The dam breaks, and I watch as the tears hit my arms that are resting on the table.
“He cheated on me.”
She gasps, and out of the corner of my eye, I see her hand fly to her mouth. I’ve seemed to have stunned my mother silent.
“No. No, there’s no way that man would do that to you.”
“Mom, I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
She doesn’t have a chance to respond because Zoey starts crying from the other room. I’m thankful for the interruption.
“Ed, what did you do to that poor girl?” my mom hollers as she makes her way out of the kitchen.
I wipe at my eyes as I try to gather myself before going to my baby. Despite what’s going on with me and her father, she needs me, and I need to keep myself together for her.
Once I’ve calmed down, I walk toward the living room where my mom is rocking my sweet baby girl. I hope she always knows how much Evan and I both love her, no matter what happens to our marriage.
* * *
“How’s work going, princess?” my dad asks as he takes a bite of my mom’s cheese bread. The stuff is seriously to die for.
I moan. “Ugh, it’s going. Charlotte is driving me more crazy than usual, but I have a few new clients who have been fun to work with.”
“Are they here in Phoenix?” my mother asks as she lifts her sweet tea to her lips.
“Yeah, mostly. But I still have that big one in Peoria.”
I know that Evan always has hated that I’ve continued to work since having the baby, but now, I’m thankful I did. If I’m going to be a single mother, I need to have a full-time job.
“What kind of projects are they?” Dad asks.
I finish chewing my spaghetti before answering him. “Well, the big one is a couple who are expecting twins. They wanted us to transform their garage into a big nursery.” I roll my eyes at the extremity of it all.
“People are ridiculous!” My mom shakes her head.
I just laugh. “I agree.”
“Avery, have you thought about staying home with Zoey so you can spend more time with her?” Mom reaches over and grabs my hand. I want to pull away with irritation but decide against it.
God love my mother, but there are times when she does not have a filter. This would be one of those times.
“Mom, why do you have to keep bringing this up?” I wipe my mouth with my cloth napkin. Heaven forbid she purchase paper napkins. “Did you forget what I just told you?”
She ignores my question. “You know that I stayed home with you and your sister for many years while your dad worked. I have never regretted that.”
Wow. That felt like a slap to the face.
“So, you think that because I’m a working mother that I’ll regret not staying home with my child?” I shake my head and stand from my chair. “Dad, sorry to leave so soon, but I need to get Zoey home to bed.”
He gives me a weak smile, but I know he understands.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Get her home, and we’ll see you again soon.” He stands and walks toward me and places a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll talk to her,” he says into my ear, and my chest tightens. I often feel like he’s the only one in my corner. I’ve always been a Daddy’s girl, but I need him more than ever right now.
“Thanks, Dad,” I whisper and then turn to grab Zoey from my mother’s arms.
“You don’t need to act like this. You know we just worry about you.” She leans in and kisses my daughter on the forehead before I take her.
“If you were really worried about me then you would know that I have to work because my husband and I will be getting a divorce.”
Silence fills the room, and I leave without another word. It hurt to say, but they are nothing more than the truth.
* * *
I finally get Zoey to bed and head to the kitchen desperately needing to stop ignoring the overflowing dishes in the sink. I’m exhausted, but if I don’t do them, I’m going to start attracting flies. My heart squeezes in my chest at the thought that Evan isn’t in the other room watching E-Sports while I pick up the house.
Not liking the silence, I walk to the living room and switch the TV on to his favorite channel. I collapse into his recliner, and my face immediately goes into my hands as the tears start to fall, yet again. Will this ever get easier? I can’t imagine the pain ever going away. I’ve loved that man for a long time. Despite what he’s done, I don’t think it’ll ever be possible not to.
After what feels like hours, I make my way back to the dishes and get lost in thought as I load them into the dishwasher. This is something I’ve never minded doing because it’s so mundane, but right now, I don’t have energy to do anything.
I get lost in thought as I scrub the pizza pan. I can’t even remember when I actually made a pizza last. I’m starting to disgust myself. I never imagined I’d find myself living like this.
My mind drifts to Evan, not that it’s ever far from him. I wonder what he’s doing at this very moment. I drop the dishrag into the soapy water and slide to the floor.
I’m jump when I hear keys rattling in the lock at the front door. I stand and head down the hallway on shaky legs. I know that it’s not an intruder, but I’m not ready to face the person on the other side of the door, again.
I stand there with a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face, as the door slowly opens after it’s unlocked.
He startles slightly when he sees me standing near him.
“Hey, Av.” He gives me a weak smile, and I hate the sadness I see etched on his handsome face. His face is marred with a good week’s worth of stubble. He never grows a full beard like this, so it takes me by surprise. He’s always taken pride in his appearance, and this only makes my heart crack more. Why do I still feel this way after what he’s put me through? After what he's done to our marriage?
When I don’t say anything in return, he slowly walks toward me.
“I need to grab my navy suit for court tomorrow. Sorry if I scared you. I tried to call you but your phone went straight to voicemail.”
