We don’t talk for most of the ride back to town, choosing to sit in the comfortable silence mixed with music playing. When we start approaching the outskirts of Carolina Beach, she reaches forward to turn the knob lowering the volume.
“How have you been, honey?”
“Good.” I hope the response doesn’t sound as forced as it felt.
“Your Uncle Travis told me about your record deal. I’m so proud of you, Brix. You know that?”
“I do,” I reply honestly.
“What’s on your mind?”
“What? Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me. I’m your mom, I know when you’re not yourself. You seem sad.”
I hate how she can tell, and I immediately feel guilty. I don’t want her to think this has anything to do with her.
“I’m fi—”
“Brix,” she cuts me off. “Please don’t hold back talking to me as some way of protecting me from your problems. You don’t need to shelter me or handle me with kid gloves. Let me be there for you for a change.”
“It’s really nothing, Mom. I promise.”
“What’s her name?”
My eyes dart over to hers, taken by surprise. She smiles, realizing she’s right as she looks back out the window.
Before the divorce, before the drinking, she could always tell when I was lying. When I was up to no good, she could always see past all the bullshit.
“Ivyana.” It feels weird saying her full name out loud to anyone but her. I had always called her Ivy, but in a way, the woman I met and fell in love with wasn’t the same girl I knew back then.
Except, whenever I thought about calling her Ivyana, I always felt like I was somehow separating them. Like I was choosing to forget the girl I used to give a hard time, whose life I made miserable.
I felt like an asshole not acknowledging they were the same person, so I forced myself to continue to call her Ivy, even though I loved her full name.
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“She’s beautiful.” My voice comes to life with those words.
“What happened?”
“I fucked it up.” I laugh. Pulling my hat off, I rake my fingers through my hair, pulling on the strands before tugging my hat back on.
“Do you love her?”
The question takes me by surprise. My mind immediately goes back to that night, telling her how I felt about her, only to wake up to find her gone.
To be honest, I love her more than anything in this world. Even knowing that, I don’t blame her for leaving. She deserves far more than anything I could ever give her, even if I could somehow manage to convince her how sorry I am.
I’ve tried reaching out to her a few times in the past few weeks, but when the calls started getting sent to voice mail, I stopped.
She deserves to move on without me bothering her. It isn’t because I stopped caring or she isn’t worth fighting for. It is the exact opposite.
It doesn’t mean I haven’t kept up with how she is doing. I manage to prove to Kyla I’m not a complete scumbag, and she’s filled me in on how she’s been.
Despite finding the note on her bed, I knew better than to think what we felt between us was a joke. If anything, the only joke was either of us thinking we weren’t in this deeper than we tried to play it off to be.
“I do,” answering her earlier question.
“Then, I don’t care what you did, if you love her, she deserves for you to fight for her.”
Pulling up in front of Travis’s house, I put the car in park and look over at my mom.
“I don’t know if there are enough words in the English language that could prove to her how sorry I am.”
A small smile lines the curve of her lips as she reaches out, grabbing my hand. “Don’t tell her then, Brix. Show her.”
She opens the door, stepping out and shutting it behind her. She picks up the bag from the back of the truck as she comes around to my side. Leaning over, she folds her arms on the windowsill.
“I love the man you are, Brix. I think if you showed her more of him, she’d know the kind of person you truly are. She wouldn’t be able to help loving you back. Thank you for the ride.”
She ducks her head into the truck, kissing me on my cheek before pulling back, picking up her bag, and walking up the driveway.
Travis is standing at the door, holding it open for her as he waves me off. I feel bad for not staying longer, having to head over to Tysin’s house to meet up with the guys. We loaded up our stuff earlier today, so I could be there when my mom was released.
Flipping the song on my playlist, I lean forward, hitting the dial, turning up the music. Even with the music blaring trying to drown out my thoughts, the sound of my mom’s words plays over and over in my head.
Don’t tell her, Brix. Show her.
How would I even begin to prove to Ivy how much she means to me? How do you show someone you’ve hurt how important they are to you?
I may not have any idea, but I’m going to give it a try.
I only hope she’ll give me a chance.
Twenty-Six
Ivy
It didn’t take long before news spread I left town and the reasons why. I sent a quick text to Jayde when I stopped at the gas station, apologizing, and explained something came up and I had to leave. I felt terrible leaving the way I did, but I couldn’t face staying there any longer. She seemed to know the news before I told her.
Brix blew up my phone with calls and texts the next day, to the point I turned off my phone. I knew he wasn’t taking it well, but honestly, I had nothing more left to say to him. He kept trying to reach out to me for the first couple of days, but I wasn’t ready to talk to him, wasn’t sure if I ever would be.
The calls and texts stopped, and sooner or later, it seemed like it was all a dream. Except, it wasn’t, the memories were still there holding me captive.
It made it hard to focus. Everywhere I went, it seemed like something was popping up, reminding me of him. Thankfully, school kept me busy and my mind occupied.
When I wasn’t busy with school, I was making plans with Kyla to come down to visit or hitting up the clubs with my roommate, Hensley. Those nights were the hardest, and I’d prefer to stay home, watching Netflix.
