Out of nowhere, I am angry. Angry that I am being driven back to the life I so desperately want to leave. Why did I let him introduce me to this world? A world where I am taken care of, protected, and loved. The way that I am starting to feel about this man is almost too much to bear.
Just a few weeks ago he was driving me to the brink of insanity. Now, I can feel a spark flickering within me of want and need. It is going to be hard to stop that spark from growing and it scares the shit out of me. I worked too hard to allow myself to connect with people so that I could avoid the terrifying feeling of loss when they leave. I already lost my Nonna and the mother that I had once known, has been gone for years. I never want to feel that way again.
We don’t talk much as he does almost ninety the entire way back home. I am embarrassed that he is getting a glimpse into my world. The one that I have done so good at hiding from everyone for so long.
My mind starts to drift as it always does, to what will be waiting for me at home.
We pull into my drive and I can’t unbuckle my seatbelt fast enough. I swing the truck door open, and Noah grabs my hand, holding me back. I turn and look at him, taking notice that my mom is sitting on the front steps, smoking a cigarette.
“Do you want me to go in with you?” Concern and worry pool in his eyes. I shake my head quickly and he reluctantly lets go of me. I jump out of the truck, my feet hitting the gravel with a thud. My mom stands abruptly, not trying to hide that she is pissed off.
“Please Noah, just leave.” I plead with him, my eyes darting frantically between my mother and him. He nods his head reluctantly and I thank him for everything, shutting the truck door. She waits for him to pull away before flicking her cigarette into the yard and storming inside. The screen door slamming behind her.
Shit. She’s pissed. Fuck it. Just get in there and get this over with, Sof.
No sooner are my feet making their way up the front steps and I can hear her ranting and raving. She is cursing and I can tell that she has been drinking. I take a deep breath and walk through the front door. Enzo is sitting on the floor playing with one of his monster trucks and looks up. As soon as he sees it’s me, a huge grin spreads across his face. He runs over to me, his blond curls bouncing on top of his head and throws his arms around my legs. I kneel down and pull him in for a huge hug. I look over at my mom who is sitting at our kitchen table pouring vodka into what looks like orange juice. The same orange juice that Noah had bought for Enzo and me.
“Lorenzo, go into sissy’s room and watch TV. You can have some of my candy out of my stash in my dresser drawer.” He pulls away and bounces up and down on the balls of his feet as he claps his hands in excitement.
“Thank you, sissy.” He runs off down the hall and yells back, “I hope you have the peanut butter ones, those are my faaavwit.”
Relieved to have him out of the situation that I know is about to happen, I stand up and walk to the fridge to grab a Coke.
“Give me your phone, Sofia.” I turn around and look at my mother, who is staring down at her already half empty screwdriver.
“Mom, I swear, had I known I would have come straight home. I’m so sorry. My phone was on silent and I had no idea.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck about your excuses. I want your fucking phone. NOW!” Her voice bellows loudly and I jump a little. I am now on edge, seeing that she is getting angry so quickly.
Oh, crap. She is even more drunk than I thought.
I snatch my purse off the counter and pull my phone out of it, laying it on the table in front of her and head for my room.
“Get the fuck back here, you fucking bitch. Where the fuck have you been all night?” I stop dead in my tracks but don’t turn around. I don’t want to engage in whatever it is she is trying to accomplish. I just want to go to my room and shut my door. I don’t want Enzo to see her like this and I instantly feel guilt for leaving him. I should have never gone to Chicago with Noah. This is all my fault.
“Mom, I said I was sorry, and I promise that it won’t happen again.”
“You’re fucking right it’s not going to happen again. I don’t pay for your phone for you not to answer me when I call you!”
I jump at something slamming and abruptly turn around to find a pool of orange juice and vodka surrounding her glass on the table.
For the first time, I look into her eyes. Dilated and full of senseless rage, she can barely hold them open.
“So where were you last night, Sofia? And why the fuck were you with that dick, Noah?”
