by J. L. Wilder
She couldn’t see Shane anymore.
And Ryker was at her side, human again, screaming, “Go! Go! Get out of here, now!”
Haley waited to make sure that Danny was heeding his father’s instructions, and then she shifted and followed both of them out of the house at a run.
She missed the relative protection that her dragon form offered almost immediately. But she couldn’t rely on that now. It was better to be human, better to be difficult to track. She knew they would be coming after her.
She grabbed Danny’s hand as soon as he’d shifted back and ran along behind Ryker, not sure where they were going or what lay ahead now, knowing only that she trusted him. In spite of how wrong things had gone in there, she still trusted him with her whole heart.
He’s my mate.
He’s my alpha.
He may not have resumed the alpha role in the clan today. But he would always be her alpha. And she knew at that moment that she would follow him anywhere.
Chapter Forty-Two
HALEY
“We’ll stay here tonight,” Ryker said.
Haley looked at the dilapidated motel in front of them. It was all right with her—it was downright luxurious compared to her accommodations in Shifter Town. But she was a little surprised that Ryker, who was used to nicer living than this, would choose such a place.
He noticed her staring. “We can’t go back to Valerie’s place,” he said. “We’d only be putting her in danger.”
“I know,” Haley agreed. She hadn’t even considered going there. “I’m just surprised that you’re choosing this place.”
“We need to be somewhere they won’t think to look for us,” Ryker said quietly. “I think this is probably the last place anyone would expect me to go. The fact that you’re surprised is a good thing.”
“Are they going to be looking for us?” Danny asked anxiously.
He was dressed, as was Haley, in an oversized t-shirt of Ryker’s—they had run back to Ryker’s house on their way out of town to grab a few things and shove them in a backpack. Now Haley was wearing the backpack, and Danny was riding piggyback on Ryker’s back.
Ryker let him down onto the ground and knelt before him. “I want to be honest with you, Danny,” he said. “You’re a tough guy. You can handle it. Right?”
Danny nodded. He looked scared, but Ryker could see the trust in his eyes as well.
“They probably will come looking for us,” he said. “So the best thing we can do right now is to stay calm and quiet and think about everything we’re doing so we don’t make any mistakes. Okay?”
Danny nodded. “I can do that,” he said seriously. “Mom always told me to be calm and quiet when we lived in Shifter Town.”
“That was good advice,” Ryker said, looking up at Haley.
“We were the only dragons around,” she said. “Shifting wasn’t a good idea for us. We had to keep a low profile.”
“That makes sense,” Ryker said. He got to his feet and put an arm around her. “But we’re all right now.”
“How are we all right?” she asked. “The clan attacked us, Ryker.”
“We don’t have to think about the clan right now,” Ryker said. “We don’t have to go back there. The important thing is that we’re all together, and we’re all safe. Nobody was hurt.”
They made their way into the motel’s office. Haley and Danny hung back, pretending to examine some brochures for local tourist attractions, while Ryker secured them a room for the next couple of days. Haley couldn’t help noticing the way the hotel manager stared at the two of them. She was sure they must look appalling, standing there in their oversized shirts. But he rented the room to them nonetheless.
They went back outside and made their way along the length of the building. Their room was all the way at the end, and it was a little larger than its neighbor, Haley could tell from the outside. They went in and Ryker bolted the door and drew the blinds behind them.
“All right,” he said quietly. “Let’s get some rest. You two can take the bed, okay? I’ll crash on the floor.”
Haley nodded. “Thanks.”
“I think I’ll take a shower,” he said. “You’ll be all right?”
“We’re okay,” Haley said.
She wanted to cross the room and lose herself in an embrace. She wanted to forget the pain and terror of tonight. But she didn’t want to confuse Danny, and she had no idea what he would make of it if he saw her behaving romantically with Ryker.
Ryker disappeared into the bathroom. Danny climbed under the bedcovers.
“I’m not tired,” he complained.
“Try to sleep anyway,” Haley said, bending over and kissing him lightly on the forehead. “We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, and you want to be prepared for anything.”
“We’re not going to live with the other dragons, are we?” Danny asked, his voice tinged with sadness.
“Not right now,” Haley said gently. “There are some things that need to be worked out before we can do that. But we’ll find a way, Danny. We belong with our clan. And Ryker—your dad—he’s meant to lead them. I don’t know what’s going to happen just yet, but whatever it is, we’ll find a way to rejoin our people. We’ll get back with our clan.”
Danny nodded and closed his eyes.
Haley smoothed his hair back from his forehead, glad that he had accepted her confidence with no further questions. Soon enough, he would outgrow the ability to just believe that his parents knew what they were doing. But she would enjoy that quality for as long as he possessed it.
The shower turned off, and she went to the bathroom. Ryker was standing in front of the mirror with a towel around his waist, his hands on the sink. He looked as if he was holding himself up.
