by Eric Vall
Chapter 1
“Bro, I can’t believe we’re going to meet Anton Blum,” the voice of Todd the imp snickered from behind the white tablecloth. “I love his movies! They’re some of the most fucked-up things I’ve ever seen. Over-the-top violence, sex, full-frontal nudity… It’s like a wishlist ripped straight out of my own mind.”
“Enjoy his work while you can,” I replied with a chuckle as I gently leaned against the room service cart. “He’s a demon, and we’re going to drive him into an early retirement.”
“Uh, Jakey?” Todd’s tiny paws brushed the tablecloth aside. “Are we going to poison his dinner or something? Why am I hiding in a room service cart? And what’s up with your fancy outfit?”
For this occasion, I wore a white dress shirt with a black tie and black dress pants. It was simple, but it was the same uniform worn by employees of the Royal Palms Resort, so it made for the perfect disguise. Nobody had even tried to stop me when I waltzed into the kitchen area and swiped one of the room service carts, a couple of silver platters, and a bottle of wine.
“We’ve been over this, Todd.” I raised an eyebrow at the imp. “Were you baked when I explained the plan?”
“Bro, if you have to ask, you probably know the answer,” Todd giggled.
“I’ll go over it one last time, so be sure to take notes.” I sighed. “If we’ve learned anything from the past few weeks, it’s that we need to take these assholes by surprise. Remember Gallu?”
Todd nodded. “That bovine motherfucker from back in Vegas.”
“Exactly,” I confirmed. “Think of how much of an advantage he had when he surprised us in our hotel room. Now we’re just going to do the same thing to Mr. Blum here.”
“Bro, we’ve spent the last couple of weeks kicking ass, fucking shit up, and slaying demons.” The imp shrugged. “We don’t need the element of surprise. We’re badasses! This is what? Demon numero fifty-o?”
“Six,” I corrected. “This will be number six.”
“Six, fifty, same difference,” Todd chuckled. “We’re going to fuck him up either way.”
“Not if we don’t stick to the plan,” I warned.
“Which is…?” Todd stared back at me blankly.
“Anton Blum is a notorious womanizer,” I explained. “He’s known around Hollywood for having a taste for women on the younger side if you get my drift.”
“Stranger danger.” Todd nodded.
“Exactly. That’s where Sia comes in.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small black earpiece. “Blum is currently out here in Phoenix scouting talent. Superbia is supposed to be meeting him today to have dinner and talk about a role in one of his upcoming movies. They’re meeting here at his room and then heading off to dinner, so--”
“I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going,” Todd said with a laugh and a knowing wink.
“Bro--” I began.
The imp shrugged. “It’s an art form.”
“Moving on.” I rolled my eyes as I continued, “The idea is to get Sia alone with Blum and then get him to talk about all the fucked-up stuff he’s into before we kill him.”
“Bro, why do we need to get him to confess?” Todd questioned. “We’re going to cut off his dick anyways.”
“Because if we catch him saying all these pervy things on a video recording and then leak it to the press, it’ll make more sense why he disappeared.” I tapped the earpiece as I finessed it over my ear. “No one will miss him that way.”
“You’re a genius, Jakey.” Todd bowed playfully. “What about the other girls?”
“They’re up on the rooftop with earpieces of their own.” I pointed upwards. “We’re all just waiting for the signal.”
“The signal?” Todd questioned as he scratched his head.
“That’d be us, my friend!” I motioned up and down at my outfit. “Room service.”
“Ah, so the ol’ Blumster likes to wine and dine ‘em first.” The imp scoffed. “What a gentleman.”
“Jacob? Todd? Girls?” Sia’s timid voice crackled through the earpiece. “I’m approaching Mr. Blum’s hotel room right now. I can’t believe I’m wearing this ridiculous outfit.”
“You’ll get used to Earth clothing in time, sister,” Libidine’s voice came through the earpiece and reassured the madame. “Besides, Jacob can help you take them off as soon as we’re done here.”
