by F. Bradshaw
Replaced by a wolf, he ran from me as fast as he could. His memories flooded me with a desire I had not felt. I knew what it was like to be in someone else’s skin. To smell and feel like them, and so many people to choose from. The cold swept over me like being doused in ice-cold water. It was over. His heartbeat was slow but there. It sounded like a human’s heartbeat. I removed my mouth from him, sucking the remains of his blood back like a quick shot. Whom would I choose next?
Chapter 31
Temptation called me to anything and everything. I felt my stomach, and the feeling overcame me. I could feel the flesh tearing and pulling. I felt my blood the way he felt it. Matt was so different from the inside. I wanted to know what it felt like to rip him open. Did we feel the same? I felt over his chest the muscles flinching from the ice-cold darkness beneath my skin.
Matt’s eyes filled with darkness. His hot heavy breathes half panting, half holding back. He wanted to rip me open again, but I was the one in control. He was as weak as a human, and he could not dominate me. A low growl came from him. I was certain it would have been more if he could have summoned it.
Revenge ran into me like his hot blood. I wanted to both rip him apart and fix him. I tore away pieces of skin and let them fall to the ground like daisy petals being picked off one by one. Is he strong enough? Was his blood true? Will he break free and run? Or will he just let me kill him slowly? The bloodier my hands got the more I could not resist. It traced the lines of my hand down my fingers to my palms.
I licked it, thinking of someone else. I could do whatever I wanted. The ice in my veins cooled the blood before any more of it could touch my lips. It was a bit salty from his sweat that mixed itself in. He cried out in pain, and the thunder almost covered his cry. I could smell the electricity as it covered the area.
The human parts of me were slipping away with each moment of temptation. Ryan brought out one side of me, and now Matt was bringing out another. I felt the ground pull at me as the rain had already soaked it through. The mud was trying to pull me down into its embrace. It would not make me stay, and it would not encase me. I was done with trying to kill myself. I will make those who did this pay. I am the coming darkness.
My desires called to me trying to shut out the darkness. Matt’s kiss on my lips and the feeling of his tongue invading my mouth pushed forward. Haunting feelings crept over me again. The more I let go to feel my revenge, the less human I was. Could I call myself any part of a human anymore? I needed to forget what I was and live only as I am. I have to get out of here and get my Dr. Heart. I have to find a way out of here. He can’t be a part of me. The touch of his hand washed over my wrist again. His smell pulled me into the memories. Ryan. I let go of air. I needed to breathe out the memories and forget them both.
I smelled Matt. His body had been soaking the ground with its red deliciousness. Its warmth faded in the cold ground. One whiff of his smell and I wanted to wrap my body in the blood soaked mud. He looked at me without moving his head. He was weaker than I thought he could have become. I was not done with him yet. I bit down on my wrist cutting it open.
The thick cold blood flowed from my open wound. I put it to his lips. There would be no venom this time. Matt let it fall into his mouth but made no movement to take it. The anger started to build. He was letting my blood be wasted? I ripped his head back toward the fence pushing my wrist into his mouth. His hair was sticky and thick. I wanted to rip it out, but I had to quiet the animal inside. I let my body grow hard and cold. I was as immovable as a statue.
His tongue started to lick at my wrist. I remained still. The less movement I gave, the more he moved. The game was just beginning, and I needed him alive a little longer. Matt acted like a timid puppy, unsure of what its master would do. For the moment, I would watch him. I let the blood pool in his mouth. Matt carefully swallowed waiting to see if I would move. The darkness in me wanted to tear at his throat taking back its preciousness.
I remained unmoved. The thunder pounded at the sky as if screaming. The lightning lit up the sky for a moment and then faded away. He started to drink easier and more deeply. I could feel the life slowing sinking back into his veins. The darkness wanted to pull away, and yet I could not. I did not want him to die, and yet I felt compelled to tear him to pieces. My blood and body were fighting within itself.