Every band we’d go out to see play ended up reminding me of Brix in one way or another. I’d stand there, lost in a daze thinking about him. Which brings me to tonight...
“Did she say when she’d be here?” Hensley questions, huddled up against the side of the brick wall outside of Vibrate.
The temperatures have dropped with the cooler weather. We’re both dressed for dancing, which isn’t doing us any favors right now.
“Yeah, she just texted me a few minutes ago saying she was pulling into the parkade. She should be here any second.”
“Okay, good!” she huffs. “‘Cause it’s frickin’ cold out here.”
We’ve been counting down the days to this show for a month when Kyla scored us tickets to see High Octane. They are hands down one of my favorite bands, and I’ve been dying to see them live.
We don’t normally make a habit of hitting up Vibrate. She’s convinced you’ll see the type of guys you’d find on Wall Street down here. Although, we both know High Octane is bringing in more of my type of men.
Hensley wants to find herself an investment banker who has his shit together and can take care of her in more ways than one.
As for me, I’m still struggling to get Brix out of my mind.
I’ve heard him play High Octane on several occasions. In fact, the night he was bangin’ blondie in the room next to me, one of the songs playing was theirs.
Every time I thought of coming here tonight, my mind kept circling back to him. To the conversation I had with Kyla when I came back to school; how he was losing his mind over me leaving.
Whenever I think about why he was upset, I’ve come up with several different reasons. I’ve analyzed and dissected every scenario, but I always find myself bac
k to the very first night I returned to Carolina Beach.
The night I first went to Whiskey Barrel and watched them playing, the night he hit on me and asked me out. Knowing him like I do now, I know he was pissed when I turned him down.
When has Brix Ward ever been told no?
The only conclusion I can come up with as to why he was so upset was because, for once, he was treated like what was going on between us meant nothing to me.
He let me be the fool, leading me to believe he wanted to be with me.
Joke’s on him.
“Hey, girl, heyy,” Kyla sings as she runs toward us. She’s dressed in a sexy, short red dress and high heels. So high I’m staring at her with wide eyes, begging her to stop before she breaks her ankle.
“Dude, Ivy, you look sexy as hell.”
She stops, eyeing me in my little black dress before zoning in on my new ivy tattoo through my sheer tights, starting on my calf wrapped up around my thigh. It’s chilly tonight, so I opted for my favorite pair with bows on the back of my legs, pairing them with my black heels.
Snaking my arm around her neck, I pull her in for a hug.
“I missed you,” I whisper in her ear, her arms tightening around my lower back.
“I missed you more.”
“This is Hensley. Hensley, this is Kyla.” I hold my hand out, introducing my two friends. They’ve spoken to each other over the phone, but this is the first time they’ve ever met in person.
“I feel like I’ve known you forever.” Hensley laughs, hugging Kyla before we head over to join the long line wrapped around the side of the building.
I check the time on the phone. We have about ten minutes before the opening band goes on.
“He’s gonna go crazy when he sees her.”
Glancing behind me, for a second, I thought I heard Kyla talking. She’s looking innocently between me and Hensley.
“Did you say something?”
“No, I think it was someone else behind us.”
She plasters a fake smile on her face, but I’m not buying it.
“Good try. What did you say?”
“I swear it wasn’t me. Someone back there was saying how their parents were going to go crazy when they found out they got a parking ticket or something.”
“A parking ticket?”
“Yep.” Kyla grins. “Parking here is a pain in the ass. You really should move back to CB.”
Rolling my eyes, I turn back around to find there’s like five feet between us and the group in front of us as we walk to rejoin the rest of the line. We don’t have to wait too much longer before our tickets are scanned and we head inside to find our seats.
“I’m so excited!” I shout, as we slip through the crowd of people to find our seats.
Kyla was able to score some incredible tickets, so we aren’t too far from the stage. Third row, right in the center.
Just as we make it to our spot, the lights go dim. The only lights are the ones circling the crowd like spotlights. The sound of drums kicks in, pounding a heavy beat, kickstarting the adrenaline coursing through me.
The crowd starts to cheer as I clap my hands. The guitar joins in as the neon-blue lights highlight the stage before focusing on the sign on the wall behind the drummer illuminating the name A Rebels Havoc.
My body goes rigid, my hands running absentmindedly over my arms. A spotlight begins to circle overhead as Tysin walks out, the guitar resting against his hip. One strum over the strings sends the crowd into a frenzy.
I search for any sign of Brix. When his voice filters through the speakers around us, I close my eyes to hold back the tears that threaten to fill my eyes at hearing his voice again.
My heart is beating in double-time to the drums, it feels like it is about to pound right out of my chest.
“How the fuck are we?” he bellows.
My eyes turn, falling on Kyla, tears filling her eyes as she gives me a sad smile.
“The parking here really is fucking terrible though.”
Shaking my head, she wraps her arms around my waist once again. This time, I feel like I’m holding her in hopes she’ll keep me stable because I’m not sure I’m ready for what tonight’s going to bring.
