“I think sometimes things are destined to happen,” she said, grinning. “I’m pretty sure you guys are one of those things.”
“Oh, geez. Let’s not get schmaltzy.”
She snickered and shook her head. “As for Rain, once Gunner made it clear that nothing would ever happen between them, she started acting out. She partied a lot, hung out with people at that terrible bar on the highway, and disappeared for long stretches when she was supposed to be working.
“Rooster made noise about firing her, but he never followed through on it,” she continued. “I think he was convinced that she would come out of her funk on her own and he didn’t want to cripple her future if he didn’t have to. Rain was gone before we realized how serious things were.”
“And you’re certain she’s dead?” That was the one part of the story I couldn’t get out of my head. “Gunner said she went over the cliff but her body was never found.”
“That area is extremely hard to get to. Gunner tried to climb down the embankment but only made it so far. He said he scented a body down there and was convinced it was her. That was good enough for us because nobody else was reported missing.”
That made sense, and still ... . “If these vampires have been hanging in this area for longer than we realized, it’s possible they tried to recruit Rain as their inside person. It’s unlikely she could survive a fall off a cliff like that, but Brandon said something interesting today. He intimated that he was more powerful than he used to be. If that’s true and the vampires somehow fortified Rain, she could still be out there.”
Bonnie turned thoughtful. “Are you suggesting they turned her into a full-fledged vampire? I don’t think that’s possible. She was out during the day. She was definitely human when she went over that cliff.”
I hadn’t considered that. “Well ... then I guess she’s stuck out there because her body can’t be recovered. It’s too bad. Finding her might serve as some much-needed closure for you guys.”
“I agree, but it’s not worth someone else risking his or her life to try to find her. The Rain we knew before the change wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“Yeah.” I exhaled heavily and rubbed my neck, my skin prickling as I felt a set of eyes land on me. When I turned my attention to the house, all the windows were empty. That didn’t mean someone wasn’t inside spying on us. Of course, we weren’t doing anything but fruitlessly testing the barrier. “I don’t know what to do with this wall. I need to do some research.”
“Any idea on where we should start?”
“No. I’m at a loss.”
“Me, too. It’s interesting, though.”
I wished I could be as excited about the clinical aspect as she was. I was more frustrated than anything else. There had to be a way around the barrier.
Nineteen
I like to win.
I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. There was no trophy to claim at the bluff house. That didn’t mean that someone wouldn’t come out victorious.
“You look crabby,” Gunner noted as we settled into a booth at Mable’s Table for lunch.
“Thanks,” I replied dryly. “That’s just what every woman wants to hear.”
He smirked. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”
“Yeah, well ... .” I shifted on my seat and extended my legs, my feet brushing against his. Rather than moving them, I kept them there. The brief contact was exactly what I needed.
“Do you want to play footsies with me?” he teased.
“Maybe.” I pressed the bottoms of my feet against his as he settled into the game. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“Why didn’t you tell me how extensive Rain’s feelings were for you?”
He stilled, his feet ceasing to push against mine. The expression on his face was hard to read, but I sensed a flash of annoyance. “I take it Bonnie has been talking out of turn,” he groused.
Rather than pushing him on the subject, I waited.
“I was not in a relationship with Rain,” he stressed.
“I didn’t say you were.” I refused to get mired in an argument that would offer neither of us a solid outlet for our fiery emotions. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I just want to know why you didn’t tell me about her one-sided feelings and the way she tried to push herself on you.”
“I don’t see how it’s important.”
“You don’t see how the fact that the woman who lived in my cabin before me had strong feelings for you is important? You made it sound like a simple friendship when it was so much more than that.”
He scowled, his eyes flashing. “See? That’s why I didn’t tell you about it.” He jabbed a finger in my direction. “That right there is exactly why.”
I refused to let him derail the conversation and drag me into an unnecessary argument to avoid a real talk. “I thought we were supposed to discuss things,” I pressed. “That’s what you’ve been saying to me for days now. Weeks really. You said this relationship was never going to work if I didn’t open up to you. I guess that was a one-way street, huh?”
His eyes flashed with something I didn’t recognize. “Why do you have to push this?” he complained. “It was a long time ago.”
“Months,” I corrected. “She’s been gone for only a few months. That means whatever you’re feeling is still close to the surface.”
“What makes you think I’m feeling anything?”
“You can’t hide your emotions. You’re bad at it.”
“Thank you, baby.” Sarcasm dripped from his tongue and I knew my efforts to avoid a fight were ultimately futile. He was spoiling to square off with someone and I appeared to be his best option.
“The more you act out, the more convinced I am that those feelings might have been reciprocated.” I decided to lay it all out there. Hiding from the emotions roiling inside of me wasn’t going to benefit anyone. “In that case, it seems likely I’m just a stand-in for Rain.”