“We went to Chicago and had dinner. Then he rented a hotel because it got late. I swear to you I would have come home, but my phone—”
“SHUT UP! Just. Shut. Up!” She pushes back on her chair as she stands, and it goes slamming to the ground. I start walking backwards down the hall as she staggers towards me, holding onto the walls to steady herself.
“Mom please, just stop.” But she isn’t stopping, and I know, because she is drunk, that this isn’t going to be good. I brace myself for whatever it is that she is going to do, praying that Enzo won’t notice the chaos unfolding outside my door.
Before I know it, my shirt is knotted up in both of her hands and she slams me up against the wall. I try my best not to make a sound because I don't want Enzo seeing any of this. There is a restlessness in her eyes. I dare not breathe, because if I do, I might throw up from the stench of cigarettes and alcohol that is seeping out of her mouth.
“Listen here, little girl, and listen very closely. We have a system here and it works. I go to work and pay the bills and you, my dear, take care of your brother. No big shot asshole is going to fuck that up. Do you understand me?” When I don’t answer her, she becomes enraged. Releasing her hold on me, she raises her hand up in the air and screams out. “Do you fucking understand me?” I throw my forearms up, covering my face as I prepare for the blows that I am about to meet.
“YES...yes, please just STOP—” Her bedroom door opens behind her and I look up to find Crew grabbing her by the arm and yanking her back.
“Mona, what the hell are you doing?” I lean up against the wall, breathing heavy and on the verge of tears.
“I... I just need to go lie down, Crew. She is too much. I just can’t even right now.” She buries her head in his chest and he strokes the back of her head.
I’m too much? Have you lost what’s left of your ever-loving mind?
“I think that’s a good idea, babe. You head on into your room and take a nap. You’ve had a long night.” He takes her face in his hands and kisses her on the cheek. Before she closes her bedroom door, she looks back at me with a lost look in her eyes.
“You’ve got your brother now, right? I’m gonna go lay down before my shift tonight.”
“Yeah, mom, I’ve got him.” And like the last five minutes never even happened, she smiles at me and shuts her door. Leaving me standing in the hall with him. He looks at me, shaking his head in a disapproving way. I push off the wall to go check on Lorenzo and as I am turning the handle, I can feel his rough hands gripping my shoulders. He begins massaging them. He is so close to me, I can feel his hot breath on my ear.
“I just saved your ass from your crazy mama, girl. I think that you owe me one. Wouldn’t you say?” Cringing under his grip, the very sound of his voice makes me nauseous.
“I don’t owe you shit. Now let go of me, you fucking prick.” My words shoot out of my mouth like bullets, and he spins me around so that I am facing him.
“Or what? You gonna tell that big bad boyfriend of yours? Well now that wouldn’t be a real smart thing to do, now would it princess? Because if I know one thing about you, it’s this. That little boy in there is your world. Isn’t he? And we wouldn’t want the welfare people coming to see what a train wreck your mama is, now would we?” A sleazy smile slowly makes its way across his face and he chuckles at the shocked look on mine.
“Don’t you bring my brother into this. EVER. You're right, he is my world. And
if I lose him, I have nothing. So, I promise you if anything happens to Enzo, you won’t even know what hit you. And I’m not talking about Noah, you fucked up son of a bitch. I will fucking kill you.” My words cut through the air like razor blades.
“Ahh, we have a feisty one, now don’t we. That’s just how I like ‘em, just ask Noah. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to tell you all about his sweet little Cami? Now, she was as feisty as they come.” He takes his fingers and runs them slowly down the side of my face.
Cami? Why is he bringing that name up?
I slap his arm away and escape into my room, slamming the door behind me. He begins tapping on the other side of the door with his fingers. “Like I said, pretty girl, you owe me one.”
Lorenzo is sitting on my bed watching TV, a pile of candy wrappers surrounding him. I bend down and pick up a pair of shorts and a shirt off the floor. I need to get out of this dress. As I slide my shirt over my head, I can hear Enzo cracking up at something funny on the show that he is watching. His belly laugh makes my heart swell. He is my reason for living, and nobody will ever take him away from me.
