by CK Dawn
With breakfast made and her dad waking up, Emma grabbed her backpack and yelled at her father’s closed bedroom door. “Bye, dad.”
His bedroom door creaked open and the disheveled man poked his head out. “Try and have a good day at school today okay, honey?” Robert Kincaid said and looked at his daughter with the sympathetic expression he always seemed to give her now.
“I will. I love you, dad.” Emma said, planting an artificial smile on her face for him before heading to their front door. She often wished she could have a genuine smile. Emma couldn’t remember the last time she really smiled or felt happy.
“I love you too, honey.” Emma’s heart threatened to burst as he matched her forced smile. She was sure she would have been convinced he was letting go of his worry over her if it weren’t for her recent ‘emotional radar.’
As soon as Emma closed the front door to their apartment her earbuds went in and her hood went up, creating a cocoon of solitude against the bombardment of people’s feelings all around her. Her father’s emotions were the worst. Ever since her mother had died in the car crash, Robert Kincaid’s emotions had almost overwhelmed Emma. He didn’t have to do or say anything, Emma simply felt his pain and grief, almost as if she were an empath. Over time, the intensity of his emotions lessened as he made his way through the grieving process. Unfortunately, other people’s feelings started to seep in and her dad still had a lot of grieving left to do. Soon after, Emma could feel everyone around her. She thought maybe she was going crazy with grief herself, but it had been over two months since her mom passed away and the sensations were not dissipating. They had only grown stronger. Emma had just learned to turn the volume down as it were by distracting herself with other things. She cranked up the volume on her music and prepared herself for a long dreary day of high school.
Emma cut through the alley that her father specifically told her to avoid, but she couldn’t help herself. It took fifteen minutes off her walk to school and kept a lot of the random passing cars’ occupants out of her head. The anger coming off some New York drivers scared her more than any dark alley ever could. Pressing her earbuds further into her ears, she cloaked herself from all the echoes of emotions that radiated down to her from the towering buildings above and went deeper into the belly of the short cut. The dark shadows of the alley cast a gloomy grey hue onto the slick pavement reminiscent of how Emma felt. Shiny on the surface, but dark, dreary, and damaged in the crevices where most people never cared to look. She desperately missed her mother, the one person she thought she could talk to about what was happening to her, but Emma was alone. Her father seemed to be okay on the outside, too, but experiencing his feelings first hand day in and day out, Emma knew that he felt lost and helpless without the love of his wife, Rachel. Some days it seemed the only thing that kept him going was his commitment to Emma. That was a heavy burden for a seventeen year old to be privy to, or anyone for that matter. Knowing that her father was willing to give up on life if she wasn’t around was brutal. So every day she shut down her own emotions and put on a smile for her dad and every day he became a little more like himself.
Two weeks ago a lawyer had given Emma an envelope stating it was from her mother with instructions to be opened on her seventeenth birthday. The letter still sat unopened on her dresser. Her birthday had come and gone with little reason for celebration. Emma worried that reading it would shatter what little sanity she had been able to scrape together. Her mom would truly be gone and she would break. So the letter sat on her dresser collecting dust and she stayed strong and unfeeling for her father.
Emma jumped at a noise. She scanned the area, convincing herself the loud crash was probably caused by a feral cat rummaging for food. Her determination to stay away from as many people as she could far outweighed her fear of the creepy alley, but still, the alley was creepy. Dark clouds swooped in, hiding the sun. The fall winds picked up, rattling a few tin cans further down in the darkest parts of the alley. Emma looked up into the sky, wondering if it was about to rain when she was hit by a wave of euphoria followed by a calm she hadn’t felt since being sucked into everyone else’s emotions. Everything and everyone turned to silence and she was alone in her head for the first time in what seemed like forever.
