by Harper Bliss
“Hear, hear,” Phil said, and held up his near-empty glass.
Chapter Five
Mia could hardly believe the number of people that had shown up for Josephine’s gig. Kristin called it an open mic night, but no one else but Josephine would be performing that night.
After their conversation last Monday, Mia had gone on YouTube but she’d only found some very low quality footage of Josephine singing at The Flying Pig near the university campus. All the opportunities she had missed to hear Josephine sing. But she was here now, after her first full week of work at the Pink Bean. Not only had it been a great first week, but she’d had a grand old time cracking jokes with Josephine behind the counter as well. And she’d only been late once because her bus had been stuck in traffic, which was not a common occurrence at that time of the day—about an hour before most people started on their commute. Josephine had promptly offered to pick her up in her car the next morning, seeing as she was spending a rare night in her flat in Camperdown.
Everyone she had met the past week was there. Micky and her partner Robin, whose latte should be called a wet cap—“because she’s a weird American,” Micky had said. Amber and Martha. Caitlin and her friend, Zoya Das, for whom Mia had to organize a farewell party at the Pink Bean in a few weeks. Kristin and Sheryl, of course. And even Lou had shown up, accompanied by the two guys from down the street whom Mia knew to be gay, so they weren’t potential love interests for Lou.
Mia hadn’t seen much of Lou in the past week—not as much as she would have liked anyway. Amber and Micky came in every day like clockwork, but Lou was more elusive. Mia had seen her go past the shop window a couple of times, hurrying along in her yoga gear, looking mightily busy.
Tonight, for once, Lou was not wearing a tight tank top that showed off her glorious shoulders. She was dressed in jeans and a simple t-shirt, and she looked all the more scrumptious for it. Her long hair was loose and, again, she wasn’t giving Mia the time of day. Not even a nod of recognition.
Amber had offered Mia three weeks’ worth of free trial lessons at Glow. The usual free trial was only one week, but Mia had promised to sit down with Micky and have a look at their online advertising. Mia had taken a course recently and Kristin had told her that her obvious marketing savvy was one of the reasons she had hired her. Mia was glad to help Amber and Micky out and she would, as soon as she was settled into her new job and got used to the new rhythm of her days. Then she would start her free trial at Glow and take a class with Lou. A full hour to ogle fair Louise from a safe distance. Far enough to remain innocuous but close enough to really get a feel for what she was like. Maybe she should go over now. Get a head start on things. Maybe exchange some pleasantries with her friends, because that was always a good way to a woman’s heart. Charm the friends. Make them like you. Slowly move in from the perimeter to the center of where it’s at.
Mia wasn’t working tonight, but she was here to learn. She watched Kristin like a hawk as she made her way through the crowd and greeted every single patron personally, even people who had never set foot in the Pink Bean before and were only here because of Josephine’s growing notoriety.
Now that Kristin was fully engaged in conversation with Caitlin and Zoya, Mia casually walked over to the table Lou and her friends were occupying.
“Hey,” she said, giving them an awkward wave. “Can I get you guys something to drink?” She shot Lou a smile, hoping for at least a tiny curl upward of the lips in return, but Lou gave her the same dead-eyed stare she’d treated Mia to when they were introduced on Monday.
“I thought it was counter service,” the guy without the beard said. Mia didn’t know his name yet. She would need to work on remembering names more, but this week had just been an avalanche of them.
The one with the beard gave beardless guy a look, then smiled at Mia and said, “We’ll take a bottle of your finest Sauvignon Blanc, please.”
“Argh, we don’t have our liquor license just yet, but we’re working hard on it. Sorry, guys.” Mia tried a furtive glance at Lou again, but she was staring in the other direction. This was beginning to feel like simply being ignored. Mia couldn’t escape the vibe of animosity at this table. Beardless guy was not looking her in the eye either. “Can I get you some coffees, perhaps? Or one of the virgin cocktails we have on offer tonight?”
“We’ll get it ourselves, thank you very much,” beardless guy said and, with that, rose. Lou followed him so Mia was left standing there, towering over the one remaining member of their party of three.
“My name is Mia, by the way. I’m new here but we’ve seen each other a couple of times the past week.”
“Oh, I know who you are,” the guy said and ignored Mia’s outstretched hand.
This was getting downright weird. What had she done to these guys?
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it. Enjoy your evening,” she said and skulked off in search of a warmer reception elsewhere.
Chapter Six
“I wish they had their liquor license already,” Lou said while impatiently tapping her fingers onto the counter. “I could do with a drink right about now.”
“I do believe she doesn’t have a clue who you are, Lou,” Phil said. “Although after the way we just treated her she might start putting two and two together.”
“She shouldn’t be prancing around here all happy and ready to take the Pink Bean by storm. It’s not right.” Lou tried to calm herself down, applying the breathing techniques she had learned during her yoga training, but it wasn’t working.
“Hey Phil,” Amber’s voice came from behind them. “How’s that mermaid pose coming along?”
They both turned around. Amber always had a soothing influence on Lou and just looking into her friendly face made her feel better, a bit less alone—even though she had Phil and Jared on her side.
