by Rita Hestand
"I have no right to touch you, but it's been crazy the past few days, wanting you so much."
Her breath hitched, but she lay her head against him, his admission had her wanting much more. Her head rested just under his chin. For a moment, she relaxed and enjoyed the feel of his arms around her. She closed her eyes and smiled. "You've been a bit delirious," she murmured softly.
"I'm not delirious and haven't been. I need you close like this; I've needed you for days."
"You mustn't say things like that," she turned to look at him.
"It's no use honey."
"What?" she frowned.
"I look at you and see the fire in your eyes, and my heart melts."
She gasp as she turned away, but he pulled her back against him once more.
For a second, she wanted to turn around and face whatever he was thinking, she loved the way she fit up against him, loving the way it felt to be in his powerful arms. She wished she was bold enough to turn around and seek the kiss they never shared, but she felt content being this close to him for a few seconds at least.
"Clay, you shouldn't talk like that… " she finally tried to move away.
He turned her around, and stared into her eyes, his intense gaze mesmerized her. His arms held her still. "Maybe I shouldn't," he smiled sexily at her now. "But the hunger inside me grows every time I look at you. And if I'm reading the signs right, you feel the same way. If not, just say so."
"Clay…" she began as his head began to descend, they were seconds away from kissing when a knock came at the door. Willa hadn't realized how close to him she was, as her breasts laid against his chest now, her lips a mere inch from his, her breath hitched, her eyes warmed, and her heart ached for this kiss. She didn't want to turn lose of the moment; it was so mesmerizing. The moment was so intense it took her several seconds to realize there was someone at the door. She looked into his eyes and saw what she was feeling, disappointment.
She couldn't stop the sigh escaping from her lips. His eyes burned into hers now, and he bent to touch his lips to hers for a second, like a feather blowing on her lips, before he turned toward the door.
She licked her lips, wondering if it actually happened.
"Damn…" Clay muttered, staring at her from the door. "Later, darlin' I promise you that." He smiled again and went to the door.
"Well, I heard you'd been beaten, thought I should look in on you and Charlie." The Doc smiled at him now. "Looks like you are better."
"I am, thanks to Willa's nursing."
The doc smiled at Willa and Elan. Willa was still reeling from the near kiss, but she recovered as quickly as possible and offered the doc some coffee.
"I'd love some. Then I'll take a look at those whip marks. Heard you ran into Haywood. He's nasty when he drinks." The Doc chuckled. "And he's been doing a lot of that lately."
"Yeah, I realize that now." Clay nodded as he sat at the table and Willa poured him a cup of coffee too. "He used not to drink so much."
"You knew he was sweet on Laura, didn't you?" The doc chuckled.
"No, I didn't. But then, I don't get to town much. So, what happened between them?"
"Not a thing. She got herself engaged to Mathew Sawyer, the young lawyer in town, just happened a couple of days ago. Haywood nearly went out of his mind, been drinking ever since. But then you know Laura, she thinks she's too good for someone like Haywood."
"Glad you caught me up to snuff on that, then. I feel a bit sorry for Haywood. He's not a bad person, a little rough around the edges, but some say the same of me."
"He took it hard, but Laura has always wanted more than she needs and if she marries Mathew she'll be sitting mighty pretty. I just wonder if she can curtail all the flirting, she does with every man she sees."
"Matthew the new lawyer in town?"
The doc nodded.
"I wish her luck." Clay chuckled, "but I'm sorry about Haywood. He's taking it pretty hard, then?"
"Takes time to get over a woman. So, how's Charlie?"
"Fine, he's been doing most of the work around here, him and Willa." Clay told him. "I want to get busy on the rest of the add on, it will be cold before you know it. Willa and Elan need a room of their own."
"That's true."
"I think that young man there is part of the reason Charlie's so fit these days." The Doc nodded to Elan.
"They are close," Clay smiled. "Maybe it comes from living out here on the prairie in such close quarters, but we all get along fine out here."
