by Harper Bliss
“God no. My mother left him when I was nineteen, during my first year at uni. I hadn’t come out yet. I was still dating boys. I saw him a few times after they divorced, but I felt increasingly uncomfortable around him, so I stopped seeing him. I was an adult. I never told him, so as far as I know, he doesn’t know. Or maybe he does. Maybe he found out somehow, and that has contributed to his decision to never seek me out. Since I broke contact, he has never been in touch, has never tried to fix our broken ties.”
“Personally, I can’t imagine life without either of my parents,” Lou said.
“So I see. You live with them.”
“I know.” Lou scoffed. “Exactly how pathetic does that make me look?”
“It just makes you look like someone who gets on really well with her parents. It only has positive connotations in my mind.”
“I don’t do very well on my own,” Lou said in a musing tone. “The thought of coming home to an empty house every night fills me with dread.”
“It’s not too bad. And I speak from experience.”
“Have you ever lived with anyone?” Lou asked.
“When I was at university, but I’ve lived on my own for the past ten years.”
Lou glanced at her but didn’t say anything. From the way she furrowed her brow, Mia could tell there was something on her mind.
“You can ask me anything, Lou,” she said, and meant it, because she had given away much more of herself to Lou already than she had to anyone else. She could give more. Lou had that effect on her now.
“I do have another question, but it’s one of those questions that can really kill the mood on a first date, because it’s not really a first-date question at all. And I’m really not looking for a wrong or right answer. I’m just curious. Perhaps too much so.”
“I will reply as truthfully as I can.” Mia shuffled around in her seat. Lou really was trying to psychoanalyze her tonight, it seemed.
“Do you want children?” She didn’t flinch when she asked it, and it seemed to Mia there was very much a right or wrong answer—especially because of what Lou had said earlier about why she and Angie had split.
“That’s a big one.”
“I know. I kind of feel sorry for asking it already.”
“Because you’re afraid of what I’m going to say? That it won’t be what you’ll want to hear?”
“Because I’m thinking about a million steps ahead of what I should be thinking right now.”
“And you don’t want to waste your precious time on someone who doesn’t want to have children with you.”
“Which is ridiculously presumptuous on a first date.” Lou held up her hands. “I withdraw the question. Can I do that?”
Mia chuckled. “You can. But that way you won’t get to hear my answer.”
“I don’t want to hear your answer, Mia. It doesn’t matter right now. We’re having a lovely evening. I was out of line. It’s none of my business what you want to do with your life.”
“Maybe I’ll tell you on our second date, then.”
“If you want to go on one after all this.” Lou hid her face behind her hands.
“Well, you’ve already instructed me to cook you dinner, so I guess it’s going to happen either way.” Mia got a lot of glee out of winding Lou up.
Lou shook her head. “I really exasperate myself sometimes, what with this knack I have for saying the wrong thing at the most inopportune moment.”
“This wouldn’t be a very successful first date without any mishaps. Besides, your question really wasn’t that bad. It just shows me some of your personality and leaves me with absolutely no doubts about what you want in life.” She smiled softly. “And let’s just say I might very well want some of the exact same things.”
“So I didn’t scare you away?” Lou asked, peeking through her fingers.
“No, just as I didn’t scare you away when I told you about my lack of commitment in relationships last Sunday.”
“If you put it like that, it’s a miracle we’re sitting here at all.”
“I won’t argue with that.”
“I’m having a really good time, though, despite you having barely touched my food.”
“I was just following your example.” Mia peered at her still half full plate.
“Clearly, I’m too nervous to eat much.”
“Same here.”
“And there’s something else.” Lou’s voice grew a little sultrier.
“What’s that?” Mia tilted her head.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since I let you in the door.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Did she really just say that? Lou glanced at the bottle of wine and it wasn’t even empty yet. She hadn’t had that much to drink. She must really want to kiss Mia then, if her desire sat so readily on the tip of her tongue. She glanced at Mia, examining her reaction after she’d spoken the words and Mia’s face could not reveal anything but the truth about how she really felt about Lou’s statement.
