by Bella Donnis
Why had she kissed Gia on the lips? Was that the reason she was being ignored? Erin had no idea why she’d done that other than that it just felt right at the time. She reasoned that she wanted to show solidarity with Gia and demonstrate that her being a lesbian didn’t change anything, that she still thought the world of her; but instead Erin had turned it into probably the most cringe inducing moment of her life. By acting differently, by kissing her on the lips instead of on the cheek like they always did, Erin had demonstrated that her being a lesbian did change things.
Damnit - What a mess.
Erin whipped out her phone and sent a text, ‘Hey, I’m guessing you’ve been ignoring me because of that awkward moment before you jumped in the taxi. Just wanted to say sorry.’
Ugh, but how many texts had she sent Gia and all without a response? Half a dozen perhaps?
As Erin turned in for the night, she grabbed the framed photo from the bedside table and gazed into it. “Damn you girl, what are you doing to me?”
Erin placed her hand below Gia’s knee, raising it from the table as she slid the foot inwards toward her buttocks.
“Finally. That wasn’t too hard was it, you silly goose.” Gia lay with her hands clasped behind her head, so casual she could’ve been on the couch watching TV.
“Um, no, I guess not.” Erin returned the leg to the straightened position and repeated the manoeuvre several times. To describe Gia’s skin as smooth would have been an understatement. Had she just waxed them?
Around the room, the other students were scratching their heads, hunched their shoulders and made small talk – Anything to delay touching their course mate’s legs. A painful silence prevailed in the room, broken only by the professor’s tapping feet as he walked between the physio tables and by the occasional crack from Gia’s knee.
“Somebody needs to loosen up.” Erin joked as she increased the range of motion at both Gia’s knee and hip joint, bringing the knee fully toward her chest.
“As you are doing for me.” Gia watched Erin with focused eyes that were almost unsettling in their intensity. She tilted her head slightly. “Since when did you start wearing makeup to seminars at nine in the morning?”
Erin had indeed risen a few minutes earlier to make time to apply some makeup and all for reasons she wasn’t aware of. “Um, no reason, I guess.” She’d also worn her hair down, but if Gia noticed that, she made no mention it.
Erin eased the knee into an extended position as the hip joint remained flexed, gaging where the hamstring muscles would become stretched. Her hand remained pressed down on the back of Gia’s knee, pushing it toward her chest. No matter how much she straightened Gia’s knee, Erin felt no tension. “By God, girl you are flexible.” She rubbed the back of Gia’s thigh, expecting to feel resistance in the form of tightening of the muscles, or some sort of nerve or muscle pulsing – Nothing.
“It was for swimming. Flexibility is important. It helps your range of motion and increases stroke length which obviously helps propel you through the water.” She nodded to Erin’s hand. “Keep going, you’ll see.”
Erin ran her hand further down Gia’s leg toward the ankle, keeping the other hand clasped around the knee joint. “Ok, I’ll go slow.” She pushed down on the ankle, straightening the leg as far as it would go. Erin could swear her fingertips tingled from the soft sensation of Gia’s tanned flesh.
Gia’s foot was now positioned behind her head and all without the slightest sign of discomfort.
“Unbelievable! You’re a contortionist.”
“Not a contortionist…Just very flexible.”
Erin took Gia through a range of positions for the legs and upper body, then the professor signalled for everybody to change over. Erin took position lying supine on the table, clasping her hands in front of her solar plexus as Gia surveyed the body in front.
Gia sniggered, “I’m making you nervous? You’ve just been getting down and intimate with me, girl.”
Erin felt the shiver run down her spine. The room was air conditioned and she wore only cycling shorts and a t-shirt, but still. She was about to have her lesbian best friend’s hands run over her bare flesh. “I’m not nervous, it’s just the cold.” Why was the air con even switched on in mid-January? But she knew it was a lie; she most certainly did feel apprehension. There was the small matter of the messages Gia had ignored over Christmas and the New Year.
“Sure, but your hands tell a different story.” Gia said, sliding her hand below Erin’s knee.
