“Yeah. Auntie is good friends with my mom, so she keeps me posted. I should have trusted Nalani. There’s no questions after tonight.” That grin from earlier is back. “You’re her Maka.”
“I am.” I shrug, then figure I should be honest. “Full disclosure, I don’t know what that means.”
“Ooooh, that’s even better!”
“Don’t be an asshole, K! What does it mean?”
“Nah, you should hear that from her. If she didn’t tell you immediately, it’s probably important to her.”
“Well, I appreciate that you have her back, K. That’s all that matters.”
“Always, Brah. ‘Ohana.”
30
Nalani
I have pointedly not thought about what today would mean over the last three weeks. I haven’t been able to entirely avoid thinking about it, but I’ve spent 3 weeks pushing the thoughts away. I also managed to forget that I’m not the only person thinking about it. I realize that’s mental. I’m with Ames. We’ve become really good friends, with the best benefits, and there’s definitely the possibility for more. And yet, when it comes to the big scary “C” it has felt like an issue that is entirely mine. I didn’t even consider that it wouldn’t be until last night when Ames came to me, looking like a lost and scared little boy. He kneeled in front of me while I sat on the couch, holding my hands in my lap, and asked in a voice laced with fear, if he could please come with me to my appointment. I had assumed I’d go alone but I’d also, like a total asshole, assumed I was alone in worrying about it. He laid his head on my legs and I stroked his hair, assuring him that I wanted him with me, all the while the guilt of my assumptions eating me up inside. We made love, tender and slow, holding each other close, and Ames fell asleep with his head on my chest.
Apparently, Ames told his captain a little about what was going on and was told to take the day off to be with me. I’ve been so caught up in how attracted I am to him, how much I enjoy being with him, how good our little life is, and how well we fit together. I hadn’t stopped to consider what’s going on between us. We’ve been married for one month. Only an us for one month. But feelings don’t always make sense and they’re definitely not following some timeline. I care for him deeply, beyond what he has given me with his medical insurance and benefits. Based on the way he asked to be included in my appointment today, I’d say he cares for me too. This is good, wonderful even. But it does complicate the concept of our contract marriage. I know Ames said, when he asked me, that he wanted to date and spend the year as a couple, but I didn’t really expect it to be like that. I don’t know what I thought it would be like. I was blinded by the amazing sex, and I didn’t think much beyond the ceremony. As absurd as it is, I’m almost looking forward to worrying about my test results to avoid thinking about what we are or what we might be before our year is over.
Like an idiot, I took the first available appointment, which is in the afternoon. Now not only have we spent three weeks thinking about this appointment, we have to wait all day before we can leave. The stress is like an acid, burning through my organs. My legs are bouncing, I’m wringing my hands, I’ve chewed on my lips so much they’re burning, and my hair is a mess from my frenzied raking with my shaky fingers.
Ames reaches out, stilling my leg with his hand. “Lani, you look like you could really use some stress relief.”
“Obviously!” I practically screech. “Who wouldn’t? I’m freaking out here!” He waggles his eyebrows at me, and my brain catches up. “Oh! OH! You’d do that for me?”
Ames gives me that sexy smirk that melts me to my core. “I’d do anything for you, Mrs. Cabot. With pleasure. It’s not like it isn’t for me too.” I get up and walk to the bed before he can carry me. It may be a small, silly thing, but I want to initiate this on my own two feet. I slide my hands up his torso, pulling his shirt up and off.
“Fuzakenna, Maka! How are you so fucking hot? It’s honestly not fair.”
He looks at me seriously. “Not fair for who? Your opinion is all that matters to me.”
Those are some big fucking butterflies. “Oh, I’m a big, big fan. Get over here and get to work.”
He is painstakingly slow taking off my clothes, giving me tiny little barely-there kisses that are maddening. I’m standing in front of him in my panties while he hovers, scarcely touching me with a little smile on his face. I can’t believe he is playing with me after promising me stress relief! I move in, tracing that sexy tattoo on his inner bicep with my tongue. I slide my mouth inward, along the muscular lines of his shoulder before moving down to his chest.