The doc eyed him a moment.
They talked of things going on in town and Willa went to check on Charlie.
"This is because of her, isn't it?" The Doc asked when she left.
"It's not her fault." Clay insisted.
"Of course, it isn't. But it is inevitable, and you know it."
"I don't want to hear any more of this, Doc," Clay stood up, pacing the small confines of the kitchen. "I love her, and I'm going to marry her."
"What?" The doc turned to stare at him his brow shooting upward at the notion.
"You heard me." Clay shot him a glance. "She doesn't know it yet. But I'm going to marry her." Clay said staring out the window, watching Willa help his dad as his heart swelled at the sight of them together. They worked alongside each other so well, and his dad had perked up too since they came here. "So, I guess there will be a lot of upset people in town when they hear about it."
"You know what you are doing, Clay?"
"Yeah, I do. I've never courted a girl Doc. Never been that interested, I guess. But Willa, she's different. She's so sweet, so caring, such a good woman. And I don't care who doesn't like it, understand? All the time she's been living here, people have talked out of turn about her. I won't allow it any longer. I'm going to marry her, and we are going to make one big happy family out here. Do you hear me? I've never cared much what the townsfolk thought of me anyway."
"There will be a lot that don't like it, son." The doc looked sympathetically at him.
"I know that. But it really isn't their business. I've weighed it all in my mind. But I never had feelings like I do for her. I can't turn them on and off, doc. And I can't hide them either. Look, I haven't spoken love words to her, I haven't kissed her in the moonlight, I haven't touched her, but it isn't because I didn't want to. I love her and the only decent thing to do when you love someone is to marry. I wouldn't contemplate anything less. We've all been happy out here, since she came. Dad, he's a new person. When you find this elusive thing called love, it doesn't let you alone until you do something about it. She fits us doc, she fits this place. We love her child even. We're going to be married, in church as soon as I can arrange it. We're going to be a family."
"Have you asked her?"
"I don't have to. What I feel, she feels just as strongly. She knows what it will mean, so do I. I don't care. I love her, I faced that the day Haywood beat the hell out of me. I knew then I could die for her and still be happy."
"You realize it won't be the end, it's just the beginning of your troubles."
"I know that too."
"Then I can only wish you a happy life together. And I hope a long one." The doc added as he stood up.
"Thanks, no one knows it but you right now. I haven't even told dad, but he'll be thrilled. But I wanted to prepare you." Clay told him.
The doc nodded. "Let's have a look at your back now."
Clay took his shirt off, with a bit of a wince he turned so the doc could see it.
"Good Lord, Haywood did this?"
"Yes, I didn't see you on the street that day?"
"I was out at the Peterson farm; Grace had her fourth baby." Doc replied as he examined the scars. "They are healing wonderfully. She doctored you?"
"Yes, she sewed the really bad one up and put some kind of poultice on them."
"They look good, no infection anywhere. How's your dad," he asked as he handed him the shirt back.
"He seems better."
The doc looked a
t him squarely now and shook his head. "Despite it all Clay, I think that woman is good for you both. And the child too. I offer you my blessings for what it's worth."
"Thanks doc, but don't say anything to Willa yet, I haven't asked her."
"Aren't you assuming a lot then?"
"I don't think so. She wears her heart in her eyes doc." Clay smiled. "I know she won't speak of it, until I do, and I'm ready. She just doesn't want to cause any trouble. I haven't even kissed her, but that doesn't matter. She's what me and dad both need, and the little one here, too."
He extended his hand to Clay, "Then let me be the first to congratulate you. And wish you well."
"You may be the only one to wish me well," Clay chuckled. "But I've made up my mind and you are right, she's good for us both, doc."
"I see that, I really do, Clay. I'm kind of proud you do too." Doc smiled.
Willa came in with Charlie right behind her.
