Chapter 10
The snow had begun to fall, and temperatures in the city dropped drastically. Vijay and Lucky had never seen snow before, so they were initially very excited about snowball fights, making snowmen and snow angels, and the beauty of New York when the soft, white, glistening powder blanketed the dirty streets. Once the novelty wore off, however, they were left with nothing but bitter cold temperatures, blackened mounds of hard packed snow, and icy sidewalks, and their enthusiasm waned.
The basement apartment wasn't properly heated, so Mr. Hernandez gave Vijay a space heater, but it didn't work properly. Fortunately Vijay was able to fix it, and they kept the heater running nonstop in an effort to keep their apartment at a bearable temperature. Being from Kashmir, Raj was used to the cold, but Vijay and Lucky had never experienced temperatures below 60 degree Fahrenheit. A New York City winter was a very difficult adjustment for them, but Raj had a good number of winter garments that he shared with Vijay and Lucky, and slowly they began to acclimatize themselves. Still, Vijay ended up spending more time than usual at the university, and the school's reliable heating was not his only reason for doing so.
For the spring term, Vijay and Hina had registered for the exact same courses, and they would always sit beside each other in the classroom, and one would never eat lunch without the other. From the moment Hina entered the university, she spent every minute of her day with Vijay either in class, eating, or studying with him in the library or his lab. Yet despite their inseparability, neither one of them ever discussed their feelings for the other.
On Valentine's Day, Vijay decided it was time to change that. He spent an hour in a local shop, searching for just the right romantic card, and then he bought a single, long-stemmed red rose. He wore nice clothes, took his time shaving that morning, and left home early for school. The moment he saw Hina, he wanted to tell her how much he loved her, but he couldn't muster the courage. He spent the entire morning and early afternoon with the rose and the card tucked away in his bag, hoping that the right opportunity to confess his feelings would present itself. Hina on the other hand, didn't seem to be aware of the day's significance, and while sitting in their last class of the day, Vijay stared at her face and wondered how was going to tell her the truth.
After class was over, Vijay stepped outside the room while Hina stayed behind to speak to the professor. He needed to get some air and clear his mind, having been consumed with anxiety the entire day over the situation with Hina. While he stood leaning against the wall, Nadira walked by and waived at him. Vijay absent-mindedly returned her waive, and then lightening struck.
"Nadira, wait!" Vijay shouted. Nadira turned around and saw Vijay running up to her. "Nadira, I?" Vijay stumbled, not finding the words he needed. She stood there with a puzzled look, waiting for him to continue, but Vijay lost the ability to speak. Sheepishly he reached into his bag and pulled out the rose and the card. Nadira gasped at him in horror.
"Vijay, what are you doing?"
Vijay looked at her expression and suddenly realized his mistake. "Oh, no, no!" he replied as Nadira took a step away from him. "Sorry, sorry. It's not for you. It's for Hina," he explained. Nadira stared at him for a moment and then burst into laughter.
"Oh, thank God, Vijay! But why are you showing me?"
"Because I need your help. I can't do it, Nadira. I tried."
"Seriously, Vijay? What are we, in grade school?" she said disapprovingly. "Would you like me to pass her a note in class, too?" Nadira gently scolded him. Hina had never talked to Nadira about her feelings for Vijay, but she knew that Vijay's being Hindu was going to be a major issue with Hina's family. And although Nadira suspected that Hina cared for Vijay as more than just a friend, she wasn't sure that she'd ever be ready to admit her true feelings for him, and for that reason, Nadira was hesitant to talk to her on Vijay's behalf. But Vijay just stood there like a little lost puppy, and Nadira could tell that his heart was about to burst from his chest.
"Oh, Vijay, you poor bastard. You owe me one." Nadira grabbed the card and rose from his hands and strode into the classroom where Hina was still in a deep conversation with the instructor. Nadira slipped the rose and the card into Hina's bag and walked back out of the classroom without a word. Vijay rewarded Nadira with a huge smile, and Nadira responded by smacking him on the back of his head. But as she walked off, she couldn't help but smile and secretly hope that Vijay got his Valentine's Day wish.
Vijay was relieved not to have to face Hina directly, but he was concerned about her finding the gifts too soon, so when Hina came to meet him outside the classroom, he made an excuse about needing to go home immediately.
"Is everything okay, Vijay?"