“There’s life in this old dog’s limbs yet,” Phil said.
Amber introduced Phil to her partner Martha and when they discovered they were both employed in the science field—Martha as a physics professor and Phil as a pharmaceutical researcher—they got chatting about something Lou didn’t know the first thing about.
Their drinks took a long time to arrive and the queue was growing. The two people behind the counter had a hard time keeping up with the orders. Most likely because no one—not even all-foreseeing Kristin—would have expected this kind of crowd to show up for Josephine tonight. Jared had probably been right when he said this might be the last time they’d see Josephine perform at the Pink Bean. She was outgrowing the tiny venue a little more every time she took to the stage.
Both Kristin and Mia headed behind the counter to speed up the delivery of drinks and, at the sight of her only a few feet away, Lou couldn’t help but flinch.
“One of these days you’re going to have to tell me what you have against that girl,” Amber whispered in her ear. “You two have more of a history than just having gone to the same school. Of that much I’m sure. How about you come to dinner tomorrow night? It’ll just be me. Martha won’t be there. We can talk. Really talk.”
Lou didn’t know how to say no to her boss. She also figured she would need to tell Amber at some point. Maybe then it wouldn’t be so awkward when she didn’t come to the Pink Bean on her breaks. “Okay.” Then Lou and Phil’s drinks order arrived—thankfully placed on the counter by Kristin, not Mia—and she and Phil went to find their seats again and wait for the performance to begin.
“The names she used to call me,” Lou said. “I’m sure kids say much worse things these days, but still. It was the ferociousness of it and how it never stopped. It was like clockwork. Every single morning when I arrived at school, she would be there, with a big, evil smirk on her face and her cronies lined up next to her. There was only one way in and there was nothing I could do—not if I wanted to go to school. I felt so powerless. And she was so mean, Amber. I know it’s probably hard to believe looking at her today, but by god, I have never come across anyone meaner
in my life.”
Amber shook her head. “If Kristin had only had a whiff of this, she would never have hired her.”
“It was fifteen years ago. I honestly didn’t think that seeing her again would still affect me so much. I’m sure it will get better with time, but… it’s hard to be in the same room with her, because she has no idea what kind of damage she did. To her it might all have been fun and games, but for me it was hell, not only in the moment when it was happening and I was being called a half-breed and my father a traitor for marrying my mother. I was young and impressionable enough to believe I must have done something to deserve to be treated like that. That it was all my fault. It took me years to realize it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Years of painful counseling and agonizing low self-esteem.”
“Do you think she has changed?” Amber asked.
Lou shrugged. “It doesn’t make any difference to me whether she has or not.”
Amber paused for a minute, thinking while she tapped a finger against her lips. “She must still be in her trial period. We could talk to Kristin. Tell her who her new employee really is.”
Lou shook her head. “No. I don’t want anyone to know, because once they do their perception of me will change as well, and I have fought so hard to become this person I am now. I wasn’t always able to stand up in front of a room of people and teach. It took years of practice before I could do that.”
“That’s why you’re such a good teacher now.”
Lou ignored the compliment. Her state of mind was not one for receiving kind words well. “I just never thought I would be confronted with her again. It’s such a sick twist of fate.”
“This is probably not what you want to hear right now, but I strongly believe you should talk to her. Tell her who you are and who she is to you. You can’t just keep this inside. And before you even have a single thought in that direction, I don’t want to lose you over this. I want you to be happy at Glow, and that entails being happy with the students and your surroundings. The Pink Bean and Glow are so closely linked and, at some point, Mia might end up in one of your classes. You might not want her there. Every fiber of your being might scream no—which I totally understand—but I think you have no choice but to confront her.”
“I can barely stand to look at her. On the outside, she doesn’t seem to have changed a bit. When she tries to smile at me it makes my stomach twist up. It makes me so angry, Amber. I hardly recognize myself. That sneering grin of hers. I’m not sure I can face it.”
“We can talk to her together if you like. You don’t have to do this alone. You are not alone.”
“I’ll think about it.” Lou drank from the tea Amber had poured. “You know when Angie and I were always fighting about something toward the end of our relationship, having children was one of our big disagreements. Some days she managed to convince me because I couldn’t help but think: what if my child encounters a Mia Miller on its way? Do I really want to do that to someone?” Lou pursed her lips, trying to keep a lid on the anger surging in her heart again. “That’s also what I mean when I say that the effects of cruelty are long-lasting. I want a child. I truly do. It’s my one big wish. And to think that because of what Mia did to me when I was a teenager I would deny myself my most fervent wish. That’s how long cruelty lives on.”
“I’m so very sorry this happened to you, Lou.”
The cold fist of anger wrapped around her heart meant Lou was able to keep her tears at bay. This hadn’t always been the case, of course. The tears she had cried over Mia Miller. Not just over Mia, but over herself, and all the ways in which she was so obviously inadequate. She wasn’t the only one getting bullied at school, even though it did feel as though Mia singled her out. In hindsight—and Lou had had a lot of that—it would have always felt that way. But the other kids seemed somehow better equipped to deal with the taunting and the being put down relentlessly. They seemed to bounce back more easily, while Lou always just wanted to slink off, wrap her arms around herself, shut out the world, and cry.