Erin trembled from the sudden warm contact from Gia, then rolled her eyes and unclasped her hands. She didn’t know where to put them, so they just hung limp to her sides. As usual, Erin’s body language had given her away and Gia had become accustomed to reading her.
Gia manoeuvred Erin’s knee toward her chest and returned it to the supine position. She repeated the action several times, pressing firmly against Erin’s thigh with one hand. It felt warm against the cold. Gia repeated the same action as Erin had done, straightening the knee joint and feeling the hamstrings for any signs of tension. Erin watched her friend, seemingly engrossed on her anatomy as she pressed fingers against specific areas, searching for tight spots. As Gia eased the leg back further, Erin felt the tightness in her hamstring.
Gia grinned, “there it goes, gotcha.”
“Yeah, I’m feeling that.” And probably a bit more. Was it the damn cold or the damn Italian?
Gia rubbed the hamstring, searching for the area with the greatest tightness, then began massaging it with her fingertips.
Wow, even through the discomfort, that kind of felt nice. Erin closed her eyes and concentrated on deep, rhythmical breathing.
Erin didn’t see Gia lean close to her ear and whisper, “I got your messages.”
“Ouch!” Erin cried as the tension shot through her leg.
Gia leapt backwards, covering her mouth to save from laughing. “Sorry, sorry, that’s my fault.” She waved to the professor who shook his head with boredom. She took hold of Erin’s leg again and eased back into the stretch.
Erin had pushed herself halfway up on one arm, her eyes staring daggers at Gia. “You got my messages?” She whispered with a seething edge. “You got my messages? And you didn’t think to reply? Do you have any idea how worried I was? You could have been lying face down in a ditch for all I knew.” She looked about for any sign of eavesdroppers, but the other students were far too engrossed in their present uncomfortable predicaments.
“Hey, relax, I only got them last night.”
“What?”
“I arrived back in Cambridge last night, switched my phone on and found your messages…Very cute.” She grinned wide and genuine at Erin.
“What? You mean, you didn’t take your phone with you?”
“Of course not. It’s my English phone. I use my Italian one back home. I should have said, but I was kind of pre-occupied with other stuff if you remember.”
“Yes, I kind of remember all that.” Erin winced as Gia moved forward with the stretch, prompting Erin to lower herself back down to the supine position. All that worrying and distress for nothing – A simple misunderstanding. Erin felt like a complete idiot.
“You’re a silly goose. You went kind of crazy in those last two didn’t you?”
Oh God, was she referring to the drunken New Year’s messages? Erin remembered sending at least one, but couldn’t picture the exact content. “Um, remind me.”
“A few too many expletives to be repeated by this polite Italian lady.” Well, at least she smiled, signalling she wasn’t offended. “But like I said…Very cute.”
“Oh my God.” Erin covered her face. “I can’t look at you.”
“Well if it makes you feel better, honey, I feel the exact same way.” Gia teased.
“Right, that’s it, you’d better show me what’s on your bloody phone.” Erin exhaled deeply. “No more drunken texting for me. What an arse I am.” Even more so considering that in her inebriated state, she’d deleted all her s
ent messages.
“You tidied up?” Erin gawped with amazement at the pristine room. “I mean, you can actually see the floor now.” It took all of thirty seconds to walk from the lab to Gia’s bedroom and all without having to step outside.
“That’s why I never called last night, I was busy with this…” She gestured around the room, “…It took hours. And you continue with your cheek if you never want to see those messages.”
“I’m sorry, I’ll be good.” Erin stood bolt upright as if standing to attention while she watched Gia taking the phone from her drawer. “But, only hours…Are you sure? I’d have thought it’d take a decontamination crew a full week to clean the mess.”
“Right, missy, that’s it.” Gia grinned and slipped the phone inside the pocket of her cycling shorts. “You’ve really overstepped the boundaries this time. Where’s that mute girl I grew to love?”