“It’s going to be okay,” she reassures me. She swipes her finger at the lone tear that escaped and is now rolling down my face.
“I hope so,” I mouth to her. Her hand finds mine, squeezing it quickly as we turn back to the stage.
“We’re A Rebels Havoc. If you haven’t heard of us, well it’s time you fuckin’ fix that.”
I can’t help but want to smile listening to him.
They play a few songs, ones I know from my time back at Whiskey Barrel. It dawns on me while Brix feeds into the crowd, drawing out their cheers, he hasn’t gone back to performing the way he did the first night I watched them.
I sing along with them as he plays. Multiple times I wonder if Brix is able to see me, his eyes squinting as he searches the crowd, but if he does, he doesn’t give anything away.
“Thank you for letting us be here tonight to open for High Octane. Before we head out, I want to play one last song. If you’re a fan of our music, this one will be new to you. Somethin’ I’ve been working on for the past couple weeks. If it’s cool with you, I’d like to see what ya think.”
Brix turns back toward Madden, holding his hand up to signal something, as Tysin starts to play.
“Ivy,” Brix says, pausing. “This one’s for you.”
This time the guitar leads with the intro as Brix nods his head along to the beat of the music, staring down at the floor.
With my hand balled into a fist, I press it against my mouth, watching in awe as they begin to play.
The song is slower than their others. When Brix’s voice joins in, I almost don’t recognize him. The words are soft and filled with so much emotion. I find myself absorbed in his performance, truly listening to the lyrics of the song, the timbre of his voice. My breath hitches, caught in my throat as he sings about needing me, how he would give anything to have me back, and how losing me broke him.
If he hadn’t had said the song was for me in the beginning, all questions would’ve gone away as he weaves my name into the lyrics, as he speaks about a woman wrapping herself around him and his heart.
The beat of the song is catchy, and while the crowd around us sways to the music, I stand frozen in place, soaking up every second of the words and the ache of his voice as he sings.
Thinking back to all those nights I’d lie awake in my bed, thinking about why he was upset when I left, it is like I know now. I can feel the pain he is feeling. His eyes are closed, his hand clenched in a fist against his heart.
When the song is over, I feel the ache in my chest, the same empty feeling I had felt for weeks missing him.
“Oh my God,” Hensley whispers next to me, her arm banded around me as she leans in close to check on me.
“Are you okay?”
“I think so,” I murmur, forcing myself to push aside all the emotions building inside.
I tried to enjoy the rest of the night, knowing I had been looking forward to High Octane’s concert, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking of Brix.
I was zoned out, replaying the song on a loop, over and over in my head.
When the concert was over, all I could think about was trying to find a way to get backstage so I could see him.
“Kyla!” I shout over the crowd of people as we sidestep our way out of our row of seating.
“Don’t worry. He has a backstage pass waiting for you up front. C’mon!”
We find our way to the front. The crowd of people is thick. Navigating our way seems to take hours. The spike of anxiety at seeing him has adrenaline pumping through me.
As soon as we round the corner toward the admissions box, I spot him standing against the wall. His head is covered with a black baseball cap sitting low on his head, but I’d know him anywhere.
Two large s
ecurity guards flank him on both sides as I cut across the room, making a beeline for him.
“Ivy!” Kyla shouts from behind me. The sound of my name being called has him raising his head, and his eyes meet mine.
I halt my movement as he pushes off the wall, taking a step closer to me. Biting my lip, I’m suddenly unsure of what to say or if this is even a good idea.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
Twenty-Seven
Brix
I prayed like hell Kyla was able to pull through and convince Ivy to come. When I told her what I had planned, I begged her to do whatever she could to get her here.
I even took care of getting her the tickets.
The lighting in the club didn’t compare to other venues we had played lately, so it was hard to see her in the crowd, but I hoped she was there, listening.
After the concert was over, I took off back to the dressing room to shower, leaving the guys to watch High Octane’s performance.
Things have been getting better between me and the guys. After Ivy left, I had a few choice words for Tysin, accusing him of telling her about the bet before I had a chance to come clean.
At the end of the day, regardless of how Tysin had egged it on, it was my mistake. I made the choice of saying what I said, letting him get to me when he was trying to get a rise out of me.
I ended up doing something stupid and hurt someone who means the world to me in the process. If she gave me a chance to talk to her, to explain, I’d spend the rest of my life proving to her how much I love her.
Standing against the brick wall, I watch as the crowd filters out of the building. Pulling the baseball cap down low on my head, I try to keep a low profile, not wanting any attention right now.
I am only out here in hopes of finding Ivy. Security wouldn’t let them through from the stage, so I know this is the only way she’ll get back to where I am.
“Ivy!” I hear shouted over the crowd of people shuffling out the door toward the main exit.
Looking up, my eyes immediately fall on her, and fuck me, my heart nearly stops in my chest from the sight of her. Ivy is beautiful, but something about looking at her now, coming to terms with my feelings for her, has made her even more gorgeous.
BRIX: A Stepbrother Bully Romance (A Rebels Havoc Book 1) Page 16