by Ellen Joy
“He’s there all the time lately. I guess he’s dying. Cancer.”
“Do you think Hannah knows?”
“How would I know?” Julia made a face. “Anyways, she’s probably just staying far away from you until all of this blows over.”
“I’ll give ‘em something to talk about.”
“Okay, Bonnie Raitt.”
“I don’t care what people think. Quite frankly, this whole town owes her an apology for not standing up for her.”
“Jake, I love your passion, but she just lost her husband, and you’re already confessing your love? Plus, it sounds like she’s in some financial trouble, if she’s moving to the farm. Maybe she’s not calling because this is all just too much for her, right now.”
He hadn’t thought about that. He had always seen her as a warrior, pushing through all her adversaries.
“What exactly are you saying, Jules?”
She shook her head. “Honestly, I think you just need to back things off a bit. Just be her friend.”
Now he stood at the end of his driveway, staring off toward the road that led to the French Farm. Hoping and praying that she’d got his text.
And there she was, pushing the stroller with baby Mae.
He didn’t even care how eager he looked as he jogged down the road toward them.
“You came.”
“Thanks for inviting me.” She gave a half-smile, opened her mouth as though she was about to say something, then closed it.
“What?” he asked.
She shook her head, her smile a little wider, but seeming forced.
“Hannah, you can say anything to me,” he said. He almost reached out, but hesitated. He would let her make the first move.
“Can you wait for me just a little longer?” she asked, so quietly he almost couldn’t hear her.
He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her right there. But he held back the urge and just squeezed her hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Her cheeks flushed, and she began to walk beside him while Millie ran head.
“Papapapapapa.” Tiny bubbles popped on Mae’s lips as she babbled, then leaned over the stroller’s tray, scattered with crackers, and stretched her fingers toward Millie. “Papapapa!”
“Baby Mae, you just let Millie come to you,” Hannah said.
“Do pigs bite?” she asked, as Millie sniffed Mae’s hands.
“It’s good to be cautious, but my Millie has never shown any aggression, even around dogs.”
“The flowers suit her,” Hannah laughed, pointing to the scarf draped around the pig’s neck.
“My mother gives me her old scarves.” He had to admit he thought it was cute. Victor would have busted a gut if he’d ever seen him dress up a pig.
They walked on in silence for a while. Mae was content to gnaw on her crackers, and Millie bounced on ahead of them.
“I’d like to invite you and Emma to dinner,” he said finally.
She didn’t answer right away, and when she finally opened her mouth, he jumped in and said, “We can take things slow. Just a friendly dinner.”
She stopped and looked out at the pastures. “I can’t have Emma lose another person in her life.”
“Hannah, you don’t–”
“She doesn’t even have a grandfather,” she interrupted. “She lost her dad. We just made a big move.” She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “I know what it’s like to grow up with no stability, and that’s not what I want for Emma.”
“Hannah, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
She took in a deep breath. “I need to focus all my energy on my daughter, right now.”
“Of course you do, but I want to focus my energy on taking care of both of you.”
She looked up at him, but the look was one of pity, not understanding. “You might have to wait a long time.”
She still didn’t get it. “Hannah, I’ll wait forever if I have to.”
“He asked you to dinner?” Olivia squealed, wrapping her hands around her coffee mug.
“Shush!” Hannah jerked her head around to see if Maggie, or worse, Emma, were standing close enough to hear. Mae had just gone down for her afternoon nap.
“What did he say?” Olivia wasn’t going to drop it.
She shrugged, sipping the coffee. “He said, ‘Will you come to dinner’?”
“No, I mean, like, how did he ask?”
“We were on a walk.” She didn’t add the part about waiting forever. It had to just be something a guy said, right?
“And you’re not sure you should go?” Olivia’s confusion showed in her face. “Why wouldn’t you go?”
“Because of Troy’s mother, and the gossip that’s going around this town.”
“Marie Higgins should be more concerned about the fact that she didn’t raise her son to be a better husband and father. And who cares what the haters are saying?”
“Emma would be heartbroken if he suddenly decided he didn’t want to deal with all of my problems.”
“Emma would be heartbroken? Or you would be?” Olivia said gently, setting her mug down.
“My own father would rather drink alone at Lumberjacks than see his granddaughter.” She wondered why her father hated her so much. What had she ever done to make him willing to die alone, rather than see his family? “Why would a guy from a big, rich, family want to date a girl like me? I just can’t accept that it’s real.”
“As a woman, and mother, and friend…” Olivia leaned over the table. “Hannah, you’re a catch, believe me.”
“Should I have dinner with him?” She wanted Olivia to decide for her. She wanted to believe this could be her happily-ever-after, but hadn’t she thought that about Troy? Hadn’t her mother thought she’d had that with her dad, and all the other men she fell for?
“Yes, you should.” Olivia reached out and squeezed her hands. “Emma is strong, and she wants you to be happy, too. And you have us, Hannah. We have your back.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t,” Olivia said, and slapped her hand down on the table.
“What?”