Why did Erin have to goad the girl? She knew it would result in some kind of a response, a challenge and ultimately having to attempt to take possession of the phone by physical means. The only alternative was backing down and damn it, she needed to know what she’d written in her drunken stupor.
And there Gia stood, a couple of metres away. Her arms folded over her ribcage, a defensive posture she somehow managed to make look challenging. Her breasts stretched the pink t-shirt beyond her folded arms which looked incredibly well-toned. Her legs, still bare from the seminar stood smooth, long and slender, leading up to those cycling shorts and the bulge from the right side where she’d tempted Erin by placing the phone. Why would she do that, unless she wanted Erin to try and take it?
“You know I need to see what I wrote you, right?” Erin asked, almost praying Gia would succumb to reason and give her the bloody phone so she could see the damn messages. Yet at the same time, for some reason she couldn’t begin to fathom, Erin also felt the desire, the need to be closer to this girl, this beautiful Italian girl who’d been in her thoughts one way or another for the entire holiday period.
“Of course, I can see how badly you want it.” She stood on her toes and twisted around ninety degrees, bringing the side with the phone that little bit closer, tempting Erin to make a move.
Instead, Erin found herself gazing at Gia’s buttocks, pert and high in those black shorts. Was Gia doing this deliberately? Was she trying to provoke some sort of a reaction from Erin? “Please, Gia, don’t make me do this…You know I can take you.” It was a lie, she knew and so too knew her thumping heart but joking was by far the best method of defusing the tension.
“How badly do you want it?” Was she still even talking about the phone? She’d spoken more with a hiss than with actual words, as though she was trying to be seductive. And, God, those eyes, big and brown, with pupils dilated, which transfixed anyone who stared into them, like Medusa, but instead of turning to stone, Erin felt her legs turning to jelly.
“Gia, um…”
“…I’m just messing with you.” She delved into her pocket and brought out the phone, tossing it in Erin’s direction, who somehow managed to catch it despite being almost in a spell. “There you go…Enjoy. I’m off to take a shower.” She said, closing the en-suite door behind her.
What the heck was that?
Erin felt light headed and took a seat on the bed. She had been seconds away from initiating a play fight to get hold of the phone, which could only have meant half-molesting the girl in the process. Would she really have gone through with that? Deep down and in the moment, Erin had wanted to touch her. Erin had wanted to feel closer to Gia and she couldn’t understand why.
Her hand quivered as she looked through the inbox; there were more messages than she remembered sending. The final text read, ‘You are being very mean by ignoring me, but I want you to know, I forgive you. You are my best friend in the whole world, I think about you all the time and I love you to bits. Happy new year xxxxxx.’
Oh crap.
Chapter Six
Becoming
In the passenger seat of Ben’s Peugeot hatchback, she’d been asleep most of the journey back. She hated that car and found sleeping in the thing impossible. Which was why Ben was surprised that despite the amount of alcohol she’d consumed at the engagement party, she’d propped her head in the gap between the headrest and window and fallen asleep. He’d taken off his jacket and positioned it beneath her head to act as a cushion and driven home.
With one of her arms draped over Ben’s shoulders, he carried Erin into the house. At the foot of the stairs, Ben unpropped her arm and cradled her in his arms. He took a deep breath and prepared for the journey upwards.
“Oh, hi you.” She said, stroking his face as he struggled up the stairs. “How’d we get here?” Then she appeared to nod off again.
“Sshhhhh. I’ve got you my beautiful fiancé.” He gazed into her face, so peaceful, graceful, delicate, perfect. He loved her more than life itself. Everything he did was for Erin and now he would spend the rest of his life with her.
He’d spent weeks preparing the perfect proposal. And it had been perfect. He almost couldn’t believe he’d pulled it off without a hitch. Even Erin’s cousin had not given the game away, though Ben had been careful only to let her in on the plan at the last possible moment. Louise was nothing like her cousin in that regard. Where Louise was mouthy, materialistic and shallow, Erin was contemplative, spiritual and layered. Even now he was still figuring her out and he doubted he’d ever know her fully, and that, Ben thought was a good thing.
