by Lannah Smith
Because I wasn't clean.
I was dirty.
Despite my best efforts, my father's filth still reached me, contaminating me.
Blinking to clear my eyes, I said, "Really?" Fortunately, my voice sounded normal and calm. "So you were that thorough when investigating about me?"
"Yes."
Turning around, Christopher leaned his back on the counter and folded his arms. He actually dared to smile at me.
"Yes. I was that thorough," he said, his voice both arrogant and gentle.
I clenched my teeth and didn't speak.
"If it bothers you so much, you need to tackle it in your own way, April," he said. "And it bothered me how you wouldn't be mine. So when Pete Ward included your father's name as part of the people who operated drugs in the city, I thought, well, he must have been the reason why you left me. Because you were afraid that he'd hurt me."
Christopher's eyes had gone as cold as the temperature outside while he spoke yet he was still smiling. I prayed he couldn't see how rattled he was making me and fortunately managed to adopt a tranquil expression on my face.
"Rohan told me about your conversation."
My gaze tightened. "Which conversation?"
“On a rooftop in North High Academy.”
My body jolted as some vague memory stirred in me.
Rohan coming to ask me a favor I promised him for Emilia. Him finding out about another of my close-guarded secrets.
And that memory hit me like an arctic snap.
"Why wouldn't you entertain the possibility that he still does?"
Rohan had asked me that question when I told him it was impossible for Christopher to still have feelings for me.
And in a great moment of weakness, another weakness I wished I could take back, I had let it all out.
"Because I know you know about my father, Rohan,” I answered him in a voice as tattered as my emotional state. “The moment I heard you caught Pete Ward, I knew you'd found out."
Rohan’s body went tight. "April—."
"And I worked hard to cover for you morons. I risked my father's anger to hide that it was you idiots who found out about everything. Because if he knew, he'd kill you all. If he knew, he'd kill Christopher."
“And when I heard that, I thought you had stayed away to protect me from your father,” Christopher was saying.
I looked at him, my mind unfocused, unable to think of anything to say.
"But it wasn't the case, was it?" He tilted his head to the side, regarding me closely. It took everything I had not to run away from his scrutiny. "Because you still didn't come to me. Why?”
My throat threatening to close, I forced out, "It's because I don't really feel anything for you."
His eyes moved over my face and he whispered, "Now why do I think that you're lying?"
"It's your delusions, I'm telling you. I don't really care about what you think—."
He smiled and I sucked in the rest of my words back. "Keep telling yourself that, honey. Maybe you'll one day convince yourself that you don't."
"How conceited can you get," I scoffed.
"Because I'm not liking the wall."
My brows snapped together. "What?"
"I'm not liking the wall, April. But I don't have the choice but to try and break it."
Sucking in another breath, I folded my arms and this time, I looked away.
"And you think I'm an asshole but I'm not like all those assholes who hurt you deliberately. I think I made that clear yesterday when we were out in the snow. I'd never hurt you. So it would mean so much to me if you don't mistake me for your father or all those men who treated you like shit."
My heart was beating wildly but right then, I tried to hold desperately for my anger. "Maybe if you can do that without being a jerk—."
He laughed and I pressed my lips together, glancing into his glittering, no less angry eyes.
"Then stop shutting me out. You keep pulling away whenever I thought I managed to finally push through." He shook his head in frustration. "I admit, I promised you patience. That's why I'm standing here and not by your side. Because I don't want to keep fucking this up."
This was difficult.
I couldn't bore him away. I couldn't annoy or ignore him away. I couldn't guilt him away. And I couldn't run away.
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath.
And even playing pretend, I didn't want to bet my feelings into this equation. So I didn't want to pretend I love him to love him away.
“Look, I know you’re angry—.”
"I'm not angry at you, honey."
Then he was right there, when I opened my eyes, in front of me, his face close to mine, fingers curled at the back of my neck.
"I just want to remind you that I'm serious with you. I understand if you won't tell me what's in your head just yet. But I'd really like it if you take my feelings for you seriously."
I stared at him.
Then I nodded.
He smiled. This time, a real smile and none of those odd ones. And when I saw that, the tension in my shoulders immediately left.
Then he let go of me and stepped back. It was only then I noticed that Cow was mewling loudly for my attention.
Bending down, I stroke its fur and gathered it in my arm. When I stood up, Christopher was already walking out of the kitchen.
"Christopher?"
