by Geonn Cannon
“White wine,” Shane said.
Molly picked up the bottle and passed it over her shoulder. “Thanks, hon,” Shane said as she poured the wine into the skillet
And when, exactly, did that start? Molly wondered. As long as she could remember, she and Shane had had little nicknames for each other. Shane was hon, Molly was babe. To be honest, it was easier than remembering who you were talking to during one of these madcap races to get the next dish out. “Ground pepper,” Molly requested. When the requested shaker appeared, Molly brushed Shane’s fingers and felt a slight thrill. “Thanks, hon.”
“No worries, babe,” Shane replied, still focused on her own order.
Molly felt a thrill and immediately chided herself. This is stupid. You’re not some dumb teenager. She shook the ground pepper onto her fish and, as she waited for it to flake, she shifted her attention to the tempura batter. She lifted the bowl and began to beat the egg whites. She glanced at Shane and watched as she stretched to hand Lloyd her order. “Order up, blackened tilapia,” she shouted.
“Shane.”
Shane glanced at her and wiped a hand across her forehead. “When things calm down, why don’t we take our break together?”
“Okay,” Shane said.
“I have to make a call first, but...I’ll meet you out back.”
“Okay,” Shane said again. She took the next order from Lloyd and said, “Ahh, the damn mahi-mahi.”
“You’d prefer flounder?”
“Yeah, actually.”
They switched positions, Molly lifting her arms and letting Shane slide in front of her. “And the tempura batter...”
“Got it, babe, thanks.”
Molly took over Shane’s station and started on the mahi-mahi. Like a well-oiled machine, she thought. “Thanks, babe,” Shane said. “I hate that damn mahi-mahi.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Molly said. She focused on the fish and reserved a small part of her mind to working over what she was going to say to Shane when they took their break.
##
During a lull in the day, Molly found Clifton in his office. He looked a little nervous when she knocked on his door, but he waved her in and asked what he could do for her. “I can’t be here until closing tonight.”
“Oh, yeah?” he asked. He tried to mask his relief that she just wanted to talk business.
“I need to leave around six. I figure if I work through the after-lunch lull rather than leaving and coming back for dinner–”
“Oh, sure,” he said. “Shane can handle it until closing.” He looked up from the order form he’d been filling out. “Everything okay?”
“My sister’s...partner is in town. I wanted to take some time and...”
He waved his hand. “Say no more.” He checked his watch and said, “If it starts getting slow, you can go a little earlier.”
“Thanks, Clifton.”
He nodded and went back to his order form. When she was almost out the door, he said, “Hey, Molly.” She turned. “You’re starting to accept it, aren’t you?”
She leaned against the door and nodded. “Yeah. I am.”
He nodded. “Let me know if you need any extra time off, okay? Shane’s not you, but she’s capable.”
“So you keep telling me,” Molly said. “I think you’re trying to replace me.”
“If I wanted to get rid of you, I’d just chase you out of the restaurant with a cleaver.”
Molly groaned. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
Clifton shrugged. “Do something funnier and we’ll switch to that.”
She rolled her eyes and said, “I’ll let you know about the time off. Thank you.”
She shut the door as she left and headed back to the kitchen. The sea had calmed, and Lilly was the only chef working at the stove. Shane was washing her hands at the sink, and Molly said, “Lilly, do you mind taking over for a bit?”
“Sure, Moll.”
Shane wiped her hands on a towel and followed Molly out the back door. She sat down on the crate she used to prop the door open and held her hand out to Molly, expecting one of her cigarettes to appear between two fingers.
Molly leaned against the wall and looked out at the harbor. She didn’t see Shane’s out-stretched hand and said, “When did you know you were gay?”
“What?” Shane said. She dropped her hand and smiled nervously. “I thought you were asking me out here to share a smoke.”
“Oh,” Molly said. She reached into the pocket of her checkered pants and withdrew half a pack of cigarettes. “Here you go.” She tapped out a cigarette and held the pack out to Shane.
