by Eric Vall
“Up on the sidewalk?” Libidine asked. “That’s not a parking spot, is it? There are no little lines that tell you where--”
“Exactly!” I smiled. “We’re gonna make our own space.”
“Won’t we get a ticket if we park there?” the imp asked in horror. “I can’t have the popo going through my stuff in this car! We could go to prison for years.”
“How much weed do you have back there?” I asked.
“It’s not the weed bro,” Todd muttered. “I’ve got much worse stuff back there. Like--”
I held up a hand to cut him off. “I don’t even want to know. You do still have your Vatican texts though, right?”
“Yeah, but I don’t see how--” he started.
“We can use the concealing hex we encountered at the Chapel and in Tonto,” Cupi cut him off. “It’ll make our car invisible.”
“Just what I was thinking, Cupi,” I chuckled. “This isn’t a high-traffic area, and it’s the middle of the night, so we shouldn’t have to worry about anyone walking into her. It’ll make the perfect hiding spot for Shadow.”
“But how are we gonna make her go all invisible?” Todd asked. “Those were counter-curses that revealed hexed stuff, not the actual spell itself.”
“I’m shocked.” The blonde seemed to be at a loss for words. “Something related to the occult that Todd doesn’t know?”
“Stop the presses!” Libidine laughed.
I double-checked to make sure there was nobody in our immediate vicinity, and then I pulled our four door Jeep Wrangler up onto the sidewalk and into our makeshift space between the road and the bollards.
“Get your book, Todd,” Cupi ordered as she opened her door. “I’ll show you how it’s done.”
Todd scurried out of the passenger seat and dashed to the rear of the vehicle.
“I love the way you say that, sister,” Liby cooed.
“Hex now, flirt later,” I joked as I got out of the vehicle and followed Cupi back to the bed of Shadow.
The imp’s hind end stuck out comically as he dug through the heap of stuff in the back of the Jeep. Then he finally pushed himself out, landed on the sidewalk, and then began to flip through the ancient book quickly.
“We really gotta think about cleaning that shit out,” Todd laughed. “Shadow’s getting an awful lot of junk in the trunk, and not in a good way.”
“Junk in the trunk?” Sia asked, completely oblivious to what the term meant.
“It’s one of those things where it has a literal and a figurative meaning,” Libidine explained. “It means she has a large ass.”
“Hmm.” The madame pondered as she grabbed her own butt. “I most certainly don’t have that problem.”
“Just remember,” Todd giggled. “It doesn’t have to be large to make you in charge.”
I continued to look around nervously for anyone who might spot us, and then I reached into the tailgate and grabbed our duffel bag.
“Aha!” The imp slapped his finger down on the page and then handed the book to Cupi. “Show me how it’s done, oh great master of magic.”
“For spoken spells, you can create a counter curse by using an anagram of the original words,” the blonde explained.
“I think I remember that from high school!” The imp exclaimed. “That’s the little shape with parallel sides, right?”
“Doesn’t that just create jibberish?” I asked, completely ignoring Todd’s words.
The blonde nodded. “Why do you think talking with your tongue is a thing?”
“Uh, I think you mean ‘speaking in tongues,’” Todd corrected with a raised finger.
“Speaking in tongues creates a counter-curse?” I questioned curiously.
“Watch and learn.” The fit succubus winked and then held the book out in front of her.
Cupi closed her eyes, and then from her mouth spouted words that sounded Latin but were completely unrecognizable to my ear. As she spoke, a dull humming sound filled the surrounding air, and the Earth almost felt as if it were trembling.
“It’s working!” Libidine said in shock.
Slowly, but surely, Shadow was disappearing. It started with the tires and then spread out across the entire body of the vehicle. A few seconds later, the Jeep was completely gone, and Cupi’s chant went silent.
“Told you I could do it.” She shrugged.
“You’re going to have to teach me how to do that,” I mumbled in awe. “That was amazing.”
“I know. Why do you think people keep saying my tongue is so legendary?” Cupi winked playfully.
“Probably for the fellatio,” Sia chimed in.
“Well, that’s true as well,” Cupiditas purred.
“Here,” I opened up the duffel bag and held it out to the blonde. “I’m almost certain we’ll need it again.”
Cupi nodded and slipped the old book into the carrier.
I turned around to Todd and playfully opened the bag.
“For old time’s sake?” I joked.
“Does it still smell like your gym shorts?” Todd shook his head and chuckled. “No thank you. I’d much rather run around incognito or get all tingly with the green fire.”
I looked down the street at the towering skyscraper.
Atop the building was a large light fixture that wrapped around the entire structure and could be adjusted to any color the programmer desired. Currently, it was a bright red.
How fitting.
“Do you think you can teleport us up there, Jacob?” Liby asked as she pointed to the glowing red light. “That’s got to be where the ceremony is happening.”
“I can give it the ‘ol college try,” I retorted.
“So you’re gonna get blackout drunk and then have no idea what the fuck you’re doing?” Todd giggled.
“I think our college experiences were really different, Todd.” I shook my head and reached out with my right hand.
