I grab an empty garbage bag from the kitchen, tossing empty fast food wrappers in the bag as I make my way back into the living room to pick up the stray cans on the floor and table.
“Oh, honey, you don’t have to do that.” She waves her hand at the mess before patting the seat next to her. “Just come sit with me, will ya?”
“Mom, you can’t keep living like this.”
Shoving cans into the bag, I grab the other bag I shoved into my back pocket and start filling it with the empty glass bottles, careful not to let them break as I do.
“Like what?” she asks defensively, her tone growing louder.
“You know what I’m talking about, Mom. Don’t act like you don’t.”
“Why don’t you tell me, Brix? What is the problem?”
“Look at this place!” I yell back, dropping the bag on the floor next to my feet. I hold up my arms in frustration, motioning to the mess scattered around her. “Look at the cans, bottles, fucking cigarette butts. Who the hell wants to live like this? You’re drunk, and it’s not even eight o’clock in the morning. Don’t you see how this could be a problem?”
Rolling her eyes, she shakes her head, like she can’t begin to understand how I could be upset right now.
“I’m sick of worrying whether this is going to be the time where you’ve gone too far. Do you want me to have to come over here and find you dead on that stupid fucking couch? Is that what you want me to have to deal with?”
Tears fill her eyes, and for a second, I wonder if maybe I’ve finally broken through to her.
“Of course, I don’t, Brix. How could you even say that to me?”
“How could I say that? Mom, how could you do this to yourself? How could you choose this life? I’ve been trying to get you help for years. YEARS! What’s it going to take before you finally fucking listen and accept the help?”
“Well, I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you. Okay? I’m sorry you have to deal with me and all my fucking problems. Not all of us can be as happy and perfect as your dear fucking dad.”
“Don’t give me that shit, Mom. C’mon.” Shaking my head, I begin shoving more bottles into the bag.
“I’m going through all your shit and getting this place cleaned up. If there’s an ounce of alcohol in this house, it’s gone. I’m staying here with you until you sober up, and then we’re checking you in somewhere. I’m not talking about some couple day detox either. I’m talkin’ an actual program in an actual treatment center. It’s time we get you the help you needed a long fucking time ago.”
She doesn’t fight me on it anymore. She stretches out on the couch, eyes closed, and her arms crossed in front of her.
It kills me to see this is what her life has come to, but I’ll be damned if we will continue down this road and look back wishing I would’ve done more.
After everything is cleaned up, she’s passed out on the couch, curled up in the fetal position. I take advantage of the chance to go through all her cabinets, all her favorite hiding places I used to discover growing up, pouring out bottles of vodka.
“It’s fucked up you even know where she hides them,” Travis sighs, shaking his head. He leans his hip against the counter, watching me while I pour out the final bottle.
We found some stored under the bathroom sink, behind the towels in the linen closet, even a few underneath the bottom drawer of her dresser.
That was one place I never had thought to consider until one day I found her stuffing things under there when she didn’t think I was looking.
“Yeah, well, growing up with an alcoholic mom, you see things you never thought you’d see.”
He nods his head, agreeing.
“A friend of mine went to this rehab center, Newhaven. Apparently, it’s good. I’m waiting for the director to call me back, but it sounds like they’ll be able to get her in right away. She can stay there for eight weeks; get the help she needs.”
“That long?” His eyebrows shoot up, gritting his teeth.
“Yeah, man. She’s not going to like it, but she needs it. After she’s done, they have sober living centers and different programs available to help her with the transition back to her new day-to-day life.”
Rubbing my fingers over my forehead, I massage the skin.
“Yeah, you’re right. I hope she’ll agree to go. She has to want this or it’s pointless, just like every other time.”
We stand here talking for a while before Travis takes off to pick up his daughter from her mom. They separated a few months ago and he has her every other weekend. He would never want to miss his time with her. I assure him I have it covered.
After I’m confident everything in the house is gone, I sit back on the loveseat. When the quietness finally sets in, a niggling urge to pick up my phone and dial Ivy’s number eats at me. It’s later now, after ten, and I expect she’s up and going for her morning jog.
I want to open up to her, tell her why I’ve been so closed off and cold. I want to take the risk and hope she’ll be there for me through this. As much as I want to make her mine, I know I don’t deserve her.
Fourteen
Ivy
After how Brix reacted to me being gone, I’m concerned when he doesn’t come home for the last two nights. They even canceled their show at Vibrate on Friday.
No one knew the details why. The notice posted on their Facebook page said, “due to a family emergency.” Kyla said Madden wouldn’t give her any details, only that it had something to do with Brix’s mom, and he couldn’t be there.
I’m sitting on the couch in the living room, getting ready to paint my toes when he comes stalking through the front door. His black baseball cap is pulled down low, covering his face. He’s dressed in a pair of black gym shorts, something I rarely see him wearing, and a cut-off muscle shirt. Brix always looks handsome, but right now he looks exhausted with dark circles under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept in days.
“Brix,” I murmur, setting the bottle of polish down on the coffee table. “Where have you been?”