Maybe my mom is right, to a point. We do have a system and it does seem to work. At least until I can get on my feet after graduation and afford to make a home for me and Enzo. Maybe Noah is a distraction that I don’t need right now.
Sitting down on my bed, I press my back against the wall and close my eyes. I try to relish the darkness that takes hold of my chaotic thoughts but a quote that I heard years ago keeps playing on repeat in my head.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
My eyes shoot open at the simple truth behind these words. I watch my brother's legs kicking back and forth in the air as he lays beside me on his tummy watching cartoons. I am Lorenzo’s only chance from being suffocated by my mother’s addiction and abuse.
I cannot let Noah become a distraction. I have to keep forging on and sticking to what I sought out to do the day Enzo and I were reunited.
I could sit here all day long and try to deny the fact that I am not feeling all sorts of things for this man. But I would be lying to myself and the universe, because there is no denying the fact that he is breathing life into my very existence.
THE NEXT MORNING BEFORE school, I stand on my front steps waving to Lorenzo as Mrs. Carlson pulls away. She smiles back at me with her warm and caring smile that rarely leaves her face. She makes me think of my Nonna. I look up at the blue sky and mouth the words, “I miss you” before heading back inside to grab my backpack and a Coke.
As I walk down the front steps, I see Noah’s truck heading up the road. He pulls into my drive and throws it in park. As he jumps out, I notice that he looks all sorts of agitated.
“Sof, I have been trying to get a hold of you all night. What the fuck is going on?” His harsh words instantly put me on guard.
“Well, Noah, it’s kind of hard to answer texts or phone calls when you don’t have a phone.” I scrunch my face at him in irritation.
“Why the fuck don’t you have a phone? And I would appreciate it if you didn’t look at me that way. It makes me want to put you over my knee and whoop your ass.”
Oh, Lord. He’s back. And I like it. How on earth does he do that?
“My mom took it from me because I didn’t answer her the other night. She’s just being stupid and will give it back to me in a few days.”
“Get in the truck. I’m taking you to school.” He grabs the Coke out of my hand and tosses it into the yard. “And this shit isn’t good for you.” He slides my bookbag off my shoulder and throws it in the truck before climbing on up and slamming the door.
“And what makes you think that I want a ride to school. It's literally four blocks away.” He looks at me through the window of his truck, clearly annoyed that I am bucking him on this.
Oh, screw it. I really don’t have the energy to fight with this man right now.
I jump in and he peels out, kicking up gravel as we tear off out of the trailer park.
“Sofia, you are nineteen years-old and your mother is taking your phone away because you didn’t answer her? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” He tips his head my way, toying me with those baby blues. I force myself to look away because quite frankly, as much as he is pissing me off, those eyes...dear God, help me, I am putty in his hands.
“Why, yes Captain Obvious, I am well aware of how ludicrous that sounds, but I really don’t have a choice in the matter. She pays the phone bill.” I roll my eyes at him because I don’t need the ridiculousness of my life shoved in my face. I live it. That’s enough for me to deal with on a daily basis.
He pulls up in front of my school and puts the truck in park. “You really shouldn’t be walking everywhere. I didn’t like it before, and now that you don’t have a phone it’s making me even more crazy. Do you even know how to drive, Sofia?”
“Yes, actually I do. My mother didn’t have the money at the time for drivers ed, so Mrs. Carlson paid for it. She thought that it was important for me to have a way to get around, considering I was the one that primarily takes care of Lorenzo. She even took me to the DMV to get my license.” He scratches the back of his neck as he shakes his head, obviously baffled.
“So why aren’t you driving?”
“Not because I didn’t pass. My mom didn’t have the money to buy me a car, let alone gas and insurance. It’s fine, though. I’m getting a job as soon as I graduate so that I can save up to buy one.” He lets out a sigh and looks my way.
“I believe you will, Brown Eyes. I don’t doubt that.” He reaches over the console and tips my chin up with his finger, leaning in for a deep and passionate kiss. I moan softly as I feel his tongue playing with mine. Wet and soft. A warm sensation starts stirring in my core, moving slowly down...down...down.