Shane took the cigarette and placed it between her lips. She used her own lighter to ignite it, took a drag, and leaned forward. “When I was fifteen, I guess? I don’t know exactly. I didn’t have a stopwatch on me at the time.” She smirked and flicked her thumbnail over the filtered tip of her cigarette. “I don’t remember ever liking boys in school. It was more like...‘I’m supposed to be ga-ga over that guy? What about her?’” She shifted on the crate and said, “Um...why are we talking about this?”
“It’s just something I need to hear.” She looked up and said, “It’s not uncomfortable for you, is it?”
Shane laughed. “Oh, it’s hella uncomfortable. But I can handle it. Is this about your sister?”
“What makes you say that?”
Shane stood up and stepped around Molly. She leaned against the wall next to her and said, “You haven’t been yourself since you found out about her. You’ve been moody, angry, hair-trigger. That’s not you.”
“Yeah, it is,” Molly said. She tapped out a cigarette for herself, and Shane offered her lighter. “I’m just usually much better at hiding it. April was my anchor. Even when she was, you know, a hundred miles away, I was her shadow. I hid behind her my whole life. Even in the womb, the doctor didn’t know we were twins because I was hiding behind April. I guess when we started school and I realized most people were singleto--were, uh, not twins...that I decided I was a freak or a ghost or something. So I let April live.”
“And you, what, stopped living? You’re the head chef in the best restaurant on this island.”
“I didn’t stop living,” Molly said. “I had interests. April could barely burn a Pop Tart in the toaster, let alone grill a fish. I’m talking about other stuff...having sleepovers, hanging out with her friends, getting yelled at, and getting grounded. I was the good, efficient one. I came straight home after school, I went upstairs and did my homework and went to bed at nine.”
“You didn’t have any friends?”
Molly shrugged. “I got what I needed from April. I was never lonely.”
“That’s so sad.”
“It’s what I was used to. I didn’t need or want friends. There were times I wished April would dump some of her friends and stay home with me, but...” She exhaled a thin stream of white smoke and said, “I walked in on April experimenting with girls. Twice. She eventually told me she’d had boyfriends, but she was more comfortable with girls. Then a few years later, she told me that she was gay. She said she would never see herself with a man.”
Shane softly said, “How’d you take it?”
“Relief. It meant the feelings I had were just...remnants of hers.”
“Like the psychic twin phenomenon?”
“Yeah. It happened every now and then. I’d know when she was hurt, or she’d know when I was looking for her and would come find me. But after puberty, I started having moments where...a girl would swish her skirt when she sat down next to me and I’d see a flash of thigh and get excited. When a girl happened to brush against me in the hallway, I’d get excited. But when April came out, I was relieved. I wasn’t gay, I was just getting cast-off feelings from her.”
Shane looked out at the water.
“Even when I never got the same feeling from men, I lied to myself. Even when I couldn’t...finish...with a man, I told myself that was how sex was supposed to
be.”
“You’ve been in denial your whole life?”
Molly lifted a shoulder and looked down at her feet. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be a lesbian. I really...I’m happy the way I am.”
“No, you are not.” Molly looked up. Shane pushed away from the wall and walked in front of Molly. “You’re not happy. You’re barely content. You hold everyone at arm’s length, you guard yourself against everything. Until recently, that is. Lately you’ve been so out of control that I’m not sure I want to give you knives when you ask for them.”
Molly frowned and looked away from Shane.