"Yes, yes. I just?uh, Raj needs me to help with dinner. I think he invited a friend over, and Lucky can't cook at all, so?well, I have to go. I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I'll make it up to you! We'll study an extra hour tomorrow, okay?"
Hina was surprised and perhaps a little disappointed, but she didn't let it show. "Okay, sure Vijay. Have a nice evening with your friends," she said, and began to walk down the hallway towards the library. Vijay watched her go, and a few seconds later, she turned back and smiled at him, offering him a little waive of her hand. Vijay's heart swelled, and he did a little dance before he turned around and walked the other way. Happy Valentines Day, Hina.
Raj's evening was already starting off well. Carrie had invited him over for a Valentine's dinner, and Raj wore the same Kashmiri suit he had chosen for their restaurant date, since it was the only suit he owned. When he rang Carrie's doorbell, she buzzed him in the building's front entrance and then opened the door to her apartment and waited for him to climb the stairway. The sight of her took Raj's breath away. She was wearing a red wrap dress that showed off her slim figure, and a red rosebud was tucked behind her ear, holding back her long, blonde hair. Carrie welcomed him with a warm hug and then closed the door behind them. She took Raj's hand in hers and led him into the living room, where he sat down on the sofa and waited while Carrie checked on dinner and turned on some music. When she was finished, she joined him on the couch.
"You look beautiful," Raj said.
"Thank you. What would you like to drink?" Carrie asked.
"Nothing, I'm good," Raj said, feeling too shy to ask for anything.
"How about some juice?" she offered, knowing that he didn't drink alcohol. Raj nodded, and Carrie went to the kitchen and brought back a glass of orange juice for Raj and a glass of red wine for herself.
"Did you go to work today?" Raj asked.
"No. My apartment was a mess and you were coming over, so I took the day off to clean," she said, setting her glass down on the coffee table. "How about you? How was your day?" Carrie asked.
"I went shopping," Raj replied.
"Really? What did you buy?"
"Hmm? close your eyes," Raj requested.
"Why?" Carrie said with a smile.
"Just do it."
"Okay," Carrie said, closing her eyes expectantly. She heard what sounded like Raj rifling through his jacket pocket, and after a moment, he asked her to open her eyes.
Carrie's saw him holding a small box with a pair of beautiful jhumkas, and she squealed with excitement. The red, two-layered chandelier drop earrings were exquisite.
"Raj, they're beautiful! Are they really for me?" Carrie inquired, her hands clasped together in front of her in anticipation.
"Well, I definitely didn't buy them for me," Raj laughed.
"Oh, thank you!" Carrie squealed. "Give me a second." She went to the bedroom and tried on the earrings. Just as she'd thought, they were the perfect accompaniment to her dress.
As she was looking at herself in the mirror, Raj walked into the bedroom and stood behind her.
"Do you like them?" he asked.
"Like them? I love them! They'll go perfectly with my Indian dress, too. Thank you so much," Carrie replied, t
urning around and hugging Raj again.
"Oh! I also have something for you," she said, grabbing his hand and leading him back to the living room.
She reached for the red envelope hidden in flowers on the coffee table and handed it to Raj. He opened it to find a Valentine's Day card, and read the note Carrie had inscribed.
Dear Raj,
Since the first day I met you, I've never stopped thinking about you. You are such a unique person, and the times I have spent with you have been the best days of my life. I trust you with all my heart. Will you trust me with yours?
I love you.
Carrie
Raj read the short note a few times and slowly closed the card before looking at Carrie. She was sitting on the edge of the couch, her arm resting on his, waiting for a response. "I'm sorry," Raj said. Carrie looked as though he'd slapped her. "I can't," Raj repeated. "I'm sorry."
Carrie tried to regain her composure and struggled not to cry. "Oh my God, I feel like such an idiot. You don't love me?" Carrie's voice quivered.
"It's not about that," Raj replied sullenly.
"Then what's it about?" she asked harshly.
"It's not about you. It's about me."
Carrie shook her head in disgust. "It's not you, it's me," she said sarcastically, almost to herself. No. Don't judge him by your other relationships, Carrie. She took a deep breath. "Okay, what about you?"
Raj looked at her and then rubbed the worry lines on his forehead. "I can't lie to you anymore, Carrie. You don't really know me. I don't even know me."
"What do you mean, I don't know you? Did you lie to me about something?" Carrie said, her heart skipping a beat and her stomach rolling. "Are you hiding something from me?"
