by Shea Lynn
It was a conciliatory white flag.
That white flag would also come with a cash settlement of one-million dollars from the hospital. As he lathered his second bagel in Osetra and cream cheese, Jennings agreed to bank roll the settlement himself.
That million dollars was a small sum compared to the Swift’s annual donation to St. Paul’s. The cash was simply a handshake, an exchange of money between families that had more than enough green backs, but a necessary gesture to seal the deal and end the threat of a Swift family lawsuit.
When our meeting adjourned, I damn near sprinted to my office down the hall. I knew Dayna was on her way and I wanted to be early and surprise her. As I moved down the long, tiled hallway, I looked around and realized that nearly everyone had gone to lunch. I saw that even my boy, Paul, was gone for his afternoon meal.
I was a little disappointed.
Paul had done a great job on very short notice and I had wanted to thank him in person.
“Oh well,” I murmured to myself, turning the knob of my office.
The smell of D’amande hit me almost immediately. I looked over to my desk and saw Gwen Pierce sitting there, her legs resting on the guest chair. I swallowed thickly. That scent, a mix of honey and almonds, was instantly arousing.
Closing the door behind me, I never took my eyes away from her sexy, smoky orbs. They were already hooded with desire.
My gaze traveled from her eyes down to her heaving breasts and sexy legs. She was wearing a spring-time dress. It was simple: a long garment of pink cotton, made in the style of a polo shirt. There was a zipper in the front and though I was certain she hadn’t left home with the zipper damn near to her belly button, that’s where it was now. Her breasts, heaving, begging for release from the soft, pink fabric.
The dress was now sitting slightly above her knees and her shiny, sliced-almond colored legs were clasped at the knee.
“What…what are you doing here?” I asked, eyeing her nervously.
She smiled at me. “Look at me. I think you know what I’m doing in here.”
I stared her, possibilities flying around in my thoughts.
Gwen chuckled. “You can close your mouth. A fly might fly in.”
“I just…I don’t know what’s going on here. How’d you get in?”
She shrugged. “Door was unlocked.”
I huffed. “You can’t be in here right now. I have plans with my wife.”
Gwen leaned back and her legs opened a little more. “You weren’t thinking about your wife yesterday. You know you want this. I’m all ready for you.”
My eyes closed and I pinched the bridge of my nose.
She’d called me out. I’d stopped in on her floor the day before to speak with a department head. I never did find Dr. Shah, but I did run into Gwen. We’d stood in the hallway for a minute, talking and flirting. Before that, I hadn’t seen her in months.
The flirting had been innocent on my part. It didn’t mean I had any intention of breaking my marriage vows.
I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs her sexy scent had spun in my mind. My mouth watered. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew I wanted her. I’d never had the chance to seal the deal the last time she was in my office. Things with Dayna had spun out of control and for some reason I never found my way back to Gwen. She got busy and I got busy and then I put on my marriage blinders and didn’t even think about getting with any other female except Dayna.
But now, the scent of honey and almonds was clouding my senses. This sexy female with her titties falling out her dress was sitting on my desk.
It was like putting a whole bowl of coke in front of a cocaine addict.
I grabbed my tie, nervously pulling at the knot at my neck. I tried to swallow, but it seemed like something was blocking my throat. A flush washed over me, I could feel beads of sweat breaking out of my forehead and for some reason, I licked my lips, my eyes glued to her breasts.
“You can’t….you can’t be in here,” I finally managed to say, my throat dry, my voice croaky.
Gwen batted her lashes at me, “Why not? You know you want this. I even took the time to take my panties off for you.”
My shit got hard then. “What?”
She nodded at the silken, pink thong laid out perfectly to her left. Then she pulled her dress up slightly and opened her legs.
Gwen pulled a condom from her cleavage and waved it at me. “I even came prepared.”
That’s when time stood still.
This was my chance to do the right thing.
Take the right path at the fork in the sexy road.
She was giving it to me on a silver platter.
Body tight and right.
Legs open.
Panties off.
Titties sitting up nice and firm.
And now my shit was as hard as a brick.
The lights seemed to fade to black and in that frozen moment of time, it felt like God was shining a spot light on me.
My mind flashed back to the agony of my separation. The pain of having to pack up my shit and leave my wife and child. To be put out of my own damn house and to have my wife treat me like a stranger. We were just back to being good. Just back to her looking at me like a lover and not a friend. I needed that look from her. I needed her.
I saw her smile and heard her laugh. The look in her eye when the contractions started and the smile on her face when she held our baby girl for the first time.
The look in her eyes when she saw me with Gwen.
The look in her eyes when we made love for the first time following our separation.
The images of Dayna faded to black and the lights came up on the smoldering, sliced-almond colored beauty on my desk. I glanced over at the satiny, pink panties and the legs now opened for me.
Gwen was temporary. The fix she could give me would only last a short time and then I’d pay the long-term price of stepping outside of my marriage.
This woman wasn’t worth it.