Ben had taken note of the quantity of alcohol Erin had taken throughout the evening and had even been alarmed by it. He’d never seen her drink so much in the ten years he’d known her. But he could forgive all that, because after all, she’d agreed to be his wife and it was only once that you became engaged to be married.
But Ben couldn’t help but feel jilted – Which was perhaps putting it mildly. They hadn’t had sex in weeks, ever since Erin had caught the flu and he’d hoped that tonight, of all nights, he could have shown her just how much she meant to him. But it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Although he missed being physical with Erin, he loved her regardless and was more than willing to wait for this blip to resolve itself. They’d had their problems in the past – This was simply another hurdle to jump over. They’d leap over this hurdle together and that would only make them stronger.
She roused as Ben’s foot hit the second flight of stairs, her long red hair flowed over his arms. She was so beautiful. He’d loved her since the moment he first saw her and now he could scarcely believe they’d be together forever.
She muttered something unintelligible, followed by a sweet high-pitched sigh. “Where are you? Gi…Where are you?”
“Shush, my dear. I’m right here. Go to sleep now.”
“Sixteen seconds, Erin. Sixteen seconds. Kiss goodbye to Fairbairns.” She referred to the May competition where boats from all seventeen colleges would race along the Cam. As always, not a great deal was expected from Downing.
“We can reasonably expect to finish in the top three or four if we can knock ten seconds off that.” Erin heaved herself out from the double scull and onto the gravel path. She watched as Gia pulled herself out, catching a sneaky glimpse, as she always did, down her top.
The weather was improving now, which meant Gia had switched from her usual fully clad sportswear to shorts and t-shirt. Gia had finally accustomed to the English weather and for Erin, it was proving to be more and more torturous every day, especially as the mornings became warmer.
“Top three or four? Top three or four?” She scowled at Erin, an expression that hurt. “Is that why we do this every day, Erin? To finish top three or four?” She threw her oars onto the grass. “Sixteen seconds from last year’s winners…That’s a fucking mountain. How long till Fairbairns?” She approached the double scull and bent over, grabbing the rear handles.
Erin stood, as she always did, at least for a couple of precious stolen seconds. But by God, Gia was shape
ly. Erin approached the front handles, crouched down and together they heaved the boat out from the water. “Six weeks.” She confirmed, almost as an admission of defeat. She wanted to win Fairbairns as much for Gia as for herself. They’d both put months of early morning training sessions into this thing.
“Well, there’s always next year.” Gia dismissed as they carried the boat above their heads back to Downing Boat House. The one problem with that plan was that the advanced team finishing times were far superior to that of the novices; sixteen seconds would become twenty four next year.
A rustling sound, as though several feet trampled over gravel grew closer. Erin couldn’t see to her side on account of having her head thrust inside the boat as they carried it.
“Girls, we finally meet again.” Came the invisible Scottish accent. “And this time you can’t run.” They laughed in unison.
Erin and Gia brought their heads out from the boat together, placing the bulk of the scull’s weight on their shoulders; a position they couldn’t hold for long. Two men, each holding a pair of long oars, with grins even longer, if that was possible, stood close. Erin recognised them from her first day at college, though she couldn’t remember their names. She’d seen them a couple of times since on the river, but had never spoken to either.
“Now’s not a good time.” Gia spoke for the two of them. “In fact there’ll never be a good time.”
“Hey come on. If we can let bygones be bygones then surely you can too?” The one who Erin remembered could disjoint his wrist on command said. What’s more, he now held out his hand to Gia. “Friends?”
Gia laughed and lowered her end of the boat to the floor, prompting Erin to do likewise. “You must think I have a short memory.”
“You’re right.” He retracted his hand. “If you don’t recall, the two of you owe us a date.” He smiled a cheeky grin. One had to admire his confidence and sheer brazenness. “One minute…Was the amount of time you said we had to maintain that hold. Well, I’m here to tell you we kept our side of the bargain, and considerably more besides.”