by Bella Donnis
Gianna closed her eyes and squeezed the flesh at the top of her nose. Then unexpectedly leapt from her seat and stood up to the woman who now took a step back.
“Please, Gianna, there’s no need.” Erin pulled at her hand.
The woman’s eyes were drawn by the physical contact and in response, picked up Erin’s drink and threw it over her. Erin recoiled from the sudden chill as orange liquid dripped down her face and neck, over her white summer blouse.
Two waiters appeared either side of the woman. “Vattene adesso.” One of them said as they took hold of her forearms and dragged her from the canopy. Thankfully, she left with minimal resistance, but Erin felt the palpable burning glower from her eyes, a look of sheer hatred she’d never before experienced.
Gianna slowly retook her seat and faced Erin, taking ahold of her hands. She exhaled a deep breath and blew hair away from her forehead. “Welcome to the lesbian lifestyle, how we do it in Napoli.” She grinned, then lowered her eyes to Erin’s orange stained blouse. “Erin, I’m so sorry about all that. She had no right to do that to you.”
To Erin’s surprise, she found herself chuckling, “it’s alright.”
“What? Why are you laughing?”
“I know how she feels.” Erin squeezed Gianna’s hands. “She’s not the only girl who’s been sent bat shit crazy over you.”
Together, they took small steps in the direction of Erin’s hotel, both wanting to extend the evening as much as possible. Even now, at eleven at night, the roads remained crammed with vehicles, scooters especially adding to the noise.
“You really don’t need to walk me all the way to the hotel.” Erin said, hoping Gianna would ignore her and continue.
“Oh shush you, I keep saying, Napoli is completely safe. I’m fine walking back on my own…You on the other hand…” Gianna’s arm brushed Erin’s as they strolled along the pavement. “Besides, I don’t know when or if I’ll see you again.”
Erin’s heart beat faster as she looked down to the ground to hide the grin that stretched wide across her face. Gianna wanted to see her again! The feeling was more than mutual. Besides, they still had much unfinished business.
“Well, I’m happy to say, we’re not leaving until Monday, so we have most of tomorrow to catch up.” Erin saw the hotel in the distance – Major bummer. “You promised to be my tour guide, remember?”
“That’s right. I do remember and I never break a promise.” Gianna said quickly. “So I expect to see you for brunch tomorrow morning.”
“Of course.” This time Erin didn’t bother hiding the grin. “I just hope your little stalker friend doesn’t find us. I’m not sure how well that’d go down.”
Gianna tugged down the cuffs of her blouse, Erin noticing a few dots of orange from the cocktail that must have splashed over her as well. “Don’t worry about Agata. I’ve been meaning to break things off with her for a while.”
“Agata, hey…So you are seeing her?” Erin asked, lowering her head, feeling her shoulders drop.
Gianna’s head swivelled to Erin and then back to the street ahead. “Yeah…Yeah…Kind of.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “I probably should have said something, but I really was meant to be breaking up with her.”
Erin span round and placed a hand on Gianna’s arm to stop her. “Hey, you don’t owe me any explanations. You have your life, I get that, of course I do.” She said with a hand on her chest, hoping Gianna meant what she just said. They continued walking.
“I’m calling her just as soon as I get home.” Gianna declared in a rush. “You have no idea about some of the crazy shit I’ve suspected her of. Speaking to you like she did really was the final straw.”
Erin thought to ask just why the heck she was even with such a woman, but then thought better of it. Gianna deserved so much better, at the very least, she deserved to be ecstatically happy with a girl who thought the world of her, who wasn’t overcome with jealousy simply because she was enjoying a drink with another woman. Why had Gianna settled for someone who clearly wasn’t that person? Then again, Erin could hardly judge Gianna harshly on that score, considering her own predicament – Not that Agata and Ben could be compared in any way. “I just want you to be happy.”
The reception lighting of the Grand Hotel Santa Lucia shone in the twilight and then Erin stood facing Gianna, only realising after a few seconds that their fingers were lightly tangled together.