“Don’t look away, look at me.” Molly met her eyes again. Shane lowered her voice and put her hand on Molly’s shoulder. “Now you went through a loss. Everyone here understands that, we know it has to be harder on you than any of us can guess. But Molly, you have got to let yourself understand how hard it’s being on you. You just told me you’ve lived your life in April’s shadow. She’s dead now. She’s gone. For the first time, you’re holding yourself up to the light and you’re realizing that a feeling you’ve always denied was coming from you. From your own heart. I think you’re scared to death right now of what it means. You already lost a sister, a twin, and that must have been a huge shock. You must feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. But the truth -- the God’s honest truth, Molly -- is that another part of you is just waking up. Stop fighting it. That’s what’s making you crazy right now. Fighting that part you’ve been holding down so long. It’s waking up, and you’ve gotta let it happen, Molly.”
Molly blinked away her tears and brought her hand up to wipe at her cheeks. She sniffled, took a drag of her cigarette and forced a smile. “How long have you been practicing that speech?”
“I started putting it together the Christmas that I came on to you,” Shane said. She grinned and said, “Come on, Molly. I just told you, I’ve been dating girls since I was fifteen. My gay-dar is pretty finely tuned.”
“You knew I was gay?”
Shane nodded. “I just thought you weren’t into me. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong. But the way you were acting, the way you got when I talked about my girlfriends...I started to realize I was dealing with a pretty strong case of denial.”
“So you’ve had that little speech planned for me all this time?”
“Well, I had a speech...I kind of went off on a tangent or two. And I had to make some adjustments...what with the tragedy.”
Molly laughed. “You don’t say.” She moved her hand to Shane’s shoulder and squeezed. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Shane started to pull away, but Molly tightened her hand.
“Wait. You were really attracted to me that Christmas? Not just...drunk?”
Shane hesitated and looked down at her feet. “Molly, I’ve been attracted to you since the day you trusted me with that reviewer’s meal.”
Molly released Shane’s shoulder and leaned against the wall. “Maybe we should have dinner some time.”
Shane was very still, her cigarette trembling slightly between her fingers, “I think, uh...that you should give it some time...”
“I don’t need time,” Molly said. “You told me to let my feelings win. Well...I’m never going to know what the hell is going on unless I try at least a date. And there’s no one else on this island I’d even begin to feel comfortable enough with. If we’re being completely honest, I have feelings for you, too. Feelings that may go deeper than just friends or boss and employee.”
“Are you saying you want to date me?” Shane asked. Her voice was hesitant, but hopeful.
Molly gestured at the open kitchen door. “If we can ever get away from this place at the same time. We may have to settle for a slice at Joe Lack’s during our breaks. But I want to go out on a date with you.” Eleven words. Her chest relaxed, her steel ribs suddenly turning to satin, and she could breathe again. She inhaled and looked down at her cigarette, letting it fall to the ground and smothering it with the toe of her shoe. “Don’t leave me hanging, Sanborn, either you want to or–”
“I do,” Shane said. “Sorry. I...didn’t realize I wasn’t saying anything.” She pushed her lank blonde hair out of her eyes and exhaled. “Yeah, a date would be...yeah.”
“It doesn’t mean we have to...”
“I know. It’s just testing the waters.”
Molly nodded.
Shane said, “I should get back in.” She started for the door and then came back. “Molly, even if our date doesn’t go well...don’t give up. Don’t pin this whole self-discovery thing on us having chemistry.”
“Okay,” Molly agreed.
Shane nodded, smiled, and then went back into the kitchen.
Molly sagged against the wall and regretted smothering her cigarette. She appreciated Shane’s disclaimer, but she knew it wasn’t necessary. She very much doubted that she and Shane would discover they didn’t have chemistry. Not the way they read one another’s minds in the kitchen. Not the way Shane made her feel. No chemistry? If only it could be that easy. She stared at the sky when her phone suddenly began vibrating in her pocket.
She withdrew the phone and flipped it open. “Molly Page.”
“Robin Fraser.”
Molly said, “Hi. I talked to my boss and he’s willing to let me go early tonight. Around six. Maybe you could stop by the restaurant and have dinner before we... have our talk.” She took a deep breath and said, “I’m ready to talk about April.”