Emma cried joyous tears as peace washed over her. She removed the earbuds she had jammed into her ears and tried to steady herself in the tranquility she was experiencing. Something nagged at her. Muffled instincts were telling her something was wrong. The sensations were too close to what she experienced in her nightmares. As she brushed away her tears, her palms began to sweat and her heart raced. Emma tried to focus on what could possibly be causing both the calmness she was feeling and her incongruent anxiety. The silent void felt forced, foreign, and intrusive as it expanded to include a sensation of unexplained happiness and warmth. An underlying element of being something’s prey had Emma truly scared. Pushing past the euphoria, Emma stepped out of the shadows and into a sliver of sunlight peeking through the clouds. Fighting for control, her flesh began to feel like it was being torn from her bones, strip by strip, as her life force was ripped from her body droplet by droplet. The sensation felt almost as though she were being consumed, just like in her nightmares.
Emma gasped as frigid air filled her lungs, burning on its way down. The sun disappeared. As she exhaled, her breath was visible all around her. The chill in the air should have been unbearable, but something in her mind was telling her she was happy and safe. Taking in a deep breath, Emma tried to cleanse herself of the feeling that someone or something was marking her with a brand. It was claiming her, beginning with her scorched lungs. Whatever was causing the sensation, she was determined to find its source for she was certain she was in mortal danger.
Looking frantically around, wondering where this threat could be, Emma rummaged through her pockets trying to find her pepper spray. She knew it might not do any good, but she was desperate for any advantage. Slowing her breathing, Emma carefully put her back to the nearest wall and scanned the alley once more. Nothing seemed out of place. Shaking her head trying to dislodge the cloud that had begun to shroud her mind, she attempted to focus on what was real and tangible. Her heart began to pound audibly in her chest as she realized that the sensations weren’t coming from a person or anything even remotely human. The creature from the cliff! She had no idea how the nightmarish creature was able to surround her with the feeling of pure bliss but she ran away from it and the cold as fast as she could. She would have enjoyed staying in the silence if she wasn’t so frightened of the creature from her nightmares and its power. Just as that thought crossed her mind, a low angry rattle deep in the darkest crevice of the alley behind her began to shake. In spite of her instinct to keep running, Emma turned and finally saw the source of the strange encounter. She watched as an out of place shadow shifted and moved deeper into the darkness. Emma stood frozen for a few moments, trying to make sense of the scene she had just watched. Her hands found the earbuds dangling at her side and absent mindedly placed them in their proper spot as her feet moved once more towards school.
†
Emma’s heart had finally stopped racing and the strange fuzziness in her mind started to dissipate as she reached the front doors of Jefferson High School. She tried to convince herself the encounter had been a figment of her imagination, residual fright from the hellish nightmares that plagued her every night. Emma kept her head down and her music up as she walked through the hallway to class. She knew all her schoolmates intimately without ever talking to them. Patrick, a football player was anxious, sweating, and his heart was beating faster than normal as he contemplated taking the steroids another player had offered him. Janet was grumpier than usual as she awaited her period that was due in about four days, or at least, she was hoping she would get it. Three teachers in the lounge were smoking near an open window, one even had a nicotine patch on his arm, and Emma’s geometry teacher was drinking alcohol in his morning coffee. How did sh
e know all of this? Everyone’s dopamine, endorphin, and adrenaline levels tickled her skin like they were actual tangible textures. Dopamine felt like soft silky cat fur sliding through her fingers. Endorphins were the wind-pressure on her skin driving with the window down, creating waves with her hand at sixty-five miles an hour. Adrenaline was like being in the front seat of a roller coaster right before the first steep fall. She knew it from the lurch in the pit of her stomach. Emma wasn’t exactly certain she could sense the actual neurochemicals firing in the brains of everyone around her, but making it a sort of name-game helped her deal with the intensity of it all. She had learned to enjoy the sensations that came from being a freak, but being hit by all of them all at the same time all day long became overwhelming. Trying to not to look like a freak while managing all of them was nearly impossible.