“Don’t say that,” he hissed, leaning forward. “That is not true. Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re hiding something from me.” I was matter of fact. “You’ve told me things, but you’re still withholding information when it comes to Rain.”
“I’m not.” He was firm. “That’s only happening in your head.”
“I’m not an insecure person. At least I don’t think I am. Right now, though, I can’t help feeling that something is off here, that you’re hiding things from me. I don’t like the feeling.”
“Well, I don’t particularly like being accused of things that aren’t true.” His tone was gruff. “I’ve had a terrible morning. I mean ... terrible. I would appreciate it if you didn’t pick a fight over absolutely nothing on top of everything else that’s going on.”
“This isn’t a fight about nothing. You’re hiding something from me.”
His eyes flashed with annoyance. “Are you calling me a liar?”
“If that’s the way you want to play it, then I guess I am.”
He held my gaze for a long moment of silence. The air was thick between us. For once, the atmosphere sparked with something other than sexual tension. That’s when Mable showed up to take our order.
“What will it be?” When we didn’t immediately respond because we were busy glaring at each other, Mable took a moment to glance between our faces. “Is this a sex thing?”
The question was enough to draw Gunner’s eyes to her. “No.”
Once he’d broken the spell and I could look away from him, I realized that there was every chance that we would cross certain lines if we didn’t take a break. I was agitated because he kept information about Rain from me. Whether that information would ultimately end up breaking my heart was too soon to tell. He wasn’t in the mood to answer, because he’d spent the morning trying to talk down his possessed friend.
We were both walking a very fine line. If we stayed together right now, one of us would cross i
t.
“I’m not all that hungry,” I said, pushing myself to a standing position. “I changed my mind about lunch.”
“Scout ... .”
When I risked a glance at Gunner I found the anger had largely fled his features. “It’s okay,” I reassured him. “We’re both on edge. I had a fruitless morning, and I’m guessing you had the same. I need some air.”
“We should talk about this,” he argued. “It’s not good to let it fester.”
“I agree, but if we talk about it right now when we’re both raw we’re likely to explode for no reason. We need to let it settle.”
“But ... where are you going to go?” He obviously wasn’t content to just let me walk off into the sunset. “You’re not going back to the house, are you?”
“No. There’s someone else I want to see.”
He was quiet for an extended moment. “I’m going to see you again in a few hours, right?” He looked legitimately frightened that I might answer to the contrary.
“You are,” I reassured him. That’s when it hit me that we were both a little raw around the edges when it came to relationships. Neither of us was an expert and we both had fears — and ridiculous doubts — fueling us. On impulse, I reached over and squeezed his hand. “I don’t want us to say things we’re going to regret. I’m in a bad mood because of the barrier ... and I feel vulnerable emotionally because of the things Bonnie told me.”
“I swear it’s not what you think,” he protested.
“I know. I still feel it because I can’t help myself. You feel as if you’ve been backed into a corner because of whatever Brandon said to you. We need a few hours apart. It’ll be fine after.”
He didn’t look convinced, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to put up a fight. “Try not to get into too much trouble, huh?”
The admonishment was enough to elicit a smile. “I’ll do my best, but no promises.”
MAMA MOON WAS IN THE YARD behind her store when I arrived. She sat in one of those canvas camping chairs, the ones with the drink holder in the arm, studying the tree line to the north of the property. She didn’t even look up when I moved to join her.
“I’m surprised to see you today,” she said as she sipped from a thermal mug. “I thought you would be camped out at The Cauldron trying to help Brandon.”
“Oh, I’m trying to help Brandon,” I intoned as I grabbed one of the other chairs leaning against a nearby fence post and unfolded it. “I don’t think me being at The Cauldron is helpful for his mental state.”
“Probably not,” she agreed, sliding her speculative eyes to me. “You look ... discombobulated.”
Despite my pisser of a mood, the word made me laugh. “I guess that’s how I’m feeling.”
“What did Brandon do?” She looked resigned to hearing the story. “You should know, whatever he said, it isn’t his fault. He’s been taken over. They’re forcing him to act out of sorts. The Brandon I know is a sweet boy. He would never willingly say the things he was spouting last night.”
“It’s not about Brandon,” I countered. “Er, well, it’s not only about Brandon. It’s a lot of things. I’m not going to pretend what’s happening to him isn’t dragging me down, but he’s low on my list of priorities today.” And that right there was the crux of why I was so agitated. He was important to Gunner, to the point he was struggling with a mountain of guilt. I wanted to help Brandon because Gunner needed it, but I was mired in my own sea of doubt, and I hated myself for it.
As if reading my mind, Mama Moon let out a low chuckle. “Oh, I can feel the drama seeping from your pores, girl. You might as well just tell me what’s going on. The longer you drag it out, the more likely I am to lose interest.”
One of the things I liked best about her was her blunt nature. That was on full display today. I expected her to drag information out of me. Now that the moment was upon me, I was torn.