“I love you, Hannah, but you still don’t trust us.” Olivia made a broad gesture with her hand. “You have lived on this farm as long as I have! You are as much a Boudreau as anyone here, but you still just about ask before you use the bathroom!”
Hannah could feel the stinging behind her eyes. “But I’m not a Boudreau.”
“Family isn’t always about blood, it’s about being there for each other.” Olivia leaned against the counter. “And you’ve always been there for me.” She fanned her hand in front of her face.
“Now, I’m going to cry.”
Hannah laughed, but grabbed Olivia’s hand and squeezed it. “I’ll say yes.”
“I’ll take Emma for the night.”
The back door swung open, and Jesse walked in. He froze at the sight of the two sniffling women. “Am I interrupting something?”
They started laughing and crying. Olivia pulled Hannah into a hug. “We’re taking Emma for the night.”
“Oh?”
“Hannah’s got a date.”
“He finally did it.” Jesse smiled, wrapping his arm around Olivia.
“No, she just finally accepted,” Olivia said.
On the baby monitor, Mae started to cry.
Hannah got up from her chair, but Olivia stopped her. “Go call him. I’m good for today.” It was just past two.
“What if he’s already made other plans?”
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Jesse said drily.
Chapter 12
Hannah borrowed a teal sundress and a white shawl. She wore her cowboy boots but carried flip-flops in her purse. Her hair was down, but Olivia made her wear a silk scarf. Hannah didn’t usually accessorize or worry about what held her hair back. She felt like a little girl playing in her mother’s closet.
“You’re dressing up,” Olivia said, holding up a necklace to
check it out in the mirror. “You know, like dating women have done for centuries.”
“It’s just… I never dress up.” Hannah felt ridiculous.
“You should!” Olivia draped the necklace around Hannah’s neck. “You look great.”
“Yeah, Mom,” Emma said, playing on her phone. “You look amazing.”
Hannah looked at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, she looked… pretty. She touched the necklace as she studied her reflection. “Thanks, guys.”
Olivia smiled.
She had planned out a whole night with Emma and Maggie. Chinese food, romance movies, mani-pedis, and lots of sweets. Jesse was on baby Mae patrol for the night.
“I found Sixteen Candles on VHS,” Olivia told her. “Maggie seriously has never thrown a thing away.”
No, Hannah thought, as excitement electrified her whole body. Boudreaus never threw anything away. They took care of things. And people.
Right on time, Jake pulled up to the farmhouse and jumped out of his truck, holding a bouquet of flowers. “You look incredible,” he said.
She couldn’t hold back her smile.
“You ready?” He opened the passenger door for her.
“I hope you like steak,” he said, turning over the engine. “Millie’s kind of turned me off pork.”
She laughed. “Steak sounds great.”
When he turned into his long drive, she could see all the lights were on in the farmhouse. He’d even strung tiny faerie lights up around the front porch’s railings and along the eaves. As they drew closer, she saw that he’d set up the picnic table with a tablecloth, candles, and a huge vase of wildflowers.
“Jake, this is amazing.”
“Hold on,” he said, coming around to her door. “I’ve got you.”
“I can open my own door,” she chided him.
“Oh, I know. Believe me.” He took her hand. “But you don’t always have to do everything yourself. Please, let me help you, even if it’s just something little, like helping you out of the truck. It makes me happy.”
And that’s exactly how she felt at that moment.
Happy.
Jake had listened to the Gundersons. He still wasn’t sure whether or not he’d made a big mistake.
“You got a horse?” Hannah asked, as the tall Morgan paced in the corral.
Rosie had come to him at the barn one day. “Heard you’re thinking of getting a horse,” she said.
He shrugged. “Just as a pet, you know, maybe one who’s good with kids.”
“I know a couple who want to downsize and have a seven-year-old Morgan. I was thinking about picking him up myself, but then Jesse told me you were looking.”
“I have to admit, I’m not very experienced. But I’ve been doing my research.”
Rosie laughed. “Emma can teach you.”
He guessed his feelings weren’t a mystery to anyone, but he didn’t mind. He wasn’t going to keep it a secret. He wanted Hannah to know… he wanted the whole world to know.
“His name is Trigger,” he told Hannah, unable to look away from her blue eyes. He patted the horse’s neck. “I got him this morning.”
He felt a bit foolish. No, a lot foolish. Even though Rosie had promised him all the help he needed.
“He’s gorgeous. But I can’t believe you just bought a horse!”
“Neither can I,” he said. “I thought it was a good idea, but now, I think maybe I just lost my sanity for a second.”
“Jesse always says you can’t be a rancher without a horse.” Jesse was a real cowboy. He had been riding since his teens, had even gone on the rodeo circuit. He could ride better than anyone Jake had ever seen. Jake was no cowboy… but maybe it wasn’t too late.
“Can you ride him?” she asked, almost as though she was reading his thoughts.
He rested his arms on the fence rail, looking out at Trigger. “I haven’t tried, yet.”
“We should find out.” She pushed off the fence, heading to the barn.
“You can ride?” He was surprised for some reason, although he didn’t know why, considering how much time she spent on the farm.
