The first years were good, but after we married, his obsession with his job and the long shifts began to alter our relationship, particularly once Finley was born. Then when Leo came along, tiredness, stress and lonely hours came between us. Maybe I was too needy – always wanting and expecting more of Nick. Somehow, somewhere, we lost our connection; the love dwindled, and his dark moods became more frequent. He seemed to be chasing something, a missing part of his life. A gap I wasn’t good enough to fill. And then, of course, came the other woman. The police sergeant who was suddenly the one he confided in because he spent more time at the station than at home. The beginning of the end. I went through a tough time, and Jo was privy to my struggles. She was the one to pick me up.
Jo’s always had my back, has done from day one of secondary school. That first day when I was being bullied by the older girls, she’d rocked up and given them what-for and from that moment on I knew I had a friend for life. We’d gone our separate ways following college – she moved away and later met Keeley. After marrying her in a civil ceremony in 2008, they’d come back to Devon and I was thrilled they chose to live in Stockwood. But while I loved her choice of partner, Jo had never really taken to Nick. As one of my oldest friends, though, she’d tried her best to put her own feelings about him aside for my sake. Until I announced the split. Then he became fair game.
I sit with Jo and Keeley for just over an hour, the conversation eventually turning to Richard and how he’s so much better for me than Nick. My anxiety lowers as I talk about my new relationship. Jo says I’ve got a sparkle in my eyes and excitement in my voice when I’m speaking about him. And it’s true – the warm glow, the nervous tummy, the happiness that even thinking about him creates, is exciting. And all of it points to this being a good move for me.
On a brighter note than when I went in, I leave – my head a little woozy from the wine. It’s been good to get my frustration, and anger, off my chest before facing Barb. My emotions are in better check now.
Nick’s car isn’t outside the house. That’s good; I’ll have time to thoroughly compose myself. Although it is annoying that the later they are, the more difficult it’s going to be to settle the boys for bed. I don’t suppose Nick’s thought of that, seeing as it’s not him going to have to cope with them.
I’m almost through the front door when I hear Davina’s voice.
God, not now.
‘I wondered where you were,’ she shouts, as she walks across the road in her slippers. I internally groan. ‘Seemed quiet at yours.’
‘Well, yes. Because no one was in.’ I give a tight smile. Davina doesn’t even flinch at my sarcasm. Her skin is as thick as a rhino’s. She pulls the sides of her long grey cardigan across her chest. That’s a sign she’s settling in for a lengthy chat. I’ll have to nip this in the bud.
‘Saw a fella coming and going – thought it must be a new man in your life?’ Her pitch goes up irritatingly high at the end of her sentence – it’s something she does with every question she asks. And she asks many questions.
‘No, no.’ I don’t want to tell her anything about Richard. ‘Just the estate agent I expect – and prospective buyers,’ I say before rushing inside and slamming the door. Why must she be so nosy? It’s Neighbourhood Watch overkill. You’d think she was an eighty-year-old spinster the way she goes on, not a married, fifty-something woman. I don’t understand why she spends so much time talking about other people’s business. I go to the kitchen and fill up the kettle. I’ll have a coffee to counter the alcohol.
Carl hadn’t mentioned any viewings, so I’ve no idea who Davina saw. I wish I’d paid the subscription for the SmartRing app now – I could have used the recording feature and looked back through the footage of the comings and goings just to check. But it was one more expense I couldn’t justify, and I only really want to be able to see who’s at the door when I’m home before answering it; screening visitors the way I now screen all my calls. Anyway, wouldn’t Carl have told me if he’d shown someone around? Maybe he was re-checking measurements or taking new photos or something in preparation for the open house.
The doorbell rings, bringing me out of my thoughts. I don’t need to check the app now as I can hear the excited, sugar-induced squeals from Finley and Leo on the other side.
‘What’s crawled up your nose?’ Nick says after I wrench open the door and glare at him. His comment does nothing to ease my annoyance.
Deep breath. Slow, deep breaths. Don’t lose it.
