There was a pause. I was certain that he’d picked up on my detached attitude. After a moment, he said, “I’ll be waiting by the phone.”
I walked back inside. Chloe was busy mopping under the sink. “I can’t stand these little dust bunnies. I want them gone.”
“I feel terrible,” I said.
“Why?” Chloe pushed the mop under the sink.
“He knows that I’m pulling away.”
“So?” She pulled the mop back and turned her attention to me.
“So, I don’t like doing this to him. He really cares about me.”
“This is healthy. You know it. I know it. What’s the problem?”
“I don’t like disappointing him.”
“You’re doing the right thing.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Archer
The dining hall was completely dark except for the light coming from my phone screen. A message popped up saying that the battery was critically low. I swiped it away and pulled up my message history. There were more than a dozen messages that I’d sent to Zoe. The first said, “Good morning.” I sent it the morning after she called me to tell me she would be staying at her apartment. I was hoping that we’d have a chance to talk for a little bit before she went to work, so I stayed in bed while I waited for her to respond.
I must’ve waited for more than fifteen minutes staring at the phone. I imagined what my face must’ve looked like. I started wide-eyed and innocent, with a drunken grin on my face. As the minutes passed, my grin fell, lower and lower, until it’d gone from neutral to depressed.
By the time I’d finished making my bed, I was convinced that Mr. Beetle had gotten to her. I called Jo to do a quick drive by before she went into work. He messaged me saying that he saw her get in her car and drive to work.
She was ignoring me. The rest of the day, I stayed by the phone, glancing back at it every few minutes, trying to tell myself that she wasn’t pulling away, but I knew what she was doing the moment she told me that she was going to stay at her house. I just didn’t want to accept it.
Halfway through the day, I couldn’t help myself. I had to say something, so I called her. She ignored the call after the fourth ring. I wanted to throw my phone out the window. Instead, I took a deep breath and decided what I was going to do.
She probably just wanted some space. Things had been intense, and Rick was right, we were moving too fast. But it wasn’t like it had happened on purpose. I only wanted her to stay at my place so she would be safe. I wasn’t the kind of guy that clung to people right away.
I waited all of an hour to text her again. I told her to call me and that I was worried. I knew how it sounded. I was acting desperate, like I couldn’t live without her, but this was so sudden. There was no warning, no build up. We were in heaven, and now I was in hell.
I locked myself in my room that night and asked Mona to take the boys. I couldn’t face the trouble. I held onto my pillow all night, pretending that it was her. I was so used to having her sleep next to me. I told myself the next morning that it didn’t matter. I took a chance, and it didn’t work out. Halfway through the day, I started thinking about it again.
She could’ve just gotten caught up in things at the bakery. Her life was busy. She was probably swamped at work and too exhausted to call me. I texted her to say that I missed her. Then I set my phone down and kept it close by so I could answer her right away while I finished my paperwork.
I signed one page, flipped it over, and started reading another. I had to focus. I couldn’t allow her to interfere with my work life. I wasn’t a starry-eyed teenager any longer. I was a grown man, the architect of a billion-dollar empire. How could I possibly run a company if I couldn’t handle being away from Zoe for more than a few days at a time? I had to be disciplined. I was getting soft.
I glanced back at my phone. It was blank, but the purple light was flashing on the front. I had a message. I snatched it up, faster than I knew what I was doing, turned on the screen, and checked the message. It was spam. I shoved the phone in my desk drawer to get it out of my sight.
I had Mona stay over again that night, and the night after that. I must’ve sent Zoe thirty messages in two days. She didn’t respond to any of them. At some point, I had to stop, but that was harder than I’d expected. I tried to keep it down to two a day, but that didn’t work. It was more like five or six.
It’d been almost a week, and I couldn’t ignore the truth. We were supposed to spend the weekend together. It was supposed to be our time. Why would she do this? I put my phone away and walked out of the dining room to go to bed. I thrashed around, trying to calm myself and stave off the wave of depression that’d taken over. It was pathetic, but I couldn’t help it.
I finally started to calm down and felt myself drifting off. Then the sound of Abel shrieking sent me running down into the nursery. He punched at me and kicked his legs when I tried to pick him up. It got so bad that I had to hold him down just to keep him from falling out of my arms.
Andrew woke up as soon as I took Abel into the hall. I went back and forth until Mona walked in and saw me standing there, trying to wrestle Abel on the landing. He nearly slipped out of my arms when he saw Mona and tried to reach out to her.
“Just stop!”
“All right, all right.” She walked up the stairs to grab him. “Come here, little guy.” He stopped crying when she pulled him away. “They kept you up all night, didn’t they?”
“Yeah, they did, and I still haven’t heard from Zoe.”
“Oh.” She clicked her tongue. “I’m sorry to hear that. She was so nice, and she loved the boys.”
“I think I came on too strong.”
“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. What matters is that she’s got to make her own choice.”
“I know.” I leaned against the railing and stared down into the foyer. “I have to accept it.”