Mia smiled. Not her usual easy smile, but a less brazen, more subtle one. She didn’t say anything, just pushed her chair back, got up, and stood next to Lou, holding out her hand. Lou rose.
Mia brushed Lou’s hair away from her ear with her hand, and whispered, “The thought had crossed my mind as well.”
Their date had moved to the next level. And despite that dream Lou had had, and the hours she’d spent analyzing it, and the one or two times she had intentionally brought Mia into her sensual fantasies, Lou had not dared to dream that their very first date would go in this direction. She hadn’t deemed it possible. Not with their history. She had believed they would talk and talk, and then talk some more. But now it appeared that all the things that needed to be said for them to reach this stage had already been said. Lou knew enough. She’d known as soon as Mia had kissed her on the cheek when she arrived. That thing between them that was becoming less of a mystery every minute they spent together. Lou knew it was because of who they once were to each other that they stood in this position here tonight. Getting ready for their first kiss. It wasn’t fate or destiny or coincidence. It was redemption. For both.
Just because of that, it was implied that Lou had to instigate, that she had to be the one to open the door to what was to follow. And she wanted so much more. She had asked Mia out. Mia had come to her house. Now it was up to her to kiss Mia. And to set in motion whatever would happen next. It had to be her, even though Lou didn’t much feel like being pushed into that role just because of their past, and she instinctively knew Mia was much better at that sort of thing than she was.
Yet, Lou led the charge. She brought her hands to Mia’s pale neck, and savored the moment her skin made contact with Mia’s, relished the tiny shock running up her spine, the shiver rippling from her fingers to her sex. She slanted her head, eyes wide open, and pressed her lips to Mia’s. The sky didn’t come falling down, nor were their pasts erased because of the magic of their lip-lock, but it felt so damn good to kiss Mia, that Lou pulled her near, opened her lips to Mia, and let her in as much as she could.
Mia had her hands in Lou’s hair and they both pushed themselves closer toward each other, even though their lips had reached the pinnacle of closeness already. Mia moaned into Lou’s mouth, indicating that she wanted more too. That this kiss meant the same to her. That she needed it as much as Lou did.
Was Lou really going to take Mia Miller up to her room? She had changed the decor, but it was the same room she had slept in as a teenager, the very same room she had cried bitter tears in because of the woman she was kissing now. The thought didn’t stop her. On the contrary.
“Let’s go upstairs,” she said.
Mia didn’t say anything, just gave Lou a prolonged stare, as if to ask, are you sure? But of course Lou was sure. Even though she had no idea where this would end, what it would do to her, or if it would survive one night together at all, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she wanted to take Mia to bed.
She tugged at Mia’s hand and guided her up the stairs, down the landing, to her bedroom, where a bunch of unopened boxes still remained stacked in the corner, because she hadn’t had the nerve to fully face up to the failure that leaving Brisbane represented. But Brisbane or Angie or any of those words that had rolled out of her mouth during dinner were no longer of importance. When it mattered, Lou could be completely in the moment. She could pay no attention to the past and stop thinking a dozen steps ahead, and just be in the here and now. And that here and now was Mia Miller in her arms in her room.
Mia didn’t glance around; she only had eyes for Lou. Eyes that seemed to devour Lou, as if she’d already taken off her clothes. The top Lou had worn to impress because it accentuated her shoulders. Her jeans that clung hotly to her thighs.
They stepped closer again and fell into another passionate lip-lock, even more probing and daring than the one downstairs, if such a thing was even possible, and then Lou’s hands found a way underneath Mia’s shirt, and she touched, she believed, the exact patch of skin she had seen exposed last Sunday when Mia had leaned back on the couch. And even if it wasn’t, in her head it was, and it was perfect. This moment was perfect, because they had only kissed and the excitement of the pleasure to come was running deep within her flesh, until the intensity of their kiss dropped and Lou remembered her responsibility.