‘What the bloody hell did you think you were doing?’ My hoarse “whisper” isn’t as quiet, or calm, as I intend. The boys have already rushed inside, but I keep Nick and his mother on the doorstep, their smug, shocked faces now looking up at me, aghast.
‘Oh, please!’ I continue when they don’t say a word. ‘Don’t play the innocent with me. You shouldn’t have taken them, Barb. Not without my permission. I was worried,’ I say, flicking my eyes from one guilty party to the other. Nick stands rigidly, arms at his sides, his piercing blue eyes boring into mine.
‘We left a note …’
‘Not good enough, Nick. Your mother picked them up from school without even speaking to me first.’ I purposely talk about Barb as though she’s not there, not making further eye contact with her for fear of what else might come out of my mouth.
‘She just thought it would be nice, seeing as she’s probably not got long left with them,’ Nick says, his fashionably stubbled chin jutting forwards in defiance.
‘Oh, why? Is she dying?’ I can’t help myself. Nick shakes his head and sighs, as if I’m the one who needs chastising.
‘Look, I’m sorry if I worried you, Amber, darling.’ Barb steps forward into my line of sight. She wouldn’t be coming into such close proximity if she knew what was going through my mind. And “darling”? I bristle, but hold my tongue. Let her continue to wriggle out of this. ‘But when you didn’t show up, I thought it was best to take them with me, you know, rather than leave them alone on the school playground like poor, forgotten children.’
‘They were not forgotten, Barb, and I wasn’t that late. I’d called the school and they would’ve ensured a teacher stayed with them until I arrived.’
‘But I was right there – it would’ve been silly to leave them, no?’
I can’t argue with Barb when she’s in this mood. It’s counterproductive.
‘Yes, but a phone call would have been nice. No?’ I widen my eyes as I use her phrasing against her.
‘Well, we all had a lovely time at Maccies, and the boys are safe and home, so no harm done,’ Nick says as he takes Barb by her elbow and they turn away from me. But I’m not finished yet.
‘Who are you to say if harm has or hasn’t been done?’
‘Amber, please don’t make this into something it isn’t, eh?’ Nick’s voice softens, his eyes flitting to next door. I’ve probably got an audience now with the fuss I’m making. But I don’t appear to be able to stem my rush of anger now it’s flowing.
‘In future, no one picks the boys up unless it’s arranged that they do so. Okay?’
‘Fine.’ Nick shakes his head again.
‘I do want to make the most of them being here, though, Amber,’ Barb adds. ‘I am their only nanna, after all. It would be such a shame to deprive us all of the time we have left.’
‘You have a lifetime left, Barb. We will only be a few hours away by train and I’ve told you, you can visit whenever you like. Please don’t act as though I’m taking them away from you – they’re my kids.’
‘Mine too,’ Nick says, quietly.
It’s the first time I see tears in his eyes.
Am I being an awful person by wanting to move away?
Chapter Seven
Barb
‘See what I mean? She’s being unreasonable, Nick. Over-reacting,’ I say, when we’re both in his car heading out of Amber’s road. My road. ‘As she’s prone to doing …’
‘Mum. Don’t start, please.’
‘But, if she hadn’t started all this horrible business, then none of this would be happening, would it? Why don’t you fight it, Nick? Why?’
Nick takes one hand off the steering wheel and rubs it over his face. ‘I’ve been over and over this. Leave it be; it’s not your concern.’
‘It most certainly is my concern.’ I twist sharply in the passenger seat to face him. ‘Those boys are everything to me – all I’ve got …’ I dab a crinkled-up piece of tissue over my cheeks, patting the tears away.
‘Oh, don’t cry, Mum. Tears don’t help anyone,’ Nick says. The pain is clear on his face. I hate seeing him upset.
‘I only want you to be happy. Want us all to be a family again. I don’t understand why you don’t want that, too.’
‘It’s not as simple as you think.’
‘It is simple, Nick. I can help you.’