He reaches into his pocket, tossing his keys on the counter as he shoulders past me.
“Aren’t you going to talk to me?”
“I don’t feel like talking right now. Soon, just not right now.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask, jogging up the steps behind him.
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay, well, can you at least look at me?”
He ignores me, pushing the door to his bedroom open, sauntering toward his dresser to pull out a pair of boxer briefs and shorts, tossing them on his bed. He walks past me, stepping in front of his closet in search of a shirt before adding it to the pile.
Crossing my arms in front of me, I stare at his back, debating if I want to give up and walk out of here. After what happened between us the other night, then lying in bed missing him for the past two nights, I hadn’t expected he’d go back to treating me this way.
Well, I guess I should say I hoped we hadn’t gone back to this.
He flings his hat on top of his dresser, ignoring me like I’m not even standing here. With his back facing me, he peels his shirt off. The Roman lettering with “Ward” printed in ink spans his upper back.
His hair is pulled back, matted to his head.
Even though he doesn’t look like his usual self, he looks incredibly sexy. Standing in front of me, without a shred of emotion, he grabs the waistband of his shorts and drops them to the floor with his shirt, leaving him naked.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
I can’t help myself, I let my eyes eat up every inch of his body. The arrogant asshole he is, he doesn’t even try to cover. He stands there, letting me drink him in like I’m dehydrated and only his body can fill me with all the nourishment I need.
When my eyes finally fall on his, I’m relieved to find something more than exhaustion on his face. Judging by the size of his, uh, package, I ca
n tell he enjoys it just as much as I do.
“Well, now I guess I’m going to have to do something about this, too.” His hand wraps around his length, he reaches for his clothes before waltzing through the door.
It takes a second for my feet to catch up with him, my mind in other places thinking about his hand on himself again. After the first time of watching him in the shower, I’m eager at the thought of getting a second viewing when I see him head toward the bathroom.
He disappears through the door, only this time he shuts it behind him. The sound of the lock clicking feels like a punch in the gut.
I hate that he’s pushing me away and how easily I find myself back in this place, disliking how he makes me feel embarrassed and rejected.
I dejectedly walk back down the stairs and collapse on the couch, continuing to paint my toenails. I don’t have long before I have to get ready for my shift.
After his shower, Brix is dressed in his usual black Dickies. This time he’s dressed in a white t-shirt and his all-black Vans. He mutters something about heading over to Tysin’s to prep for their show tonight. They store their equipment and practice at his house. He doesn’t say anything, he just grabs his keys off the counter and stalks out the door.
It’s on my mind the entire time as I get ready and all along the drive to the bar. My eyes keep checking the back door, waiting for when he and the guys come through to set up.
The knot in my stomach starts to lessen some when he arrives, and I see his eyes search the bar looking for me. I can’t be sure since he’s on the opposite side of the room, but for a second, I think he smiles when he finds me looking back at him, too.
Whatever happened, whatever is going on with him, something tells me it has nothing to do with us. As much as I want to push him, just like he’s done to me, I know I need to give him time and space to work through whatever it is.
After they arrive, time seems to fly by. Every chance I get, my eyes seem to drift back to the stage, watching them set up for their show. Once they finish, the guys head toward the bar in search of drinks. It’s the same moment Trevor shows up, taking a seat at the same barstool he used the first night we met, near where I’m working.
“Hey, Trev,” I say, smiling. He looks good, his hair curling on the ends, giving him a more boyish look.
I can’t help but think back to the nickname Brix gave him, feeling guilty comparing the similarities between the two. Despite Brix’s disapproval, Trevor has been nothing but good to me. He’s tried reaching out a couple of times over the past few days. All his attempts were met with no response.
He doesn’t deserve for me to ignore him. The fact he’s even sitting here in front of me, talking to me, says far more about the kind of man he is.
“Hey, Ivy.” He grins. Reaching into the cooler beneath the bar, I grab him a tallboy of Busch Light. Popping the tab, I set it down in front of him.
“Thanks.” He flashes me a wink, as Brix takes a seat next to him.
Trevor glances between the two of us, uncertain of how I’ll react after the last two incidents.
“Hey, man, I think I saw you outside our house the other day,” Brix says, ignoring the fact he saw us together at the fair and on the boardwalk. He looks serious, but I know better than to believe he’s being nice. “What’s your name again? Frank, right?”
I bite down on my lower lip, my eyes widen at the thought of what’s about to come out of his mouth next, glancing from Trevor back to me. Goddammit, I want to smack him upside the head right now.
“Ahhh, nah, man. It’s Trevor.”
“Right, Trevor. I must’ve confused you with someone else then.”
I glare at Brix, reaching to grab him a bottle of beer, sliding it across the counter to him. I don’t even bother opening it for him. He grins, knowingly, flashing me a wink that says not to worry, opening the top and tossing the cap at me. Catching it with my hand, I mouth back at him that he’s a pain in my ass, which earns me a laugh.
I busy myself with serving beers to the other guys, as Trevor makes side conversation with Brix about their show tonight.
