by Lannah Smith
Leon clenched his jaw. "I can't accept that, Skull."
"You have no choice," he returned.
"You can't take this on alone."
"I'm not alone. I have Alec. I have plenty of men who are loyal to me. I have help."
"And April?" Leon asked softly.
"I will not keep anything from her. When I finish dealing with her father, when I'm sure she's safe, it will be her choice if she decides to deal with me. It will be her choice if she could deal with me on this path I'm taking. I'll let her decide eventually."
Leon's brows lifted. "So this is not about you locking her up and forcing her to love you back?"
His lips twitched. "I'm not going to lie. I'm damn desperate for her to love me. But this has always been about protecting her."
Even if he kept telling himself and Alec that he was going to force her to love him, to bind her to him, regrettably, he knew he couldn’t. Not if she didn’t want him. Not when she all desired her whole life was absolute freedom. Not when he was the only person who could give it to her.
“Why are you keeping this from her then?” Leon leaned in towards him. “Why didn’t you tell her?”
Shaking his head, Christopher muttered, “It’s not like I’m keeping this from her. She pretends that she doesn’t give a damn about me so she doesn’t ask questions. And the time’s not right for her to know. She’s still healing. It’s something she won’t be able to process just yet.”
Leon didn’t respond and the conversation died once again, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
They both took a seat on the couch in the study. Christopher leaned back on the cushion and got comfortable. Leon didn’t get comfortable. Instead, he sat on the edge of it, leaning forward, clasping his hands between his knees. His eyes went around the room, taking in everything and Christopher waited patiently for him to speak again.
“Hell. She hasn’t changed at all, has she?” Leon mumbled.
Christopher’s lips twitched. “There’s nothing to change. She’s perfect.”
Leon sighed and decided to ignore that. “She was angry.”
“Of course, she was. You wouldn’t take her back with you.”
“No.” Leon shook his head. “She wasn’t angry because of that. She was angry that I was giving you shit.”
He thought he was the only one who noticed. He grinned, so damn pleased.
“She’s rather protective of you,” Leon went on with a frown.
“Which is why I can’t tell her of my shit just yet.”
Leon nodded distractedly then gave him a side-glance. “Are you sure you still haven’t made her fall in love with you just yet?”
Christopher exhaled long. “She loves me. She just doesn’t know it yet. That or she’s in denial.”
“What are you going to do if she doesn’t change your mind about you?”
The worry in his friend’s voice was apparent. Leon also wanted him to have his happy ending despite it being with April. Though they pissed him off by getting into his nasty business, they did care for him.
“I’m planning on thinking positive,” he said in a dry voice.
“But what are you going to do about her father?” Leon kept asking.
He let out another long exhale. “I wanted to kill him,” he admitted.
Leon tensed. “And now?”
“We’re… negotiating.”
And God, it was a fucking pain. He wasn’t happy about this. But he had to do it to keep April clear of her father. To give her a freedom completely fresh from a life under her Edward Locke’s thumb so that he’d be unable to suck her in. She wouldn’t want his blood on Christopher’s hands. She wouldn’t want for him to have that burden. So he was calling in a few markers and though it was draining his reserves, he didn’t give a fuck. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d do anything for her.
Christopher might not be able to give her normal but he’d do everything in his power to make sure she did. He wasn’t clean. But he was nowhere as dirty as Edward Locke. And he won’t ever be.
Christopher watched Leon’s body go on alert. “fucking hell… You know you can’t trust Edward Locke. He’s fucking slime.”
“And I won’t,” Christopher said with a nod.
“He’ll demand a high price.”
“He already has.” He stood up and moved to the window, pulling the curtain aside. “But it’s something I can never give. That’s why we’re still negotiating.”
“And?” Leon stared up at him, his face hard. “What did he want?”
Christopher looked out at the dark, his fingers opening and closing in agitation.
“The stable.”
◆◆◆
It was well past dawn when the door opened and Christopher walked into my room.
I hadn't returned to sleep. I stood by the window, just staring out, watching the sun rise.
Seething.
Yes. I spent the time I should be sleeping angry. I spent the time I should be sleeping listening for noises outside my door or downstairs.
Unfolding my arms from my chest, I glared at him.
"What are you doing here?" I snapped.
Christopher didn't answer. He placed a tray filled with food on the table.
"Where's Leon?"
"He's gone home," he replied, looking out the window. His handsome face looked weary. "Do you want to have breakfast now?"