“Noah, you make me so wet.” He starts biting on my lip, making my sex clench hungrily. I tip my head back as he begins trailing soft kisses down my neck and whispers in my ear.
“Sofia, I was out of my mind not knowing if you were okay. Don’t ever do that to me again, do you understand me?” I nod my head and he starts biting at my neck. I welcome the sensation that his teeth stir within me, making it almost impossible to pull away. But I have to get to school.
“I’m sorry, Noah, I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t want to, but I really have to go, or I am going to be late.” I gently push him away and grab my bag. As I open the door, I turn towards him. “I will talk to my mom after school; I’m positive she will give me my phone back. Trust me, I know her moods like the back of my hands.” His sexy crooked smile that makes his forehead wrinkle, makes my heart skip a beat. He waves towards my school in a dismissive way.
“Get in there and kick ass, Sofia. I’ll be here after school to pick you up.” I flash him a playful smile as I walk backwards towards the entrance.
“You really don’t need to pick me up, Noah. I can get home just fine on my own.” He raises his eyebrow at me and chuckles.
“Be out here and ready.” With that said, I watch him pull away and roll down the street.
EZRA GRABS ONTO MY arm, scaring the ever-living life out of me.
“Sof, what the hell? I have been blowing your phone up all weekend to see how your date went with Cam. I guess I have my answer now. Who the fuck was that?” I glance over her shoulder and see Chase standing with a group of his football friends that are gawking our way.
Shit. I left her unseen.
“Sorry, Ez. I had a kind of crazy weekend. My mom has my phone again. And Cam. It was all right.” I am not getting into that with her, I want to leave that in the past where it belongs.
“Ok, so the real question is, who is the fuckman that just dropped you off?” She’s not giving up and is dying for me to spill the tea on my more than usually dull life.
“He is not a fuckman, Ez. His name is Noah, and he’s my mom’s boyfriend's stepbrother slash boss. And he was just giving me a ride to school.” The look on her face is full of doubt
and I know that she isn’t buying a single word spewing out of mouth.
“Oh, yeah. Cause stunningly gorgeous older men always stick their tongues down my throat right before they drop me off to school.” I laugh and slap her in the arm as I turn about three shades of red.
“God, Ezra, you’re so subtle.” The bell rings as I shift my bag and we head into school.
Of course she is not giving up, and as we walk to our first hour, I fill her in on the weekend. She is in complete shock, her eyes getting wider with every detail I give her.
“Sof, I know this is going to sound crazy, coming from me and especially after you went all BFF on me about Chase. But just be careful. He is so much older and experienced.”
“Trust me, I am not one to fall for any bullshit, Ez. You know that. I have seen, heard, and lived so much bullshit throughout the years, I can smell it from a mile away. I am just having some fun, the same advice you just gave me last week. It’s all good, I promise. My guard is up with this guy. Nothing serious, I swear.” I sit down and pull my math book out.
If I only believed that myself.
“I know Sof, I know. You're right. If anyone deserves to have some fun, it’s you. Oh, that reminds me. Chase is having a party this weekend. It’s in his barn, and his parents are going out of town. You have to come. His uncle is hooking him up with two keggers and the whole school is invited.” I turn around just as class is starting and nod my head yes.
I am up for another long overdue weekend of fun. Even if that dick Cam is going to be there. He isn’t going to make me miss the biggest party of our senior year. If I learned anything from living with my mother and her fucked up ways, it’s to never back down. Unless it comes to protecting Enzo. I am going to make the last two weeks of school as memorable as I can.
I SCAN THE LINE of cars as I walk out of school, Ezra matching my every step. She is dying to meet this fuckman as she has been referring to him all day. It is a gorgeous day out. I’m not sure if it’s the weather or the thought of seeing Noah again, but there is a euphoric feeling that resonates throughout my entire body.
Break Away: A Midwest Small Town Romance Page 13