Suddenly, the world came back into focus and I could see Gwen’s sweet, sexy smile begin to falter. A moment ago she was powerful and alluring and now…now with my new focus, she seemed weak and sad. Pathetic even.
My manhood began to calm down and the sensibility returned to my head. I turned my back to her and opened the door. A wave of fresh air washed over me and I smiled at the smell and feel of being cleansed.
I heard her scramble then, nearly falling off the desk as she hurried to close her legs.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
I turned back around, a victorious smile on my face. “Getting some air. I think you should leave. I’m a married man.”
Gwen sneered at me, her eyes turning angry. “You were married the last time you rubbed your dick against me.”
I shuddered at the memory and said, “You’re right. But that was the first and the last time for us to be anything other than professionals. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
She frowned then and asked me, “Are you serious?”
I swallowed. This time, with much less effort. My eyes met hers and I summoned every ounce of conviction I had to make sure she understood that I was not joking. “Yes.”
Gwen stuck out an angry hand and grabbed the silky, pink panties. “Now you’re a saint? Last time you were all up on me.”
I shook my head as she hopped down and slid her panties on. “I’m not the same man I used to be.”
“Whatever,” she hissed.
Gwen pulled up her zipper, tying down her big breasts, and shook her long, wavy mane of nearly jet-black hair. She pushed by me to get to the door.
As she left, I said “Wait.”
She eyed me again, her smoky grays instantly hooded and alluring. “Yes? Change your mind.”
I shook my head and watched her eyes become cloudy. “No.”
Gwen’s mouth became a tiny circle, her brow furrowed and angry. “Then what?”
I didn’t know what to say, but I didn
’t want her to feel bad. For some reason, her sadness made me feel like a traitor. Like I was making myself out to be better than I was.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
She looked away and I could see the anger melting into a gentle flirtation. Her smoky grays met my eyes and she batted her lashes at me. “Don’t be. Bad timing.”
I nodded. “Things change.”
She glanced down at my crotch. “I guess they do.”
“No hard feelings?”
She slid her fingers around my neck tie, playing with the silky fabric. “No hard feelings. And this…will just be between you and me.”
I nodded again. “Cool.”
Gwen placed her hand against my chest. “But your heart is still beating pretty fast. You still feelin’ me. When you’re ready, just give me a call.”
I shook my head. “Whatever, girl.”
She eyed me then, her tone both sexy and serious. “I know you. I know your type. You got a conscience today, but you didn’t always. And it may go away tomorrow. You were feelin’ me. Still are. Just a matter of time. And when it’s time, I’ll be ready for you.”
The guilt on my soul was heavy then. Because the words she’s spoken were manifestations of my own fears. Fear that I would one day fail yet again. That one day, I’d let Dayna down. That I’d hurt her again.
The one thing I knew, was that today wasn’t going to be the day. Today, I’d refused temptation and shown myself to be an honorable man. And as I smiled, prepared to stand on my soap box and let Miss Gwen know just how wrong she was, I heard Dayna behind us.
My heart fell when I saw the look in her eye. She was hurt. Even though I hadn’t fucked around, I had still failed. Still failed. Tears came to my eyes and I finally understood the meaning of becoming one with your spouse.
Her pain was my pain.
I didn’t want her to hurt.
I didn’t want her to doubt.
This wasn’t a repeat of before. This time I had spurned temptation. I had done good.
But she didn’t know that. I raced after my wife, wanting to explain. Wanting her to understand that it wasn’t what it looked like. I hadn’t been sleeping with Gwen. I was just caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I didn’t see anyone else or hear anyone else.
Dayna needed to understand what happened. She needed to know I hadn’t stepped out on her. She needed to hear it. And so I kept repeating it. In varying styles and tones of voice.
With and without hand gestures.
With and without tears.
I didn’t even remember chasing her out into the parking lot, but that’s where I was standing when the haze of the past few moments began to wear off and I realized where I was and just what had happened.
I wiped my face and reasoned that she was going to head home. I was in mid-stride, race-walking to my car to meet her there when I realized my keys were still in my office.
“Shit,” I whispered.
When I did make it home, thirty minutes later, she was pacing in our living room. Still in her heels.
“Dayna!” I called, as though she weren’t right in front of me.
My wife slowed her steps until she was standing still instead of pacing.
She looked at me strangely, her eyes swollen and red. Her hair, pretty dark brown with honey highlights, was slightly tousled with a few errant strands flying in the air around her head. Her jaw was set and tight and if looks could kill, I would have been dead where I stood. Her swollen red eyes were narrowed and focused in on me, as if she were honing in on a target.
This Dayna didn’t look like my wife.
This Dayna was tired and sad and angry and my heart hurt to know I was the one that had caused her this pain.
We stood there for a moment, a dead silence hanging in the air between us. This was my chance and I didn’t want to screw it up. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing but I knew I had to say the right thing.
“It wasn’t what you think,” I finally whispered. “I didn’t sleep with her. When I came back from my meeting, she was there. Waiting for me. But I didn’t fuck her.”
Dayna folded her arms across her red shirt, her eyes heavy and sad. “How do I know? How do I know you’re not lying to me?”