"Why did he leave?"
"He's anxious to get back. Sophia is still in the hospital."
"And you? Shouldn't you be in bed?"
His gaze went to me and he smiled. In spite of the dark circles beneath his eyes and the scruff on his jawline, his face glowed with a tenderness that I had only seen twice before.
"I'm hungry," he spoke. Then he gestured to the food. “Let’s have breakfast.”
"Then you'll rest?" I said with a raised brow.
"Then I'll rest," he agreed with a nod.
Taking in a deep breath, I moved to sit at the table. He didn’t sit until I did. Breakfast were scrambled eggs and toast. He usually had coffee in the morning but he was having juice now. I took this as a sign that he was indeed telling the truth.
"What happened?" I asked after a while.
His brown eyes snapped up to mine. "What do you mean?"
"Why'd Leon come? Did something happen? Was it my father? Are your grandparents alright—?"
"Calm down, honey." Christopher reached out and put his hand on mine, squeezing. I stared at him, my heart racing with panic. "Nothing bad happened. My grandparents are alright. He's here because I lied to him about you. He's just worried. You know how protective he can be."
Oh, I knew.
I was once under that protection.
My calm quickly returned. And seeing that it did, Christopher let me go and picked up his fork.
"But why did you lie to him?"
"He's like you. He's worried about what your father might do to me."
"His concern is legitimate," I said indignantly. "Make him come back. Make him knock some sense to you."
“Did you love him?”
I inhaled sharply.
"Did you love Leon?" Christopher asked me over his glass.
Pursing my lip, I focused on the remainder of my toast and didn't answer.
"I know you did."
"Then why ask?" I asked quietly.
"I'm a masochistic shithead remember?"
I was silent for a few moments. Then I returned my gaze to him and said, "I thought I did," I told him.
His eyebrows lifted. "You thought you did?"
Shrugging, I looked down on my plate.
Back then, I was miserable, so freaking miserable. Then I met Leon. And he was just like me.
He knew how it felt like to lose everything. He knew what it was like to see hell and live through it.
It felt like having an ally.
And it helped that he was Christopher’s friend too.
"They're not going to hurt you anymore.
Don't worry."
Those were the words Leon Gage said to me the first time we met.
Whenever I remembered that day, it gave me hope. I met Leon when he saved me back when we were first years in high school. I'd gotten lost, having evaded my bodyguards to meet up with Emilia secretly, and had walked into the wrong part of town. Some men had followed me into an alley. Men who didn't recognize me and that was because I was not in my father's territory anymore. I was free game. And they knew it when they cornered me.
My fingers around the bracelet on my wrist, I waited for them to try and attack me. But before I could turn the bracelet into a knife, a gift given to me by Dan's father, he appeared.
Three against one.
It was impressive, how he beat them all.
And it was funny. He hadn’t recognized me and thought I’d gone there to sell myself. But I knew him. He was John Steele's dark and gloomy best friend. He was also Christopher’s.
Leon wanted to take me to my home. I didn’t want to go that house yet. I persuaded him to take me home with him.
I gave him my virginity that night. And he took it without qualms. We were attracted to each other’s darkness. We recognized each other’s pain. And we understood each other without having to say anything. In a way, we needed each other.
“April?” Christopher prompted, jolting me out of my thoughts. “What did you mean when you said you thought you loved him?”
"I don’t remember,” I said with a shrug. “We're talking about the things that happened... years ago."
"Nine or ten," he replied with a careless shrug. "My memory is sometimes faulty but your evasiveness does seem to jog it remarkably well."
“You’re done right?” I stared pointedly at his empty plate and glass. “I’m done too. You can go to sleep now.”
He grinned and chuckled.
My gaze fell away as my throat tightened.
“Fine,” he murmured. “I’ll see you later, April.”
I nodded. Then I heard him collect the plates and glasses and leave the room.
I felt the loss of him like a blow. Just like how terrible I felt when he left two days ago. I hoped, I prayed that it wasn’t what I thought it was. But it was.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
I did love Christopher.
Had loved him all along.
But these feelings can only be hidden in my heart. The safest place there is. Because I was scared. So terrified of falling in love with him. Of his kindness. Of his warmth.
Of losing him someday.
Christopher was not for me, even if he did make my pulses race and my insides quiver. Even if he loved me. Even if he made me feel safe. I had to keep that in mind at all times from now on, and make sure he knew it, even if I had to keep lying through my teeth.