“You mean to tell me that you couldn’t come by the house when Zoey was awake so she could see her father?” I spit the words out with hatred in my tone. Hate is the furthest thing I feel for this man, but right now, I hate what he’s doing to me and our family.
Anger fills his eyes.
“Avery, I just realized I didn’t have the suit I needed. I wouldn’t dare ask you to see my daughter in your presence.”
He marches past me without another word. The urge to follow him is strong, but I resist and walk back to the kitchen instead.
I busy myself with the dishes but still when I hear footsteps behind me. I don’t turn to look at him. It hurts so bad to see him like this, and it pisses me off that I feel that way. He deserves to be as miserable as I am.
Evan clears his throat. “Claire and Ryke are grilling out Friday night. I’d like to come get Zoey for it.” He’s not asking, not that he has to. She is, after all, his daughter too.
“Okay.” Is all I say, and a moment later, I hear the front door pulled quietly shut. I drop the rag into the soapy water and rest my hands on both sides of the sink, my head hanging low. My heart is pounding, and it’s only seconds later when the tears start falling again. One by one, mixing into the water.
I’ve always been a pretty content and outgoing person, but I hate that I’ve become this weak girl that I don’t even recognize anymore.
34
Avery
It’s Monday morning, and I really don’t want to go to work today. Actually, it’s the absolute last place I want to be, after the shitty night I had. When I finally made it to bed, I couldn’t get the image of his angry face out of my mind.
I walk to the kitchen to mix a bottle up for Zoey when I hear an insistent pounding on the front door.
Zoey is now screaming her head off, so I lift her out of her bed and put the bottle to her mouth. I decide against answering the door. I don’t feel
like dealing with anyone this morning. If it’s someone important, they’ll call if they need me.
Suddenly, the pounding starts up again, and I moan in frustration. I set Zoey in her chair, which has her screaming again. This better be important.
I look through the peephole and then sigh at the sight of my sister-in-law. I really hate that we’ve put her in the middle of our shit.
As soon as the door is open, I’m in her arms. I’m glad that she’s not mad at me over all of this. She makes her way into the living room and squats on the floor to kiss the top of Zoey’s head, who has thankfully stopped crying.
“Is everything okay?” I’m worried that something is wrong if she is here so early. Typically, she would just call to check on me, not make an unplanned visit.
She stands and gives me a sympathetic look, and I don’t like it one bit.
“I’m worried about you guys.”
“He told you he stopped by, didn’t he?”
She nods. “Yeah, but he didn’t have to. He looked like shit when he got back to my house last night.” She sits in the recliner. “Av, I don’t think he cheated on you.”
I lift Zoey out of her seat and then start to feed her again.
“Why was Mallory in his hotel room?” I’m sure she can hear the crack in my voice. I really don’t feel like crying before I have to go to work. I’ve done enough of that over the past few weeks, to fill a damn river.
I look up at her and can see the hesitation on her face.
“What aren’t you saying?” I prop Zoey up on my shoulder to burp her.
“He told me that after they went to the bar that night, she showed up at his door crying because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. She walked into his room uninvited.” She waves a hand in the air. “Anyway, I don’t remember it all, but he did tell me that she tried to hit on him, and when he dismissed her, she took her shirt off in front of him. But Av, he left and went to get another room. I didn’t believe him at first either, because it looked terrible; her being in his room, but that’s not like him at all.”
I want to believe what she’s telling me, but I don’t know if I can. If it’s not true, I risk putting my heart through the shredder again, and I won’t allow myself to do that.
It hurts so damn much. I think that’s why I haven’t let him explain to me what happened. I’m worried about what he’ll tell me. The heartache is unbearable.
Whatever the case, I know I want to strangle that bitch. I should have known from the first time that I met her, that she was no good. She had homewrecker written all over her perfect little face and fake ass boobs.
“He’s your brother, you have to believe him,” I mutter.
“No, I don’t. I just know how much pain he’s been in lately, and that’s not how a man who cheats on his wife acts.”
I stand to get Zo dressed.
“I’ve gotta get ready for work.” I dismiss the conversation. I don’t have time to dwell on this right now. I’ll drive myself crazy all day if I think about it too long.
She stands and hugs me again.
“Yeah, okay. Ryke has to get to work too, so I better get home. I just wanted to check on you.”
“Thanks, babe. Love you.”
“Love you, too, sister. Call me later.”
Needless to say, I don’t make it to work on time. I spend a half hour on the floor of the shower, washing my tears down the drain. I know Claire is only trying to help, but now I feel worse than I did before. As much as I want to believe what she told me, I can’t afford to let my walls down too easily.
* * *
“Where have you been? You look like shit.” Leave it to Carly to comment on my disheveled appearance.
I sigh as I plop myself down into my desk chair.
“I had the shittiest morning possible and didn’t even get to stop to get coffee. FYI, I will be a bitch today.” I glare at her.
