Dimitri shook his head in disbelief. “You really believe that, don’t you?”
I averted my eyes. “I trust him.”
“You have feelings for him.”
I didn’t deny it.
He spat Russian oaths, shifting impatiently on his feet. “I thought you were smarter than this, Alexia. Sergei taught you better. You shame him by offering your loyalty to this man.”
Oh, that got me heated.
My eyes darted back to my long-time friend. “You’re out of line, Dimitri. I have never and will never shame my father. I have done everything he’s asked of me—”
“Did he ask you to fuck Rossetti, too?”
I went stone cold. My fingers curled tightly around the handles of the bag. “That’s too far. You have no right to speak to me that way.”
His eyes widened as he lurched forward into my space. “No right? I’ve protected you for fifteen years. I’ve comforted you after you awoke screaming from terrifying nightmares. I have devoted myself to ensuring your safety and well-being. I have every goddamn right.”
“I think you should leave,” I told him flatly. “Go to my father’s side and stay with him. I have enough protection here. You don’t have to worry about my safety.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” He grabbed my arm in an unbreakable hold. “You’re coming with me. I’m not leaving you here on your own with them. You’re already vulnerable enough.”
When he tried hauling me away, I surprised him by jerking my arm away with enough force to send me stumbling backwards. Between his high-handedness and the bloody wind that kept blowing my hair in front of my face, I’d lost my patience.
“No, Dimitri.”
He stilled, watching me warily.
“You cannot imagine how grateful I am to you for keeping Batya safe all these years. And for being there for me when I had no one else. You are my oldest friend, and my father trusts you above all others, but you do not give me orders. I will speak to Batya directly whenever he’s ready to make contact. Until then, I’m staying here…with my husband.”
His eyes flared when I spoke the last word. “You would really choose to stay here?” he whispered. “With him?”
I pushed my shoulders back, lifting my chin. “I know what I’m doing.”
His brows slammed together, his expression one of pain. “But I…care for you, kotyonok.”
For the first time ever, Dimitri actually sounded a bit…broken. Lost.
I couldn’t help but soften as I pictured a much younger Dimitri soothing me back to sleep in my bed.
“So does he.” I think. “He won’t let any harm come to me.”
“Please don’t do this,” he begged. His face slackened, eyes dulling. “There are some decisions you can’t come back from.”
That phrasing struck me as odd.
“If you’ll remember, this all started with a decision that was taken from me.” I shrugged. “I’m simply taking it back.”
I stepped away from him, leaving him speechless and motionless on that sidewalk.
“Kotyonok…”
I smiled sadly. “Do zavtra.” Till tomorrow.
His face twisting in pain was the last image I had of him before I turned around, got in my borrowed car, and drove away.
I never let go of my plastic bag.
There was another reason why I couldn’t just abruptly leave this city with Dimitri.
At least, I suspected there was another reason.
And one particular item in that bag would have all the answers.
This can’t be happening.
It had to have been that first time at the strip club. The one and only time we hadn’t used a condom. And, yes, I’d missed a day or two of taking the pill. But what were the odds that I would get pregnant the very first time I ever slept with Nico?
And we didn’t even sleep together that night.
Blyad’.
He’d impregnated me as he fucked me bareback up against the dirty wall of a seedy male strip club under black lights.
Real classy.
I glared down at the plastic stick in my hands. Two small blue lines stared back at me, cruelly taunting me with their life-altering revelation. Such a fragile little hunk of plastic. I could have probably snapped it in half with no effort at all, but it wouldn’t change anything. There would still be a wrecking ball heading toward me, ready to demolish my entire existence to rubble with a single swing. The power that little hunk of plastic wielded…
I’m pregnant.
I hadn’t been able to even whisper the words out loud yet because they were petrifying enough in my head.
And nauseating.
I turned around and bent over the toilet I was sitting on, retching until the contents of my stomach had been emptied, leaving my throat burning from the regurgitated acid.
I’m carrying Nico’s baby.
How did I even begin this conversation with him? The one time we’d talked about children after I’d casually brought up the fact that Val constantly hinted about being grandchild-less in her late fifties replayed in my mind.
Nico laughed. “Yeah, and she’ll be waiting a while longer, too. Jasmine told Cris she wants to give it a few more years. Ace and Roxy aren’t even engaged yet. And Luka and Rome certainly aren’t in the market for any baby mamas right now.”
“What about you?” I asked. “You never want kids?”
He looked thoughtful for about three seconds. “I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Honestly, I’ve never seen that happening for me. I doubt I’d make a good father. Plus, with all the traveling I do, it’s not really practical.”
Needless to say, I’d been crestfallen after hearing his disinterest toward something I’d been passionate about my entire life. Becoming a mother was something I’d always known would be in my future.
But not now.
Maybe a part of me had imagined those future kids being Nico’s. But even if the unlikely happened and this fake marriage ever became a real one, children were still a long way off.
Not anymore.
What the hell was I supposed to do?