This was her house, her room. Mia was her guest, but also her former tormentor. She had to give permission at every turn. Or did she? What would happen if she just let go? If she let things take their natural course, because between two people, there was always a natural order of things, and with Mia, Lou felt that to lead would go against her nature.
“Please,” she whispered. “Take charge.” She looked Mia in the eye, those dark wells of mystery and unexpected kindness and, tonight, anticipation.
Mia gave the tiniest of smiles followed by an almost imperceptible nod. She stepped closer so there was not a millimeter of space left between their bodies, forcing Lou’s hands to land on the small of her back. She brushed Lou’s hair away from her neck again and kissed her above the collarbone before making her way up to her lips again. Lou leaned her head back. This was touching of a totally different order than what she and Angie had engaged in at the end of their relationship. It was electric and maddening and of the kind of depth Lou didn’t think possible two people could reach on a first date.
But there she stood, trembling under Mia’s touch, wanting nothing more than her clothes to be torn off her. Her skin to be covered by Mia’s. Mia’s hands all over her. Because this was all about Mia. Even if her first date with Meredith hadn’t gone awry, Lou would never have gone this far with anyone else after a first shared meal together. This was only possible with Mia. As though the demons of her past could only truly be expelled this way and their memory was, at the same time, necessary to propel her into Mia’s arms.
When they broke from their kiss, Mia tugged at Lou’s bottom lip with her teeth, then smiled wickedly as she let go. Something had changed in her glance. Perhaps because of the permission Lou had granted her by bringing her up here and asking her to take charge.
Mia cocked her head and regarded Lou for a moment. What was she thinking? Lou wanted to know every tiny thought running through her head. The first time with someone was all about guessing—and second guessing—and exploring and trying this and that. She was glad she had put Mia in charge. From what she’d told her, Mia must have had many more first times with other women than Lou had. She was doubly glad she’d had the nerve to whisper those words to Mia because there was something about her that telegraphed her desire to do so, but that in this particular situation, deliberate permission had to be given. The words had to be said. Of course, it could also very well be that Lou was imagining all of this, that her mind was racing because her body was about to go into overdrive—and the body always follows the mind and vice versa.
Mia brought her hand to Lou’s neck and stroked the hollow of it with her thumb, then ran it over her collarbone.
“These shoulders,” Mia half-mumbled.
Lou barely understood her, but it seemed Mia hadn’t spoken those words with the intention to be understood. They were words meant to express desire and to bridge the gap of their current position to the next, which Lou was hoping fervently would be on her back on the bed.
Mia leaned in to kiss her again and Lou, with her hands still on Mia’s back, pulled her closer, making her intentions known again. Their breasts met with too much fabric in between them and Lou thrust a knee between Mia’s legs as a new swell of desire rose through her.
She had to draw back. Had to stop herself from flinging herself onto the bed, dragging Mia with her, pulling her on top, somehow tearing their clothes off in the process and getting to the next stage. Because she had dreamed of seeing Mia naked. Hesitantly at first, not fully allowing herself to give in to the image that was forming in her mind’s eye. But what good was imagining anyone naked? What purpose did it serve except indulging in a quick whim after dark? The difference between the idea of someone naked and that person standing next to you, skin and soul bared, was night and day. And Lou wanted it all. She had her hands on Mia’s skin. She no longer had to use her feeble powers of imagination.
She’d been so elated to find Mia in her yoga class last Monday, and she had done as promised and paid special attention to Mia’s posture, especially when she bent forward in downward-facing dog, and Lou had cast many a glance at her shapely ass. She let her hands wander down to said ass now, cupped it in her hands. Something she’d definitely wanted to do a few times during yoga, but that had, of course, been impossible.