Matt’s tongue began to warm more. More like the warmth I wanted to fall into. I wanted to fall to him and let him command me. The other part of me wanted to rip him open and wear him like a blanket. He would be so warm and inviting. I could not help but to lick my lips at the prospect. He would need time to heal from what I had done to him. I could feel the coldness getting stronger in me. My flesh felt as though ice covered it.
I pulled away from him. I had given him too much. I needed food. Thump… Thump... the sound came closer to me. I knew it all too well. I let go of Matt shaking my hand free of the dried blood. It thickly ran off my hand with the movement. I needed to eat, and he was too close. Its smell called to me, his heart singing to me. How was I going to resist? Thump…Thump… closer it came.
I could not hold back my cravings. I was so cold, and it was so warm. Thump… thump… heartbeat had followed me so many times. I now knew what it was. Its pulse trembled against the ground. Thunder silenced with each beat. I wanted to feel the warmth under my skin. I wanted its skin to be my own even if it was only for a minute.
The mud tried to hold me as I pulled away. A sucking pop sounded from the earth releasing me as if to cry out no. This creature would be mine. I rushed for it, taking it in. The first bite was sweet and refreshing as this was water in the desert to me. The flesh was smoother than I thought it would be. The first drop of blood was warm and half-full of fire. A quiet moan came from it. My darkness wanted to rip it open and take everything. The blood could not flow fast enough. The memories disconcerting to take in.
I could feel the dry dirt below me. The fur wrapped around me holding me in. The smell of everything took hold in me. The world smelled so differently in this form. It listened to heartbeats, too. The movement was so forceful, and yet graceful. One leg touched the ground while the others followed.
Every part of me sprang into action to propel myself forward with the sound of the paws hitting the ground lapping it up in the distance. The breath as it rushed in filling m, expanding my body with its movements. I was in a chase. The world around me rushed by with careless thoughts. I have to get it. I have to make it mine. The heartbeat quickened. My chest bound toward the earth, and the earth answering with the sound of the quickening paws.
The little bunny was running as fast as it could. Each of my movements shortened the distance between us. The moss covered rocks made me uneasy with my running leaps at it. I could smell it more the closer we got. The fear poured off it with each desperate movement. Its ears held tightly against its body trying to make itself compact.
I could feel the pounding of its feet as it attempted to propel itself away from me. So close, I was so close to almost getting it. My breaths shortening as I was getting ready to make my move. My paws dug deeper into the ground trying to make it come closer to me. I wanted the bunny. I could feel its heartbeat as it pounded through its movements… close, almost there. I would have it any moment. One last push and it was under me. The fur pushing up against mine… it was my bunny now.
Waking from its memory, I turned to face it. The eyes a yellowed green looked into mine. It knew the end was here. The chase was over, but we both were still there seeing the last of the bunny’s life play out. It let go. I could feel the pulse of its neck in my mouth. One shake of it and it was over. It was all over. My body so warm from the chase, and yet even as it cooled in my mouth, it was still warmer.
A silence washed over us. His heartbeat was slowing. His world was fading. The bunny has the same look in its eyes. Being in his skin was like nothing I had ever felt. He had been there just in the shadows. He had hunted when I did. Now the universe serves him up on a
plate to me. Why? I released the venom into him. There was no reason he should feel the snap during the last moment before death claimed it. The world was silent for us now. I was now the wolf and he, my bunny. I left the wolf’s body lying there in the rain.
My body quickened with the warm blood. The wolf had shown me its truth. It had looked through me. The light faded from his eyes. One last run that is what he got, one last chase. I could do nothing for him. I let the shadows take hold of him. He had followed me. Predators watch predators. One of us would have been the others meal. His fur was soft and supple in my hand.