“But you don’t want to.” She walked inside to put Andrew to bed.
“No, I don’t,” I said when she came out. “I hate it.”
“Remember when this started, and I said that she might not be the one?”
“What are you getting at?”
“She pushed you into the dating pool. That’s a good thing.”
“I don’t want anyone else.”
“That will change. It might not feel like it now, but soon, you’ll be looking for somebody else.”
“I don’t think I can do this again. It’s getting to me. I can’t think when I’m at work. I can’t handle the boys because I’m too upset about her leaving. I spent two hours last night just staring at my phone.”
“I knew it’d be bad.”
“But you convinced me to do it anyway.”
“You know as well as I do that you’re not going to get anywhere in life without getting hurt a little.”
“I don’t like the idea of being alone this weekend. We were supposed to spend it together. I’ll take the boys.”
“No. I said I’m kidnapping them, and I meant it. You haven’t slept all night. If that happens again, they’ll have to put you in a straitjacket. Look at you. You’re a mess.”
“I’m going to get through this. It’s a minor upset is all.”
“That’s the right way to look at it. Focus on your work.” She slapped me on the back before I walked into the bathroom to get showered. I wiped the fog off of the mirror when I got out and stared at my reflection. My eyes were sagging, with half-moon circles below them, and there was a thick beard already growing on my face. It left a patchwork pattern down my neck that made me look like a hobo.
I needed to shave and get a haircut and take a nap. There were a lot of things I needed to do. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was too upset. I couldn’t let Zoe do that to me. No matter how much I cared about her, she wasn’t worth the stress I was putting myself through.
I felt like I was neglecting my work. It seemed like I spent more tim
e in the warehouse than I did at the office. Angela was taking on more and more responsibility, and it was starting to take a toll on her. I wanted to go straight in to the office, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of being bombarded by phone calls. I took a detour to the warehouse to see Rick’s progress.
I poked my head into his office. “How’s the upgrade coming?”
“We’re making good time. The Palantir two-point-oh should be ready by the end of the month.”
“Any bugs?”
‘We’re still working them out. The coders are having some trouble with the heat sensors, but they’ve assured me that the problem is fixable.”
“Good, I want the Eye of Sans on every plane in the country.”
“The Eye of Sans?”
“You don’t like it?”
“No, I like Palantir better. What I’m more worried about is that fake enthusiasm of yours.”
I slumped against the wall. “Is it that obvious?”
“Your beard is ridiculous. I can tell by the way you look that you haven’t been sleeping. How long has it been?”
“How long has what been?”
“Since she broke up with you. I can smell it. I told you this wouldn’t go well, but you wouldn’t listen. You kept it up knowing damn well that this could happen. Why would you do that to yourself?”
“You’re right.” I threw up my hands. “Do you want a gold star?”
“No, I want you happy again.”
“You want me to be your wingman is what you want.”
“There ain’t nothing better than a fresh piece of ass to fix a broken heart.”
“I don’t want a fresh piece of ass. I’m not interested in getting with anyone new right now.”
“You want to wallow in misery for a while. Is that it?”
“No, I just don’t think I could get into meeting someone new.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way once you meet the right girl.” He pointed his finger up in the air, looked at it, then back at me with a comical expression.
“Fine.”
“You mean it? You’re actually going to come out with me?”
“I don’t feel like I have any other choice.”
“Good. Now get back to work. You’ve probably got ten thousand messages by now.”
I checked my phone. “Just about. I’ll catch you later.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zoe
I woke up with the sun and began smoothing out my covers and tucked the ends under the mattress. I had a nickel already sitting on my nightstand. It bounced just like I knew it would. I didn’t take very long to get ready. I was anxious to get into work. I was starting the apricot streusel as a regular item. It was so popular that I couldn’t keep up with the orders.
Archer’s mechanics had tired of the orange and ginger snaps and moved onto the cherry chocolate chip. Chloe was already there, making a batch when I came in.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“No.”
“Why are here so early?”
“Things have been so hectic around here, what with all the orders; I thought I’d come in and get a head start.”
“I like this new attitude of yours.” I pulled out a can of cherries and started opening it for her.
“How have you been holding up?” she asked.
“Fine.” I took the lid off and popped a cherry in my mouth, then handed it to Chloe so she could do the same.
She took one and looked me up and down. “Are you lying?”
“Why would I lie?”
“Because you don’t want me to know that it sucks being away from Archer.”
“I’m not lying. I haven’t had any trouble, at all.”
Chloe poured the cherries into the mixer and grabbed a bag of cocoa power out from underneath the sink.
“I don’t buy it. You were so stuck on him before. What changed?”
“I took what you said to heart. I don’t want to get caught up in anything that intense. I have to focus on work. Once I’m successful, I can take more risks, but now’s not the time for that.”
“I wholeheartedly agree.” Chloe went back to baking while I started a pot of coffee and made a fresh batch of orange juice. Chloe had the idea of mixing corn syrup into it to take away some of acidic, freshly squeezed taste. It was working. The customers really liked it. We had six orders that morning, so much that the coffee was starting to get neglected.
