Why is he so concerned about me?
I go to my bedroom and slip into a pair of cut off joggers and a tank top. I throw the business card on my dresser and shake my head. I have never experienced anyone ever being this concerned with me.
Telling me what to wear?
Like I care what this man thinks. The nagging feeling that I do though, makes me think that things are about to get very complicated.
WHEN ENZO GETS HOME from school, he talks me into making chocolate chip cookies. We are finally sitting down at the kitchen table, to relish the product of our baking, when Crew walks in the door. He kicks off his boots and walks up to me, grabbing the cookie out of my hand that I am about to take a bite out of.
“What the hell, Crew, get your own.” I glare at him over the glass of milk I'm holding.
“Oh yeah, and what the hell are you going to do about it, Miss Thang?” He shoves the whole cookie into his mouth, licking his fingers as he stares me down and grabs a beer out of the fridge.
“Whatever, I’ll just get another one.” I go to the stove to grab another while Lorenzo sits quietly, nibbling on his. When I turn around to go sit back down, my body collides with Crew. He looks down at me and places his hand on my shoulder, running it slowly down my arm. I try to pull away, but he grabs a hold of my wrist, pulling my body close to him. I yank my arm back and his grip tightens around my wrist. He leans down until I can feel his hot breath on my neck.
“You think that you can flaunt that tight little ass of yours around here, wearing those short shorts? You think that isn’t going to get me wondering what it would be like to wrap those pretty little legs of yours around my waist? It’s like you're trying to provoke me.” His lips barely graze my ear.
“I am not asking for anything, except for you to let go of me right now before I scream and wake my mother.” Still gripping my wrist, he pulls back and starts laughing.
“Oh, yeah? Huh. And what do you think she’s going to do? Do you think she is going to believe you? She already warned me all about the others that you made shit up about. Things that you said they did, that they didn’t.” He smiles eerily at me and starts stroking my cheek with his thumb. I rip my wrist out of his grasp, putting as much space between us as my tiny ass kitchen will allow.
“Lorenzo, go into Sissy’s room and turn on some cartoons, I will be right in.” He nods sweetly, climbs off his chair, and grabs another cookie off the stove before running down the hall. I turn my attention back to Crew. “Don’t you ever touch me again or I swear to God I will make you regret it!” I grab my backpack and start for my room when I feel Crews arms around the back of my arm, swinging me around.
“Let me give you a little bit of advice, little girl. Make sure you shut your bedroom door all the way when you decide to play with yourself at night. Someone might see you, or is that what you want?” I feel my blood drain to my feet and stare at him with huge eyes.
“You are one sick motherfucker. Trust me when I say this, I would never put on a show for you. Even if you were the last man on earth.”
“Oh darlin, if you only knew what I could teach you, you would be on your knees begging right now.” He tips his beer back and slams it. “And you know what, I may be doing that sooner than later if you don’t watch that smart little mouth of yours.” He tosses his empty beer can into the garbage and strolls down the hall. My mother’s bedroom door slams and I jump.
I stand there in shock. I have had some crazy stuff happen to me when it comes to my mother’s fucks. But nothing as sick as watching me when I think that I am alone in my bedroom. I think back to my ride home with Noah.
“Just keep your guard up with him. He isn’t a good guy.”
Damn it, Noah, what the hell?
He watched me? Touch myself?
I feel sick.
I go to check on Enzo in my bedroom. He is lying on my bed, holding onto MeeMee, his tiny stuffed mouse. He has had it since he was a baby, and they are inseparable. He looks so peaceful lying there, completely unaware of the very messed up home that we live in. This is exactly how I always want it. I never want him to ever feel the way that I felt growing up.
I set my book bag down on my dresser and lie down next to Enzo, pulling him close to me. As I play with his golden curls, I try to get lost in the silly cartoon that he is watching. Unfortunately, I can’t shake the feeling that is growing inside of me.
Fear.