"Doc, what are you doin' out here?" Charlie asked as he bent to kiss Elan on the cheek.
"Heard Clay got himself into a little trouble, thought I'd check on him, and you. So how are you feeling?"
"I'm better. Willa reminds me to take my medicine regular like." Charlie chuckled.
The doc looked at Willa. "Well, I'll be. Never thought you'd take it."
"Really, I'm not that much of a hard ass, doc." Charlie chuckled.
"You were, but it looks as though Willa has done some good around here." The doc smiled at her.
She beamed.
He ate breakfast with them then left as he had to call upon another patient down the road. Before he left Willa gathered the vegetables, she had saved for him so he could take them to the man with scurvy. The doc was very grateful.
"You have a nice garden, did you do that, Willa?"
"Yes, Charlie and Clay were not eating well when I came here. I think that is what has made him sick. Now Charlie gets better food, and he's feeling better and stronger too. I don't think he would have gotten the consumption if he'd eaten better."
"I appreciate what you've done Willa, I do. And you are right. Thanks again for the vegetables."
"Any time you need something, stop by, if I have it, I will gladly give it to help someone."
"You really are something, Willa. And you just don't know how much it's needed out here. There are a lot of men without women out here and they don't eat right or grow gardens, this will certainly help."
"I'm glad." Willa smiled.
When Clay saw the doc loading his buggy with vegetables, he asked about it.
"Willa gave them to me, to take to a patient, old Howard Mills. He's got the scurvy bad and has no vegetables at all. His wife died a few years ago, since then him and his boy have been living on meat as the main and sometimes only meal. "
"I'm glad we could help then." Clay smiled at him.
The doc looked at him and beamed, "She's quite a lady."
"Yes, she is!" Clay murmured.
"She dug that garden by herself?" the Doc asked a bit shocked.
"Yes, she says she loves working in the garden, her and her mother used to have a big garden all the time. I can tell you one thing; we're eating a lot better now."
"I can see that. Well, better be on my way. If you need me holler." The doc waved.
Chapter Eleven
That night Willa put Elan in his cradle and gathered the few things that were hers and went to the shed to get the horse she ridden here on. Charlie and Clay sounded fast asleep.
Tears streamed down her face, but she quickly wiped them away.
She went to the gravesite of her father and the tears fell down her cheeks now freely. "I must go father, I do not want to, but I love them both too much to bring harm to them. I will miss you, and think of you often, my father. I hope someday I can come back and visit you."
The moon shone like a beacon in the night. She felt a tear fall down her cheek as she looked back at the cabin.
"It's best we leave, sweet Elan." She told him as she adjusted the cradle on her back. "I know you will miss them as much as I."
"Going somewhere?" A voice asked from the darkness.
Willa jumped.
She whirled around as she didn't recognize the voice.
"Who is there?" she shrieked with fright and glanced at Elan in the corner of the shed where she'd put him while she cinched the saddle onto the horse.
"Forgotten me already?" Ed asked stepping out of the darkness now and leering at her.
"What are you doing here, this time of night?" she asked, a sense of fear taking hold of her.
"I came to see you. First time I've caught you alone in days."
She stared with a newborn kind of fear now. "You have been watching me."
"Sure, I did. How else could I get you alone?" Ed sneered.
"What do want of me?" she backed away quickly.
"You know what I want. You knew that day I came over what I wanted. I saw it in your eyes."
He came closer now. So close she could smell the stench of the man.
"I am leaving now; I will not cause any trouble here." She told him.
"Well now, leaving, are you? I can't let you do that until I've had a taste of you myself. Old Clay ain't the only one that's got an itch."
Her eyes widened with pure terror. "Why do you seek me?"
"You know why. I want what you been givin' Clay all this time."
"You are wrong. I have never…"
But he reached for her and she started to scream, but she would not bring Clay or Charlie trouble.
"Leave me alone," she cried.
"Not on your life." He sneered.