“Lani,” he groans, “I’m supposed to be the one working here, not you.”
“Yeah, well you’re messing with me, taking too fucking long.”
His cheeks pull up, crinkling the corner of his eyes. For some reason the angry cursing during what he likes to call sexy times always gets him. And I love making him smile like that.
“I want your mouth on me, Mr. Cabot. And you,” I emphasize my words with little bites on his nipples, “weren’t. keeping up. your end. of the agreement.” He groans and pushes me back onto the mattress.
“You’re right, ma’am. Let me rectify this situation.” I swear he plays up the twang just to turn me on.
I bite my lip, watching him bring his body over mine. He holds himself up, his muscles taut, licking and sucking on my breast. He’s very thorough. He doesn’t only pay attention to my nipples, he covers every inch and desire pools between my legs. He moves down my torso, nipping at my exposed hip bone before locking eyes with me and dragging my panties down with his teeth. I’m throbbing with need and anticipation.
“Maka?” He stares at me, all seduction and coiled energy. “I’m dying here. Please, don’t mess with me.”
One side of his lip curls up and I’m afraid he’s going to do exactly that. I’m wound so tightly; I won’t be able to take it. He bites his lower lip and runs his hands up my inner thighs, spreading my legs and looping them over his shoulders. His big hands span my hips, and he drags me down towards the edge of the bed, straight to his waiting mouth. I moan the moment his warm tongue makes contact with my skin. He murmurs against me, the vibrations of his deep voice making me tremble.
“I could do this forever, Lani.”
His tongue swirls and laps, small, controlled strokes and long, harder ones until I’m writhing, my hands fisted into the sheets. He knows exactly what I like, what I need. My hips are rising, unbidden, to meet his face. His tongue is inside me, rolling and curling, teasing me with how it’s almost, but not quite enough. He laps up until he gets up where I want him the most. He changes his movements, swiping, tapping, humming, circling, never staying with anything long enough until I’m moaning beneath him. Fucking tease.
“Maka!” I gasp out. “More!”
He keeps it up, teasing me with his tongue and one of his fingers. Sweat is beading up on my skin and my throat is dry from my rapid breathing and moaning. Right when I’m at my breaking point, when I’m sure I can’t take it anymore, he doubles down. No longer teasing he thrust his fingers in deep, curving in towards my belly and stroking. He sucks my clit into his mouth, keeping the perfect amount of suction as he continues stroking inside of me. I groan, arching my back. The gathering of electricity is spread between the two points, both building and competing for my attention. He loosens the suction and I cry out, I’m so close. Then he sucks me back in, hard, and I explode around him. I see stars behind my eyelids and I’m drowning in wave upon wave of pleasure. I’m panting, groaning, and shaking as Ames stands up, eyeing me with cocky pleasure.
“Pants. Off!” I breathe out at him, loudly sucking in air. He smirks, tipping his chin at me and pushes his pants and boxers down together. His cock springs up, ready for me. He’s big and thick and I need him inside of me now. He slides up my body, kissing me sloppily with the taste of me on his tongue.
“You are too sexy. I’m going to make you come again. Are you ready for me?” He
bites my bottom lip and I reach down between us, taking him in my hand.
I raise an eyebrow. “How do you want me, Sir?”
“Oh, is that how it’s going to be?” He raises his own eyebrow back at me, his eyes dropping partially closed as I stroke his hardened length. “On your knees,” he commands, his voice low with a rough edge.
I can’t even play-act. “Fuck.” His eyes widen questioningly. “That was really, really hot. You can keep talking to me like that. I like you bossy.”
He tilts his head, a cocky grin on his lips, and circles his fingers, motioning for me to turn around.
“On. Your. Knees.” I turn around and then drop down onto my hands and knees, looking at him shyly over my shoulder. I feel very exposed and a little self-conscious.