“I want you to be happy too.” Gianna said soothingly, her eyes just slightly rising above Erin’s.
The traffic seemed to have evaporated without Erin noticing, which was remarkable for Napoli. For once, the world was silent.
This was the part where in the movies, Erin would lean forward and kiss her. And in the moment, she knew, she wanted nothing more than to experience Gianna’s kiss like she had all those years ago. Things were perfect back then, but now, life was very much different. This was no movie, but a very difficult reality and Erin’s heart felt conflicted between doing what she wanted and doing what she knew to be right.
Erin touched the side of her neck, “I’ll see you tomorrow…Gianna.” The last word came out as a whisper.
Gianna swallowed, a hint of disappointment in her eyes, “yes.”
And then Erin watched as Gianna walked away, a nervous twisting building in her stomach. Erin touched her belly. There was only one person in the world who could do that.
Erin made her way up the stairs toward the fourth floor and unlocked the door to her room.
Ben was sitting on the edge of the Bed, leaning forward, his hands clasped together. His head darted to Erin as she entered.
“Ben? Are you ok? Why are you sat in silence?” Erin swallowed.
His eyes were momentarily distracted by the orange stain down her top. “Hi, Erin, what happened to your blouse?”
“Oh, nothing, a bit of an accident with a cocktail. Are you alright?”
“Did you have a nice evening?” He asked, again not answering Erin’s question. Ben had earlier said he intended on spending a few hours in the hotel bar with a couple glasses of wine and a good book. A copy of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest lay untouched on the bedside table.
“I had a wonderful evening, how was yours?” Erin rubbed a hand up and down her arm.
“I’ve been thinking.” He said, finally standing and walking toward the window with a slight wobble. “I’ve been thinking about us and how we are and how we were and a few other things.” Having reached the window, he turned back to Erin and leaned back against it.
“Yes?”
“I need to know…” he twisted the watch Erin had bought him for Christmas around his wrist.
Erin took a step toward him, “yes? Go on…”
“Was there ever anything between you and this friend of yours?” He asked, barely managing to look Erin in the eye, and unable to say Gianna’s name.
This was it – Erin had to give him credit for figuring it out. The only way he could have done so was if he’d remembered Gianna from when she was in England. It was also possible he’d picked up on a few cues Erin herself had missed, her lack of socialisation from a young age making it harder for herself to read people and the subtle signs they often transmitted. Or maybe it was as simple as taking one look at Gianna and knowing. Either way, Ben deserved to know the truth.
“Ben…” As soon as she said his name, he knew it. She saw it in his eyes for the brief moment before he averted them to look down at the floor. “…She was the best friend I ever had.” Erin swallowed, “and yes, she was so much more than a friend.” Her hand shook as she pinched her bottom lip. There was nothing in the world she wanted less than to hurt Ben, but with the present trajectory, it was probably inevitable. “And yes, I did love her…Once.” She hoped that would be enough and would spare them both from her having to go further into the details.
“Were you a couple?” He asked, briefly managing to meet Erin’s eye.
She sighed, perched on the edge
of the bed and placed her hands flat on her legs. “We never got round to that.” Erin continued to explain what happened; how Gianna disappeared, how they’d lost contact and how she’d met Ben, all whilst staring glassy eyed at the wall.
“Did you sleep with her?” He asked with a croak.
“Yes.” Erin hissed, unable to look at him. “The night before she left.” Then she turned to him as she fought and failed to hold back the tears.
Ben straightened and guffawed as though it’d been obvious all along. “So, your running around Napoli like a headless chicken…No…Like a love struck teenager, dragging us down here in the first place…This is all because you want to rekindle things with that woman, isn’t it?”
Erin had told Ben the truth of what they had been ten years ago. That in itself was a huge revelation. She felt no obligation, at least at this stage to admit what she didn’t even know herself right now. If she denied Ben’s accusation, she’d be lying to him. If Erin told him she came to seek out the love of her life after ten years in the hope of being with her, she’d lose Ben. The truth, as so often, was somewhere in the middle ground, which she wasn’t even sure of herself – That Erin wanted to see if there was anything still there between herself and Gianna. The middle ground, the truth, would also most likely result in her losing Ben.
