by F. Bradshaw
Thump, thump… longer the pauses between beats came. I could feel the cold stillness washing over his body. I had to stop this. I had to save him. Instinct guided my wrist to my mouth. I bit in pouring venom into the wound. I would not let him go. He had to stay with me. I could not take his loss, too. No matter what he would become, he would be alive.
I wrapped my arm and wrist around his mouth forcing the blood and venom into him. His body did not protest. “Stay with me. I need you to stay.” I cried to him, trying to reach him in the darkening place. I still felt the coldness washing over him. I remembered that night, the coldness biting into me as Ash prattled on. My heart almost gone and dead. The light hitting my eyes.
“What is her name? Can you talk to me?” A voice I did not know called to me.
“My hand is broken, take care of me first. She has just lost a little blood.”
“Her name!”
“Emily,” Ash’s voice was snarky and pissy.
“Emily, I need you to wake up. You need to come back to me.” I felt the blades of grass washing over my feet as the wind whipped them about. The cool breeze licked at my body wrapping me in its embrace. The trees moved slowly, bowing and bending at its will. The world was right here. Everything was still there. This was the one place darkness had yet reached.
I felt the wind in my hand as I tried to grasp it. The smell of the water and roses danced at my nose calling me to it. The world was still, and yet full of life. Clouds moved silently along the sky with no rain from them. I wanted it to rain.
Everything always smelled so peaceful from the water that would cling to everything. It was the release I wanted. I wanted to be free, yet grounded here. My body so relaxed and at ease. I walked toward the water dragging my toes as I walked over the long grass. Peace was all I felt. The sense I had long forgotten and buried under the pain and hate of loss.
I could see the wild flowers entwined in the roses, the thick deep red in contrast to the cherry yellow and mellow purple. The smell of the flowers came to me in quick bursts with each blow of the wind. As I neared the water, I could feel the coolness of the ground. This was the right place to be.
This was the only place I had as a sanctuary from everything. I had not been there since I was a kid, but I always remembered it. Sharing it with him seemed right as this was all I had left of my soul. I contained only pieces of fragments. Maybe these fragments would make it easier. I had to remember how I lived so he would. I felt it then... the heartbeat stopped. He was still cooling. I waited for anything. The pain and shock brought me back just like it did that night.
Chapter 44
“Wake up!” Nothing came but quiet stillness. He was going to change any minute. I hoped he would hold onto the memory and not awake to what I had done with hate. Nothing stirred in him. His heart was lifeless and blood still in his veins.
“Move! Feel!” I shook him slightly in my arms. I could not stop the darkness from pooling in my eyes and finding its release. Silence had swept over him in a way I could not change. I pulled him close to me, trying to make him move. Maybe if I held onto him long enough he would move. He had to move. He could not leave me.
“Don’t leave me.” The stillness in Ryan swept through my soul. I could feel nothing from him. I knew then he was not going to wake. I had been stupid. He was not going to wake from this dream. He would lie still and lifeless. There would be no reanimation of him. This was the end of him. I had missed his last moment. I killed him. I was the monster of my fears.
I was the murder. I would give anything, take any Hell, to change places. Please let me take his place. Let me take on the death he faced. Nothing would answer me. How could it? I only had one thing left to end all of this. No one else should end up like me. A laugh escaped the almost forgotten Brennus. I held Ryan close to me one last time and then set him down.
The Monster is coming is all I thought as I laid Ryan to rest and stood away from him. I turned to Brennus.
I made movements unknown to me. Within a few heartbeats, I was next to Brennus. He took in a rush of air surprised by my movements. I caught hold of his throat. My fingers closed around his windpipe pulling the air from him. Blood rushed from his neck unable to stop. I must have hit a main vein. This was too easy. I let go of him moving my fingers out of his throat tearing more with the exit movements. He looked fanatically at the paralyzed body of the boy. He was not going to rise, and soon Brennus would join him.