After the morning rush, I took out a vat of blueberry syrup and started a batch of scone dough. I was starting to add the filling when the doorbell rang. Chloe was busy mixing up another batch of cherry chocolate chip cookies.
“I’ll get it,” I said.
Mona was standing in front of the donut case with Andrew and Abel sitting in a sling wrapped around her waist.
“Hi, how are you?” I asked.
“I’m doing well.” She walked over to the cookie case to get a look. “How are you?”
“Tired—a little richer.”
“I hope you don’t mind the intrusion. I’m having cookie withdrawals, and I thought the boys might like a little sun.” Andrew looked up at me when she walked over to the register where I was standing.
“I don’t mind, at all. I’m glad to see you.”
“You, too. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She looked me dead on.
“It hasn’t been that long.” I grabbed a rag off the counter and turned my attention to a coffee stain next to the register.
“It’s been a while,” she repeated. “Is everything going okay?”
“Yeah, things have been good.”
“Archer’s been asking about you,” Mona said flatly.
I stopped what I was doing, suddenly aware of the blood rushing to my face. I wasn’t going to think about it. I had to focus on work. “Can I get you anything?”
“What is it, Zoe?”
I sighed and dropped the rag. “I don’t want to do this.”
“You didn’t want to leave him a week ago, either. What changed?”
“Is it that important?”
“You haven’t seen him. Haven’t talked to him. Haven’t returned any of his messages.”
That hurt. “I’ve got things to do.”
“And a man’s heart in your hands. Why’d you do it, Zoe? I don’t mean to push, but I have to know. He’s a good man, and he’s hurt. How many text messages did he send you?”
“Like sixty.”
“Why didn’t you answer him?”
“Because it’s too intense, okay? Things were moving too fast, and it started to worry me.”
“That’s because you both really cared about each other.”
“We needed time apart.”
“And that’s absolutely right, but you didn’t have to break his heart.”
“I feel terrible.” I kept my voice low. “I knew that he was hurting, but Mona, I was living with him, and I barely met him. That’s not healthy.”
“Tell me honestly. How do you feel?” She stared me down.
“I feel terrible. I want to curl up into a ball and hide. I don’t deserve him after what I did. I would’ve called him by now if it weren’t for the fact that I knew I wouldn’t be able to face him.”
“But you have to. You can’t give up. Zoe, I am more than twice your age, and I have never seen a connection like the two of you had. It was intense, and messy and frightening, but it was magical. You can’t give up on that.”
“But there’s so much I don’t understand.”
“Like what?”
“Where’s their mother? Why was there so much talk about me being good for the boys? Is he trying to replace her?”
Chloe walked into the lobby.
“I’ll be right back,” I told her. Mona and I went outside and took a seat on the bench together in front of the store.
“You want to know what happened?” she asked.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Why does it matter so much?”
“
Because this isn’t just about me and Archer or our relationship. It’s about me and the way the boys are with me, and I’m starting to think he has a complex.”
“He does.”
“And that’s one of the biggest reasons I was worried. I’m not their mother, and it looks like he’s shopping for a mother, not a girlfriend.”
“It’s part of the package.”
“Talk to me, Mona.”
“I don’t know how he’ll feel about me telling you this.” She paused a moment, so she could gather her words. “Cara was his girlfriend for a year before she got pregnant. They hadn’t been together for very long, and they fought. He was finicky, and she was reckless, but they knew that they had to make it work for the boys even though it was clear that they weren’t a good match.” Mona looked down at the boys who were sleeping with their heads under their hands, leaning against her chest. She smiled. “I used to be Archer’s housekeeper before I started taking care of the boys. I remember Cara ordering me around, trying to get me to help her with the nursery. I didn’t like her very much, but it was inspiring seeing how dedicated she was to them. She would’ve been a great mother.”
“Would’ve…” I nodded. Now I knew.
“The complications started in the second trimester. I didn’t hear much about what it was. I didn’t want to stick my nose into it, but I did hear them talking one night. There was a good chance that Cara wouldn’t be able to survive if she carried the boys to full-term. Archer wanted to keep them. He wanted them so bad, and so did she, but as time went on, her health started to fail. She turned pale. Her eyes went blank, and she’d sit in the nursery staring at the walls all day. I won’t lie. I tried to talk to her about what she was going to do, but once these boys were inside her, she had her mind made up. I think watching her go was one of the hardest things that Archer had to do.”
“I don’t know what to think about this.”
“I don’t blame you. There is an expectation there. This has been very hard on Archer. He can’t take care of these boys all by himself, and when you combine that with the grief he’s had to deal with over the past year, it’s too much for one man to carry. Any woman that comes into Archer’s life would have to be judged on her ability to take care of the boys and be a mother to them. That’s not just because of what happened to Cara. He’s a father. Of course he needs to know that you’ll be good with the twins, and if you do stay in his life, you’d be a mother to them.”
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