The thought of Crew actually living true to his word makes my blood turn cold. Because if he does, I can’t tell a soul. Because if I do, they will come and see the crazy that is going on with my mother and they will take Lorenzo away. And over my dead body will I ever let that happen again.
The thirty-five-minute drive from Rockford to Durand should put me in a pissy mood every morning, but it doesn’t. Because at the end of that drive, I get to see her.
It has been a week since she fell across my path. I try to tell myself that she is too young, still in high school, and the mess of a life she is living will only complicate mine. But I can't deny the fact that I want her more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. She is different. Not like anyone I have ever screwed. I don’t want her just for a night, I want all of her. Her body. Her heart. Her soul.
As I wait for my shithead stepbrother to drag his sorry hungover ass out of bed, I watch her. She is beautiful, there is no denying that. But that isn’t what is drawing me in.
It is her fight. Her fight to survive.
My stomach twists in anger as I watch her open her empty fridge that only houses beer, Coke, some condiments, and a few boxes of leftover pizza. I know that her mom gets assistance from the state, but I heard from Crew that she sells the shit for cash, to support her pill habit. Mona is the pure definition of a deadbeat mother.
I watch as Sofia runs around her trailer in the morning, getting her little brother ready for school. All while her mother is passed out in her bedroom. I cringe when I witness this girl trying to scrape what little food they have together, so that she can feed Lorenzo breakfast. I smile as I watch how gentle she is when she brushes his blond curls and gently helps him into a backpack twice his size. She stands at the door, every morning, watching over him. I am in complete awe as I witness the concern that is all over her face quickly turning to relief once his ride for school picks him up. She smiles, what has to be the prettiest smile that I’ve laid eyes on and waves to them until they are out of site. Most girls her age would let the boy figure it out, just like she had to.
But not Sofia and over the last week, I have come to know that Lorenzo is the very reason she fights.
She has to survive. For him.
THIS MORNING, I HESITATE before knocking on her door. What is that sound? I look through the screen door and see Sofia, standing at the kitchen sink and she is singing. Her voice. It takes my breath away. I have only heard one other person that could sing like that. Cami. I stand there with my hand in the air, struggling to keep Cami’s memory buried. Where it needs to stay.
I tap on her door and hear her holler for me to come in. As soon as I step foot in the trailer, I feel like I am walking into a sauna. As she explains that a breaker blew in the park, I notice what she is wearing. Or should I say, the lack of.
As she reaches up to put some plates away, the T-shirt that is barely covering her ass reveals an extremely tiny pair of pale pink panties. Her legs are long and lean, and I can’t believe what I am seeing. She doesn’t care that her ass is hanging out, for the whole world to see? For Crew to see?
This primal urge rears up and I want to take hold of her and whoop that ass.
What the hell has come over me? Jesus, why do I care what the fuck is going on with this girl. But I do. Because of her, Cami. Fucking Crew. My blood starts to boil, and I can’t help myself from glaring at this girl, who has absolutely no idea what she is doing by walking around here looking like this.
This isn’t my business.
But before I know it, words are escaping my mouth.
She spits words in my direction before throwing a towel on the counter. The next few minutes are a blur. But not the feeling of wanting to claw Crew’s fucking eyes out of his head. I envision myself lunging across the ripped-up linoleum from the 1970’s and slamming him to the ground.
I have to get the hell out of here before I kill this motherfucker.
Before I walk out the door, I can’t help myself from having the last word. I have to get my point across to this naive girl. My heart tugs as she stares back at me with eyes that are shadowed by dark circles. I’m sure from all of the stress and responsibility that has been placed on her at such a young age.
As I make my way to the truck, I am getting more pissed with every step I take. I look over at Crew as I'm climbing in and I want so badly to deck the fucker. But I can’t. If I could, he would be six feet under already.
I throw the truck in reverse and look up to see Sofia staring out the window at me. Her face is tight and twisted. I shake my head at her. I wish that she would understand that I'm just trying to protect her from the monster that's sitting in my truck.