Sure, Nico and I had been screwing like bunnies the past few weeks, but that didn’t constitute a relationship. We hadn’t discussed our feelings, though mine had undeniably grown to immeasurable heights. He was obviously possessive, territorial, jealous, and always greedy for time with me. Beyond that, I couldn’t tell what was in his head.
Certainly not children, though.
I’d go ahead and put money on the fact that kids were the furthest thing from this mind. Especially since he’d been completely preoccupied with family business ever since Enzo’s heart attack. Thankfully, he was out of the hospital and doing well at home. Nico had remained close to his father’s side ever since and hadn’t been arriving home until the evenings. Oh, but we’d made good use of those evenings, no question about it.
To be honest, I really didn’t know where Nico and I stood.
I know! Let’s have a baby! That will fix everything.
I rinsed out my mouth with water from the sink. After dabbing my forehead with a damp paper towel, I felt marginally better.
Until I left the bathroom.
Where I ran smack dab into Val.
In hindsight, the bathroom of the children’s center probably wasn’t the best place to take a pregnancy test. But after picking it up at the drugstore on the way here, there was no way I had enough patience to wait until I got home later to take it.
Her eyes flew over my face, most likely noting the lovely shade of green it had turned. Then those maternal eyes softened. “How far along are you, mia cara?”
I slapped my hand over my mouth, hiccupped, and burst into tears.
She immediately wrapped me up in her arms and whispered soothing words as she rubbed my back. Sadly, it was the first time in my life I’d ever been comforted by a loving mother, and it wasn’t even my own mother. Who knew who that was.
“I assume it’s Nico’s?�
�� she asked gently, handing me a tissue.
I nodded, sniffing.
“So, probably around a month, then?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I—I don’t—” I choked back another sob. “What am I going to do?”
Pull yourself together first.
“Can I also assume that Nico doesn’t know yet?”
Humorless laughter fell from my lips. “God, no. I just found out. And I don’t see him being particularly excited about this.”
She pursed her lips. “I know my children very well, but they still manage to surprise me. Nico might do the same with you.”
I wiped underneath my eyes, certain I looked like the Bride of Chucky. “Nico didn’t appreciate being forced into marriage any more than I did, Val. How do you think he’s going to feel about being forced into becoming a father?”
Her chin dipped, her expression turning reproachful. “This might catch both of you off-guard and unprepared, but no one forced him into bed with you, Lexi. Nico’s a big boy. He was aware of the potential consequences of his actions, as were you.”
All the kids were playing outside, so I dragged myself over to the arts and crafts area and plopped down into one of the tiny chairs. Val took the seat next to me and patiently waited for me to gather my thoughts.
“But I’ve wanted children my whole life, and even I’m not ready for a baby yet,” I admitted. “How can I ever expect him to be? This marriage was never meant to be permanent. It might technically be legal, but it isn’t real. I mean, we aren’t even a couple, and now we’re going to be parents?”
I buried my face in my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs. “That’s assuming he doesn’t send me back to Russia with annulment papers in my hand and cash for the baby in my pocket—”
“Over my dead body.”
I grinned at her mama bear tone. “Nico has his code of honor. All your sons do. Which is why I know he won’t abandon me.”
I felt her scoot closer. “He’ll do the right thing, Lexi.”
“But I don’t want that.” I squeezed my eyes shut, backtracking. “I mean, I do. I certainly don’t want to do this alone. And I want the father of my child to be involved in his or her life. I know what abandonment feels like. But…” I trailed off, unsure if I should reveal the next part.
“You want it to be about him loving you more,” Val finished for me.
I raised my head, looking up at her through watery eyes. I nodded.
Her own eyes reflected understanding. There may have been some hope mixed in there, too. “Because you love him?”
I bit my lip, hesitating. Then I nodded again.
She sighed, clearly tamping down a smile, and leaned back in her chair. “Then I’m going to tell you something that none of my children know, but I think it’s something you need to hear.”
I straightened my spine and sniffled, desperate for any piece of advice she could bestow.
“Nico was a surprise to Enzo and I, too.”
My mouth fell open in shock.
That didn’t fit with most of the stories I’d heard of their whirlwind romance. I’d been told of head-over-heels love and an emotional proposal in front of a breathtaking background in Prospect Park. A lavish wedding had followed and later on down the road, six children. Everyone had made it sound very storybook.
Her lips curved in a knowing smile. “Let’s just say that contraception back then wasn’t what it is today, and we were a little reckless. We’d only been seeing each other a few months by the time I learned I was pregnant.”
“How did Enzo react?”
She tipped her head back and laughed with her entire body. “Oh, I’d say that was when his heart problems really began. He went completely postal. Left me to go drown himself in whiskey for two full days. Then he came back with his tail between his legs, begging me on his knees to forgive him for being such an idiotic ass.”
I chuckled. “I guess everyone handles it differently.”
Frankly, Enzo’s reaction sounded mild compared to what I feared Nico might do.