Emma pulled her hood down but kept her music on until Mrs. Blake actually started her class. As soon as Mrs. Blake gave Emma her usual disapproving look Emma took her earbuds out and prepared as best she could for the onslaught of emotions that she would have to bare for the rest of the day. As the daily assault of teenage angst began Emma tried to pay attention to Mrs. Blake’s lecture. She was mostly managing normalcy until there was an unusual void outside in the hallway that shouldn’t have been there. Immediately, her attention was drawn to this inexplicable absence. She could sense that something or someone was right outside the door, but couldn’t feel anything from them. Emma’s heart began to race for the second time today, thinking about the thing from the alley. Had it followed her to school? And then the anomaly stepped into the classroom.
Mrs. Blake was saying something about him being a transfer from a private school, but all Emma could do was stare. He was painfully beautiful. She imagined this is how models for Grecian Gods would have looked. Emma was mesmerized by the six foot tall, shaggy, chocolate-haired specimen. Even under his leather coat and dark shirt, Emma thought she could still make out the contours of his toned muscles.
Gorgeous and unattainable! Emma scoffed to herself, and probably some type of werewolf or bloodsucker with her luck. Being of average height with hazel eyes so dark they might as well be brown and mousy brown hair she never knew what to do with, Emma had always felt invisible, especially to boys. Even without her freakish empathic abilities she knew she was a bit odd, or quirky as her only friend Mel liked to say. She had never felt like she really fit in with other teenagers, either, and no one in school ever paid any attention to her. So why should this beautiful specimen be any different? And then, it happened. As Mrs. Blake said the boy’s name he looked directly at Emma and smiled.
“Class, this is Mattox Daniels.”
Mattox’s blue eyes locked with hers. His smile seemed so genuine that she couldn’t believe it. Emma’s heart got stuck in her throat as she tried to swallow. She tried to smile back but failed. The moment passed and he looked away. Then Mattox took a seat all the way in the back of the classroom far from her own.
I was in his line of sight, that’s all, she convinced herself. Besides the void in space he created there was something odd about the boy. Emma couldn’t explain it, but somehow she knew he was different from the thing in the alley. She hadn’t felt any emotions from him and yet she felt connected to him. Is he even really here? She looked behind her and Mattox smiled at her again, still not giving off any emotions. Emma’s heartbeat quickened and his smile grew wider with every beat of her heart. She quickly turned back around, but not before Patrick the steroid-contemplating jock chuckled from beside her.
“Keep dreaming, Emma Dilemma,” Patrick scoffed. “You’d have a better chance with me, freak,” his football buddies laughed along with him.
Emma didn’t respond. Instead she stoically looked straight ahead and tried to become invisible. Well, Mattox is definitely real alright.
†
Emma walked down the hall to her next class fully aware of the void in space that followed behind her. She gave a quick glance over her shoulder and could have sworn that Mattox turned away just before she made eye contact with him. She took a detour and made a sharp left turn ducking into the girl’s bathroom.
What the hell is going on? She shook her head thinking that maybe the encounter in the alley had done something to short circuit her already crazy wiring. He can’t just NOT be there. Emma found herself both irritated and intrigued by Mattox. She was curious about her reaction to him, how she couldn’t actually get an empathic feel from him. The only thing more powerful than her curiosity, however, was her self-doubt in the face of his ridiculous good looks. Emma couldn’t help but instinctively push out her senses to fix on his location. She was certain she felt him pass the bathroom doors and enter her next class. Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! Two girls came out of a stall whispering and looking at Emma as they left the bathroom in a cloud of giggles. They were probably wondering why she was just standing against the tile wall like a freak staring into space instead of at least looking in the mirror, or gossiping about Janet’s period as they had been. Emma walked to the sink and threw some cold water on her face preparing for another hour with the curiosity that was Mattox Daniels. So focused on Mr. Mystery, Emma hadn’t noticed this particular distraction had been drowning out a lot of the other constant and intrusive emotions swirling within her perception.
“Mr. Daniels, I don’t know how S.B. Devere Academy is run, but here at Jefferson High students are actually expected to participate in class.” Mr. Grey mumbled something about private schools and paltry public funds under his breath before turning back to his cracked and faded chalkboard.