“I am quite fine, Libidine,” Superbia said with an awkward giggle.
This time Cupi’s voice crackled over the headset. “Sister, it’s been over a month since you’ve accepted Jacob as your new lord, yet, you still haven’t made your connection with our new master. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you were avoiding it. We’ve even offered multiple times.”
“Be careful what you wish for, Cupiditas,” Sia’s soft voice hissed. “I’ve been a succubus for far longer than either of you. If Jacob has a taste of me, I’m not sure he would ever want to go back to you. I’m your madame--”
“Former madame,” Libidine corrected. “Jacob doesn’t have a hierarchy with his succubi.”
“I don’t like to play favorites,” I said into the communicator. “There’s enough of me to go around for everybody.”
“That is very true, sister,” Liby laughed. “His dick is so big that--”
Sia cut off her friend’s words. “I’m at the door.”
“Alright, this is it,” I whispered to the succubus through the communicator. “Just remember to play it cool, and that we’re right here if you need backup.”
“I was the servant of Azazel, Jacob,” Sia chuckled. “There’s nothing in the world this man could do that would frighten me.”
“Just hang tight until he tries to call up room service,” I confirmed. “This is how Blum preys on people. He asks them to meet him at his hotel, then he asks if they want to just stay in and eat dinner at his place, and then he extorts them for sexual favors.”
“I will be fine, Jacob,” the redhead assured. “I may not be as eager as my two sisters, but I’m still a succubus.”
“You’d be eager if you’ve seen what we’ve seen.” Liby giggled.
“Shhh!” Todd hissed into my earpiece and nearly deafened me. “This is some prime-time drama shit. I want to hear everything that’s going down.”
I sighed. “If this guy’s anything like what I’ve heard, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep down my lunch.”
“Bro, I’m the imp that smashed a whole pizza while we watched those torture porn movies.” Todd shrugged. “I think I can handle it.”
“Torture porn?” Cupiditas’ curious voice crackled through. “Sounds like something Sister Ira would be into.”
“Hush now, girls!” Sia angrily whispered. “I need to focus on the mission at hand.”
“And I thought Cupi was uptight.” Todd nudged my gut with his elbow and giggled.
“Sia’s a madame, Todd,” I explained. “Her whole purpose is to make sure her girls are safe and doing their jobs at maximum efficiency.”
“Apparently, it’s also to service people with jailbait fantasies,” the imp snickered.
“Well yeah, she’s--”
“I wonder how many lonely teenagers summon her just to take her to prom?” he continued. “I totally would have tried something like that.”
On the other end of the communicator, there was a halfhearted knock followed by the metallic click of a door’s locking mechanism.
“Ah, you must be Sierra!” the gruff, slimy voice of Anton Blum filled my ears. “You have no idea how much I’ve been waiting for this. Come on in!”
The sound of footsteps was faint on whatever type of fancy interior the room had. The door slammed in the distance as I assumed Sia and Blum were walking toward the
living quarters of his suite.
“So, Sierra,” the man’s voice continued. “How long have you been in the movie business? You seem young… and fresh faced. I can’t say I’ve ever seen any of your work.”
“I mostly stick to independent films,” the redheaded succubus answered. “Mostly just a few side gigs here and there, and a few favors for my friends who are wannabe directors.”
“I see. Would you like a glass of champagne, love?” Blum sounded like he was trying to be smooth, but his words came out in the slimiest way possible.
“Oh, I’m too young to drink,” Sia refused.
“Come on.” Blum chuckled. “Don’t tell me you never partied with your friends or snuck a drink out of your dad’s stash once or twice? You look like a girl who wants to have a fun time.”
“I thought we were going to discuss this role over dinner?” The redhead tried to change the subject.
“Yeah, that’s what the original plan was,” the man said nonchalantly. “But I figured we could just order up some room service and then see where the night takes us. I’ve been here for a couple of days now, and this resort is nicer than any of the fancy-shmancy restaurants around town. Trust me on this one.”