“Your ass is incredible.” He slaps me playfully and then runs himself against my folds, spreading my wetness on his cock before angling up and in. He groans. “Fuck, you feel good.”
I’ve always thought of this position as rough, impersonal, lending itself to frenzied thrusting and little else. It’s not that way with Ames at all. He presses his chest to my back, pulling me against him. He’s kissing my neck and grabbing my breasts, keeping as much contact between us as possible. His rhythm is steady and even as he pushes up, so deep. I let my head fall back against him as I push back into him with every plunge. I lose myself in the rhythm, in the feel of the friction between our skin.
“Like that,” I pant out. I can feel another orgasm climbing fast. Ames bites down into the crook of my neck and reaches around my body so he can stroke my clit. “Fuuuuck. Don’t stop.”
He growls into my neck, sucking on my tender skin and the sound pushes me higher. He’s still steady, totally in control, but he’s driving into me faster and harder. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s almost too good. I’m balanced right on the razors edge between extreme pleasure and discomfort. Ames captures my ear with his mouth, nibbling and licking while holding my body tight against his.
“I’m so fucking close. Don’t you dare stop moving. Do you hear me?” His growly voice gives me goosebumps.
I push back against him, unable to stop groaning as he keeps hitting a spot so deep, I swear it’s never been touched before. He strains against me, and I lose control. It’s like my body stops functioning normally. I feel his release inside of me as he holds me up, my body shaking. I see stars, possibly whole new galaxies. I may have briefly died. It’s all fuzzy.
I open my eyes to find myself lying on my back with Ames still on his knees, looking down at me. His facial expression has a crazy giggle bursting out of me.
“What did you just do to me?” He grins wider and I laugh again, sounding like a loon.
“I take it that was alright?”
“ALRIGHT? Fuck yes, that was alright, Ames Cabot. Alright doesn’t even begin to cover it. What just happened to me?”
He shrugs his right shoulder, looking like he’s trying to be nonchalant, but I see right through him.
“A-spot orgasm.”
“That’s a thing?”
“Clearly.” He smirks at me.
“Go ahead, celebrate, because I’m not buying this aw-shucks-it’s-no-big-deal-ma’am bullshit you’re slinging.” He pumps his fist in the air and collapses next to me. His smile is so big my own face can’t help but respond, my cheeks lifting in reply.
“I feel like I won a gold medal at sex! Can that be a thing?”
“That was some top-level work, Maka. We should get you a gold star chart. I 100% approve of the things you do to me. Should I even ask how you know how to do that? I’d rather not think about previous girlfriends getting the gold medal treatment.”
“Ah, Darlin',” he runs a finger between my breasts and down my torso, making me shiver, “that knowledge was for you and you alone. You know I like to research. It’s astonishing what you can read about online.” He laughs and I roll over to kiss him. I wasn’t kidding though. That was some next level sex. I’ve never been with someone who is so focused, so tender, so playful, so confident, so in tune with my needs. He always puts me first and makes me feel desired and cared for. Sex with my husband is beyond good. I think Issa was onto something. That was more than stress relief. Much, much more.
31
Ames
I’ve never felt closer to Nalani. Holy fucking hell, that sex! It definitely wasn’t about having the right moves; it was about the two of us together. She’s so open and uninhibited in bed. I have fun with her. I never knew sex could be and mean so many different things with the same person. I don’t see how I could ever tire of being with her. I like her, and I like who I am with her.
I’m falling harder for my wife every day and it shouldn’t be this easy to feel these things without reciprocation. I want all of her, but I’ll take as much as I can get for now. I suppose the biggest problem is that I have to admit, when I asked her to marry me, I already wanted to be with her forever. Something in me simply knew that she was it for me. I want her to be comfortable. I don’t want to push her, but I’m not questioning my motives or feelings. I’m one hundred percent sure. Nalani is nowhere near there, no matter how much I wish she was. For now, I need to focus on getting us through today. I’ll control what I can, while I can, then I can work on our forever.