“Ben,” she finally spoke, “I had to come to Napoli to find out why she left England and to make sure she was safe.” She hesitated whilst she thought about the next words. “And yes, I missed her.”
“You’re a liar!” He spat. “You haven’t let me touch you in weeks. Have you never heard of a phone call?”
Erin wiped her eyes as she watched Ben grab a pillow from the bed and position it on the floor. “There’s nothing going on between us.” She regretted saying that as soon as the words left her mouth.
“But there will be if you have your way. Do what you have to do tomorrow. Just don’t expect things to return to normal between us when you decide this ridiculous fantasy of yours is just that…A fantasy.” He lowered himself to the floor and turned away to face the wall.
Chapter Sixteen
Parco Virgiliano
On Sunday morning, Erin waited for Gianna outside a café bar on one of the crossroads of Spaccanapoli. Much of the short wait was occupied by a church procession marching down the road complete with ringing bells and choir boys. The spectacle at least provided something interesting to watch.
Even now, at not even ten in the morning, the sun burned down like nothing England was capable of producing. Erin rubbed her chin as she watched Gianna approaching fully clad in a long red skirt and yellow shirt that again covered everything. “Do you Neapolitans not overheat in your own city?” When Gianna didn’t get what Erin was implying, she continued. “Why are you covered up so much? It’s going to burn like bloody hell today.”
“Because I don’t look as good as you anymore.” Gianna said, sticking a thumbnail between her teeth.
That so wasn’t true. “Hey, I don’t care what you look like. You’ll always be my Gianna.” Not for the first time, Gianna looked down with a hurt expression from the use of the full version of her name. Erin rubbed Gianna’s arm, feeling the bulk that ten years ago wouldn’t have existed. “Besides, who says you don’t look good anymore?” Erin still found Gianna most attractive; after all, the heart loved what it had to work for and God damn, she’d never worked for anything or anyone harder than the damn Italian.
Gianna ignored Erin and pointed inside. “Let’s go in.” Wow, her confidence really had taken a thrashing over the years.
They ate a breakfast of espresso with a selection of croissants and other pastries. Erin remarked how different breakfast was on the continent compared to England where porridge oats was the staple.
“I remember and good look finding that oat rubbish in this city.” Gianna returned just as a collision from somewhere close almost made Erin spill her espresso. Gianna laughed as Erin regained control of her cup.
“It’s not funny.” She set her cup down on its plate. “This bloody city…” Erin said with a giggle.
“You get used to it.”
“But don’t you miss Cambridge? The peace…The quiet?” As well as Erin herself being there.
“Of course I do.” Gianna said without needing to think. “It was the one place I was happiest and I could have stayed there forever, but things got in the way.”
And Erin would endeavour to find out about those things today, she thought, staring a hole in Gianna’s face, who then averted her eyes to the bill that rested on the table. Could she tell what Erin was thinking? She often had in the past.
Within five minutes, they were both in Gianna’s battered Fiat 500, careering west along Via Nuova Marina. Erin dug fingers deep into her thighs as Gianna drove within feet behind the knackered old car in front at ninety kilometres per hour. Erin had been curious about being driven around by Gianna, but now she was actually experiencing it, she couldn’t remember anything more terrifying.
“It’s called Parco Virgiliano.” Gianna said, turning to look at Erin with bright eyes.
“Right, ok, yes.” Erin stretched her neck up and stared down with terror at the crumpled front end of the car. “And it’s close, yes?”
Her eyes shifted upwards in thought. “Hmm, I’d say about seven or eight kilometres, but not all on this shitty city road. You’ll get to see some coastal roads too.”
“Are these coastal roads windy?” Erin asked, feeling her muscles tense up.
“Windy?” Gianna asked with an uncertain tone. “No it’s a hot and sunny day.”
