“What can I do to help?” he asked.
“Turn my brother into a scholar and not a pothead?” she asked hopefully.
Kissing her hand, he smiled. “Sorry, baby. That may be a tall order. How about I help you inside with your bags and let you do what you need to do for your family?” He could tell by the longing in her expression that they had both had other ideas about how the evening would end and now that was over. She needed to help her brother and that would be easier for her if he went home and let her concentrate.
He didn’t know if it was his imagination, but their pace seemed to drag by mutual consent as they made it up the one flight of stairs to her apartment. She opened the door and he had just a glimpse of the brightly painted wall behind her before she turned in the doorway. He gave her a gentle kiss on the lips, mindful of the fact that neither of them needed to end the night any more frustrated than they already were. “Brant . . .”
He put his finger against her lips. “I know . . . I’ll see you tomorrow. If something comes up and you need the day off, just call me.”
With one more brief brush against her lips, he forced himself to turn and retrace his steps. Fuck, his life seemed to be filled with bad timing.
Chapter Twelve
Brant was at the office early the next morning. He tried telling himself it was just to get through the backlog of work waiting for him, but he knew it was to see Emma. They could go to lunch together later on and talk about what was going on between them. He smiled to himself, thinking it would be a better meal than the cold sandwiches she usually brought back on her own for him. As he walked through the lobby of the Danvers International building, he was surprised to see Mac there waiting for the elevator. Mackinley Powers had been a friend of the family for many years. He and Brant’s brother, Declan, had enlisted in the marines together and served a couple of tours before coming home. Mac ran a security company with Danvers as one of its clients so it wasn’t unusual to see him in the building. Plus, he was a very hands-on boss and didn’t leave much to chance. He turned as he heard Brant approach. Mac clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, good morning, man, didn’t know you were back yet.”
“Morning, Mac. Yeah, we got in yesterday. This is an early morning for you, isn’t it?”
Grimacing, Mac said, “For sure, but I offered to cover for one of my guys today. His mom was having surgery so he needed to be there. I was just going to do a walk-through before things got under way today. I had dinner with Declan, Ella and Evan last night. Shit, that’s really hard to adjust to now, but I’m happy for him.”
Brant smiled in return. He had similar feelings where his brother was concerned. It was almost surreal to have the wild child of the family married with a new baby on the way and a son. When Declan discovered that he had fathered a child six years ago from a one-night stand, he had stepped up to the plate and was now an active parent to Evan. Coincidentally, a short time later, his new wife, Ella, had found out she was pregnant. It was a huge shift in Declan’s life after leaving the military and suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome over the death of a friend in Afghanistan. Ella had helped him turn it all around and now he was the most content that Brant had ever seen him. “I know what you mean. It’s been hard for me to believe as well, but he deserves it. Was Ava also there?”
Mac looked away, obviously uncomfortable with the question. “No, I left before she arrived. It’s . . . just different now.”
Brant looked at Mac, surprised by his shuttered expression. For as long as he could remember, Mac had been in love with his sister. He knew that she loved him in her own way, but so far that hadn’t been enough to make her take a chance, and now maybe that would never happen. “Has something happened between you two?”
Sighing, Mac said, “No, not at all and that’s the problem. I told Declan a while back that I needed to move on with my life and Ava shows no signs of wanting to be a part of that.” Mac looked at him almost apologetically. “I’m sorry, man. I really am. I’m not abandoning her; I’ll always be here if she needs me, but in a different way.”
Brant felt a pang for his sister, realizing that she was about to throw away the best thing to ever happen to her, and yet there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it. Maybe Ava, like Declan, would have to hit rock bottom in order to come back up for air. Hell, maybe there was something in all this that he needed to be paying attention to. Did he want to be alone and closed off to the world forever like Ava? Holding out a hand to Mac, he shook the other man’s hand. “I understand. No one’s going to think less of you, Mac. You’ve always been there for Ava and I know you’ll continue to watch over her. Maybe she needs to be forced from her comfort zone.”
Mac gave him a skeptical look. “I wish it were that easy. But I’ve started putting some distance between us and I will talk to her soon. Truthfully, I’ve been putting that off because I’m not ready to see her indifference about me.”
Brant couldn’t imagine his sister being indifferent to Mac moving on and finding love somewhere else, but he couldn’t be sure. He may be emotionally reserved, but Ava was emotionally detached, which, in his estimate, was hard to overcome. He and Mac parted ways at the elevator and he walked toward his office even more determined to pursue a relationship with Emma.
Brant looked up from his computer as the sound of movement in the outer office caught his attention. Anticipation filled him as a knock sounded on the door. He was momentarily surprised because Emma usually sailed into his office without bothering to knock. He grinned, yelling out, “Come in.”
His surprise turned to shock as the door opened and Alexia Shaw walked hesitantly into his office. It seemed they were both momentarily at a loss for words before he finally remembered his manners and stood. “Alexia?” He knew that his greeting came out more like a question, but he was powerless to stop it. The same shy smile was there, but she looked very different from the last time they had seen each other. She was thinner, bordering on too skinny, and her hair was shorter and pulled back into a ponytail.