He stopped. "Yeah?"
I didn’t know why I stopped him. So I quickly came up with something to say, "Can you…” I hesitated for a brief moment, “Can you do something for me?"
His head turned to the side, waiting.
"There's this... woman who took care of me since I was a child. Her name's Rita. I just want to know if she's alright." This had been worrying me for a while. Rita might have survived that house all these years but who knew what the future had in store for her?
Christopher didn't speak for a few moments before he nodded, "I'll ask Alec to find out right away. Is there anything more you would like to ask, April?"
There were a million things I want to ask him, questions that ran through my mind like running water.
"No," I shook my head. "That's all."
He nodded again.
Then he left, giving me more strange things to think about.
Chapter 33
"It wasn't me; I swear."
Christopher clenched his jaw. "I haven't even said anything, Hannah."
"But I know why you called," she said and Christopher could hear her moving in the background. "You think I told Leon that you lied about being in New Orleans. I didn't. And besides, Leon would find out about the truth sooner or later anyway. It just happened sooner."
"But I was hoping he'd find out later, Hannah." Turning around, Christopher dropped the pages he was holding to his desk. "Much, much later. What am I hiring men for? To throw him off our scent."
"I know I can rarely hold secrets but you know I won't do this to you, Skull."
"I know, sweetheart," he sighed, removing his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I'm not blaming you really. I'm just having a bad day."
Silence, then, "Is April giving you a hard time?"
A chuckle escaped his lips. "I'm not talking to you about her, Hannah. Not yet, anyway."
"I'm not going to tell you I told you so—."
"But you're going to say it anyway."
"I definitely am because April is not the friendliest person in the world and it still astonishes me why you like her. Still, I'm going to support your decisions like I've always had."
"Thank you," he murmured.
"But if she makes you cry, I'm going to tear all the hair from her pretty head. And you won't stop me."
He laughed. "I have to."
"Why? Are you thinking I can't take her? I've been in a catfight before, you know. I can take her."
"I know. But she hasn't had experience so I'm afraid you'll hurt her."
Hannah snorted in disbelief. "I find that hard
to believe, Skull."
"Trust me. She hasn't. If she had been and she got hurt, you think that person will still have a complete set of arms and legs?"
"You think you're such an alpha, don't you?" Hannah said in disgust and he burst out laughing again. "Whatever will little Miss Sunshine say if she hears you say that?"
"She'll be even more afraid of me," he mumbled.
"Afraid?" Hannah scoffed. "Are you trying to make me laugh? April Locke isn't afraid of anything, Skull. I'd rather think she'd laugh at your face."
Remembering the times April shied away from him, forcing a tranquil expression on her face so as not to show her fear, Christopher shook his head and refuted Hannah’s claim, "I already told you, Hannah. She isn't the person you think she is."
It made Hannah shut up. Because even he could hear the underlying anger in his voice.
"You're too unnaturally happy."
He smiled.
April was indeed sharp. For her benefit, he tried not to let the stress of things show. Still, she’d manage to see right through him. He should be careful. He'd made a mistake by not taking into account April's past, thinking that her years in hiding had dulled her senses. But her intuition was still scarily spot on.
Admittedly, he'd been careless. Being too comfortable and relaxed, he might have let some things slide. So he needed to start being more careful around her.
"Let's not talk about her anymore," Hannah slowly said after a few moments of silence. "Do you know how Leon found out?"
Christopher took a seat on his chair and lifted his free hand to massage his shoulder. "Did you talk about me with him?"
"All the time. We both cuss you out."
"I'm serious, babe."
She fell silent, thinking about it. "You think it's the timeframe, don't you?"
"You and Will knew that we found April before he did," he pointed out.
"I knew it was weird when Sophia called to say that they found April the day after you had received that call,” she stated somewhat guiltily. “And during that ultrasound that I told you about, we kind of got to talking about you and April and how she disappeared again. Of course I didn't tell them that you were keeping her. But Sophia was talking about how sad she was that you lost her and so we got to talking about when Leon had to give you the bad news."
"And you let it slip again," Christopher guessed when she paused to catch her breath.
"I guess?" she replied shrilly. "I didn't mean to? I told them that I was with you when you got the call and Sophia was like, when Leon called? And I was like, no? I don't think it was Leon who called but Alec. Damn!" she suddenly shouted. "I remember now. I thought Leon was pissed because Terry and I were making a racket in the doctor's office so he made us leave for a while. But thinking back, maybe he figured it out!"