Brennus grasped his throat as though he could stop the bleeding. The blood poured down his neck and over his chest renewing a path I knew too well. The smell of the blood pulled me in begging me to drink. To drink him, I would lose me. I knew that as look at Brennus, the eyes a hollow blue, as I could see it now. I pushed him to the floor. It took no strength.
I tore at his leg ripping it open again. The flesh already in tatters became shredded, each cut from my fingers going deeper and deeper. I was almost at the bone again. The smell intoxicating from his blood, but I would not be drawn in. I needed to make him pay. I needed him to feel every movement and pain I would feel forever. I rushed my fingers up under his skin feeling up the bone, tearing away the flesh with each movement. If he called out in pain, I did not hear it. The look in his eyes was finally what it should have always been.
He could see the black space that now occupied the place I once had a soul. The numbness in my body seemed to fill every piece of me. I ripped his flesh up to his knees. He would not be kneeling to pray ever again. I tore the muscles away. They felt like Swiss steak. I ripped my hand from his legs and tore into his thighs. I needed to tear everything apart. I wanted nothing left but remains of something unrecognizable. Nothing but blood pools and mounds of torn flesh would be left.
I ripped open each thigh like tearing open an unwilling zipper. I tore a piece up toward his body. My hands rushed in ripping it open following the piece I had already ripped away. The flesh and muscles gave way under my force. The bone felt so smooth and thick. It was surprising that it broke so easily under so little force.
The other leg held no challenge and gave up its treat just as easy. It was like pulling out a jack from a jack in the box. The flesh still trying to hold on like the spring but enough pulling and it popped right out. I took one of the pieces of the broken bone and dragged it up his pelvis toward his waist. I looked at his face. The rage renewed itself in me as I shoved the bone in. Blood pooled and covered the floor. There soon would be no life left in him. The ticking of his heart told me this. What to do?
I tore open the remnants of his shirt. I knew his body too well. Memories tried to invade me, to take hold and change me back. There was no going back. I felt along his rib cage. So easy to get to the bones, was all I could think of. I pulled the bone from his stomach and scrapped it across his rib cage tearing open the flesh. It was less satisfying than using my hands, but it made the work quicker. I outlined all of his bones. I stabbed him again with the bone.
I moved my fingers over the bones. They were so smooth and stained red from his blood. I could not wait any longer. I wanted to rip out his heart as he did mine. I smashed my hand through to his heart. I grabbed hold of it, squeezing the last of its life from it. His face quickened, and then it was over. He was so cold. The blood covered me in its temptation. I ripped the heart from his chest and threw it to the ground. Without thought, I smashed it into the ground.
“Who is the heartless one now?” The corpse was un-answering. The smell struck me then. It was here. There was more to destroy. It was next. I shook the remnants from my foot of the demolished heart. It would not get away this time. Nothing would. I marched forward toward its beating heart. Doors tried to hold me in. The heaviness of them slowed my progression to the end of it.
Brennus would be nothing in comparison to what I would be doing to it. I smashed all my weight against each door breaking them open. The heartbeat ticking away, its last moments are all I could hear and focus on. Blood dripped from me, covering every movement and every s
tep. The darkness welled up in me begging me to release it. It wanted to be free, no control. It did not matter anymore. I had already killed the most important thing.
My humanity died with Ryan. He was as cold as I was. There was nothing left. I stopped trying to feel, to take control. This was something both of us wanted. The end is what we needed. I let go. I could feel the darkness as it flooded my body with ice. I licked the inside of my mouth. I needed more blood. My hands drying from the flesh and blood needed to be warmed and washed again. I needed to bathe in its blood.
The last door came quicker than I thought. My hands on the door, I could feel the heartbeat pulsing on the other side. The smell of peroxide took hold of me. I had found her. I stormed into the room throwing open the doors. Heart. There she was… the thing that had done this to me. The thing that had chosen me long before I even agreed to this or even thought about it.
