‘I swear I’ll go out of here on a Zimmer,’ Dean said.
‘Oh, shut up,’ Maggie said.
‘So how much rent were you thinking of?’
‘Oh, well, we thought about £350 a month. That’s quite low.’
‘It is,’ I said, ‘but at the moment the house isn’t really liveable in.’ I stood in the main room and looked around. ‘You would have to get all the electrics and services inspected properly and up to date by law before you could rent it out legally. You’re not with an agent, but if you were, he would tell you that to get a decent rent it would have to be pretty immaculate, then you could probably ask £550 or £600. Decoration and repairs alone is going to cost you quite a lot if you have to pay someone because it’s been so neglected inside.’ I smiled at their dejected faces. ‘Can I put a proposition to you?’
‘Fire away,’ Dean said hopefully.
‘What if I did all the repairs and decoration inside in lieu of rent for, say, three months or until the house is in order? After that I’ll have it valued by a letting agent and pay you the going rent from then on. In that way it will be an ongoing proposition for your next tenant.’
The two Australians stared at each other gleefully. ‘Jeez, Maggie, it gets us off the hook. The sun shines out there and the surf calls.’
‘Why don’t you go through everything, pull out the nice pieces of furniture, the things you think are worth keeping, then get a house clearance firm in?’
Dean grinned at me. ‘You an angel who just fell from heaven or something?’
Maggie said, ‘There are one or two OK-ish pieces. I suppose you wouldn’t consider keeping them on in the house, would you?’
‘Sure. I don’t want to bring anything from London so I’ll beg, borrow and steal what I need for a while.’
Maggie looked curious. ‘Have you got a job down here for six months or something?’
‘No. My parents live in St Ives. I’m just taking a break from London for a while.’ The music was building to a crescendo and I found it unbearable. ‘God, this Mahler is sad.’
‘Sorry.’ Dean snapped it off. They both stared at me.
‘I’m sorry. It’s a beautiful piece, but…’
‘It makes you want to go wade in the sea up to your head!’
Maggie saw my face and gave Dean a warning look.
I looked around. ‘Just one more thing: I know you’ll have to think about what I’ve said and talk to your mother, but you see this wall? If it came down, you could have one lovely big main room instead of three poky ones. The kitchen would be lighter and the dining room no longer a triangle.’
They both looked around. ‘Yeah. See what you mean. Are you an interior designer?’
I smiled. ‘No. I’m a dress designer, but we converted two flats in London and I’m quite practical. Look, I must go. I’ve left my father and two boys up the road. Could you ring me? I know I’ve jumped this on you.’
They took down my address and telephone number, and Maggie walked me to the gate. ‘I’m really sorry about Dean’s remark about wading into the water. I saw your face.’
I smiled. What a sensitive musician she must be. ‘It’s all right. It was just a bit near the truth. Listen, I quite understand if your mother wants to go another way.’
Maggie snorted. ‘My mum is not here doing the clearing up. I’m not losing my sexy, restless boyfriend over a house.’ She grinned at me. ‘Take care. I’ll speak to you soon.’
The tide had swept in up to the sea wall while I was in the house, filling the late afternoon with the slap of water on a flood tide. I hoped the boys had been watching the tide or they would have to walk the long way round, over the quay and back down the road.
I wasn’t worried; I knew Dad would have checked where they were. I felt excited. I could make something of that ugly little house full of sun. I could imagine myself inside with new peach walls and empty rooms. I saw myself there and I saw Adam visiting me and cataloguing the birds the old woman had enticed into her garden.
It was a house I could live in quietly until I stopped hearing the sounds of a child playing everywhere, until I stopped listening out for a man whistling somewhere in the depths of a four-storey house. It was a place where I could begin to tell Adam about his father in peace and privacy.
FORTY-TWO
I wake in Tom’s flat and see him at the window looking out. It is still dark but I can hear the birds singing. I lie watching him for a moment, feeling like a voyeur. His back is to me and he’s wearing just a pair of shorts. His body is brown and smooth and I love the very sight of him, but something in the way he stands alerts me. ‘Tom?’ I whisper.