I closed my eyes and pictured the top of the building. I thought about how those assholes in the navy robes had kidnapped some innocent woman off the street, and how they were going to force her to carry Azazel’s baby. They also had Jane, and I worried about the kind of fucked up “rehabilitation” they were going to put her through if I didn’t make it up there in time or if we failed.
The thoughts made me physically ill.
My horns were still jutting out of my head, and I could feel them pulsating as the Hellfire coursed through me.
“Uh, bro?” Todd asked in a confused tone. “I’m not getting that trippy, tingly sensation like I normally do.”
“Damn it,” Cupiditas swore. “It must be another anti-telekinetic hex.”
“They really don’t want us getting up there,” I growled as I opened my eyes. “Can one of you fly us up?”
“Jacob, look!” Superbia’s concerned voice ordered.
The redheaded succubus pointed up at the top of the tower as a large wave of purple Hellfire spread around it in a circular pattern.
“That answers that question.” I shook my head and motioned toward the ground floor of the building. “It looks like we’re going to have to do this the old fashioned way.”
I took a step in the direction of the Salesforce Tower, but I stopped when I heard a loud “ahem” from behind me. I turned around and saw Todd shooting me a disapproving expression.
“Aren’t you forgetting something, Jakey?” He reached up and tapped his broken horn.
I mirrored the imp’s motion and felt my own blue horn protruding out of my head.
“I guess that doesn’t really make for a good disguise, now does it?” I chuckled. “But how the hell do I get rid of them? They usually just go away on their own.”
“I like to think about baseball,” Todd suggested. “Or my grandma. That usually does the trick.”
“Your grandma?” Libidine sounded disgusted.
“Relax, Lib,” Todd snickered. “I only think about her when I’m trying to get rid of it, not when I’m trying to get one.
Now, Jacob’s mom, on the other hand--”
“New topic,” Cupiditas interjected as she turned to me. “If you’re powerful enough to turn your powers on and off at whim, then all you have to do is clear your mind and order them to retract.”
“So it is like getting a boner!” Todd exclaimed.
“Just try it,” the fit blonde put her hand on my chest lovingly. “Think of things that make you calm.”
“I’m already off to a good start.” I smiled and put my hand over Cupi’s.
I closed my eyes and thought back to the beautiful sunset we’d encountered on the beach back in New England. Images of the succubi cuddled up with me inside of our six-person sleeping bag darted through my mind and brought back happy memories. Although I could feel my passion for the beautiful women simmering deep inside, what I was visualizing wasn’t related to sex whatsoever. Instead, the thoughts brought me tranquility.
For the first time in a long time, I was at peace.
I pictured my horns retracting back into my head, and the throbbing in my temples told me that they were responding to my wishes.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Cupi asked playfully.
“Not at all.” I ran my hand across the blonde’s face tenderly. “I just thought about you guys.”
“Me too?” Todd asked eagerly.
“Sure thing, bro.” I nodded to the imp and then turned back in the direction of the tower. “Now let’s get up there and kick some cultist ass!”
We had parked only a few blocks away from the main entrance to the Salesforce Tower, and we were upon its front doors in minutes.
I pushed through the revolving turnstyle of a door and stumbled into the main lobby of the tower.
This place looked just as fancy on the inside as it did on the outside.
Directly in front of me was a large wall that was made up entirely of television screens. Currently they sat blank, but I was sure that they were quite the spectacle to behold when they were turned on. The ceilings had to have been at least thirty feet tall, and bright square lights seemed to line the border at two feet intervals. All around us, the furniture was simplistic and modern, but it also looked like it cost an arm and a leg. Directly in front of the wall of screens sat a white desk with a small black sculpture on each side.
Most importantly, there was a pair of chrome elevator doors on both sides of the desk.
A large, muscular man in a navy suit and red tie sat behind the counter, and just on top of his wide nose sat a pair of aviator sunglasses. As we approached, he raised a curious eyebrow at our motley crew.
“We’re closed,” he grumbled with a deep voice.
“Oh, I know.” I smiled and leaned against the desk. “Me and my project team here have a really important proposal due tomorrow, and the only way it’s going to get done is by pulling an all-nighter. You know how that is, don’t you?”
The man remained stone-faced despite my banter.
“I’m sorry, guys,” the large man mumbled. “But I have direct orders from security not to let people in right now. They’re doing some sort of top-secret training exercise, and they’ve shut down the elevators completely.”
“Then we’ll take the stairs, I guess.” I stood up from the desk and pointed across the room. “They’re over there, right?”
The bulky man got up from his chair, and I realized just how massive he was. His mammoth frame was at least double the width of my body, and he was a good foot and a half taller than I was.
“I said nobody gets in,” he reiterated.
“Excuse me?” Libidine jumped into the conversation as she slid between the guard and me.
The man looked at the curvy succubus, and a snarl arose on his face.
“Look, mister-- Andras.” Liby squinted to read his nametag. “We mean you no harm. We just want to get up to our office so we can finish this big project we’ve been working on.”
“No.” The guard’s brow furrowed as the words escaped his mouth.
Liby leaned in closer to the man, and her violet eyes began to glow.