All morning, Nalani was on edge. I could see her unraveling. She needed to get her mind off of her appointment. I figured focusing solely on the physical would be just the thing. An enjoyable diversion. I didn’t expect to come away from it feeling like I had joined with her body and soul. It was intense and emotional. I can’t think of a better way to head into a stressful medical appointment than blissed out on the best sex ever.
The prospect of this appointment terrifies me. I want Nalani to be okay. We’ve been getting closer, but that only highlights for me that I didn’t go into this with my eyes wide open. I was blinded by infatuation and my desire to be with Nalani, to take care of her, to make sure she was safe, no matter the cost to me.
All I know, for sure, is that it’s too late for me now. I’m way past the point of being safe, of protecting my heart. I don’t know how hurt I’ll end up at the end of this year. I’ve never been in such a vulnerable position before. It’s terrifying. The only choice I have is to be fully committed. I don’t want to imagine an outcome where Nalani walks away. Even if it does come to that, the only thing that could make that less devastating is knowing that I gave her absolutely everything I could. I’ve given up my heart, knowing it can be completely destroyed by a woman who, at this point, doesn’t even know she is its sole owner. So, I have to be all in. There’s no point in loving her halfway, from a safe distance, if all of me is already on the line. I’m going to give her as much time as she needs. I’ll give her as much space as she needs. I’ll do everything in my power to make her feel seen and heard and valued. I’ll let go of any vanity or self-preservation that crops up. I only have this year to get Nalani to see that I’m her person as much as she is mine.
We planned to have lunch before the appointment, but we ended up spending the time we should have been eating in bed, holding each other. By the time we get up to get ready to leave, the nerves are starting to creep back in. I made sure to leave us extra time in the schedule since we have to go to Tripler. Not only do we have to drive to the other side of the island, but there’s the whole parking situation. Trying to find a parking spot at Tripler Army Medical Center is like navigating one of the seven circles of hell. The big pink hospital is iconic and in my limited experience, I’ve never seen the parking lots, plural, not overflowing.
The drive over is stunning, as always. It doesn’t matter that I make the drive twice a day, every work-day, I never get tired of traveling on the H-3 across the island. Following the elevated highway up, through the Ko‘olau Mountains is breathtaking. It hasn’t been raining, so there aren’t any waterfalls, but that’s definitely my favorite view. We spot some hikers climbing up the illegal hike, Stairway to Heaven, and try to d
istract ourselves talking about how much we’d both like to do that hike but have never been tempted to try because of the hefty fines and possible trespassing charges.
I always love the crazy changes from one side of the Tetsuo Harano Tunnels to the other. On the windward side, it’s often grey, overcast, and threatening rain that close to the mountains, but when you exit the tunnel on the leeward side, it’s usually bright, sunny, and much warmer. I love watching the view open before us, the bright blue ocean, the green curve of Aloha Stadium, the glimpse of Navy ships at Pearl Harbor. The closer we get to the hospital, the more the calm we achieved earlier melts away. I’m trying not to let it get to me, but I realize, when Nalani reaches out and places her hand on my thigh, I’ve been bouncing my leg with anxiety. I mentally chide myself. She shouldn’t have to comfort me today. I’ve gotta box those feelings up — none of this is about me.
The closer we get to the 201/H-1 split, the more traffic there is. I’m just going to say it, drivers here are some of the worst I’ve ever experienced. You’ve got the transplants and military people who drive like it’s a race they’re determined to win. There are the older locals who drive with extreme aloha — as in super slow with shakas thrown out the window. Those people slow to a crawl and sometimes even stop in the worst places to let cars out onto the main road, even if they’re putting everyone behind them in danger. And then there’s the jerks who will refuse to let you merge, cut you off, then toss a shaka in their rearview, as if using that gesture makes it okay to be a dick. The mix of all those different kinds of drivers, plus the fact that there are about a million people on this tiny island and roughly the same number of registered vehicles, not including all the cars that tourists are out driving…driving at peak times is not a treat.
Like a Good Wife (Oahu Naval Officers Book 2) Page 16