‘She’s made her decision and I’m not standing in her way. Life’s too short and I’ve enough on my plate.’
‘What exactly do you have on your plate, Nick? Some cold cases that are more pressing than losing your family?’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I mumble. It was below the belt, and I shouldn’t be taking Amber’s shortcomings out on him. Since she threw him out, he has suffered emotionally. He was only put in charge of cold cases as his superior noticed him struggling at work. Poor Nick, the shock of the separation got to him. No wonder his mind wasn’t as sharp as usual. At least not being on the frontline, as such, means his stress levels are somewhat lower now.
‘It’s okay. I know you worry, but I’m fine. Amber and the boys are fine. And Richard is a good bloke.’
‘How can you be so sure of that? You haven’t even met him,’ I snap. ‘Amber found him on the internet, for goodness’ sake. He could be anyone.’
‘It was Facebook, not a dating site – although that’s the way a lot of people meet and fall in love these days anyway, Mum. Amber’s not stupid, she’d have been careful; wouldn’t have let it get this far if she wasn’t sure about him.’
‘Facebook is on the internet – so, same difference in my eyes. People do strange things when they think they’re in love, Nick. Act out of character, rush into things. Ignore warning signs, brushing away niggles and papering over the person’s bad characteristics thinking they can “change them”. This Richard could be a paedophile for all we know.’
‘Seriously, you don’t think I’ve had a colleague check him out? Come on, Mum.’
‘Hmm … well. If he hasn’t been caught doing anything untoward, then his name won’t have flagged up any alarm bells, now would it?’
‘I trust Amber’s judgement. And I’m sure they’ll all be very happy. That’s good enough for me.’
I stare out of the window.
It isn’t good enough for me, though.
Chapter Eight
Amber
‘You kept that quiet!’ Jo leans against the doorframe, waving a piece of paper in her hand.
‘What’s that?’ I say.
She steps inside the hallway and unfolds the paper, holding it up in front of my face.
OPEN HOUSE is printed on the top with a photo of my house underneath.
‘Ahh, no. I forgot.’ I usher Jo into the lounge. ‘The boys’ abduction took precedence,’ I say jokingly – which is easier to do now the situation has blown over. Carl certainly didn’t hang around, making up leaflets and distributing them so quickly. I’d only agreed to it on Friday morning.
‘I hope it works. As much as I will hate for you not to be around the corner from me – and hate even more that you’re moving to where we came from – I can’t wait to know you’re happily getting on with your life post-Nick.’
‘Thank you, Jo. I hope that too. Ironic, isn’t it? We’ll have literally swapped locations!’
‘I certainly didn’t see that coming,’ Jo says, giving a shrug. ‘Perhaps we’ll move back, too – follow you around the country.’ Her expression is solemn. I feel bad leaving my friend behind.
‘Maybe one day, eh?’
‘We’ll have to make sure we visit loads,’ she says, brightening. ‘And as I say, I am happy for you. Really. Still, I’m surprised you agreed to this, even if you are desperate.’
‘Well, if I’m honest, I wasn’t keen on the idea and I categorically told Carl I wouldn’t be here while it went on – I couldn’t bear it. But if I get some interest, it’ll be worth it. If you ask me, it’s been ridiculously slow so far.’
‘If nothing else, this’ – Jo flutters the paper in the air again – ‘will at the very least ensure your neighbours get to have a good look inside your house.’
‘What? I hope not! Surely they won’t be interested? None of their houses are on the market – the Sampsons from next door have already sold up and moved out. The house is empty.’
‘But now they’re invited.’ Jo laughs.
‘What are you talking about?’ I stand up and launch forwards, grabbing the paper from Jo’s hand. ‘What the hell …’
There, in capitals, are the words: PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COME ON IN.
‘I like the added touch of “apologies for the likely increase of cars in the road”, as if he’s expecting droves of people to attend. Talk about bigging up your house,’ Jo says. Then she must clock my horrified expression and adds, ‘At least he’s trying to hype it up a bit, create a buzz?’