I looked over at the imp on the cart, and we both rolled our eyes at Blum’s words. This guy’s habits were like clockwork.
“I suppose if we’re staying in then we can indulge a bit,” Sia retorted, but she couldn’t hide the annoyance in her voice.
“Easy there, Sia,” I whispered into the communicator. “Wait until backup arrives.”
“Excellent, my dear!” Anton exclaimed. “What would you like? They’ve got everything under the sun at this place.”
“Uh--” Sia muttered.
“Order a rare steak and some lobster, sister,” Cupiditas whispered. “It’s the best Earth Realm has to offer.”
“Steak and lobster would be sufficient if you don’t mind,” Sia innocently requested.
“Oh, you’re also a girl who likes the finer things.” Blum snickered. “Just my type. Let me go put in that order.”
“It’s taking every inch of my willpower to keep from tearing this guy limb from limb,” Sia’s voice whispered through the earpiece.
“We’re almost there,” I reassured the succubus. “He’s already offered alcohol to a minor, now you just need to get him to say something really incriminating.”
“That should be easy.” The succubus chuckled. “This man is basically salivating right now at the sight of me. Not that it’s anything new.”
“There,” Blum’s voice grew closer as he returned. “Room service is on its way. Now let’s talk about business.”
“That’s our cue.” I nodded to Todd, reached up, and then grabbed a silver platter. “Ready to put on your disguise?”
“Bro, playing food?” he said as he climbed up onto the top layer of the cart. “This is the role of a lifetime. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t just sit backstage and smoke pot my entire time in Drama Club.”
“Of course not, you also were back there eating anything edible.” I laughed as I opened the tray and the imp hopped in.
“Guilty as charged.” Todd’s voice was cut off as I placed the lid over his small body.
I took a deep breath and then began to push Todd’s makeshift chariot toward Blum’s room.
The wheels of the room service cart squealed as they rolled through the bowels of the resort. The concrete hallways were littered with trash, broken glassware, and more carts than one could ever possibly need. Then there was the smell, a mixture of sweet, discarded desserts from the function the night before and the vulgar scent of old meat.
“So, my dear,” Blum’s voice came back through the earpiece. “What are your qualifications? Why should I consider you for a role in my next movie?”
“My resume should speak for itself,” Sia’s voice responded. “I’ve acted in many--”
“No, no, my dear,” Blum cut the succubus off. “I mean your… physical qualifications. There are dozens of different girls your age who have responded to the ad we put out. What can you do for me that they can’t?”
“Are you suggesting--”
“Sierra, you seem to have it all where it counts.” The man’s voice was now dripping with excitement. “You’re stunning, you’re talented, and you’ve got the right attitude for showbiz. I can make you a star, but there are certain… favors I would like in return. You know, you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.”
Todd and I were now out of the inner-workings of the resort and were about twenty feet away from Anton’s room.
“Oh, I’m sure it’s not your back that you want me to scratch,” Sia retorted with a laugh.
“I’m glad you understand.” The movie producer giggled. “It won’t be so bad. Now, would you like an appetizer before our dinner arrives?”
“Sausage, I’m assuming?” Superbia asked unenthusiastically.
“You read my mind, doll!” the man chuckled.
There was a moment of silence on the other side of the communicator.
“Oh.” The disappointment in Sia’s voice was obvious. “A grower, I presume?”
“Don’t worry, it’ll feel bigger in a minute. You want to be a star, don’t you?” Blum’s voice was filled with embarrassment and a twinge of rage.
“If that’s what it takes to make it in Hollywood, then I guess I’m in.” Sia sighed.
“Liby and Cupi, get ready,” I spoke through the headpiece as we came up to the door of the suite.
I reached up, balled my fist, and then pounded on the yellow Tuscan doors.
“That must be our food,” Blum’s voice sighed through the earpiece. “That was fast. Just as we were about to start.”
“After we eat?” Sia asked.
“I knew you’d come around, my dear. I promise I’ll make it a night you won’t forget.”