Raj was torn. He'd always been a private person, and sharing his life and his problems did not come naturally to him. Although he could imagine spending his life with Carrie, finding his parents took precedence over everything and everyone else. He could never give up on finding them and discovering the truth about himself, and until he knew everything about his past, he had no future - not with Carrie or anyone. But as he looked at the pained expression on her face and the fear in her eyes, he understood that his secrecy and his obsessive need to keep people at an emotional distance was once again hurting another human being, and his intention was never to cause anyone pain. The least he owed her was honesty, so he took the locket out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Carrie.
"I don't understand. What's this?" Carrie asked.
"Open it," Raj replied. Carrie unhooked the clasp and looked at the pictures inside. "I lied to you about my parents, Carrie. My mom isn't proud of me and she didn't teach me how to cook. I don't even know who my parents are. I just have this locket, and I believe that those people are my parents who abandoned me when I was born. They're the reason I'm here in America. I came here to find them," Raj explained.
For the next half hour, Raj gave Carrie the abbreviated version of everything that had happened in his life, right up until that very moment between the two of them on the couch. Carrie was stunned into silence. She could feel Raj's pain, and as Raj talked, she kept wiping his tears first and then her own. She was relieved that he'd trusted her enough to open himself up to her, and she wasn't angry with him for lying. The truth didn't change her feelings for him; if anything, his honesty made her more confident about her feelings.
She took Raj's head in her lap and gently ran her fingers through his hair. "It's okay, Raj. Everything will be fine. I'll help you find your parents. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me the truth." Carrie hesitated. Oh, what the heck? One more try, Carrie. "I love you, Raj," she said softly and with trepidation, steeling herself for disappointment and hurt.
Raj looked up at her face and traced her jaw with the tips of his fingers. "I love you, too," he replied.
Carrie drew in a quick breath. It was the first time he'd said it, and for a moment, they just looked at each other, and then Raj gently touched her bottom lip. Carrie closed her eyes and lowered her face closer to Raj. Propping himself up on his elbow, Raj reached behind her head with his right hand and gently pulled her lips down to meet his. He lightly brushed against them, hesitantly, and Carrie's lips opened in response. She felt electricity flow throughout her body as her mouth encouraged his. Raj stood up and lifted Carrie into his arms, and she rested her head against his chest as he carried her into the bedroom.
Raj laid Carrie on the bed and removed his jacket. His hands reached to remove the rose from her hair, and his lips sought hers again, this time with more confidence. Carrie grabbed Raj's shirt and pulled him down on top of her. She kissed him passionately, and Raj's body responded. His breathing was ragged as he pushed himself away from her and held her at arm's length for a moment. "Great, just what the world needs. One more Brit dominating a poor Indian," Raj said.
Carrie giggled. "Well?what would you say if I offered to pay you back for whatever my ancestors did to your people?with interest?" Carrie teased, opening the buttons of Raj's shirt.
"I'd say that I don't think you can pay me back for 150 years of servitude with just one peace offering," Raj replied with a grin.
"Hmm?then I guess the only solution is to make it up to you for the rest of your life, huh?" Carrie stood up and untied the ends of her dress. Raj couldn't help but stare at her body as she slowly undressed. She wore black lace panties and a matching bra, and her breasts were full, her skin creamy white and soft. This time she draped herself on top of him, and as he felt her skin against his, he began to tremble. This was his first experience, and he couldn't control his feelings. After a few moments of kissing, Raj gently pushed her off of him.
"What happened?" Carrie asked, confused by his unexpected behavior.
"I need to go to the bathroom," Raj said, abruptly jumping up from the bed.
"Um?okay," Carrie replied as she self-consciously pulled the covers around her naked body. Raj turned around to look at her, and Carrie realized that his face wasn't flushed with passion, but with embarrassment. Raj's hands were in front of his pants, trying to hide the telltale spot. Carrie's eyes grew wide. "Oh, oh, OH!"
Raj's face turned an even deeper shade of crimson when he realized that she'd figured it out. "No, really, it's okay," Carrie said, trying to reassure him. Raj headed to the bathroom.
A thought suddenly struck Carrie. "Don't tell me you're a virgin!" she called out.
Raj replied from behind the closed bathroom door. "What do you think?"
Carrie fell back against the pillow and smiled. Just when she thought she couldn't possibly love Raj more than she already did, his innocence and honesty continued to surprise her and touch her heart in a way that no other man had been able to do.
Namaste New York: A Novel Page 31