Alexia looked nervous as she closed the door behind her. He walked around the desk to greet her. They exchanged an awkward hug before he indicated one of the chairs in front of the desk. Frankly, he was afraid she would fall over if she stood much longer. “Hi, Brant,” she said quietly. “It’s so good to see you again. I know this must be a bit of a . . . surprise.”
He settled back on the corner of his desk, studying her curiously. He knew from Ava that Alexia was back in town and supposedly engaged. He hadn’t expected to see her, though, so the surprise was hard to shake. “I am surprised, although it’s nice to see you, too. You look . . . well.” Shit, why had he mentioned anything about her appearance?
A laugh erupted from her at his words and finally he saw a brief glimpse of the woman he once loved. “You’re a terrible liar, Brant, you always were. Even when I really didn’t want to hear it, you gave it to me straight. I always admired that about you,” she added almost absently.
Attempting to lighten the mood, Brant smiled, asking, “Is that the only thing you admired?”
His attempt seemed to have the opposite effect as she shook her head solemnly. “No, it’s not. I’m here because I’m counting on your strongest quality . . . loyalty. I know we haven’t been involved for years, but I also know you would never turn your back on someone you cared about. I . . . I need help, Brant. I don’t have anywhere else to turn.” When tears welled in her eyes, Brant grabbed a tissue from the container on his desk and handed it to her.
Fuck, a crying female and it was his ex-fiancée to boot. This morning had officially taken a nosedive from promising to unsettling.
“Alexia . . . what’s wrong?” Brant was starting to get nervous. What was going on here? This didn’t sound like someone needing a loan or wanting absolution for past sins. He found himself not wanting to ask but really he had no choice. “Tell me what I can do to help you? It can’t be as bad as you think.”
“Well, let me see,�
� she said. Lifting her fingers, she started ticking off her problems for him. “I’m fresh out of rehab after a drug overdose. I’m engaged to the doctor who helped me get into rehab. My parents, who were thrilled with the whole doctor-engagement thing, just found out that their daughter was a former junkie and are terrified that someone else will find out. And my friends, who are still using, have been calling me every day wanting to get together. I can’t seem to get a moment’s peace from anyone in my life!”
Still dazed, Brant asked, “Drug abuse?”
Now it was Alexia’s turn to look at him in surprise. “Surely you must have known? I mean, I was clean when we started dating, but Josie . . . she got me into things that I couldn’t control. It started out with just a few drinks and after a while, those drinks turned into hard alcohol. Finally, it progressed into harder stuff like cocaine, heroin and crystal meth. I . . . knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop.”
Rolling up the sleeve of her shirt, she showed him her arm, covered with dozens of scars that must have been track marks. Taking a deep breath, she added, “By rights, I should already be dead. I woke up more than once in a strange bed, or on the street.”
“Where the fuck was Josie during those times?” Brant demanded. When she flinched, he lowered his voice, fighting for control. “Didn’t she care what was happening to you?”
“I don’t know,” Alexia admitted. “I think it was funny to her at first. You know, take the innocent new friend out and loosen her up. I realize now that she liked having me around because I funded the party for her. I received a check from my father’s company, plus I had a nice savings account that my parents had set up for me when I was younger. Josie never seemed to have any money, so I automatically paid for everything when we were together, including the drugs. She usually took off with her boyfriend during the evening and I somehow made it home most of the time. After you and I broke up, though, I really went off the rails. Knowing you were there was the only thing that kept me in check until then.”
“And your parents? Did they have any clue as to what was going on?”
Alexia shook her head. “Not for a while, or at least I don’t think so. I had never been a problem child so they probably overlooked the initial signs. When they found out, they really didn’t know how to deal with it.”
“How did they find out?” Brant asked quietly.
Alexia dropped her head in her hands. “My mom walked in on me shooting up. The one thing I remember from that moment is how confused she looked. Her mind simply couldn’t grasp what she was seeing: her daughter with a rubber band around her arm, injecting something. The sad thing is that I could have probably talked my way out of it had I not panicked. I think at that moment, regardless of what she thought, she would have jumped at any other explanation. I just started blabbering how sorry I was over and over. Unfortunately, my father was walking by at that exact moment and heard the commotion. Unlike my mother’s shock, he was livid. He yelled, threatened me and generally went ballistic. He demanded that I pack my bags and get ready to go to a clinic that night. When they left my room, I called Josie and had her pick me up at the end of the driveway. I snuck out of the house and left. Other than making friends with Josie in the first place, that was the worst mistake I ever made.”
“What did you do after that? Did your parents look for you?”
Another tear escaped the corner of her eye as she said, “I’m sure they did for a while, but what could they do really? I was an adult. Even making bad decisions, there was nothing they could do to make me come home legally. I had a bank account in my name, which meant they couldn’t freeze that either. God, I almost wish they had been able to. Maybe if the money had run out sooner, I’d have been forced to go home before all of this happened.”