The warmth of his body fading like the life I took. I could feel him still inside me. The wolf’s heartbeat felt as if it were my own. Breathing in and out calmed me. I needed to be numb. I craved to not feel for anyone or anything. It was a good end for him. He affected me in a way I did not understand. I had been killing for months, why did he strike a chord with me? His cold darken eyes stared at me. A soul. I had taken more than his life. I took his soul. The metal behind me clanged reminding me I still had business to take care of.
Chapter 32
I grabbed Matt by the arms pulling back the metal from them loosening its grip. He was still too weak to stand. Stupid dog. I could not stop myself from kicking him. The ribs gave easily under my force. It sounded like the first bite from a dog on a new bone. It was the initial crack. Stop. I have to stop. I grabbed him by what little of his shirt remained.
He was not worth carrying. I dragged his body with me back to the ranch. I had plans to make, and I needed them all to understand I was going to kill, and I was going to make sure they lived through each moment. When they would pray for death being at their door, I would bring them back for more fun. The mud made it easy to drag him. The clothing ripped away slowly as his body caught on rocks. Where is a leash when you need one? I did not want to touch him more than I had to. I needed distance. I will not obey him. He will not be my master.
The roaring of the engine said someone was close. I made my movements toward them. They could take him back, and I could get a break. The engine hummed louder. He missed that gear. It had to be one of the hands. I listened for the heartbeat. I wanted to know who. Jake. He would take him back, no questions and no vomit. I grabbed Matt by the waist of his pants and lifted him up carrying him like a cheap handbag that broke at the wrong time.
Jake could see me, I assumed by the blood. My white skin covered in blackness with a touch of red all over. He grinded the Jeep to a halt. Jake looked at me in such a way that I knew he finally understood what was under my skin. He could see as the wolf had seen, the darkness below my skin.
I opened the door to the Jeep. The door squeaked open with a click at the end. It was old older than I was. I threw Matt’s body inside without care or consideration. Jake made no movements to help or question. His eyes were hooded by his lowered brow. The smell of his humanity and cigarettes made me hungry all over again. I was not in the mood to answer questions or make statements.
“Take him back to the house. Tell Ryan we had a little hunting accident. Make sure he is cleaned up and put in my room. I am not done with him yet.” My tone was cold. I could hear the darkness in my voice. I had to control what I was going to do. I knew it would have to be from instinct. I was going to have to learn to control myself and follow my new path, wherever that was going to lead.
“There are more,” Matt’s weak and simpering voiced called to me just before I closed the door. I ripped back open the door smacking him trying to wake him up.
“More? More of what?” I shook him again but to no avail. He was out, and nothing I could do would wake him. The rage returned with a force. I slammed the door shut almost breaking it off. More? More of what?
He was going to need time to heal before I questioned him again. I had plans to make. The blood still flowed through my veins. The memories and sensations from the wolf andMatt would not leave. I felt like I was drowning in their desires mixed with darkness and the little bit of humanity on top. Nothing was right. Nothing was making sense. I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I needed.
The desires still linger, though. It was the after images from what I had seen and felt that tore into me. It reminded me that I am the shadow, the afterthought. I am the dark spot that you see when you turn away from the sun. Hardly there like an unwanted ghost.
The sun had risen, but the clouds covered it with darkness blotting it out. I needed to be free of Matt for a while. I was addicted to him. My skin felt tight and thick. The blood covered it and soaked through my clothes. The sticky, heavy darkness of blood and flesh covered my body. I wanted to be rid of it. I did not, however, want to go back to the house.
Temptations once again could overtake me. Ryan? Matt? Me? What choice would I make? Humanity be dammed. I need to be free of this muck. The walk would do me good. It would give them time to clean him up and take in what I would do to them. It was going to be only a matter of time. The grass was soggy and made a sloshing sound with each movement of my feet. The half-wet mud still clung to my legs. Obedience still flowed in my veins. I felt like I should fall to my knees for him. Something in him made me bow to him. I have scores to settle and the truth to find. I was not going to go back to hell with unanswered questions. I pushed Matt out of my mind.