Chapter 45
“I found you, Bitch, now what? I am all done with caring about who lives or who dies.” My voice colder than anything I had heard. I really was the monster under the bed, and I was going to get her. The woman made slight movements that most would not have caught. “You have nowhere to go.” My body tensed to a position that I could take her any moment.
She smiled coyly with half of her mouth moving up. Her eyes transfixed on me. One movement and she would be dead… they both would. She playfully tapped her fingers on Heart’s shoulder daring me to make a move.
“I am hungry, and you won’t deny me a meal, would you? You do, after all, plan on killing me, so at least give me one last one.” Her tone was playful and unexpected. She was not playing, and I knew that.
“Find a meal in Hell.” I could see the anger in her rise.
We stood waiting for the other to make a move. She drew back her mouth showing her fangs. Did she think they would scare me? I drew my lips back slowly into a smile. The blood was still dripping from me. I could feel remnants of Brennus’ flesh encasing my fingers. No breath or heartbeats other than the ones Heart took in. She had tried to make herself small and not seen.
We, I imagine, looked like two lions ready to pounce on the little zebra and watch the blood drain over the white flesh. My vision narrowed to only seeing the stillness in the red headed woman and the heartbeats from Heart. Nothing else in the room could draw me in. She was a Ginger to me.
“Why do you want her alive so bad? She is hardly a meal.” Ginger had a sickly sweet voice. She sounded like someone trying to bargain. There would be no bargaining. Heart would be mine, or I would kill Ginger for the theft.
“If she is hardly a meal, then step aside and let me have her. She started this, and this will be where it ends.” I drew my hands closed and tensed my body ready to strike at Ginger.
“If that is why, then come and get her.” Ginger’s eyes were steady and a coldness that I would soon match. I moved toward her, and she gripped Heart tighter. This would not be easy as I would have to tear through Heart to get to Ginger. Why did she care what I would get from her? Why did she care about the life so much?
I pushed the questions to the back of my mind. This was not a time to analyze this moment. Ginger’s smile faded from her face as she starred into my eyes. There was nothing left there, and she now knew it. My mouth bloody and still full of blood and bits of flesh smiled back at her. Nothing would be the same for her. Now neither of them could survive.
I moved closer, carefully shifting my weight, making sure if she rushed me, I could hold her back. She held her ground not moving against me. I moved with each heartbeat keeping the tempo of my steps. Closer and closer, I came to them. Soon I would have them both. Thump the heart beat loudly. The smell of her blood drew me in. I became close enough to smell the blood just beneath the surface hidden by the flesh.
I could almost feel my hands wrapping around her flesh ripping it apart. I was close enough to feel the warmth of Heart’s skin lick against me. I met it only with unfeeling cold. Ginger had nowhere to go. There would be nothing left of them. I let the thoughts of tearing them apart flood me. I moved my hand up against Heart’s body to meet Ginger’s clutching hand. She dug in deeper releasing blood. Heart caught between us was unwilling to move. She was a deer in the middle of two hungry, ravenous animals. Who would rip her apart first?
I grabbed hold of Ginger’s hand and dug it in deeper. She was not expecting me to push her hand in deeper. I took advantage of the surprise she had and whipped my hand up to Ginger’s throat. She had no time to react. She gripped my arm trying to break my hold by breaking it. It would not matter anymore. I felt my body moving closer to Ginger. I soon would bite and tear her apart. Heart squeaked out a quick noise in pain. Ginger had a choice to try to break me or let go of Heart.
“I can kill you at any moment. I am willing to let you go… just leave her to me.” Her voice broke in between my tightening grips. I replied nothing to her. There would be no reply. The tearing flesh would be my only answer. The shadows that took root in me seemed to ooze out of me. I could feel her body tense as though she was going to spring into action at any moment. She needed to be free, but she had to make a choice. Save herself or kill Heart. The choice was easy for her as she could feel my hands close in almost ready to rip out her throat. She released her grip on Heart, and I loosened mine.