“Thanks for the heads up.” She winks at me as she turns back to her computer.
After Claire’s visit this morning, the baby had a nasty blow out in her diaper, and I had to give her a bath before we could walk out the door. I swear I have never seen so much poop in my life. I was late dropping her off with my mom, but then, of course, I had to explain to her what was going on because she wouldn’t let me leave until she knew why I looked so upset.
“No, but really. What’s going on with you?” She eyes me skeptically. “Have you talked to Evan?” She turns in her seat as she bites on the bottom of the pen she’s holding.
“Yeah.” I rub my hands over my face. After my long shower this morning, I didn’t have time to put makeup on. I really do look like shit.
“That bad, huh?”
“Yeah, he came last night to pick up one of his suits, and we got into an argument.”
I’m starting to get a headache, so I release my hair from the tight bun that it’s in.
“Girl, I’m sorry,” she says sympathetically.
“It’s fine. But then Claire came over this morning and told me that she doesn’t think he cheated on me.”
“Do you believe her?”
I don’t get to answer her because Charlotte’s heels hitting the tiled floor interrupts us. I should have known I wouldn’t get out of being late this easy.
“Avery, is there a reason you’re late? Again,” she asks in her bitchy tone. Usually, I’d be pissed, but today, I just roll my eyes as my back is toward her.
I decide I should probably face her while she’s speaking to me in case her father is in the office this morning.
“I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I ended up having to give my daughter a bath before I could drop her off with my mother because she pooped all over her clothes,” I say this in a sweet tone so she doesn’t know that I’m being a bitch, but then she cuts me off.
“Say no more.” She spins on her heels, and I hear, “Fucking disgusting.”
Carly and I both chuckle.
“Damn, girl. You totally got her to shut the hell up quick. You’re my new hero.”
“Nobody wants to hear about baby shit, especially Cruella.” We both laugh as we turn back to our computers.
“What are you up to tonight?” Carly spins in her chair to look at me. “Brad has Macy and Kaylee. I desperately need a drink. Why don’t you join me?”
Going out and not having any responsibilities for a bit, sounds like just what I need.
“I’ll have to talk to my mom to see if she can keep Zoey longer, but I’m in.”
I turn back toward my work but then another thought crosses my mind.
“As long as we don’t go to Ryke’s.”
“Deal. Let’s go to The Blue Moon up on Gunder. Want to meet there?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
Thankfully, the day goes a lot faster than I expected. I head home to change clothes and then realize that I haven’t looked at my phone since I texted my mom about keeping Zoey longer this morning. I finally find it buried at the bottom of my purse and pull it out, seeing that I have two texts from Evan. My heart stills in my chest. After our argument last night, I’m scared to see what it says.
Evan: Hey Av, I know you’re working but can you call me on your lunch break?
Evan: Look, I know you’re upset with me and things aren’t great with us right now, but if we can’t talk, they never will be.
I know I’m avoiding the inevitable, but I’m really not ready to have another conversation with him yet.
I decide to shut my phone off and enjoy my night out with Carly. I’ll worry about my shit storm of a life tomorrow.
35
Avery
I arrive at The Blue Moon with minutes to spare before Carly is supposed to meet me. These days, it’s rare that I’m early for anything. When I open the large door to the old brick building, I’m immediately hit with the scent of stale beer and cigarettes.
This place is way more crowded than I expected for a Monday night. The building is old with wood paneling throughout w
ith no natural lighting. The large Bud Light chandeliers hang above the booths that outline all the walls. As soon as I find an empty spot, I notice that each tabletop is made out of melted down beer cans. In the center of the room, there are about a dozen pool tables, which are currently the cause of me not being able to hear myself think. This bar is different than most because the actual bar isn’t in the center of the building, but tucked away in the back corner. As obnoxiously loud and smoky as it is in here, the place gives off a very unique vibe.
I check my phone and realize that Carly is ten minutes late. Deciding I don’t want to wait any longer for a drink, I slip my cardigan off and leave it in the booth so no one takes our table.
I go to the bar and order a beer and hop up onto a stool while I wait. I once again check my phone and notice that I have a text from her.
Carly: Sorry girl, I got held up at home. I’m on my way now.
I sit and nurse my beer, not wanting to get drunk tonight. Okay, I’m lying. I’d love to get drunk, but I have to be somewhat of a functioning adult tomorrow. Somedays, I wish that I could forget all responsibilities and take a vacation to a remote location. Just me and my Kindle. I know realistically that won’t happen, but a girl can dream.
“Hey, chica!” Carly hollers, and I nearly jump out of my seat.
“Holy shit, woman. You about scared me to death.”
“Sorry. Have you been here long?” She waves down the bartender, and once her order is in, she turns toward me.
“No, just a little while. I have a table over in the corner if you’d rather sit there. I just wanted a drink.” I tilt my head back as I take the last sip of my beer.
“Good. So, I uh…” She starts but then looks unsure if she should go on.
“What?” I eye her skeptically.
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