Christopher stifled a sigh. "You didn't mean for it to happen."
"He gave you shit, didn't he?"
"A lot of shit, actually, yes."
She hesitated for a brief moment. "You're not fighting right?"
"We aren't. I just gave him a few home truths that he didn't like hearing."
"Then you are fighting," she sighed.
"He'll come around. Is he asking you questions?"
"No. Sophia said Leon's been busy these past few days."
Christopher glanced at the report on his desk. "I'm sure he has," he said drily.
"Sophia better not hears that you're fighting. She'll be stressed about it and will keep stressing about it until she hears everything's alright between the two of you."
"She'll never know." He looked up when the door opened. His mouth going tight, he muttered, "I have to go, Hannah. I'll call you later."
"Fine. Take care alright?"
"I will. Make your fiancé take care of you."
There was a smile in her voice when she said, "You know he does. Make April be nice to you too."
"I'm not sure when that will happen but I'll keep trying."
Laughing, Hannah bid him goodbye and disconnected the call.
On a dying smile, Christopher picked up the pages of report from his desk and stood to give instructions on how they could fix this new fucking situation they were involved again.
For the first time since I lived here, Alec joined Christopher and me for dinner that night. I didn't know if it was because his boss forced him to but I knew that he wasn't happy about this.
"Don't piss him off," Christopher had whispered to as he pulled the chair for me.
I lifted a brow and took a seat. "Why would you assume I do that?"
"You have a penchant for pissing people off, honey."
"That would be you, Christopher. And for God's sake, stop calling me honey."
"Why?" He took the seat at the head of the table and grinned at me. "Does it give you butterflies?"
"More like acid reflux," I scoffed.
The conversation died when Alec came to take a seat in front of me. And from the look on his face, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. I found this confusing. He and Christopher were first and foremost, friends. If so, why was he refusing to eat dinner with us? Was it because of me?
My questioning thoughts soon disappeared when I got a good look on what was served on the table. Our dinner for that night consisted of breaded and fried pork cutlets, fried potatoes, baked fish fillets and salad. I had long ago quit my hunger strike and had stopped pretending I didn't enjoy eating my meals. So I filled in my plate and began to eat, trying not to let out a sigh of pleasure when the fillet melted in my mouth.
"I know none of you made this," I spoke to my plate but felt them still. "Which one of the eight can cook?"
Glancing up, I saw Christopher give Alec an I-told-you-so look.
"You'll meet that person soon," Christopher told me, filling my glass with juice.
“Why not now?”
“Because that person’s busy,” he answered, gesturing vaguely. “Do you know how to cook?"
I knew that he was trying to divert the topic. I frowned at him to let him know what I thought of that. I was starting to think that abruptly changing the subject was his favorite defense mechanism.
Still, I answered, "I do actually."
"Don't ask her to cook for you," I heard Alec mutter.
I smiled sweetly at him. "If I wanted to poison this jerk, I would have done it a long time ago."
“It’s a logical conclusion,” Alec said, shrugging his shoulders. “Given that you claim to hate him.”
“It’s a faulty conclusion,” I countered. “And I do hate him. And why the hell are you smiling?”
The curve on Christopher’s lips dropped. His expression now carefully neutral, he started cutting his meat into ridiculously tiny pieces before he finally forked one into his mouth.
He chewed and swallowed. "You asked about Rita Layne."
I blinked. "Yes, I did."
"She's not working for your father anymore."
Suddenly filled with apprehension, I leaned towards him and asked, "Is she safe? Do you know where she is now?"
"She's safe," Christopher said, patting my hand. "She left the city with her family. They moved to South Texas."
South Texas? She did say she had some relatives living there.
"Are you certain they're safe?" I wanted to make sure.
"Very certain," he told me. "And I know how much you think of her. So I sent some men to watch her and her family."
It hasn’t even been a day since I asked him of this. His network of people and hired men truly was extremely vast. And this information gave me one less thing to worry about.
I let out a relieved sigh.
Rita was alright. Thank God she was alright.
Then I frowned.
And looked at Christopher.
"Does this mean I owe you?" I asked him.
"No," he smiled. "But if you want to owe me, then be my guest."
"I don't then," I quickly said.
"And you can thank Alec. He go
t the information quick."
"There is no need," Alec muttered. "I'm just doing my job."