“Damn, Noah, what the fuck was that all about. You don’t think that shit would be fun to hit?” He lights up a cigarette as he cracks the window. “She’s nineteen, don’t worry, I checked.”
I blow out my nose in anger and grip the steering wheel tightly, but don't say a word. Not because I don't want to, but what's the point. He has me by my balls. That’s why Sofia is nothing but a problem that I can’t pursue. I need to walk away. But if I do, who the fuck is going to protect her?
No. I can’t let what happened to Cami...happen again.
I avoid both Crew and Noah the next morning before school. I try to get excited about my date, later with Cameron, but I cannot stop thinking about that freak watching me get off. The day is long and drags on and on. Ezra keeps talking about Chase and I try my best to act like I care what she is talking about. I hope that I can pull myself out of this funk that I am in by the time Cam picks me up later. I am relieved when the final bell rings. When I finally make it home, I find out that my mom has left early for her Friday shift. I anxiously start getting ready for my date.
I don't own a single dress, so I had to borrow one from Ezra. I can't wait to put it on and see how it looks on me. I jump in the shower and blow dry and curl my hair. I never take the time to do my hair; it is always up, so much easier than fussing with it every day. I prefer it down, though. I love the feel of it. Long, thick, and soft. When it's down, I can't help but run my fingers through it.
I pull the dress out of my closet and take it off the hanger. It is a thin, almost see-through, white backless sundress with spaghetti straps. I step into it and pull it up. As I look at myself in my full-length mirror, I am a bit taken aback. It fits like a glove, hugging every curve on my body. It shows just enough cleavage to be dangerous and my legs in this dress go on for miles. My hair falls down in waves over my shoulders and the makeup that I chose makes my brown eyes pop. I'm in shock. The girl that stepped into this dress just seconds ago, is gone. She is replaced with a tall, curvy, and sensual woman and for the first time in my life, I feel sexy.
I slip my feet into a pair of white strappy heels and grab my phone before heading to my mom’s room. The only thing missing is perfume, and I am hoping that she has some that I can borrow. I find a bottle on her dresser and spray a mist over my cleavage. I take in the sweet and musky scent as I stand in the room that I have avoided my entire life.
A stained, torn mattress sits on top of a worn-out box spring. There is no wooden bed frame, like Ezra’s parents have. The mattresses just sit on the floor. The matted-down, brown carpet is dotted with burn holes. A nightstand with the drawer missing is cluttered with empty pill bottles and beer cans. My eyes draw up to the hole above her bed. It's from the piece of shit that stayed with us when I was sixteen.
That night.
It was three years ago, and Enzo was only three years old. I was shaken from my sleep from the sound of people screaming and what sounded like the walls of our trailer being torn down. I scrambled out of my bed and ran out of my room, where I found Enzo standing in the hall, holding MeeMee tightly in his arms. His tiny head was tilted to the side as he tried to take in the chaos that was happening on the other side of our mother’s door. I quickly scooped his tiny body up and held him to my chest. I covered his ears to muffle the screaming that was exploding around us. I had to get him back to my room and sing to him. It was a sure-fire way to lull him back to sleep and away from this living nightmare that he had woken up to. But before I made it to my room, the door whipped open, and my mother came running out into the hallway. She looked back at us as she ran into the kitchen. Her nose was bleeding, and her left eye was puffy and pink. The look on her face was crazed. But what I will never forget is how she left us standing there, at the end of the hall, the screen door slamming behind her.
As I stand in my mother's room, dressed up for my very first date, I start to feel a numbness taking over me. I try to pull myself back, but it’s too late.
I am now sitting in my living room talking to a lady police officer with short blond hair. I remember the color of her hair because it was the color of my mother's hair. I keep looking down the hall, searching for any sign of Lorenzo.
Nothing.
“So, you said that Jason attacked you. And you were holding your brother?”