She moved slowly, assessing the situation. When she was no longer near my prey, I released her, throwing her to the ground. Her body squeaked against the floor wiping up the blood with her body. Heart moved closer to the wall. She knew what was coming. The end for her would not be quick and smooth, not if I had my way. I smashed my hands against the wall enclosing her in.
“It is bigger than me.” She squeaked out in fear. I felt blackness sweeping over my body. I tried to hold on against its effects, but it was useless.
Chapter 46
Moving again, I could smell the flames covering everything. Heart was almost dead. My head splitting, I opened my eyes. Time had passed. Her body was torn and almost empty of blood. The truth is all I wanted now. I pulled her cooling body to me. She had a motionless expression. I bit into her, sucking out the last of her blood.
I knew it then.
I could see it… the last image that completed the picture from Ryan.
Heart glanced back as she entered the room to give me the injection.
Ginger standing there was moving her hands against Ryan. Her peroxide soaked hair filling Heart again with the sickening smell. She had set this up. The memory darkened, and Heart was over. I let her go. I had failed to make the evil stop. I needed to get out. I picked myself up. My body trying to cooperate, but unwilling to move quickly, black smoke filled everything.
The smells of it toxic like Ginger. I could see the exit door. I threw my weight against it, but it was unmoving. I tried to tear into it, but it was unwilling to let me in. The flames licked at me telling me there was no time. I had a choice. Stay here or find one last moment of peace. I moved away from the door and back toward Ryan. We would burn together. He would be the last thing I touched and breathed in. I was the last thing for him. I dragged my body back through the burning building. I could feel his warmth and smoothness of his skin.
I sat down next to his body. It was cold and yet the memory of him drew in the warmth. He looked peaceful as though he were only sleeping. I picked him up in my arms holding him from the flames. The flames growing closer were as rain drops. Amber red raindrops fell and burned into me, spreading across me to cover me. I wiped the blood from his face trying to make it clean it only replaced it with more blood. Red smears covered his face. The smoothness of it struck me. His skin started feeling waxy as the heat from the flames licked away the water from his body. I could feel the pain as a piece of the ceiling covered in flames hit me. The flames covered everything and enclosed me in its heat. I could not be cold against this.
“You will not be alone.” I choked out to him.
Moments were fleeting and time seemed to disappear. My skin burned and
cracked open from the heat. The flames were tearing me apart, destroying me. The burning skin was turning to ash leaving me filled with pain. The smell stung me. My hair and clothing burning to ash. Nothing would be left of us. No one would know the truth. Ginger was free to destroy anything in her path. I should have been stronger. I should have killed her. I was useless. Some dark creature I was.
I buried my face in Ryan as the flames covered us both. I took in the last breaths of him I could. The world faded away. I could feel his arms around me pulling me away. I did not fight this. Ryan scooped me up in his arms. How could I get this? How could we be together? I had done the worst thing. I had killed him. I took his life. There was nothing worse than being a killer.
His face covered in darkness, I let go. I wanted to forget the life I had made. I wanted to forget the darkness. Maybe here I could just go back to being the girl with no sadness, the one that would walk to the pond, letting the smell of wet earth and roses swell, forgetting time and place. I would be the one to lie under the stars and forget that any part of this world existed outside of my view. His arms held me close as we moved away from the flames.
He was my dark angel carrying me away taking me somewhere new. Some place where our sins did not matter anymore. The glass breaking and the building crumbling under the flames filled the world with sound. We were free. I could feel it then—my skin broken, full of cracks and heat. I was not dead. I moved my hand, and I could feel my skin as ash slid off.
Chapter 47
“Careful, now you need to feed before you will heal properly.” His voice not known to me I rushed my eyes open. It was not Ryan. The other like me stared back into my eyes. His eyes were no longer the fire green from the blood. I could hear nothing but birds and animals faintly in the distance.
“Not sure about you, but I don’t think we could really get any humans right now. What you did to me weakened me, and having a burned looking corpse come at you will make anyone run. Just stay here a minute, and I will get you something.”