It was inevitable. Our parting was certain to come. And I wanted it to be on my own terms.
He had asked me if I loved Leon and it was true. I thought I did. Which was why I tried to fight to keep Leon with me after Sophia came along. It had been reckless, I’d been mad to do that. I’d been mad because she was taking away the only link I had to Christopher.
I didn’t have feelings for Leon.
I slept with him because of my accursed lingering feelings for Christopher.
And if I couldn’t be special to him, then at least I wanted to be near him.
Even if I was hated.
Dear God.
Another tear fell from my eye and I buried my face into the palms of my head, breathing deep.
I couldn't stay here anymore.
If I continued to stay here, I may never want to leave anymore.
Chapter 45
“Oh no, you don’t.”
I felt a pair of arms grab my waist and pull me back to the ground.
“Damn it,” I growled as I struggled. “Let go!”
When my feet touched the ground, I felt the arms leave me. I twisted around to see Alec, his furious gaze aimed down at me.
“Don’t you dare start this bullshit again, Miss Locke,” he bit out, bending down to the snow-covered ground to grab my white knit cap that had fallen during my struggle.
Snatching it from him, I adjusted the fluffy, white scarf around my neck and said through gritted teeth, “This isn’t bullshit. I want to go home.”
He ignored this.
Palm up, he demanded, “Give me the keys.”
I crossed my arms on my chest. “What makes you think I have the keys?”
A dark brow lifted. “How else would you start it?”
“I don’t need keys,” I said with a snort.
There was a flash of admiration in his eyes before it was gone. “Get inside the house. Now.”
“I seriously do not like you and your attitude,” I said irately.
"And I don’t care," his gaze swept me in my getaway outfit, "Get inside, Miss Locke."
I sucked in breath.
Still, I knew there was nothing else I could do but go inside and get warm. With regret, I turned to enter the house. But then I paused when I spotted two men, the same men who had guarded me last night. They were standing at the open doorway of the backdoor, eyes on me, watching.
“What?” I snarled. “What are you looking at?”
Immediately, they removed their eyes from me but they did it grinning.
Alec gave the two a scowl. “If you were already here then you should have been the one to stop her,” he ground out.
I watched the two flinch and the air in the garage got thick. Wide-eyed, I glanced at Alec to see him so in command and so close to losing it.
“We figured you’d rather take care of this yourself, sir,” the blond started to explain. “We weren’t certain if we should show ourselves.”
“You’ve already revealed yourselves to her last night,” Alec returned sharply. “Next time, don’t wait for me. Do you copy?”
“Copy that, sir,” the Asian spoke.
Face hard, Alec’s gaze sliced to me.
“I apologize for them, Miss Locke,” he muttered stiffly. “They’re new employees.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Oh, don’t bother apologizing. They only follow the examples of you and your boss.”
I was glad to see his lips twitched. Then deciding to try and gain control of the situation, I glanced at the two men.
“So who are they?”
Settling his palm slightly to my back, Alec guided me to the door. “This is Jaehyun,” he said, referring to the Asian when we were in front of them. Then he gestured to the blond. “And this is Klay.”
I nodded thoughtfully. “Now that I’ve unlocked the two, will I ever get to meet the other six?”
“It’s better you don’t,” he muttered in a way that denoted strained patience.
“Why not?”
“It’s obvious what you’re planning to do.”
My eyes went to him. “I’m not planning anything,” I disagreed irritably.
“Yes, you are. You’ve already charmed these two idiots. I’m not letting you turn my other men’s heads into mush.”
Their superior had just insulted them but they didn’t look insulted at all. Instead, they were finding it amusing that Alec thought that way of them. Either they were both really idiots or they’d judged the situation carefully and found that Alec wasn’t pissed at them anymore. Either way, I found the two young men ludicrous.
While Alec talked to them about something I couldn’t catch, I reentered the house. Taking my scarf and coat off, I hung them on the hooks at the other side of the entryway. The cap and gloves on one hand, I brushed my hair down with my fingers as I marched down the hall and into the kitchen.
I heard Alec’s boots on the floor as I was drinking some water. I didn’t turn. If I did, I might throw something at him.
Or shout.
Or both.
He was stressed, his eyes had looked bloodshot and his face weary, and I had added to that stress by trying to escape which was why he blew up on his me
n. If he was going to give me peace, I’d give him his.