She slowly shook her head. “No, mia cara. He wasn’t apologizing for disappearing like that. He was apologizing for getting me pregnant in the first place. He thought he’d ruined my life by not ‘protecting me,’ as he put it. He was scared out of his mind that I hated him and would soon grow to resent him. At one point, he even thought I might abort the baby and leave him to get back together with the ex-boyfriend he’d had to run off in the very beginning.”
My eyebrows went up. “He didn’t mind about the baby?”
“Quite the opposite. He was thrilled to become a father. Of course, we’d planned to start a family after marrying, but he never balked when it happened much sooner than we’d anticipated. He was just worried that it would prevent me from living the life I wanted to live. Or the life he thought I wanted to live.”
“And have you lived the one you wanted?”
Her face took on a dreamy quality. “Far beyond anything I could have hoped for. When you’re young, you talk about all these grand adventures you want to have and you make all these fantastical plans. But in the end, it’s all about being with the person you can’t imagine living the next day without. As you get older, you realize how little value so many of the things you once prized really have.
“When I’ve wanted to travel, Enzo and I have traveled. When I’ve needed an adventure, he’s always managed to surprise me. I’ve never felt tied down or trapped. At the end of the day, all I’ve ever needed is his love. And when I found out I was pregnant with Nico, I just realized the baby was an extension of our love. I was never scared after that.”
I felt my face crumple. “That’s the problem. I don’t know that Nico loves me. And I don’t know that I can be happy the rest of my life thinking that he only stayed because it was ‘the right thing to do.’ I want my child to feel loved, not a burden of obligation.”
She reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. “Give him a chance, Lexi. I’ve sensed something in him ever since you arrived. You’ve changed him. He’s been growing into a better man because of you. We all see it. And I never thought I would live long enough to see Nico lose his mind over a woman.”
Could she be right? Had I carved my name into his heart, as he had with mine?
Something was between us.
But was it something that could stand the test of time—and the test of children, for the matter? Was it strong enough to last?
“Even if he reacts poorly to this news, as so many of them do because men are morons,” she continued, huffing, “don’t give up on him. God save him, he’s like a babe in the woods when it comes to nurturing an actual relationship. Of all my children, Nico was the least prepared for marriage, and then he got thrust into it headfirst. He’d never even been a boyfriend before he met you. And you may not agree, but I think he’s done remarkably well with it. Much better than I’d predicted. Why not see if this can’t turn into the real thing?”
I was already blaming the pregnancy hormones for making me tear up again. I’d wanted to turn this into the real thing long before I’d learned of the pregnancy. And I needed to know if Nico felt the same way before I told him about the baby.
“Why have you never told anyone that story about the surprise pregnancy?”
Val’s expression turned sheepish. “Truthfully? Because in the grand scheme of things, it was just a detail. Enzo and I knew we were going to be together for the rest of our lives before I got pregnant, so the timeline ultimately became insignificant. And we never wanted our children to ever doubt how much their parents love each other. If each of them finds a love like ours, that’ll be enough for me.”
I bumped her shoulder with mine. “You’re just saying all of this because you’re desperate to become a grandmother.”
She burst into laughter. “I cannot deny that. I’ve had baby fever for the last ten years.” Her face sobered. “But I’m more concerned about my son’s happiness. And yours. I would love to have yo
u as a permanent daughter-in-law.”
Der’mo. Shit. More tears.
“You’ve really got to stop saying such nice things,” I blustered, blowing my nose into the rumpled tissue.
She squeezed my shoulder. “Ah, cara. That is only the beginning. So many more emotions to come, I assure you. But no matter what comes next, I promise you that everything is going to be all right.”
“How do you know?” I sucked in a breath. “Mother’s intuition?”
“Partly. But mostly because regardless of whatever happens between you and Nico, you’ve got Rossetti blood inside you now. Which makes you our blood, too. And we always protect what belongs to us.”
How had this magnanimous woman managed to turn one of the scariest moments of my life into one of the most hopeful? Val’s words gave me the fortitude I needed in order to face Nico and deal with whatever fallout this news might bring.
I can do this.
I would tell him.
Tonight.
I needed Lexi.
Needed to get my eyes on her, my hands on her, my mouth on her. I needed to hear her voice while staring into the blue of her eyes. Then I needed to stuff her full of nine inches with her mile-long legs wrapped around my neck until we both lost consciousness.
For the last three weeks, I’d been feeling that need with a singular intensity.
I whipped the Pagani Huayra into my garage and practically sprinted into the house. I fucking hated how late I’d been getting home to her recently. But I’d made the commitment to finally take over my share of the family business, and I wasn’t about to shirk on those duties.
We had several family holdings that needed managing, and Cris and I had decided to move some money around, so we’d been up to our asses in financial reports and acquisitional contracts. That was on top of my everyday dealings with my own businesses, as well as the extra load of trying to get a lock of Esposito’s whereabouts.
I was exhausted as hell.
Booze and Bullets (Brooklyn Brothers #3) Page 27