Chapter Thirteen
Robin hung up the phone and let her hand linger on the receiver. Tonight around six, then. Molly had sounded different during the call...more relaxed, maybe. Oh, say what you mean, her inner voice chided. She sounded more like April. She stood up and went to the window. If she pushed the curtain aside, pressed her face to the glass, and strained, she could see the aged wood of Gail’s Seafood Shack between the buildings.
“Stop thinking about her,” she whispered to herself. She let the curtain fall back into place and walked slowly to the bed. I should never have come to this island, she thought. As soon as I laid eyes on Molly Page, I should have gotten back into that rental car and driven back to Seattle. She dropped onto the bed and spread her arms out to her sides. Palms up, she stared at the ceiling and took a shaky breath.
She knew she would never have been able to do that. Finally confronted with the mysterious sister and then learning she was her lover’s twin? How could she have run from that? She closed her eyes and thought back to her previous knowledge of Molly.
##
The math department head had called a meeting about the school’s low test scores. Math was the worst, presenting the third worst grades in the district. His “discussion” had ended up in a shouting match between him and one of the Algebra II teachers who he all but blamed for the low results. Robin’s head was pounding as she pulled into the garage. She gathered her attaché case, filled with tests to grade, which promised a long, frustrating night of wading through a hundred pages and hoping against hope that at least half of them passed.
She pushed the kitchen door open and dumped her stuff on the counter. She could smell chicken-fried steaks from a restaurant downtown, and her stomach gave a grateful growl. “Honey? April, you home?”
She searched the fridge and found a beer, got her Styrofoam take-out container from the microwave, and headed into the living room. April was sitting in an armchair with the phone pinned between her ear and shoulder, her feet pulled up into the seat with her ankles crossed. She was already in her pajamas, green sweatpants with a pink number eight on the right butt cheek and a pink tank top. She waved at Robin, who put her meal on the coffee table and bent down to kiss April’s forehead.
“I have to go. Yeah. Okay, I’ll talk to you some other time. Okay. Love you. Bye.” She disconnected and dropped the phone to her lap. To Robin, she asked, “Is that okay for dinner?”
Robin nodded and flipped open the top. Her plastic fork and knife were
wrapped in plastic and lay across the top of the dinner. Mashed potatoes and green beans. Her stomach again voiced its approval. “Oh, yeah, this is great.” She unwrapped her fork and said, “Who do you love?”
“You,” April said without hesitation. She got up and moved to the couch, sitting next to Robin. She leaned back while Robin leaned forward, and April threw her leg around Robin’s waist. Robin settled against her lover’s body.
“Good answer,” Robin said. “But I meant on the phone.”
April started to massage Robin’s shoulders. “Oh. My sister.”
Robin craned her neck to look over her shoulder. “You have a sister?”
“Yeah. Her name is Molly.” She bent in and kissed the curve of Robin’s neck. “Hurry up and eat,” she whispered.
“Do you have after-dinner plans?”
“Mm-hmm,” April whispered. She pulled Robin’s jacket off her shoulders, baring the straps of Robin’s tank top and her freckled shoulders. She bent down and kissed the skin, running her free hand up into the hair at the nape of Robin’s neck.
Robin shivered and said, “You know, this steak could use some heating up...”
April murmured against Robin’s neck. She lifted her head and smiled. “Well...since you’re going to have to reheat it anyway...”
Robin pulled April to her and kissed her hard.
##
Six months later, a card arrived. “Molly Page.” She held it up and said, “Your sister?”
April took the card and said, “A birthday card? From Molly? I can’t believe she remembered.” She chuckled and, catching Robin’s quizzical look, shook her head. “Sorry. Inside joke.” She tore it open and pulled the card out. She smiled at the cartoon on the front and flipped it open to read the sentiment. “Aw, how sweet.”
“Can I see?” Robin asked.
April hesitated. “It’s kind of personal...oh, what the hell.” She handed the card over.