He turns, his face is serious, perhaps sad, I can’t tell in this light. He comes slowly over to the bed.
‘What is it?’ I ask.
‘Oh…’ He half smiles. ‘I’m just having a dark night of the soul. Sorry if I woke you.’
It is the first time I’ve ever seen Tom down. I put out my hand. ’Can I help? Am I invading your space?’
He shares this flat with a pilot friend and I know he loves it when he has the place to himself. We were together all day; maybe I should have gone home.
Tom laughs and gets back into bed. He pushes my hair away from my face. ‘Where on earth do you get this amazing hair?’
‘Bea’s sister. Spanish forebears.’
He bends and kisses my nose, my forehead, each cheek, my chin and finally my lips, chastely, like a monk. ‘You’, he says softly, ‘could not invade my space if you tried.’
He lies on his side, propping his head on his arm. ‘I’m in a dilemma,’ he says, watching me with his startling blue eyes. ‘I love you, Jenny. I love every single thing about you.’
‘So sorry it’s a dilemma.’
He puts his finger over my lips. ‘You’ve ruined my carefully laid life plan. I go to a party I’m not keen on to please Damien. I’m surrounded by stunning women whom I find strangely boring. What is the matter with me? I say to myself. This should be fantasy land. Then I look up and see a girl in a white dress edged with gold. She is walking away from the party and she stands under a tree looking down at everyone and I think suddenly, There she is, my future wife, the mother of my children. There she is. It was like being struck between the eyes.’
Tom’s voice is thick with emotion. Tears slide out of the corners of my eyes in blessed relief at the sound of those words. Tom has never once spoken of the future. I knew from the beginning that I wanted him above all things and I have been terrified by his silence and a little bewildered. All the signs were that Tom felt exactly the same, yet he had given no indication of where our future lay.
He dabs the flow of one tear with his finger. ‘Every moment with you, Jenny, has been like coming home from an arduous journey. I have longed to rush with you to a castle and pull up the drawbridge and yell Get off! She’s mine to every man who looks at you. I’ve wanted to say every time I see or kiss you, Marry me. Marry me.’
My tears are soaking the pillow. I can’t stop them.
‘I’ve stopped myself, because of the job I do. I can’t ask you. I love you, but it would be unfair. I’ve chosen to do a risky job and I love what I do. I’m selfish. I don’t want to stop. I can’t stop. My work is a part of what I am. I’m bang in the middle of a career I love, but it doesn’t go with marriage, darling. Lift your head, I’ll turn the pillow over before we both drown.’
I start to laugh and we hold each other tight. ‘I love you so much it hurts,’ I say into his neck. ‘I know you’ve got to go off and do the things you do. I would never try to stop you. It is what you are and it is what you do. My terror is not having you. Not being with you. I can bear anything but the uncertainty of not knowing you feel the same.’
‘I could be injured or killed.’
I stare at him. ‘How is that less bad if I’m not married to you, Tom?’
‘Because I wouldn’t be your burden, your problem. You’d find a nice man.’
�
�So,’ I say, getting mad, ‘you were standing at the window thinking. OK, I’ll tell her we’ve got to split up in case I get killed, in case I get maimed. So sorry, I love you and you love me but goodbye, I’m off to the front, so forget me. Just like that!’ I pause to take a breath. ‘I have never ever heard anything so feeble or melodramatic or self-serving in my life. If you can’t or don’t want to make a commitment, just be honest and say so; don’t wrap it up in angst and make your job an excuse.’
Tom starts to laugh. ‘Tell it as it is, girl, don’t mince words!’
I hit out at him, still angry, and he holds my hands together in one of his like a trapped bird. ‘Listen, you. What brought all this angst on was seeing that house yesterday and the fact we have nowhere to go where we can be sure of being on our own. Your flat has Danielle. This place has Simon coming and going.’ He stops. ‘Are you awake enough to come into the kitchen and look at my night plans?’
We get up and I throw on a shirt of his, and we pad into the kitchen and make tea. On the table is a notebook with lots of figures. I sit down, fighting a growing excitement.