Mattox put away the very expensive looking device that Emma didn’t think was a phone or an iPad and gave Mr. Grey a halfhearted apologetic shrug.
“My man, Ox,” one of the jocks whispered obviously impressed by the gadget.
“You mean fox,” a varsity cheerleader chimed in probably hoping for a ride in the equally expensive car Emma assumed he had. Or the cheerleader was simply looking to ride him.
Some of the other students turned to look at him with reverence. And with that, Mattox’s fate was sealed. He was officially dubbed a cool.
†
Emma’s other morning classes had been uneventful and unoccupied by the curious Mr. Mattox Daniels. She was somewhat relieved, but his absence served to pique her interest even more.
Emma looked at her tray of food made up of entirely beige contents and took a seat. Lunchtime was unbearable. So many people, so many emotions. Emma sat at the farthest bench in the outside courtyard that she could find, but it still wasn’t far enough from all the tumultuous teen static.
“Hi. Mind if I sit here?” A voice asked Emma as she hid underneath her hood. Without even looking up she knew it was Mattox that had asked the question and he still wasn’t giving off any emotions.
“Sorry, it’s taken.” said Emma, fidgeting with the fork on her tray. She wasn’t quite sure why she wasn’t up for his company, but she knew she was still trying to get a handle of the new tumult of her own emotions. Even a small conversation with him might cause her to explode. Emma looked up in time to see his smile replaced by a deflated look of rejection as he looked at her empty table.
“Oh, um. Well, maybe next time then.” Mattox seemed to deflate a little as he walked off to find another empty picnic table. His table only remained empty momentarily as a swarm of students descended. He was immediately surrounded as the cool click tried to induct him into their group. Emma watched as they called him names like Ox and Mad Max, slapping him on the back as they sat down to join him. Emma snickered sarcastically to herself. Well, they could always use another handsome brooding guy to join their ranks. Mattox didn’t join in their banter though. He looked straight at Emma and gave her a mischievous smile that said ‘game on.’
Her view of Mattox was abruptly blocked by a mess of bushy blonde hair and thick, wide rimmed glasses. “Who was that?” her friend Mel asked sitting down across from her.
“New g
uy.”
“New hotness you mean. Didn’t I see him at our table?” Mel asked, taking a huge bite of her chicken salad sandwich.
“Just lost, I guess.” Emma said, pushing the tan food around her tray. “Or maybe he thinks my name is Charity Case, not Emma.”
“Ha ha, you’re so beyond help, hasn’t anybody told him that yet?” Mel said sarcastically as she glanced at Mattox again.
Emma rolled her eyes but had to giggle.
“Well, kidnap him next time would ya? I mean, seriously, Me-ow!” Mel giggled back.
Mel was easy for Emma to be around and not get bombarded with emotions. She, too, had lost a parent and kept her emotions locked up tight, choosing to be fun and carefree instead. Mel’s father had died of a heart attack last year and she and her mom had moved from Dallas to New York right after his funeral.
The rest of Emma’s day went as usual and there were no more Mattox sightings, but it seemed that she would be sharing her first two classes with him for the remainder of the year. She almost forgot about lunchtime, too, and had to giggle to herself that someone like Mattox had even approached her. She felt a little guilty for telling him her entire table was taken when in reality it was only ever her and Mel that sat there.
Ten minutes left before school let out and she could finally return to her cocoon of solitude. Emma looked out the window and saw the remnants of the sun fading behind a thick blanket of grey clouds. Rain? Just great. Considering she had left her money at home, a cab ride was out and the short cut through the alley was definitely out. Emma rolled her eyes at the prospect of a cold rain drenched walk home. Perfect.
Her chattering teeth almost overpowered the music blaring in her ears. Emma was soaked and freezing, but she was also smiling from ear to ear. She found the downpour exhilarating. Somehow the heavy rain was acting like a shield against all the emotions that plagued her daily life. She would take a nice hot shower instead of her normal bath when she got home to see if she could replicate the glorious effect.