‘Oh, God.’ I slump back onto the sofa. ‘Why invite the bloody neighbours? It makes zero sense. What a waste of time.’
‘I suppose they might tell others about it. Word of mouth can be a good form of advertising.’
‘Really? You and I know all that’ll happen is people will come for a nose about and nothing more.’ Then the thought hits me. ‘Fantastic.’ I fling my arms up. ‘What a great opportunity for Davina to finally get inside my home!’
Jo tries and fails to hide a snigger. ‘Bless her. You’d best lock away anything you don’t want her to see.’
‘It’s not funny, Jo. The nosy bag has been desperate to come in for years. She’ll jump at the chance to walk around my bedroom, see if she can deduce if I’ve had another bloke here since Nick.’
‘Yes, she will be in her element. Remember when me and Keeley moved here? She was particularly keen to find out all about us and kept stopping one or other of us to ask how we were “fitting in”? I don’t think she knew many lesbians … We were the only gays in the village.’
I shake my head, but can’t help smiling at Jo’s joke and the memory. ‘Maybe I should cancel it, tell Carl it’s a bad idea.’
‘Don’t be daft, Amber. Any buyer coming into your home is already an invasion of your privacy, a few more people won’t hurt – even if one of them is Davina.’
I groan. The thought of her poking around, touching my things is enough to make my skin prickle.
‘Maybe I’ll set my phone up to record. Then I can see who’s coming in and out and if they touch my stuff.’
‘Yep. That’s not paranoid behaviour at all.’
‘Well. What would you do?’
‘Let Carl get on with his job? He’s done these things before you know. People have open houses all the time these days. Just go with it. Relax.’
She has a point. ‘Yeah, I’ll try.’
‘As it’s on Sunday, why don’t you and the boys come over to us? Keeley will leap at the chance to play with them for the afternoon, and I’ll cook us a roast. It’ll take your mind off the viewing.’
‘Thanks.’ I nod. ‘That would be lovely. It’s not just because I don’t want to be here – I think it would be really unsettling for the boys. At least by the time we get home it’ll all be over. And with luck, I might even have a buyer.’
‘That’s the way. Positive thinking.’ Jo grins.
I try to match her enthusiasm, but deep down, I can’t let go of the uneasy feeling I have about this open-house event.
Chapter Nine
Barb
I can’t he
lp but stop and stare in through the window every time I pass it.
Move Horizon is where the butcher’s used to be back in the Nineties. I’m sure Howard wouldn’t have wanted his son to become an estate agent, much less take over the business premises of the family butcher. Carl had never been interested in following in his father’s footsteps, and his grandfather’s before him. But still, Carl did at least have the decency to wait until Howard was cold and buried before putting the final nail in the coffin of Anderson’s Butchers.
I scan the window for the house. I still can’t believe it’s up for sale – it breaks my heart to imagine it belonging to someone other than my family. Resentment courses through me. I should never have had to hand it over the way I did. If I’d had more money, things would’ve been different: I’d be living in the place I’d made a home. It wasn’t to be, though. Bern made sure of that; I was left with nothing but debt and worry.
I make a quick sign of the cross on my chest. Shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.
Finally, I see it. The photos and details have moved from the prominent middle position to bottom right. Much less noticeable.
That’s good. She listened to me, then. Now, if I could get her to take it out of the window altogether …
The itch needs scratching.
I can’t walk on past today; I have to go in. Suzanne will give me an update.
Chapter Ten
Amber
I’ve hoovered three times, washed down all the surfaces in the kitchen even though I’d done it already, bleached the spotlessly clean toilet and put fresh linen on all the beds. I’ve dusted, tidied every single toy away, stored all my crap in bags or boxes and stuffed them under the bed as well as in the space under the stairs – the house is presentable. Yet I’m still faffing about, moving things to a better position, checking each room from differing angles – I’m stressed beyond belief. I can’t wait for this to be over.
The Open House Page 3