“What do you know about the woman who held my position before me?”
“Rain?” She pursed her lips. “I know that Brandon brought her up last night, so obviously you’ve decided to fixate on her.”
“That’s not the only reason, though it did pique my interest.”
“I can’t blame you there.” She rubbed the back of her neck and let loose a long sigh. “Rain was ... a wild girl who didn’t believe in controlling her emotions. You remind me of her in some ways, but you’re completely different from her in all the ways that count.
“You rigidly control your emotions even though you lose yourself to them occasionally,” she continued. “I think your biggest fault is that you have a big heart and sometimes it takes control of you. Your head often takes a backseat.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s an insult.”
She chuckled, amused. “Yes, well, it’s not. We’re all different. We all have our weaknesses. Yours just happens to be your inability to control what you’re feeling. In some respects you’re tightly coiled and protective of what you’re feeling and thinking. In other ways it’s all out there. I figure you’ll grow out of some of your more peculiar leanings at some point. You’re not quite there yet.”
She wasn’t wrong ... which only served to agitate me more. “I was actually asking about Rain.”
“Because of what Brandon said or are you sniffing around for answers on other things?”
That was an interesting question. “I’m looking for insight into what happened to her.” I chose my words carefully. “Bonnie let slip that she had feelings for Gunner. She says they weren’t reciprocated, but when I questioned him about it he flew off the handle.
“Now, it’s entirely possible that his emotions are close to the surface because he spent the morning trying to deal with Brandon, which couldn’t have been easy,” I continued. “I’m starting to suspect he’s hiding the truth, though, and that kind of makes me want to hurt him because we promised to be honest with one another.”
Instead of clucking with sympathy, as I expected, Mama Moon snorted. “Oh, I love how dramatic you two are. It’s ... stimulating. Sure, it’s a little Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing in a boring area.”
I knit my eyebrows together, confused. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means that you’re being dramatic for no good reason other than you want to flip your own heart,” she explained. “You like the thrill of little fights and you’re feeling frustrated because you’re used to being the toughest chick on the magical block. Right now you’re being stymied by a barrier and don’t know how to fix Brandon, which helps Gunner, who you think you’re mad at right now because of Rain. You really just need someone to take out your aggression on.”
My mouth dropped open at the convoluted statement. “Did you just explain something?”
She laughed harder this time, which only served to ramp up my agitation. “Oh, I like you.” She patted my wrist and turned her attention back to the trees at the sound of snuffling. “Come on, Barney. It’s time for your breakfast.”
I jerked up my head at mention of the name, my blood running cold when a huge creature — seriously, it was so big and bulky it stole my breath away — detached from the tree line and started ambling in our direction.
It was a bear.
No, it was a really big bear.
Ever since I’d first crossed paths with Mama Moon I’d heard stories about Barney. He was like a pet, but he lived in the woods and did his own thing most of the time. He apparently trotted out whenever he felt like it to hang with the former Spells Angels maven.
“He’s not going to do anything, right?” I gripped the arms of the chair tightly, fighting the urge to erect a protective barrier between me and the large animal.
“He’s a big baby.” Mama Moon was on her feet when the bear reached us. She opened her arms and wrapped them around Barney’s neck. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in days. I was starting to worry that something had happened.”
If bears could look sheep
ish, that’s exactly how I would describe Barney now.
“I guess it’s okay.” Mama Moon stroked his broad head. “You look pretty good. Do you want a treat?” She moved toward the box sitting next to the chair she’d just vacated. “I brought you nuts ... and honey ... and some smoked fish ... and some fresh greens.”
I watched, dumbfounded, as she proceeded to lay out a feast for the bear. For his part, Barney snuffled in appreciation and rubbed his head against her side before moving toward the food. He seemed perfectly comfortable in her presence — and completely ignored me — so I started to relax.
“As for you ... .” Mama Moon’s eyes were cloudy as she turned back to me. “You care about Gunner a great deal.”
It was a statement, not a question, and my cheeks burned under her scrutiny. “I don’t remember denying that.”
“That’s good, because you would look like a ninny if you tried.” She returned to her chair after laying out the food, smiling indulgently as Barney moved from treat to treat. “The thing is, I don’t believe you’ve ever been in a real relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it handicaps you.
“Gunner has been in a few relationships, but none were serious,” she continued. “He’s as out of his depth with this as you are. He might be worse because he thinks he’s an expert. You’re at least cognizant enough to admit you’re a novice.
“You’re also at a disadvantage because you’ve put yourself first for the whole of your life. That also isn’t bad. You had no choice because of what happened to you. Putting yourself first kept you alive. While Gunner’s issues were different when it came to his mother and the things she did to him, the outcome is largely the same. He put himself first after she tried to hurt him and he refused to change his ways until you came along.”
I absently scratched the side of my nose as I regarded her. “You’re saying that we’re not capable of making this work because we’re both too selfish.”
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