to give me an affectionate kiss.
"Always." I stood from the desk, smoothing his papers for him and retreating from the office. By the time I made it to the kitchen, Sadie sat in one stool waiting and Donatello was nowhere to be seen. She’d taken Smaug from the tank Don had set up for him against the wall where the kitchen connected with the dining room, snuggling him in the way she didn’t like me to see. Nobody could resist the tricky little bastard. Even Matteo was growing fond of him, and Don was a goner.
"So, this is the great Bellandi Estate," she sighed, eyes darting around the room as she took in the pristine, gourmet kitchen.
"Did you come to sightsee?" I said, every bit of the bitterness I still felt over her betrayal coming through those words. It was enough to make her wince.
"You know I didn't," she sighed, finally turning to look at me. When our eyes connected, relief seemed to flood through her. "I was half worried I'd come, and you'd be miserable. Heaven knows that he's intense and controlling enough to smother you."
I crossed my arms over my chest to stare her down. "And yet, you called him when I went on a date. Did you call Duke too?"
"Yes," she admitted. "You did that thing where you just bury your head in the sand and keep digging your hole! You needed someone to force you to deal with the problems instead of just pretending they didn't exist."
I sat down on the stool next to her with a sigh. "I needed to do that," I agreed. "But that wasn't your decision to make. I should have been able to come to that on my own."
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wanted to tell you a hundred times, but you're never home anymore—"
"Matteo moved me in here the day after the club," I sighed. I didn't want to remember those days and the tumultuous storm of emotions. Having my will stripped away, locked up in a glorified prison, was not a feeling I wanted to relive.
"God, I'm sorry, Ive. I'm sorry it hurt you, but you look good. You look happy. So I don't regret it. The way he looks at you...." she trailed off with a secret little smile. "I hope one day I find someone who looks at me like that."
"Intense? Like he wants to eat you alive? Is that what you mean?" I giggled, and the tension broke as she burst into laughter along with me.
"I guess so, yeah. Things are good?"
I grinned. "Yeah, you could say that. He's...intense. I don't think I've ever met someone as strong-willed as Matteo, like everyone in his vicinity just has to do everything he says. I know he has power, and that's part of it, but there's also just that something about him, you know?"
She laughed. "Yeah, he's dangerous. Not just because of the title, but he just gives it off."
I fiddled with the ring on my finger, turning to face her finally with tears in my eyes. "It's a good thing you finally came to your senses and came to apologize. You were running out of time to pick out a Maid of Honor dress."
"I was, what? What?!" she shrieked, snatching my hand to stare at the ring. "You're getting married?"
"July 6th," I grinned.
"Holy shit!" I could hear Matteo's chuckle drift in from the office.
"Eavesdropping creep!" I hollered at him, and the chuckle transformed into a roar of laughter. "Come on, let's go for a walk outside where the stalker can't listen in."
I took her out the front door, going around the rose garden on the side of the house. I'd never spent much time in it, mostly just run past it in the mornings. I knew I'd need to remedy that, because it was gorgeous. "So, tell me about the sex. I need to live vicariously through you. I'm in a dry spell."
I rolled my eyes, Sadie had always been a little more op
en to casual sex than I had, but the recent dry spell had lasted six months. Her opportunity for sex hadn't changed. What had changed was her willingness and desire for something more, but she wasn't ready to hear that. "It's pretty much constant. I mean, I always knew we were attracted to each other, obviously. But lately I swear all he has to do is look at me, and I'm dragging him off to bed."
Sadie laughed her ass off. Her voice was teasing when she spoke. "You're sure you aren't pregnant, right?"
I smiled back at her, even though I knew my body froze solid. "Of course not. You know I'm on the pill."
Except I'd been due for my period the day Matteo proposed. I'd spotted a teeny bit a few days after, so hadn't thought anything of it. I'd gotten so wrapped up in the wedding and being happy that I never realized it didn't come.