While Mia’s fingers dragged excruciatingly slowly over Lou’s neck and shoulders, Lou got a good feel of Mia’s behind. But, again, there was too much fabric in the way. Why had she allowed Mia to take charge again? Sod it, her hands were going in. If all Mia was going to do in the next few minutes was drive her crazy, slowly but surely, until she was putty in her hands, Lou would have to show some initiative. She slipped her fingers beneath the waistband of Mia’s jeans and met more fabric.
Mia’s thumb crept up Lou’s jawline, coming to rest on her lips, pushing Lou’s bottom lip down. Lou looked her in the eye and saw only desire. Desire, and anticipation, as though Mia was preparing for something. Revving herself up. As though the outcome of this night was wholly unexpected to her and her mind was racing to catch up with what her body was already doing. The opposite of Lou. She was the very opposite of Lou in so many ways, and all the more enticing for it.
Was she thinking about all the ways she could drive Lou crazy before she stripped her naked? Or was she simply bewildered by the situation she found herself in ? It was impossible to tell, and there were too many possibilities running through Lou’s head for her to fully enjoy this moment. She took a deep breath and kissed Mia while her fingers slid underneath her undies.
Mia’s breath hitched and her hands dropped down to Lou’s jeans, flipping open the button. Mia’s hand delved in freely, and her fingers stroked Lou over her already drenched underwear. It was a light caress that didn’t last nearly long enough, only gave Lou a taste of what was to come—and gave her a good idea of what kind of person Mia was when you handed her the reins. She was going to pay for it with mounting desire. There would be no quick tearing off of clothes and tumbling onto the bed naked. Perhaps Mia felt she had something to prove and this was how she chose to do it, although Lou suspected this was just how she was. And Lou could lament it all she wanted, but deep down, she loved it. She loved every exquisite second that Mia made her wait for anything.
Mia now trailed a fingertip over Lou’s belly, just above the line of her panties, up to her belly-button, then down again. Lou’s skin was on fire where Mia touched her, but her mind was still racing. Because she hadn’t been able to explain this to herself yet. The very fact that Mia Miller was standing in her room, driving her crazy.
Mia bent her knees and pu
lled Lou’s pants down in one go. Lou stepped out of them in as composed a manner as she could, but the sudden gesture had tripled the pace of her heartbeat.
With surprising agility, Mia pushed herself back up and stood face-to-face with Lou. “Sit on the edge of the bed,” she said in a tone that Lou wouldn’t dream of contesting—not that she wanted to.
She was still wearing her panties, but she would gladly spread her legs for Mia. If that was what she wanted. Lou sat down, knees held close together. She glanced up at Mia who had started to unbutton her shirt. With a casual flick of the shoulder, she sent it to the floor and stood in front of Lou in her jeans and bra.
The sight made Lou’s throat constrict with desire, made her clit almost burst with lust. What was it about Mia that turned her on so much? She shook the thought off. The time for analyzing had passed. Mia curled her hands behind her back, as though she was about to unhook her bra. She kept her hands there and stared at Lou with a small smile playing on her lips. Then her hands returned, as if she’d had second thoughts—even though Lou was convinced it had been Mia’s intention all along—while her bra remained in place on her body.
Mia took a step closer and simply put both her hands on Lou’s knees. It was all Lou needed as a command to spread her legs.
Lou’s panties were so wet that the fabric clung to her sex, as though caressing her where Mia didn’t want to—yet. She leaned back on her arms and glanced at Mia from under her lashes. Even though she could never have imagined any of this, it still felt as if all of it was meant to be. As if the minute-by-minute play that was happening in her bedroom tonight had been written in the stars for them, by them. Every last thing of it, the tiniest emotion it stirred in her, felt right.
Mia sank, kneeling in between Lou’s legs, as though about to worship at an altar. Just her presence there was enough to ratchet up Lou’s desire by a few levels. While part of her longed to lie on the bed with Mia, naked, stroking each other’s soft warm skin, discovering each other in a more conventional way for a first time, the truest part of her preferred this. The rest would follow later. As far as stating intentions went, Mia kneeling in between her legs was far superior to gently tugging off each other’s clothes and exploring what lay beneath.