‘It’s only an idea,’ Tom says eagerly. ‘You may think I’m being presumptuous and muscling in on your world, but I wondered if I came in on buying that house whether it would help all of us. We could maybe make a little flat together there, couldn’t we? Somewhere of our own.’
It was a brilliant idea. I trembled with the thought of it.
‘I’ve been trying to work out all my assets. Simon isn’t going to be too pleased, but if I sold this flat…’
‘It’s your flat!’ I ask, incredulous.
Tom grins. ‘Yep. My parents used it when they were in London. They gave it to my brother and me when they got too old to make the journey often enough. I bought him out as he lives and works in Sydney. I’m not sure of its exact value, but maybe £350,000, do you think?’
‘At least. It’s tiny but it’s central.’
‘I’ve also got a few savings.’
‘Tom, you can’t put everything you have into the house.’
‘Why not? I think you would have to suggest that I came in with you all, as a last resort, to Danielle. It’s her godmother’s house and I know how I’d feel in her position. It’s also possible that Flo and Danielle might not want me involved. They might think that if I have a stake I could limit what you want to do with the business. I wouldn’t, of course, but we’d have to tie it all up legally. It would have to be done tactfully for it to work between us all. If they were against the idea I would be disappointed, but I would respect it.’
‘They want the house as much as we do, Tom.’
I grab his pen and do some scribbling of my own. Danielle and I have a mortgage on our flat, that we have been paying off regularly. What would a three-storey house in Hammersmith be worth now, with the large basement space we renovated? Probably £400,000.
I look at Tom, feeling pale. ‘You know, it might be possible to have that amazing house. I mean really possible?’
We laugh like overexcited children. ‘Will you marry me, Jenny Brown? House or no house?’
‘I’ll be the worst army wife in the world.’
‘I know, but I’m not marrying the army.’
‘Promise I won’t have to do wives’ clubs?’
‘Promise.’
‘Promise I won’t have to wear frilly shirt collars and sensible clothes?’
He tries to keep a straight face. ‘The mere thought of it is hysterical.’
I am serious for a second. ‘I’ll always want to work. It’s what I do, Tom.’
‘I know it is. Why on earth would I want to stop you? I love what you do.’ He grins. ‘In any case if we buy that house we’ll all have to work until we’re eighty.’
‘True,’ I say, ‘if not very romantic.’ I lift his hand to my cheek, press my mouth to his palm. ‘OK, then. I will marry you.’
FORTY-THREE
Ruth got off the night train at Truro, picked up some croissants and coffee and went back to the cottage for a shower. She waited until nine o’clock to ring Tredrea in case she woke anyone up. Bea answered. ‘I’ll come over and pick Adam up. It’s been really good of you, Bea. I hope he’s been no trouble?’
‘No trouble at all. He’s made a friend and had a whale of time.’ Oh dear, thought Bea. Should I have said that?
‘Oh?’ Ruth’s voice was guarded.
‘Just come when you’re ready, Ruth. Adam will be pleased to see you.’
‘Where are Adam and Jenny?’ Bea asked James as he came into the kitchen. ‘Ruth’s back in Truro.’
‘Down at the end of the drive by the gate, talking to two Australian musicians in a camper van who seem to be giving them tickets to some concert or other. Adam has disappeared inside it, fascinated.’
‘It really is good to see him relaxing and happy. It was a stroke of genius introducing him to Harry, James.’
‘I rather thought they might hit it off. Harry’s a strange little boy who spends a lot of time on his own, too. I don’t think Adam’s in any great hurry to go back to Truro, Bea. I just hope he doesn’t show it when Ruth comes to pick him up.’
‘Oh, Lord. So do I,’ Bea said.
Jenny came into the kitchen with Adam behind her. ‘Those Australians are completely barking but very sweet. Listen, you two, I’ve got the cottage if I want it. Isn’t that amazing! And on my terms. I can hardly believe it.’
Adam grinned at her. ‘They just wanted to go off surfing. They would have done anything to offload the cottage, you could tell.’
‘Jenny!’ Bea said. ‘I hope you haven’t said you’ll clear the rest of the junk out of that cottage?’