"You okay?" Sadie asked. I wanted to hide it, wanted to pretend that my world wasn’t crashing down around me, but I couldn’t. I had to know, and since I couldn’t leave the house, she was my only chance.
“No. I don’t think so,” I whispered.
“Woah, what happened?” Sadie was suddenly in my face, but I forced a smile in case one of Matteo’s men were watching us. I didn’t doubt it in the slightest.
“I missed my period. I didn’t—I didn’t even realize.”
Sadie stilled next to me, her face breaking out in a grin. “Holy shit!” she whispered. “You’re pregnant! I’m going to be an Auntie.”
“Would you be quiet? We don’t know for sure—”
“Honey, when has your period ever so much as been late?” Her voice turned more somber when she realized I wasn’t as excited as her.
“Can you go to the pharmacy? Get me a test? I don’t want Matteo to know until I know.”
“I’ll be right back, okay?” I nodded, and she walked calmly to her car. I knew Sadie enough to know by the tensing of her shoulders she wanted to run. She wanted to fucking sprint, but she wouldn’t risk outing the secret before I was ready.
Matteo telling my mother he wanted kids soon was a very different thing than me getting pregnant before we were even married. He would kill me. I couldn't imagine there hadn't been situations in the past where women tried to trap him with a baby. Even in high school, people joked about it.
As soon as she left, I made an excuse to Matteo that she just had to run a quick errand and would be right back. I faked a smile the entire time, leaving him to his work meeting with Lino and Donatello in favor of baking my stresses away.
✽✽✽
Sadie came back, disguising her purchase with a bag full of all my favorite chocolates. "I thought you might need them while we wait," she blurted, and I gave her a grin before breaking out into laughter when her eyes landed on the double chocolate chip cookies waiting on the tray to go into the oven. She brought her purse into the bathroom with her to wash her hands, conveniently slipping back into the kitchen without it.
God, I loved this girl.
"I'm just going to use the bathroom," I said after I put the cookies in the oven. "Make yourself at home."
"Always do," she grinned, catching my hand briefly as I made my way to the door. "No matter what happens, we'll figure it out, okay?" I nodded at her, tears pooling in my eyes.
I already knew what the test would say. All the symptoms, the missed period, every thing was a glaring point of evidence against me.
I couldn't believe I'd missed it.
So when I closed myself in the bathroom, I tore open the test without hesitation. I'd chugged two bottles of water in the brief fifteen minutes it had taken Sadie to run to the pharmacy.
Because I was desperate to know the truth.
Whoever decided that it was a great idea to pee on a stick was an asshole.
Sadie had even been generous enough to buy me an ergonomic one.
Because I was obviously at risk of developing carpal tunnel in the five to ten seconds I had to pee on the damn thing.
I rolled my eyes as I capped it and set it on the counter, proceeding to wash my hands too thoroughly. I counted in my head, an endless cycle of seconds that never seemed to end.
It didn't seem possible that two minutes could be so long.
It brought me back to all those speeches in high school, the torment of required time frames when all you wanted to do was race through the words as quickly as possible and get it over with.
When I finally counted to 120, I did it again. Just to be safe, I mean, who knew how fast I'd counted? Right?
With a few deep breaths, I looked in the mirror, fixating on how pale my face looked compared to the deep wood tones and amber tiles. I hated this bathroom, and if Matteo and I made it work, I decided I'd immediately change it. I spent more time in that bathroom, positioned between the kitchen and Matteo's office, throughout the day than I did in the gorgeous master bathroom upstairs.
Finally deciding I couldn't distract myself anymore, I glanced down at the test on the counter.
Digital, it left absolutely nothing up to interpretation.
Not with the way the word glared up at me in stark, bold letters.
Pregnant.
Even having known what the test would say, I swallowed my sob. I'd never felt so conflicted, never wanted something so badly despite knowing it had the potential to ruin my relationship with Matteo. He was all I'd wanted for so long; it was completely disarming to realize that for the very first time, there was something I wanted more.