“So, I was wondering,” Trevor says, when things start to slow down. Taking the towel from my back pocket, I wipe down the top of the bar, waiting for what he’s about to say.
“If you don’t have any plans tomorrow night, I was hoping you’d want to go out again?”
God, I hate to do this right now. I can feel the heat from Brix’s eyes blazing into the side of my face, knowing he’s listening, despite him trying to pretend he’s talking to the guys.
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
“Really?”
“Umm, yeah,” I murmur, biting down on my lip again. Peering up under my eyelashes, I look at Trevor, and it seems he realizes our conversation isn’t moving in the direction he had been hoping for.
He reaches for his beer, taking a swig before he sets the can down on the counter as if trying to prepare for what I’m about to say next.
“I’m not going to be staying here in Carolina Beach much longer. I, uh, am only here for the summer, you know. I’m not looking for anything serious. It’ll only be a few more weeks before I head back to school.”
“Right, of course. I get you.” He nods, taking another drink of his beer before flashing me a forced smile.
After my night with Brix, I know the spark I feel with him is incomparable to what I feel with Trevor, and it’s for the best that we go our separate ways. He’s a great guy and he deserves someone who wants the same thing he does.
I leave him alone while he finishes his beer. He doesn’t say anything more as he sets a twenty on the counter. He flashes me a brief wave when I catch him walking out.
“You broke his dead heart.” Brix chuckles.
“You really are a jackass, you know that?”
“I’m beginning to think it’s one of your favorite things about me.”
Tossing my head back, I scoff. “You’re out of your damn mind.”
His eyes bore into me, watching my reaction to him, feeling the heat in his stare. “What time you off tonight?”
“Midnight. Why?”
He nods. “Wait for me, will ya? Don’t leave when you’re off.”
“Okayyy…” I draw out. “What are we doing?”
“You’ll see.”
He chuckles again when I stare out the corner of my eye at him, untrusting.
“I promise, I’m not going to hurt you or anything.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better about this.”
“I said, I promise.” He winks as he finishes off his beer. He throws a fifty down on the bar, and without a word, takes off toward the other end of the bar with the guys.
My mind is preoccupied with what Brix has in store for us later while running through all the possible explanations for why he’d want me to wait for him. I keep going back to what Kyla said about him canceling his show last night and his family emergency.
I had been worried when he was gone, so I had called my mom, checking on her and Jasper while on their trip to Aruba. I didn’t want to cause them to worry unnecessarily either but hinted at whether Jasper had spoken to Brix at all while he was away.
Nothing.
Whatever it is, I reassure myself he’ll tell me when he’s ready. For now, I’m going to focus on the next few weeks we have left together before I head back to school.
‘Cause when I do, not only will I be saying goodbye to him, I’m saying goodbye to whatever this is between us. As fun as it may be, it’ll be for the best.
Fifteen
Ivy
All night, no matter what I was doing or how busy it was, my eyes kept finding their way back to the back of the bar.
Back to Brix.
A few times throughout the night, I found myself singing along to the lyrics. When Brix got to the part where he encourages the crowd to take a drink with him, I couldn’t help but smile at the grin on his face when he caught me joini
ng in.
He’s dressed looking fine as hell in his A Rebels Havoc band t-shirt, his hat pulled on backward. Something about his hat with his dark smoldering eyes, watching him tug his lip ring into his mouth, makes me want to pull him into the back room and push him against the wall.
It is after midnight when they wrap up their show. Jayde recently hired a couple of new girls, so I am able to get off right as they are done playing. The crowd usually disappears around that time anyway.
Kyla is here, so I swing by her table to chat with her while I wait for Brix to finish packing up for the night. Spotting him weave his way through the crowd of people, a tinge of jealousy washes through me seeing women reaching for him, rubbing over his chest or trying to talk to him. He doesn’t bother to stop and talk to them, his eyes transfixed on mine, stalking toward me like he has only one thing on his mind, and that’s getting to me.
“You ready?” he asks when he finally makes his way to me.
Kyla’s eyes blaze into us, not used to seeing us interact like this.
“Yeah,” I say, swiping my purse from the back of my chair as I stand.
“I’m sorry.” Kyla pauses, holding her hands between us. “Where are you two going?”
I wait for Brix to respond, not quite sure how to answer her.
“Out.”
“Out.” I shrug, smiling.
He doesn’t say another word. Not caring who sees us or what they may think, he grabs my hand and leads me away from Kyla. Giggling, I glance over my shoulder seeing Kyla’s mouth fall open, flashing a tentative smile as I wave goodbye.
“Okay, seriously, are you going to tell me now? Where are we going?”
Our fingers wrap together while we move through the crowd toward the back door near the parking lot.
“For a drive. Will you stop asking me now?”
“You’re not up to anything bad, are you?”
“Now that I can’t promise you. I do promise I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Is that better?”
Stepping into the cool night air, he drags his thumb along the back of my hand, leading me across the gravel parking lot to where his truck is parked.
BRIX: A Stepbrother Bully Romance (A Rebels Havoc Book 1) Page 9