“Ryker,” she said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. She could practically feel the waves of guilt and shame pouring off of him.
“I’m so sorry,” he breathed. “You were right. You didn’t want to bring him there, and you were right. When I think about what could have happened—”
“Don’t,” she said. “We decided together. We made that choice together. It’s nobody’s fault.”
“He could have been killed.”
“I know.”
“Or they could have taken him from us—”
“But none of that happened, Ryker,” she said. “You saved him. You fought them off, breathing fire like that. He’s here with us tonight because of what you did. So don’t run yourself down like that. I owe you everything.”
Chapter Forty-Three
HALEY
Haley sat tucked into the little motel room table beside the window, watching her son as he slept. He seemed utterly relaxed, and she hoped it was true, but she was prepared for anything. At any moment, he might wake up from a nightmare.
He must be traumatized by what happened today.
Maybe he didn’t understand the seriousness of it. Maybe he didn’t realize that they had all nearly been killed.
Well, Haley wasn’t going to be the one to point it out. If he had somehow escaped their ordeal without any mental or emotional scarring, so much the better.
She herself didn’t think sleep would be possible tonight. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw images that made her shudder—Shane, stalking toward her, or a room full of bright flames.
The motel room door opened, and she startled, even though she knew it could only be Ryker. Sure enough, he was returning from the vending machines with his arms full of sodas and a variety of potato chips and cookies. Haley got to her feet and hurried over to help him unload his haul onto the table.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “There’s a diner near here, but they don’t open until six in the morning. We can go get a real meal then. But I thought, in case you were hungry now—”
“No, this is perfect,” Haley assured him. She reached for a packet of chocolate chip cookies and tore it open. “I don’t feel much like sitting in a restaurant right now, to tell you the
truth.”
He nodded. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re probably going to crash soon. You’ve got to be running on pure adrenaline.”
“Are you going to crash soon?”
“I’m staying up all night. Someone has to stand guard.”
“I’m staying up with you, then,” she said.
He shook his head. “You don’t need to do that.”
“I’m not going to let you sit up alone, Ryker,” she said.
“Well, at some point, one of us is going to have to sleep.”
“Okay. You sleep, and I’ll stand guard.”
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
“No?” She raised her eyebrows.
“You know I’m not going to agree to that,” he said.
“I know,” she said. “You’ll never agree to it, will you? But at some point, you’re going to have to sleep.”
“Haley—”
“We’re safe here. Let’s get some rest.”
Ryker shook his head and cracked open a can of soda. “Not yet,” he said. “I want to stay up a while. I’m honestly not tired, Haley.”
She broke her cookie in half, and then into quarters. “I know what’s happening,” she said, nibbling at the edge of one of the pieces. “You’re still upset about what happened at the council building today.”
He stared at the can in front of him. “How could I not be upset about that?”
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” she urged.
“I’ve been back in our son’s life for a week, and I already almost got him killed,” Ryker said. “You were right to keep him from me all these years. I should just let the two of you go. You were doing better without me.”
“Ryker, for God’s sake,” Haley said. “You saved his life. You saved both of our lives. You saved us from the grizzlies, and then today you saved us from the clan.”
“You wouldn’t have needed saving from the clan if I hadn’t told all those lies about you in the first place,” Ryker said. “I’m the one who made them all think that you tricked me into being your mate. I’m the one who put together the plan to fake a pregnancy in order to overthrow Shane and decided to trust Barty with it. It’s my fault.”
“I don’t blame you for what happened,” Haley said. “You couldn’t have known it would go down the way it did. And I know you, Ryker. You were trying to do what was best for your clan. You were trying to remove someone dangerous from power. I’m just sorry that it didn’t work out. I know how worried you must be about everyone who’s still there.”
Ryker nodded, but he didn’t say anything.
“There’s something I need to know,” Haley said quietly.
He looked up at her.
“I thought that we had a good marriage.” She fought to keep her voice steady. She wanted this to be a calm conversation, not one where she betrayed a lot of emotion. “I thought we were happy together. And then...after I was exiled, I told myself that I must have been wrong and that you had never cared about me. I told myself that I had misunderstood the kind of man you were. I’ve spent the last ten years persuading myself that you were a jerk who never deserved my love.”
Ryker closed his eyes.
“It’s not true,” Haley said. “It’s not true at all. Now that you’re around again, I see that. Every day I spend with you makes it more obvious that I was wrong to think those things.”
“I don’t know how you can say that,” Ryker said. “Tonight of all nights. I almost got our son killed.”
“You have to stop blaming yourself,” she said. “What happened wasn’t your fault. Shane is the one to blame. Not you. You’re the person who wants to protect everyone from the harm he causes.”
Ryker nodded.
“But I have to know,” she went on. “I thought our marriage was good, so why did it end? Why did you throw me away like you did? I understand that you wanted a child, and you were afraid that I would never be able to give you that. But there must have been something we could do—some way we could have worked through the problem. I would have listened to you, Ryker. You were my mate. You didn’t have to push me away like that. So I have to know—why did you?”