“You can say that again,” Todd’s muffled voice laughed beneath the platter’s lid.
The left side of the double door opened to reveal Anton Blum, in the flesh. The man wore a silk red bathrobe that hung off his wide frame like an awkwardly placed tablecloth. Despite his wide stature, Blum looked like he was just as much muscle as he was body fat. His massive nose sat in the center of his oval-shaped face, and his brown, sunken eyes stared me down as he looked the cart up and down.
Back in the living area of the suite, I could see Sia sitting uncomfortably on the couch. She was still in the lacey red sundress that the other succubi had picked out for her that ran down to her knees and did its best to push up her tiny breasts. The succubus madame looked like she was bored with this entire affair.
She was probably just as ready to kill this asshole as I was.
“What’s the deal?” Blum crossed his arms and pouted. “I wanted two steaks, two lobsters, and a fuckton of mac and cheese and mashed potatoes. All I see is one plate! What the fuck kind of joint is this?”
“I assure you, sir, that I have exactly what you need right here.” I reached down and placed my hand on the lid of the silver platter.
In one swift motion, I yanked the cover upward, and Todd sprang up onto Blum’s face.
“I’m a huge fan!” the imp giggled as he started to lash out at his target.
The man let out screams of terror as the imp used his claws to turn his ugly mug into an even uglier bloody mess. He stumbled back into his room and then tossed Todd off to the side in a panic.
The attack had distracted the scumbag long enough for Sia to conjure up a spell, and a beam of Sia’s black fire caught Blum from behind and lifted him up into the air. As he kicked and struggled for breath, something underneath his skin began to move. Two brown bat-like wings sprouted from his back, a pair of stumpy horns popped out of his forehead, and his irises turned pitch-black.
This must have been his true form.
Without waiting another moment, I summoned up my own red Hellfire and unleashed a blast right in the demon’s chest.
; And that’s when Cupiditas and Libidine crashed through two of the windows across the room, right on cue, and unleashed their own attacks on the movie producer. A hailstorm of yellow daggers from Liby and red Hellfire from Cupi and me struck Blum’s suspended body from both sides. The demon lit up like a Christmas tree as the fire danced around his bulky frame.
Blum let out an ungodly wail of pain as his figure was engulfed in a blinding bright light. His deep, guttural screams grew louder and louder for a few minutes until they finally came to an abrupt stop.
The four of us quelled our magic, and Anton Blum’s charred skeleton collapsed onto the tile floor.
“Aww man.” Todd walked over and brushed off his shoulder. “And here I was really looking forward to Space Vixens 69. It was going to be his magnum opus.”
“Sounds like my kinda movie,” I quipped back as I laughed and let out a sigh of relief.
“Thank goodness you got here so quickly,” Superbia muttered. “I didn’t know how much more of his nonsense I could take before I ripped off his dick and shoved it down his throat.” She cast a glance down at herself. “Can I take this dress off now?”
“Normally, that’s not a request I’d ever deny.” I smirked at the redheaded succubus. “But how about we wait until we’re somewhere a little more private?”
“Ugh, I don’t see how you girls have gotten used to these itchy garments.” Sia rolled her eyes and scratched at her shoulder.
“I’ve actually developed a soft spot for Earth clothes,” Liby smiled.
“They are also perfect for espionage,” Cupiditas chimed in. “Apparently Earth girls don’t like to walk around naked as we do in Hell.”
“Unless you’re at a titty bar,” Todd corrected.
“A titty bar?” Libidine asked.
“Yeah.” Todd clapped his hands together gleefully. “It’s this magical place you can go where they serve you beer and food while the waitresses get all up in your face with their goods!”
“So, Blum is dead,” I said in an effort to bring us back to the topic at hand. Then I reached into my pocket, pulled out the list of confirmed demons, and crossed his name off. “There’s a couple more actors and producers on this list that he definitely would have known. Todd, go check his phone and see if they’re in his contacts.”