I threw up my hands, frustrated at the defeat by my own history of deceit. “You’re right. You don’t know. If you want, you can smell me. You…you can…you can smell and then you’ll know - - -,” I began.
Again, she eyed me strangely. When she spoke, her words were halting, nearly staccato. “What do you think? That I want to stand here and smell your dick?”
“I- - -I don’t know. I just want you to know that I’m not out fucking around.”
A tear slid from her swollen eyes and she wiped it away. “I shouldn’t have to smell your dick to know you’re not cheating. I shouldn’t be afraid to come around corners because I’m afraid of what I might see. I can’t live the rest of my life waiting for you to fuck up.”
That was the fourth time she’d said “fuck” in seven years. And she’d used it twice in the last hour. This wasn’t a good sign.
I rushed to reassure her, my heart pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears. The tiny beads of sweat had returned to my forehead and my fingers were tingling as I gestured.
“You don’t need to worry. I will never cheat on you again. I promise you that.”
Her voice grew louder. “Maybe it’s too late for your promises.”
My eyes teared then. Felt like I’d been sucker punched. I stepped back and had to sit on the arm of our couch for support. “What do you mean…too late? Can’t be too late, Dane.” I nearly whispered.
My wife eased the tone of her voice and stepped closer to me. “Maybe it is.”
I shook my head, tears falling from my eyes. I rested my hands on my knees and shook my head, she was blurry behind the water. “But I didn’t even…I didn’t even do it. I didn’t even do it. She threw it at me and I fuckin’ walked away. And you’re telling me it’s too late. Can’t be too late, Dane.”
Dayna shrugged, her arms still folded. “Maybe it is.”
I wiped at my tears. “No.”
She sighed, her voice shaky with emotion. “Yes.”
I stood up and started to pace, the tails of my open suit coat flowing as I moved. “No. We can just keep going to counseling. I’m changed, Dayna. I’m not the same. Just give me a fucking chance, okay?”
My wife’s weary eyes regarding me with mild pity. “I’ve given you chances. I’ve given you plenty of chances. But I just…I can’t live my life giving you a chance. I can’t live just thinking about you. I have to live for me. I have to make this decision about me.”
“Dayna, what about us? What about the vows we took? What about our marriage? Our life? Our Nina? What about all of that?” I asked, still pacing.
She didn’t answer but continued to watch me. The pity in her gaze growing.
“I’m committed to sticking it out. I’m committed to being a better man. I’m committed to living the rest of my life with you and I just need you to work with me, here. Just give me a chance.”
She said something I never thought she would say.
Dayna smiled sadly and said, “You know what, Cam? I actually…I actually believe you.”
I stopped pacing then. Turned to face her and placed my hands on the arms of her red shirt. “You believe me?” I asked.
The tension fell from around my shoulders and my eyes grew wide, a smile eased across my face.
“I do,” she whispered.
This was it!
This was the chance I needed. Now I had the chance to prove to her that I really was a different person. That I’d learned my lesson. I wasn’t a cheater. I was a faithful man and I would be a faithful man for the rest of my life.
A bubbling enthusiasm started at my smile and sent good vibrations all the way down to my belly. A newness washed over me and that enthusiasm coated my words.
“Tr
ust me, baby. Just trust me. You never have to - - -,” I began.
“But it’s not enough to make me want to stay married to you,” she whispered, her red eyes on mine.
I stepped back then, my head reeling from the shock of her words. That bubbling enthusiasm I’d just felt began to slip away; replaced by a gnawing tension that danced on my chest.
I blinked. And then I blinked and then I blinked again.
“What?” I asked.
Dayna’s red eyes never left my gaze and where I expected to see doubt in her, I saw strength. “I believe you, but it’s just not enough.”
“What? What’s not enough?”
She shook her head, her hair swaying as she moved. “I can’t trust you, Cam.”
“What are you saying? I just proved to you that you can trust me.”
“No. You just proved why we don’t work. Because I’m always going to have this doubt. I’m always going to be worried that you’re out sleeping around. I’ll never get over that. And I don’t think it’s anything you can fix. No amount of flowers or gifts is going to change the fact that you lost my trust. It’s not something I can just give to you. I don’t know how to give it to you.”
Her words were true. They were also my greatest fear. The weight of that truth was heavy on my shoulders and they slumped down, dragging my head along with them.
I could hear emotion in her voice as she spoke again. “Cameron, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending that everything’s okay when I know that it isn’t.”
My head was still down, tears dripping down my face. “We’re not okay?” I asked.
“No. We’re not. And I don’t want to waste the rest of my life waiting for you to mess up. I can’t live like this.”
I still couldn’t look at her, couldn’t look up at all.
“So, what…are you ready for a divorce? Is that what you’re saying?” I asked.
She sighed and said, “I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready for a divorce. I just…I just need some room to breathe. I want you to move back out.”
“Move back out.” I repeated. There was no emotion or depth to my voice.
“I need some space, Cam.”
“I just came back home.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. Maybe we moved too quickly.”