Chapter Forty-Four
HALEY
“I never thought I’d feel like I could talk to you about this,” Ryker said. His voice was low.
“You can,” Haley assured him. “You can talk to me about anything, Ryker.”
“Maybe you’re right,” he said with a sigh. “I’d like to think that. You are my mate, after all.” He shook his head. “We did have a good marriage. But it was never the kind of relationship where we told one another everything, was it?”
She sighed. “No,” she admitted. “That’s not how it was with us.”
“Maybe that's why it was easy for me to convince myself that you were lying to me,” he said. “Or maybe it was just that I wanted so badly to believe it.”
“You wanted to believe that I’d hoodwinked you into thinking that we were mates?”
“It was stupid,” he said. “I know how stupid it was. It doesn’t even make sense when I look at you now. The connection between us is so powerful that I almost feel like I can reach out and touch it. I can practically see it in the air. I’m sure it’s the same for you.”
She nodded. “It is,” she said. “I’ve never experienced anything so powerful—except my love for Danny, of course.”
“No one could fake that feeling,” Ryker said. “And it couldn’t be anything else but a true mate bond. There’s no way you could have tricked me.”
“But you believed I had.”
“I don’t think I ever really believed it,” Ryker said. “It was just that I wanted to so badly.”
“But I don’t understand why you would want to think such a thing.” She heard her voice break. She couldn’t help it. It was such a painful idea. “I loved you, Ryker. We spent ten years of our lives together. What would make you want to believe that it was all based on nothing? That it had never been real?”
“It’s going to sound awful,” he said.
“Just tell me.”
“When we couldn’t conceive...I didn’t know how to deal with that,” he said quietly. “All I could think was that something must be wrong with me. That I might not be able to produce an heir. And I knew that, if I couldn’t do that, I had no right to pursue the alpha position. I think I wanted so badly to believe that the problem wasn’t with me that I convinced myself it must be with you.”
“And you couldn’t have stuck by me?” she asked.
“I’ve never stopped feeling guilty about this,” he told her. “I’ve never gotten over my shame. But I just couldn’t face it. It was easier to tell myself that you had never intended to have a child with me—that you’d known all along that it wouldn’t be possible. If I could let myself think that that was true, I could send you away without so much guilt. I could let myself think that you were the one who had betrayed our bond.”
“Oh,” Haley said, feeling rather sick.
“I would never do that now,” Ryker said. “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, by far. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
“I just wanted to understand,” Haley said. “I’ve spent all these years wondering if the problem was with me, if I had done something wrong. I thought maybe you had stopped loving me, and that was what really happened.”
“I never stopped loving you,” Ryker said. “It wrecked me when you left, Haley. I couldn’t show those feelings to anyone. I had to pretend I didn’t care. But I never fucking got over you. I couldn’t.”
Haley reached across the table and took his hand. In that moment, she felt as if the years that had passed between them had unwound. It was as if she was all the way back at the beginning of their relationship when they had first met each other. It felt like falling in love with him all over again.
“I don’t deserve another chance with you, either,” Ryker sa
id.
“Hey,” Haley said. “I’m the one who gets to decide who deserves what from me, okay? I get to choose whether to give you my forgiveness. Whether to give you a second chance.”
“I want one,” Ryker said. “I never stopped loving you. You’ve always been my true mate. If there’s any way you and I could try again...it would mean everything in the world to me, Haley.”
“You really want that?”
He nodded. “I don’t want this to just be a six-month affair,” he said. “I don’t want you to come into my life and then leave again. Now that I have you back, I never want to let you go. I want us to be together again.”
Haley’s eyes filled with tears.
She’d never truly imagined that she would hear these words from him. There had been lonely nights, nights when she had been particularly weak in her resolve to create a new life for herself, when she had dreamed that he might come back. And there had been fantasies, of course, when she had pondered the idea of him begging her to come back and her haughtily refusing him.
But now, ten years had passed. In some ways, they were strangers to one another, but in other ways, it was as if it hadn’t even been a day.
And he was sitting here across the table from her, holding her hands, opening his heart to her. He was confessing that he had always been wrong and begging for her forgiveness.
“I never stopped loving you either,” she said quietly.
“Really?”
The hope on his face was such a beautiful thing. Haley loved that she had been the one to put it there.
“You’re my mate,” she said. “You’re my other half. I couldn’t stop loving you, even when I wanted to.”
“Oh, Haley.”
“Of course we can try again,” she said. “We’ve been through hell, but in the end, we belong together. We always have.”
Chapter Forty-Five
HALEY
“I want you,” Ryker breathed.
Haley glanced over at the bed where Danny was sleeping. They’d been kissing for a while now, her back pressed up against the motel room wall, but she couldn’t justify taking this any further with her son in the room.