Elan cooed and Ed turned to see him in the shadows. "He won't give us any trouble."
Ed reached for her again, she tried to get away, but he threw her down in the hay and moved to undo his britches.
She shrieked, "Please, please do not do this!" she cried.
"Aw don't take it so personal. You're just a pretty squaw and I been thinking about this a while now. Ain't no reason Charlie and Clay should have all the fun." He raised her dress to her hips and crawled over her.
"I ain't had me a woman in a long time, I'm overdue, and you and I can have a lot of fun. No one has to know!"
Ed kissed her and she fought him. She clawed his face.
"Damn you?" he cried and slapped her hard on the cheek.
He was about to take her when a shadow came upon them.
"Touch her one more time and you’re a dead man!" Clay towered over them now.
Ed moved slowly, and Willa tried to make herself decent once more.
Ed scrambled to his feet, pulling up his pants. "What the hell do you care, she's just a damn squaw?"
Clay's jaw clenched as he laid the lantern down and hit Ed on the chin. "Get out of here. Get out before I kill you."
Ed moved swiftly now but turned as he was about to mount his horse. "So that's the way it is, huh? Well, enjoy her while you can, when everyone finds out you been havin' her, they'll come and burn you out."
Clay pointed the rifle at Ed and came closer. "I ought to blow you head off for that remark Ed."
Willa stood up now and came to Clay's side, she pulled on his gun arm. "No, do not kill because of me."
"Did he hurt you?" He came closer.
"No!"
Clay stared at Ed, and aimed his rifle at him, "Get off my property Ed, and don't come back or the next time I won't be as generous."
"You'll be sorry!" Ed laughed.
He rode off and Clay turned to look at Willa.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes," she moved toward Elan.
"What were you doing out here this time of night?" He asked her.
"I was leaving, I would have left you a message, but I cannot write" She turned away from him. A quiet anticipation began to grow between them now. Like a thin piece of twine, it was stretching its limits.
"Where were you planning on going?" he asked as he moved slowly toward her.
> "I-I think it is time we moved on, now." She told him, a hesitation in her voice.
"Why didn't you wait until morning, to say goodbye?" He told her.
She needed to leave, before she gave into her feelings.
"I will not be the cause of trouble for you and your father." She told him, turning away from his probing eyes.
"You can't run away from it, Willa, I've warned you about it already." he told her softly. "It's hard to accept who and what we are, but you can't run from it. You are a half breed and there is no where you can go that people won't give you trouble. You know that. At least here you have a home, a chance at some kind of life. I thought that's what you wanted."
"You and your father have been very kind to me. Kinder than I deserve. But because of your kindness, I have put both of you in danger. That man threatened to burn you out. I will not be responsible for something like that. This is your home." She told him boldly. "If I leave the trouble may stop."
"Learning to take help from others is hard, isn't it?" he asked her, watching her fumble with the cinches as she tightened them on the horse. "Pride gets in the way."
"I suppose so. But you don't accept help when it hurts others to do so."
"What about running away?" he asked.
"I'm not running away, I’m leaving. There's a difference."
"You're running away from what is between us, and you know it." His eyes bore into the back of her head.
She whirled around to stare at him with a tear in her eye.
He frowned, and reached to touch her cheek, "He hit you?"
"It is nothing." She barely managed to say, distracted by the hand that stroked her cheek.
When he wouldn't leave, but just stood there, she whirled around to stare into his dark eyes. "There is nothing between us. I have made sure of that." Her voice almost failed as she glanced up at him. The look in his eyes told her he knew.
"Oh yes there is. I tried to ignore it as much as you did, and for the same reasons. You can't stop it honey. It's called love and it is between us. It's been there almost from the start." He said softly. "I fought this feeling myself for a while. Telling myself it would be futile, but the feeling just kept growing. It's not something that will go away, it gets stronger every day, you know that, you feel it too. I see the truth in your eyes, just like you see it in mine."