“No I didn’t mean…” Erin clenched her fists as Gianna, along with the car in the other lane drove straight through a set of red lights, “…I meant bendy. Are the coastal roads bendy?”
“Of course.” Gianna leaned sideways and bumped Erin’s shoulder.
Ok, no more questions, just let her drive.
Parco Virgiliano, actually an islet south west of the city, was connected to the mainland by a manmade path built into the water. The islet, almost circular and largely rocky with dense tree cover was a welcome oasis of tranquillity away from the never ceasing noise of Napoli. Erin also felt relief to be out of the car.
From the almost empty car park, it took only a couple of minutes to cross the pathway built from rocks in the sea and then they were on the islet. It would be a steep walk up to the top, where Gianna promised incredible views, but thankfully the trees offered plenty of shade for the trek.
Gianna found the walk difficult, visible beads of sweat running down her cheeks, but she laboured on without complaining. Birds which Erin couldn’t identify chirped away with their pretty tunes from somewhere high above. Then she reached out and took hold of Gianna’s hand while paying close attention to her reaction. Gianna seemed to turn her body slightly inward toward Erin, a small curl emanating from her lips.
After a few minutes, they emerged at the lookout point. Several benches were positioned by the rails which gave way to some of the most incredible views Erin had ever seen.
“Looks like we have the place to ourselves…Which never happens, I can promise you that.” Gianna zipped open her backpack and removed a large bottle of water.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Erin slowly shook her head and pressed her palms to her cheeks, wiping away the perspiration.
“Here,” Gianna passed Erin the water and stood close, pointing south west, “that small island right there is Procida. And the larger one beyond it is Ischia.” She opened out her arms to encompass the entire view to their fore. “This is the Gulf of Napoli.”
“And over there?” Erin pointed south.
“That is the northern coast of Sorrento and on the south side is the Amalfi coast.”
The mention of Amalfi reminded Erin of Ben, where he’d be travelling alone today. “I have some figuring out to do and I strongly suggest you do the same.” He said as he kissed Erin on the cheek before heading out. The plan was to
have dinner together tonight where they would have an honest discussion about the state of their relationship.
“What’s Amalfi like?” Erin asked.
“It’s magical. They’re famous for making a special kind of liquor. Have you heard of Limoncello?”
“I have, it’s delicious.”
“Well you can also try chocolate, mint, Meloncello and many others.” Gianna pointed north east, back over the direction they came. “There are also some wonderful views of Napoli from up here but they’re better seen from the other side of the islet.”
Erin took Gianna’s hand and pulled her onto a bench, the sea in front of them shimmering from the sun. “No more stalling Gianna.” Erin turned to face her, taking hold of her other hand as well. “I’ve waited ten years and crossed a continent to know why, when we were on the brink of something quite special, did you run away from me, from us. Now it’s just the two of us, no opera singers, no ex-girlfriends, no distractions.” Erin spoke without blinking and was almost amazed Gianna held her gaze throughout. “Tell me.”
Gianna inhaled deeply, closed her eyes and nodded. “Ok, I’m ready to tell you.” When she opened her eyes she gave Erin’s hands a light squeeze. This was it – Finally. “Do you recall I had a brother who served in Afghanistan with the Italian army?” She asked with sadness.
“Of course.”
“Well, part of the responsibility of Marco’s battalion was guarding the opium crop from the Taliban, which is exactly what he spent most of his time doing. My father told me he used to phone home and complain about such an immoral duty when they should have been torching the whole crop. They were told by higher command that they were protecting the crop because if they were to burn it, the farmers and the local population would be left poor, would turn against the alliance and then many would be forced to join or assist the Taliban. But as the months went by, my brother began getting wise to them.” Gianna sighed then took a large intake of breath. So far she was holding up good, her eye contact shifting between her lap and Erin. “Marco and his Sergeant discovered by talking to the farmers and by the general discontent within the battalion that the International Security Assistance Force were in fact harvesting and guarding the poppy crop for safe passage to the west.”