“What?” I glance down the hall again. “Yes. He tried to take him out of my arms, and I wouldn’t let him.”
Again, I glance down the hall. No sign. What are they doing with him?
“And when you didn’t hand him over, you said that he pushed you down?” I stare back at her, with a dumbfounded look on my face as she asks questions that I have already answered. Her head is down as she scribbles on her pad of paper. I don’t understand why the hell I have to answer these questions again. I already told them what happened!
I want Enzo. Now!
“Yes, officer. Just like I said before. My mother got into a fight with Jason and left us to get help. When I tried to run to my room, he tried to take my brother from me. He said something about Enzo always waking up in the middle of the night. When I pulled away from him, he pushed me down and I hit my head on the door frame. That’s how I got this fucking gash on my forehead.” I angrily point at the throbbing wound. “I screamed at my brother to go to his room and shut the door. That’s when Jason grabbed a hold of my hair and started dragging me back to my bedroom. The next thing I know, I’m on my bed and he is on top of me, tearing my clothes off. I was fighting him off me when the police came storming into the house.” I think that I hear movement coming from the back of the trailer and start to get up, but the officer motions for me to sit back down.
“You say that your mother left you both here. Alone with the man that just assaulted her.” She pauses her writing and looks up at me with questioning eyes.
Oh, this bitch is pissing me off!
“Yes. Now listen ma’am, I need to see my brother. He is probably scared shitless and has no idea what is going on. So please, can we be done here so I can go get him.” Our attention is redirected when two ladies walk into my living room without knocking. One is tall and all legs, with fiery red hair. She is pretty with a kind and welcoming face. The other one is short, with lots of curves. Her hair is as black as night and her face shows no sign of emotion. I scan the situation, my eyes darting from the ladies to the officer and then towards my brother's room.
Sheer panic surges through me and before anyone can stop me, I am running down our dark hallway and turning the handle to my brother's door. He is sitting on the toddler bed that I had just dug out of the neighbor’s garbage a week prior. A male officer is sitting on the floor next to him reading a book. The officer jumps, not expecting me to barge into the room.
In two quick steps
, I scoop Enzo off of the bed and wrap my arms around him in a gigantic hug. I bury my face into his soft curls and tell him that Sissy is here, and everything is going to be okay.
But it isn’t okay. Before I can blink an eye, the tall lady with the soft face walks into Enzo’s room and tries taking him out of my arms. I frantically back away, holding him tighter than I ever have.
“What are you doing? You all need to leave, right now!”
But they don't.
They pry him out of my arms.
“Sissy, no go. Sissy, no go!” He looks over the lady’s shoulder, terrified, and reaches out for me. His face is covered in tears and they turn down the hall and disappear.
I try to stop them. I try with every ounce of my being. The male officer wraps his arms around my waist as I kick and claw at him. I grab onto the door frame, searching for any leverage to help me pull out of his grasp. The screaming that comes out of my mouth is that of something that I have never heard before.
“Stop! You can’t take him, please! Enzo, Sissy loves you so much! I will fix this, baby. I promise!” I fight with everything that I have. But the male officer is too strong. I feel as if I am fighting the impossible and finally fall to the floor, in a crumpled and defeated pile of exhaustion. I soak the dirty, blue carpet with my tears. Years of secondhand smoke burns my nostrils.
Where the fuck is she?
I slowly look up at the officer and the short lady who appears out of nowhere.
“Where is my mother? I need to speak to my mother. Now!” I wipe my tears away and stand up. When they don’t answer quickly enough, I say it louder and with an authority that came out of nowhere. “Where the fuck is she? I want to see her right fucking NOW!” The officer steps out of the room, leaving the short lady behind. She tells me her name, but I don’t give a rat’s ass what her name is. I want my brother back.
She speaks to me in a flat voice.
“Your mother is at the hospital. She was beat up pretty bad. They are going to take good care of her.”
Break Away: A Midwest Small Town Romance Page 5