“Olivia taught me, and I’ve ridden with Emma, when she was little.” Millie followed her into the barn. “Do you have a saddle and bridle?”
“In the tack room.”
He led her into the barn. Trigger wandered in through the sliding door and arched his neck over the rail, seeming a bit apprehensive, but hoping for a treat.
Jake grabbed a small plastic bucket filled with pieces of carrot and apple. Hannah rubbed the horse’s neck as he munched on a carrot, sniffing her hair.
“What exactly made you want to start ranching in the first place?”
“I made a promise.”
She tilted her head. “A promise?”
“At first, it was to my buddy, the one who convinced me I should get pigs.” He laughed, thinking about how Victor would have reacted to Millie. “But now… it makes me happy. This.”
He looked out at the pastures, the fields, and the woods and river beyond.
“It sure is nice,” she said, as Trigger took the last piece of apple off the palm of her hand.
“I want to buy this place from the Wilsons once they decide to sell. Raise more cattle, and eventually work full-time on the ranch, rather than in construction.” He had put in his right of first refusal, but handling a hundred-acre ranch, alone, was daunting, especially when he already had a full-time job that paid well. Why choose to overextend himself, financially and physically, just for the sake of some cows?
“I heard the barn you built is really beautiful.”
She focused on Trigger, and he wondered if she was thinking the same thing Allison had. Why ranch, when you can have a secure job, working for the stepfather?
“Yes, it was a big project, and I’m proud of how it’s coming out. But the truth is, I don’t want to work for anyone else but myself.”
Trigger shifted toward Jake, sniffing his outstretched hand.
“I’ve never even considered being my own boss.” She shrugged. “I thought I’d someday maybe be head cashier at Hooley’s.”
He wished he could ask her about everything. What had her childhood been like? What was her favorite food? Book? Song? What made her cry, and what made her mad? What made her laugh?
“What would you want to do, if you could do anything?” He knew she’d attended Georgie’s first night class, and that her school had frowned on her attending normal classes when she started showing with Emma. An old-fashioned way of thinking, he thought, especially considering that no one had made Troy drop out. High school had obviously taught him nothing about living in the real world or being a productive member of society. Maybe if the school had showed some compassion to Hannah, she might have higher aspirations for herself.
“Teach.” She said it quickly, without having to give it a moment’s thought. “When I first moved onto the farm, I’d go to Georgie’s classroom and help set up, give her a hand with prepping her lessons. I tried to save up enough to take college courses, but I only got through a couple before life just flew by.”
“What about now?” he asked. He could stay on with Ted and help pay her way. But he knew that Georgie and Olivia had probably offered to help pay for school already. Hannah would refuse anything she saw as charity.
She shrugged. “I was thinking about classes again the other day, actually.”
“I was, too,” he said. “I was thinking about taking an accounting or bookkeeping class. Maybe a farm management course.”
With the G.I. bill, he could go full-time if he wanted to, but he had no real desire. He didn’t want to sit in a classroom all day, he wanted to feel the soil on his skin. But the bookkeeping… that was another story. “Wish I could give you my G.I. loan, seems like a waste not to use it.”
“What was it like?” she asked. “Being a soldier?”
He thought about the gun now languishing in the safe. He didn’t even think about it anymore. He
wasn’t sleeping through yet, but he didn’t need to spend another night going over what he could’ve done to save Victor’s life.
“Hard,” he said. “And a blessing.”
She leaned on the stall door and stopped petting Trigger, focusing all her attention on him, waiting for him to say more.
“I saw the worst in people, and the best.” He had to look away from her as images flashed in his head. “I certainly wouldn’t be here right now if I hadn’t joined up.”
“Did you meet your buddy there?”
“Victor?” He smiled, thinking of all their crazy conversations. “We were just kids when we met, straight out of high school, two misfits. Victor always talked about how one day, he wanted to own a ranch, just like his father, and his grandfather before that, and his great-grandfather.”
“So that’s where you got the idea?”
“Yup, and it’s almost perfect.” He looked at Trigger, and the pasture outside the wide-open barn doors. The whole landscape was everything he had ever dreamed of.
“Almost?”
He looked back at her. “I just want to share it with someone.”
And he removed his hat, took her hand, and kissed her softly on the lips.
Maggie got out the cookie jar while Olivia grabbed the milk. Georgie had come down from the ranch –in her robe– and they all waited for Hannah to start.
“Well, come on,” Olivia said. “Tell us everything.”
“It was great. Yes, Olivia, you were right, and I was wrong.”
Georgie clapped her hands and grinned.
“Shush, baby, sleeping.” Olivia rolled her eyes toward the second floor.
Maggie wrapped her hands around her mug of tea. “Why are you here, if it was going so well?”
“Nana!”
Maggie winked at Hannah.
“He was a complete gentleman. We had this amazing candlelit dinner. And then he took me on a walk. And we talked, a lot.” She trailed off, thinking about it all. “It was wonderful.”
She could’ve stayed longer, but she had to be home to say goodnight to Emma. That, she’d never bend on. Not for work, not for herself, and never for a man.