“My friends and I would appreciate it if you would let us through,” she ordered. “We have a very important deadline to make.”
The man was very difficult to read. Although Liby was using her mind control powers on the guard, his expression remained unchanged, and his body was still completely tensed up. After a few seconds of tense silence, the guard spoke up.
“The answer is still no,” he growled.
“Can we speak to this head of security?” Sia interrupted. “I’m sure he would understand if we just explained our predicament.”
The guard stood there and thought about the madame’s words. I saw his eyes dart back and forth between the succubi and me for a moment, but then he finally shrugged.
“Why not?” He shrugged, and then a knowing smile spread across his face. “The boss did want me to notify him if anybody tried to get in. And I think he will most certainly want to meet you four.”
The bulky man fumbled around in his pocket for his cell phone, pulled it out, and then dialed a combination of numbers into the display. He stepped away to speak with his boss, and I used this as an opportunity to address my friends.
“What the hell happened back there?” I asked Libidine.
“My spell didn’t work on him, and I think we all know why,” the dark-haired woman explained.
“It’s because he’s totally a demon,” Todd’s disembodied voice whispered. “Like, he’s not even trying to hide that fact. Who the fuck wears their latin demon name on their company name tag?”
“Somebody who doesn’t give a shit about being caught.” I nodded. “I’m sure they’re expecting us.”
“Or they think we are all splattered across Muir Woods,” Cupi argued. “We need to think about our next move carefully.”
“I say we just go out, pick up a tanker full of gasoline, and then throw it into the building,” Todd suggested.
“We can’t do that.” I shook my head. “There are lights on all over in this building, which means it’s full of innocent people. And besides, this is a rescue mission. Killing these cultist assholes is just an added bonus.”
“I think we should kill this guy while we still have the element of surprise on our hands,” Cupi said eagerly.
“Personally, I say we hear out his boss.” Sia shrugged. “Andras obviously knows who we are, yet he hasn’t tried to kill us yet. Why?”
“I’m inclined to agree with you, Sia.” I nodded. “Worst case scenario is that we actually meet this boss of his, we don’t like him, and then we fuck up his and this demon’s day.”
“I’ll do whatever Jacob wants to do,” Libidine agreed. “We swore to stick with him through the thick and the thin, no matter how difficult it may be. This idea could go either way.”
“Thanks, Liby,” I only half-joked.
“He’s on his way,” the muscular man called out. “But don’t think that means you can go wandering off on your own. You’re still staying right where you are.”
“Sure thing, Mr. Andras.” I gave the demon-in-disguise a salute. “We won’t move a muscle.”
I pulled out my cell phone and glanced at the time. It was now eleven, and the ceremony was set to begin at midnight.
If this asshole didn’t get down here soon, we were going to have to go with Cupi’s plan B.
We waited in the main lobby for only a few minutes before our group started to grow impatient.
“Can’t I please just light him up with a fireball?” Cupiditas begged. “We can be in and out of this whole mission in like, ten minutes if I do that.”
“Yeah, bro,” Todd agreed. “I’m starting to get really bored. If I’d known we were going to be sitting around with our thumbs up our asses, I would have brought some cards. Or some of those vintage Playboys from the back of the Jeep.”
“Are those things even still readable?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “I’d have thought the pages were all stuck together by
now.”
“I’m almost offended,” Todd’s voice laughed. “Those things are collector’s items. I only slap the salami to internet porn nowadays.”
“So you’re saying that you only read it for the articles?” I chuckled. “Somehow I don’t believe you.”
“Believe what you want, bro.” Todd snickered. “I--”
“It is you!” A voice echoed from across the lobby.
I stood up and saw a figure in a robe approaching us from afar.
As the man got closer, I could see that he was wearing the standard uniform of the cult. The only difference was that his robe had a large crimson “A” embroidered onto the front.
Andras’ boss looked to be a man at least in his fifties. His face was wrinkled, and the messy hair that sat atop his head was as white as snow. The cultist had a slight hobble to his gait as he walked, and it almost looked like something out of a cartoon.
“Jacob Ralston.” He smiled. “You’re even more impressive in the flesh. And your succubi are even lovelier than the stories make them out to be.”
“Thank you, Oliver,” Sia sighed.
“I hope Andras here wasn’t too rough with you,” the man laughed. “He has a tendency to act all big and tough, but he’s just a marquis of Hell. No higher than a soldier or a succubus on Lucifer’s hierarchy.”
“Wait, just what the fuck is going on right now?” I was very confused.
“Oh, where are my manners?” The man smacked his head playfully and then extended his hand.
“My name is Oliver, and I’m the leader of the Cult of Azazel. I want to talk to you about some business, Mr. Ralston.”
Chapter 18
I felt a dull rage building up from within me.
“You’re the asshole responsible for all this?” I growled as I summoned red Hellfire into my hands. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t toast your ass into a crisp right here and now.”
I promised myself that I’d keep my cool, but standing face to face with the man responsible for all of our recent hardships triggered my anger.
Oliver retracted his hand. “Now, now, Mr. Ralston,” he said as he held out his hands, “there’s no need for violence.”