‘Well, yes, but Mum, it’s in my own interest to get on with it. Besides, it’s a project for me. You know how I love projects.’
‘I do,’ Bea said drily.
‘They’ve given us six tickets to their concert in St Ives Church tonight. You’ll love it, Dad. It’s mostly Mozart. Adam’s very excited because Dean plays the oboe, Adam’s favourite instrument.’
‘Jenny, Ruth’s just rung,’ Bea said quickly. ‘She’s coming over to collect Adam. We don’t know what plans she has for the rest of the day.’
‘She would probably like to come to the concert,’ Adam said hopefully.
‘I’m sure she would. Let’s talk to her when she gets here. Adam and I are going into the town, Mum. I have to go to the bank. Do you need anything?’
Bea made a short list. She said under her breath, ‘Please don’t be long. I think it’s better if Adam is here when Ruth arrives.’
‘You’re worrying unnecessarily, Mum. Ruth didn’t say exactly what time she’s coming, did she? We’ll be half an hour at the most.’
‘And with that she swept out,’ James said. ‘Remember what we said yesterday, Bea, about leaving grown-up children to get on with it?’
‘Good in theory, hard in practice,’ Bea said crossly. ‘I’m going out to dead-head my roses and pretend I’m a nun.’
James snorted. ‘You must have one hell of an imagination, having borne me five children!’
Bea gave him one of her looks and stepped out into her garden. She snipped at the heads of her old roses and worried. Poor Adam, caught in the middle. Was either Jenny or Ruth capable of imagining what the other must be feeling? Of course not. Pain is all-consuming and selfish.
Adam was a biddable and polite boy. Bea had watched him relax and respond to them both, but especially to James. He had been deprived of two sets of grandparents and Bea was conscious of the hole she and James were filling for him. Adam felt safe and secure here, and undeniably he was, at heart, a country boy. She had seen him with Harry yesterday; he was literally in his element.
If Ruth took the job in London with Flo and Danielle, how would Adam adapt? She knew James would say Darling, it’s not your problem. He was right, it wasn’t, but Ruth was vulnerable and alone, and was going to have to make some difficult decisions.
Cornwall was
so far from Adam’s real life and his real life had somehow to resume its natural rhythm with Ruth, wherever that might be. Bea sighed and snipped.
After lunch in the garden Adam walked down the hill to ask Harry if he’d like to go to the concert with them that evening.
‘I hope we’re not outstaying our welcome,’ Ruth said to Bea.
‘Of course, you’re not,’ Bea said. ‘I know you probably wanted to get home, Ruth, but Adam seems very keen to go to this little concert.’
‘It’s fine. I had nothing particular planned. Adam really misses going to concerts with Peter, so it’s great he has the chance here.’
Jenny said, ‘Tell us how you got on in London while Adam’s with Harry.’
‘I was impressed by the whole set-up. You’ve got an amazing team up there.’
Bea and James excused themselves and went off to read the papers in the conservatory.
‘Do you think you’ll accept Danielle’s and Flo’s offer?’
Ruth saw in Jenny’s eyes a sudden darting anxiety; a fleeting uncertainty. ‘I’m considering it, but I must discuss it with Adam.’ She paused. ‘I would only work in London if you were happy that I should.’
Jenny got up and poured more coffee into their cups. After a minute she said, ‘It feels strange, the thought of someone else working with Flo and Danielle, but it’s important we have the best person for the job and we all think that’s you.’ She handed Ruth her cup. ‘But you mustn’t feel you’ve been steamrolled into something out of the blue. You may have second thoughts about leaving Birmingham. So be very sure before you accept.’
‘I am sure. I’m absolutely sure.’ Ruth laughed. ‘I think everything else—finding a school for Adam, the logistics—will fall into place once I’ve made the decision, but I will wait until I have a formal offer.’
They got up and walked across the grass. ‘I saw some of your designs. There was one of a wedding dress that took my breath away. You’re too talented to be away from designing for long. I’m sure of this. I wouldn’t necessarily expect to stay once you were well.’
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