Curious despite himself, Brant asked, “What made you come back?”
“They say you have to hit rock bottom before you admit that you have a problem and that finally happened to me. I was at a party and overdosed on cocaine. There were a few big names at the party and one of them had a bodyguard with him. If not for him being there and sober, I’d probably be dead. He had medic training and knew the signs. All I remember is feeling like my heart was going to burst from my chest. My body temperature had also risen so high that they had to dip me in an ice water bath at the hospital. The doctor there just gave it to me straight. He said I was damn lucky I hadn’t had a heart attack and that if I continued, that was just around the corner. I cried then, while he stood there looking at me. I’m sure he had seen junkies like me before and had long since lost any sympathy for them. He offered me a place in a treatment program he sponsored and I accepted. I don’t think either of us really believed I would do it. He looked surprised when I asked him the next morning to be transferred into it.”
Brant moved back, giving her room to collect herself. He was reeling from her story. Never in all of this time had he suspected what she had become involved in. He mentally kicked himself, knowing he should have seen the signs. Even though she had broken it off with him, he felt like he had let her down. “Alexia, I’m sorry. . . .”
Shaking her head, she said, “Don’t, it’s not your fault. There was nothing you or anyone else could have done. I was sheltered for so long that when I finally broke free, I just lost it. Without Carter, I don’t know if I would have made it back. . . .”
Quirking a brow, Brant asked, “Carter?”
He didn’t miss the soft smile curving Alexia’s mouth. “Carter is the doctor who helped me into treatment. He . . . he was there for me through it all. When I wanted to give up, he pushed me. He saw something in me worth saving. I was terrified I would relapse when I was on my own, but he continued to encourage me, checking in often. We . . . um . . . fell in love. Can you believe that something positive came out of the nightmare my life had become?” Suddenly her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God, Brant, I hadn’t even thought of how this might make you feel!”
“Alexia, it’s fine. I’m happy that you have someone in your life now; you deserve it.” Strangely enough, he was happy for her. “So what happened with your parents? You mentioned that they know about your addiction problems.”
“Yes, I told them everything yesterday and they asked me to leave. I had told them over the phone a few weeks ago about Carter, but not about my time in rehab and how bad things had gotten before I checked myself in. I wanted to talk to them about that face-to-face. I think they had convinced themselves that my drug usage was just a small act of rebellion. When I told them in detail how bad things had gotten for me, they completely locked down. They were happier not knowing where I had been or what I had been doing.” Alexia looked down at her hands. “The sad part though is that for a brief moment, I was their daughter again. They were thrilled to welcome me back with a doctor as a fiancé. I found out that they had been telling their friends that I was away at college and had met a doctor there. They were ready to acknowledge my existence again, but that ended when they found out that their daughter had been a serious addict for the past few years. I’ve lost what little relationship I had with them and, more important, I may have lost Carter.”
Surprised, he asked, “Why would you have lost him?”
“He didn’t want me to come see my parents or risk seeing anyone from my past. He felt like it was too soon in my recovery to face such strong emotional triggers. I had told him all about my parents, so he knew they were likely to reject me when they found out the truth. I just . . . didn’t want to accept that he was right so we fought and I told him I needed a break. Time apart to think. Of course, when I walked out, I thought I would be staying with my parents for a while, but that’s obviously out.”
“I’ll help you get settled in a hotel,” Brant found himself offering, falling right back into his old habit of taking care of her. “You can take a few days or weeks to see where you want to go from here. I’m sure your parents will just be glad to have their daughter back when they have time to think.”
He was shocked speechless when she looked at him beseechingly, and said, “Could I please stay with you . . . just for a little while? No one will look for me there. I promise, I won’t be any trouble! You’re the only person in my life right now that I trust not to push me. I need a place to think and someone to lean on. I just . . . don’t have anywhere else to turn.”
“Alexia . . . I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t know each other anymore. I’ll be happy to help you in any way I can, but staying with me just wouldn’t work out. You’d be much happier in a hotel.” But when she burst out crying, he knew he was screwed. He didn’t owe her anything; hell, by rights, he should have tossed her out the door already. But . . . she looked so damn fragile. He couldn’t help but remember their past relationship and even though the love was gone, he still cared about what happened to her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her face. “I’m horribly embarrassed to be doing this. My pride seems to have completely deserted me lately. Just please . . . forget I asked. It’s crazy that I would expect something like that after all I’ve done to you.”
Brant sighed, knowing that he was probably making a huge mistake, but unable to turn his back on her. He stood up, pulling his house key from his key ring. He had lived in an apartment back when they were together, so she had never been to his new house. He scribbled the address of his house on the back of a business card and handed both to her. “Why don’t you go to my place and rest? We can talk more this evening. I . . . This can’t be for long though, Alexia, just a few days.”
No Denying You Page 11