I had walked a little faster than a human would, but all the same, the house stuck out to me. That was not home. How could it be a home? The men quickly scattered when I drew close enough for them to see. They reminded me of rats running from a sinking ship. Ryan eased back into the house. I could smell Matt’s blood everywhere.
The smell both made me feel putrefied and hungry. I needed to focus on something else. Anything else, at this point, would do. I walked up onto the porch. The wood creaked as if to say, you again. I felt for the doorknob when Ryan opened it. The rush of his scent came at me hard. Breathing him in a rushed manner only made it worse. Damn the universe. In the future, when I meet another smell, it won't be his.
“Hunting accident? Really?” Ryan looked with a slight smirk on his face and his voice was half-cheerful. Did he think I would give up on getting over and rid of him?
“Yeah, it was. Now get out of my way, I need to get cleaned up.” I could not help but let a little smile cross my face. I had almost made it work. I could smell Matt wafting temptingly from my room. I could not go down there. I could not take him in anymore.
The blood on me screamed his name and called to the blood in my veins. I needed to get out of them. I needed to escape all of them. The one thing I had always done was to take a shower. It always washed away all thoughts and feelings. I could be numb in there. I could let go and let nothing but the rushing water flow over my body. I was never going to go back there, but there were no choices.
“I am going to take a shower in your bathroom. Clean up after the dog. It smells down there.” I knew he would not argue with me as I made it sound like he was more important than Matt. Truth was they were equal. Matt had started this and ended my belief in staying just human. Ryan had let them do this to me without telling me the truth. Truth was, had I known I would end up like this, I probably would have jumped in headfirst, no questions asked.
I guess you cannot take out an ad for people wanting to turn into possible vampires or werewolves. Hell, the ad would have read, “Suckers needed. Pays nothing but you can say we paid you. Side effects include pale almost translucent skin, black blood, and possible death. You might be prone to stay away from food, and will have a craving for blood. It is not recommended that you stay with family, as they will most likely become your next meal.”
“Pick me up some clean clothes when you are down there and set them outside.” I wanted to get it clear he was not going to join me. I could not let him.
I closed the door, but there was no lock. The tile felt harder on my skin, but it was probably just the mud between us. I had to peel them off the clothes caked in blood and mud. They did not want to let me go. They wanted to hold me host
age. I stepped into the shower. I had to pull the curtain a few times to make it close. Stupid thing… close.
I turned the knob on for the hot water. It spurted water a few times and then settled in. The water rushed against my skin pounding it down. The darkness flowed down the drain. If only it would be that easy to cast off the things that I have done. The more I gave into the shower, the less control I had over ignoring him. I could smell his scent on the bar of soap. I rush it against my body. I wanted to wallow in his scent. The energy of the room still hit me. This was a place where the living dwelled. He was here. The slick soap slipped from my hand going down to the tub.
I reached down holding the side of the tub to keep myself upright. His scent was so concentrated here. It drew me in deeper into the memories of his hand running over my wrist again. My body lying limp on top of him, slightly floating in the cooling warmth. The warmth of his body drawing me closer to him with each touch. Thump, thump. The water moved with the sound of his heartbeat calling me to him. The memories rushed back to me. The feeling of his hands as he brushed away the dirt that held me prisoner moved into me again.
My skin dripping with his scent called to me. It begged me to relent, to let him in. I could feel my skin move under the memory of his touch. His warm hand dragging across my skin saying let me in. His chin rested against my neck again. The door opened. Let me in was all I could think about. His body saying let me in. I could hear someone moving inside the room. The water and memories drowned out the sounds of them. A hand reached for mine through the shower curtain.
Chapter 33
Could they save me from myself? Could they let me go? Could they take my life? Locked in memories, I drew him in. I could not stop. I felt like I had a soul once more. His heartbeat was the tempo of this dance. The curtain slipped through my hands as I ripped and tore at it. The warmth of his skin called me. This time there was no drug paralyzing me. I was exposed.