This baby. Even knowing it was nothing more than a tiny collection of cells in my womb, even knowing there was likely nothing resembling a baby to it yet, I wanted that baby more than anything.
I loved it in a way I'd never known could be possible.
I made sure the test was clean, carrying it out to Sadie.
"Oh my God," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears of joy. I nodded back at her, feeling beyond happy. "He's an idiot if he isn't over the moon, but I don't think you'll have that problem," she whispered, taking the purse I carried out to her.
"I hope you're right."
"You going to tell him now?" I nodded. "Okay, call me if you need me." She crushed me to her in a tight hug that I felt in my soul. No matter what happened, I'd always have Sadie.
And I hoped Duke.
I'd be okay.
I just hoped I'd still have Matteo.
✽✽✽
As soon as she left, I took a few deep breaths and started my way down the hallway, pregnancy test still in hand. It was fairly unusual for Matteo to work with the door open, let alone have meetings, but the light streaming through the crack in the door was there, regardless. I realized with a start that I'd been the last one to leave the office, and it must have been me who left it open. I hoped they hadn't heard any snippets of my conversation with Sadie, but my hopes dashed when I heard Matteo's annoyed tone as he snapped at Lino.
"I don't understand what's taking so long!"
"These things take time, Matteo," Donatello soothed him, that fatherly tone to his voice. "We've talked about this. It will happen. You're both young and in your prime. Without the pills, you just have to be patient." I froze in my steps, the first inkling of something being horribly wrong making me listen to know for sure.
"How long has it been since you swapped out her pills for placebos?" Lino whispered to him. "It can take months. Some people are just less fertile than others."
I gasped, covering my mouth quickly as my body started to shake.
It couldn't possibly be what it sounded like.
There was no way Matteo could do something like that to me.
And yet, it made too much sense. I wasn't naïve. I knew that the pill wasn't foolproof, but I'd never so much as had a pregnancy scare before. To get pregnant within weeks of Matteo returning to my life?
"Six weeks," Matteo grunted in response to Lino's question, and it felt like something within me shriveled and died. Any chance we'd had at having an open and honest marriage, any chance I'd felt I might have had where he respected the boundaries
of a normal relationship.
Just gone.
Having heard enough, I shoved open the door and stepped into the office. Three sets of shocked eyes turned my way, Matteo's icy blue ones closing briefly as he clenched his jaw. "Please tell me it's not true," I whispered, watching as his eyes drifted down to the pregnancy test still clutched in my hand.
"Get out," Matteo muttered, and neither Lino nor Donatello put up a fight, taking the opportunity to happily flee what was no doubt about to devolve into something ugly. "Angel," he murmured softly, stepping around his desk and looking like he might touch me. He reached out a hand, slipping the test from me so he could read the damned word that changed our lives.
That he'd changed without my consent.
"Did you change out my birth control pills?" I whispered, and his eyes darted up to look at me finally, so much joy swimming in them as he clutched the test tightly. "Please, Teo. Tell me you didn't do this." My voice broke, devolving into a sob.
He reached for me, cupping my cheek in his strong hand. "I can't," he whispered solemnly despite the happy little smile that continued to tip his lips up. His eyes went to my stomach, and his hand followed. He stroked it over my dress, acting like he could already feel the life growing inside me.
The life he'd put there, without a single thought for what I might want. "How could you do this?"
I stepped back, and he snapped a tight jaw and weary eyes back up to me. "I did what I had to do. I told you, I'm not wasting any more time. We both want a family together."
"We never talked about it!" I hissed. "I never gave you any sign that I'm ready to be a mother! What if I didn't even want the baby?"
"I know you, Ivory. I knew as soon as you were pregnant, there would be nothing anyone could do to keep you from giving that child everything. Please, just try to understand—"
Bloodied Hands: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 1) Page 21