“No need for you to be sorry.” Lou stared into Amber’s kind green eyes.
“We need a plan.” Amber scooted a little closer and put a hand on Lou’s arm. “A when, where and what.”
Lou tried to picture herself having the conversation with Mia that Amber was suggesting. Maybe she could do it. After all, she had a thing or two to say to her former tormentor.
“It can’t be at the Pink Bean.”
“No. Not in a public space. Why not talk to her at the studio? She’s meant to come by to talk to Micky and me about the Google ads. Micky and I can leave so you’ll have the place to yourselves.”
“When is she stopping by?” Lou asked.
“We haven’t set it up yet, but I can press her for it.”
“Okay.”
“It’ll be the first thing I ask when I see her on Monday. I’ll make sure she stops by at a time when there are no more classes. Then you can talk to her in the office.” The office was a room above the main studio with a large table where Micky and Amber ran Glow from their laptops. It also served as the break room.
“And then I just throw it in her face?”
“You should probably give some thought to what you’re going to say. What she did to you was horrible, but it was years ago. I take it it’s not revenge you’re after? Because if that’s the case, I’m not sure I can be part of that.”
“What would you say if you were in my shoes?” Lou asked, ignoring the revenge remark.
“That’s a tough one.” Amber stroked her chin. “I’d try to stay calm, even though it would be very hard, but shouting has never really solved any problems, so.” She gave Lou a small smile. “It’s going to be tough, but maybe if you have an open conversation with her, it will change things. Not only let her know who you are and have it all out in the open, but give her a chance to say something about why she behaved so appallingly.” Amber held up her hand. “Not that there exists any valid excuse for bullying, but she might want to tell you about steps she has undertaken to change. You never know.”
“Because these days she’s so friendly and charismatic and wrapping everyone around her finger so easily.” The words came out in a tone so hard they surprised Lou.
“Didn’t Micky say she thought Mia was flirting with you the other day?” Amber asked and shook her head.
“She can flirt all she wants.”
Amber quirked up her eyebrows. “Some people are just so clueless.”
“Thank you for inviting me over and pushing me to have this conversation. I’m not sure I’ll be thanking you for the next one you’re urging me to have, but this one has been good.”
“I don’t believe in bottling things up.” Amber straightened her back. “Speaking of being very open and such,” she said, making Lou wonder what would come next. “You are doing a really wonderful job at Glow. I’m so lucky to have you. I hope you’re happy at my tiny studio.”
“I love it.” Lou expelled a small sigh of relief. “And I’m glad you feel that way.”
“How about I pour us something stronger to celebrate your almost three months at Glow? No classes tomorrow, although I have been thinking about offering a Sunday class. We could alternate. If you’re up for that, of course.”
“No problem for me, boss.” Lou was glad for the extra opportunity to work—although teaching yoga never quite felt like work to her. It was her passion—and what had saved her from the spiral of negative thoughts she’d found herself in for the first part of her twenties.
Chapter Seven
Lou didn’t only not know what to do with herself, but she also didn’t know where to go. Glow consisted of the room where the classes took place on the ground floor with a locker room next to it and the office on the floor above. She had opted not to be present for Amber and Micky’s Google ads meeting with Mia. Not only because she didn’t know the first thing about online advertising, but mainly because, even though the office was roomy and light, it felt t
oo small and constricted for her and Mia to spend time in together.
After having paced the yoga studio a number of times and making sure the blocks and resistance bands had been stowed away carefully in the cupboard for the umpteenth time, she took herself off to the empty locker room and gazed at her reflection in the mirror.
Perhaps it was logical that Mia hadn’t recognized her because she looked nothing like the frightened teenager Mia had found such great pleasure in taunting fifteen years ago. Whereas she had been gangly, skinny, and unsure what to do with the too long limbs she carried around back then, now Lou was the kind of tall that went well with the broad shoulders garnered from doing a million downward-facing dogs and headstands. Her muscles had filled out and she moved her arms and legs with purpose.
Lou was probably the only one who could still see that gangly girl when she glanced at herself in the mirror. A girl riddled with spots on uneven, ever-oily skin, with a pair of glasses that kept sliding down her nose, and a skin color that seemed to offend so easily, so ludicrously, whereas up until she was fifteen, it had never seemed to be an issue.
“The beautiful thing about you, Lou,” Angie used to say, “is that you have no idea how beautiful you are.”
Back in the day, when Angie still had time for her, they would have long discussions on beauty standards and on how Lou could never perceive herself as fitting any standard, especially because for one grueling year, she had been mocked so relentlessly about how she looked.
When she glanced in the mirror she saw a woman who might have been the most beautiful girl Angie had ever seen, but was definitely not beautiful enough to keep Angie from choosing work over coming home at a decent time of night to clasp eyes on Lou’s said beauty.